Chuck - We Sure are Cute for Two Ugly People (Chuck/Bryce, PG)
HAI! My name is hackthis and I'm addicted to Make Me a Supermodel.
Chuck
Chuck/Bryce
Spoilers for all episodes of Chuck and 1.02 of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. (Kinda)
Rated PG-13
For amberlynne
We Sure are Cute for Two Ugly People
i.
The first time Chuck gets kidnapped by Bryce is a seriously harrowing experience. There's a needle being held to Chuck's throat, and Bryce -- Not!Dead!Bryce -- is plastered again Chuck's back, and it's nothing like that one time Bryce tricked him into hiding out in the closet at the sorority house, when they were handcuffed together.
No, this is definitely not like that.
Technically, it's not a kidnapping but a 'borrowing,' since Bryce knocks Chuck out and leaves him for Sarah and Casey to find, but the borrowing is very stressful. Yes, it's very stressful to Chuck to have a Not!Dead!Bryce holding a needle to his throat that might kill him, and also, Bryce is not dead and Chuck was in mourning, dammit. Chuck was angry. He had resentment. He had issues.
Then it turned out that Bryce isn't a bad guy, and that Chuck really really missed him, and it's all very harrowing and upsetting and then Bryce goes away, AGAIN, and Chuck never gets to yell at him.
That's probably the most distressing part. Chuck never gets to say 'What the fuck, Bryce?!' because if Bryce came back from the dead, and he wasn't a bad guy, and he really did it all for Chuck, shouldn't they get a second chance at, like, everything?
ii.
The second time Bryce kidnaps Chuck is even more harrowing than the first time, because Chuck is really not expecting it. Bryce is off the grid, or just far away from Los Angeles, and dammit, doesn't Bryce have a day job?
Chuck's sitting in his car listening to the last part of 'Tempted' by Squeeze on Star 98.7 and not thinking about how Sarah looks in her Uniform of Swiss Sex. He's singing that part about I asked of my reflection, tell me what is there to do? because Sarah is totally tempting.
He gets out of his car on Do-oo-oo-oo-oo, and then there's this pain in his ass, and he's sort of crumpling over the doorframe. Hooray for the ground! Except that Bryce is there with this wry grin and a needle in his hand, and Chuck, well, it's Bryce.
The next thing Chuck knows, he wakes up slobbering on the backseat of a car, and Bryce is leaning around the driver's seat and poking him in the ribs.
"Get up, Drooling Beauty," Bryce says, prodding at Chuck with his fingers. "We're here."
Chuck blinks, wipes at the saliva, and sits up sluggishly. There are trees everywhere and blue skies and there's a lake. A gorgeous, sparkling lake, reflecting the sun right into his eyes. Ow.
Chuck's been here before; he can't believe they're back again. "Are we where I think we are?"
Bryce grins and Chuck can't help smiling back. Damn Bryce and his infectious enthusiasm. "Yes sir, this is your kidnapping destination for the weekend."
Chuck means to frown, but instead he yawns. "Next time you want to kidnap me, don't stab me in the ass first," he protests half-heartedly.
Bryce's grin broadens. "But that was half of the fun!"
Chuck shakes his head and reaches for the door handle. "I always knew you were after my ass."
Bryce shrugs. "It's a nice ass. Who wouldn't be?"
When Chuck's fingers fumble the door handle it's the drugs' fault.
Right.
iii.
The third time Bryce kidnaps Chuck there's roast beef, so it's not really a kidnapping, it's more like an extended lunch break. Well, it would be an extended lunch break if it weren't 10:45 at night and Bryce wasn't waiting for Chuck in the Buy More parking lot. This is really risky for Bryce, and Chuck kind of wants to slap him around and ask him what he thinks he's doing, because if Casey finds out then there'll be bullets and blood and possible passing out (Chuck) and nobody wants that.
"Can't you kidnap me at home, like normal kidnappers?" Chuck hisses, even as he slides in next to Bryce and takes the proffered roast beef sandwich.
"Normal kidnappers don't bring you dinner," Bryce reminds him, shifting the car into reverse and rolling out of the parking lot three miles below the posted speed limit.
Chuck can hardly talk around his mouth full of sandwich, so 'Shut up, Bryce' comes out like "Shup we, Bweee."
Bryce snorts as he drops a paper sack in Chuck's lap. It's a warm sack. It smells like French fries. That's a real friend. "'Fuck me, Bryce?' is that what you just said, Chuck?"
It takes Chuck four minutes and 38 seconds to stop choking on his sandwich. He knows it's this long, because his eyes stream tears, his throat constricts madly and its takes longer than the entire version of The Smashing Pumpkins 'Tonight Tonight' and the intro to JET's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' for him to get a grip.
When he finally gets a hold of himself and sits back up, Bryce is holding out a large soda. "Get a grip, Bartowski," Bryce mocks as Chuck grabs the soda and downs enough to give him brain freeze. "You know I'd ease you into it."
Chuck gives Bryce a sideways glare, but it's sort of stifled by Chuck's brain wondering exactly what sex with Bryce would be like and how he would get 'eased' into the very obvious 'it.'
iv.
Bryce knows Chuck's schedule better than Chuck does. He knows when Chuck has an afternoon off versus when he has a whole day to spare, or occasionally, two to spare. Bryce knows what time Chuck leaves for work, what time he gets off, when there's inventory and when Morgan has decided that they need to have 'Male Bonding Night.'
If Sarah and Casey notice Chuck's not bugging them as much as usual, well, they don't say anything, and if Ellie thinks he's got a new girlfriend, well, you know, that's okay too. As long as nobody's prying too hard about where Chuck keeps disappearing to for a day or two days then they'll all be just fine. And if Chuck knows this is borrowed time, that doesn't matter either, because once upon a time, Bryce was his best friend and some people have a lot of making up to do.
v.
Chuck doesn't have an e-mail address for Bryce. He can't call him on the phone or send up smoke signals that say 'I had a really shitty day, could you kidnap me for a while and take me to the lake, so we can have blueberry pancakes for dinner and play Wii until my arm falls off?' Chuck really wishes he had something like this, but he doesn't. He does have Bryce though, so that's okay.
vi
Sometimes, when Chuck leaves work, he sits in his car in the parking lot of the Buy More and hopes that tonight will be the night that Bryce decides that Chuck needs to be Bryce-napped, so that he can get pushed off the end of the dock at the lake house that Bryce's family owns. More often than not this doesn't happen, but every now and then it does.
Every now and then Chuck will drive home, park the car, and when he gets out, Bryce will be leaning against the driver side door of a rusty Crown Victoria or a late-model Toyota Camry or some other innocuous car. Chuck will smile and Bryce will smile back and everything will be okay. For one day or two there'll be no intersect in Chuck's head. There will be no Stanford expulsion. It'll just be the two of them on a road trip to this beautiful place up in the mountains for rest and relaxation and Playstation, and the occasional night where Chuck will fall asleep on the sofa and wake up with Bryce curled around him like there's no place else he'd rather be.
vii.
It's a Monday night in kidnapping-land when Chuck kisses Bryce. They're sitting on the sofa at the lake house with a huge bag of Spicy Thai Kettle Crisps between them, watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on FOX, and between the drooling over Lena Headey and Bryce occasionally crumbling potato chips in his hair, Chuck is pretty damn content.
"That Adam guy totally looks like you," Bryce says, crumbling a particularly large chip in Chuck's hair. Chuck bats Bryce away with the back of his hand, smacking Bryce on the side of the head. "Ow, abuse!" Bryce complains.
Chuck ignores him. "So not true," he mocks, "I know that he's really your stand in. Look, he even has your eyes."
"He doesn't have my eyes," Bryce retorts, "he has your hair."
"No, that's your hair."
"My hair is not that floppy."
"That's what you think."
"I think I know how floppy your hair is," Bryce chides.
"Because you stare at it so much?" Chuck teases.
"Because I stare at you so much," Bryce corrects.
It's very quiet in the living room if you ignore the people shrieking on the TV, and when Chuck shifts and turns towards Bryce, the potato chips on the floor under him crackle and snap.
Bryce's profile is perfectly composed, eyes forward, mouth closed, and Chuck considers him for several seconds, poking his tongue in the corner of his jaw. "How long have we been dating?" Chuck asks after some thought.
Bryce shrugs nonchalantly, but Chuck can see the tension in the corner of his mouth. "Two months, or nine kidnappings," Bryce theorizes.
"So, we're kind of late on the making out part, aren't we?" Chuck speculates.
Bryce turns just as Chuck's leaning in and he ends up with his mouth on Bryce's ear. "We should probably try that again," Chuck says softly.
Bryce's voice cracks slightly as he fully turns towards Chuck. "Are you sure you want to be involved with me?"
Chuck laughs. "You've already ruined my life between getting me expelled, the computer in my head, and oh, yeah, dying on me twice! It's obvious I'm in love with my kidnapper, so don't you think it's a little late to ask that?"
Bryce's mouth twitches. "I've heard Stockholm Syndrome is all the rage."
Chuck has never had the best timing or the best luck, but they clearly need to make up for lost time -- starting now.
Chuck has no idea what he's doing, so it's a big surprise to him when he just sort of goes for it, grabbing Bryce and kissing him as though tomorrow they might die. He bites and pulls and turns Bryce everywhere he wants him, eventually hauling Bryce onto his lap.
Bryce gasps against his mouth like a fish. "I thought you'd want to take it slower," he says between Chuck's assaults.
"I thought about that," Chuck confesses, "but you might get blown up tomorrow too, so I'd like to ignore the beginner stuff and move to the advanced class."
"Always the overachiever," Bryce taunts.
"Look who's talking, Mr. Nine-Time Kidnapper." Bryce smiles and Chuck's chest gets tight. "Yeah," Chuck concedes, "I've missed you too."
-end-
Title from 'Anyone Else But You' by The Moldy Peaches. Can also be heard on the Juno soundtrack. Go see Juno, dammit!
Chuck
Chuck/Bryce
Spoilers for all episodes of Chuck and 1.02 of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. (Kinda)
Rated PG-13
For amberlynne
We Sure are Cute for Two Ugly People
i.
The first time Chuck gets kidnapped by Bryce is a seriously harrowing experience. There's a needle being held to Chuck's throat, and Bryce -- Not!Dead!Bryce -- is plastered again Chuck's back, and it's nothing like that one time Bryce tricked him into hiding out in the closet at the sorority house, when they were handcuffed together.
No, this is definitely not like that.
Technically, it's not a kidnapping but a 'borrowing,' since Bryce knocks Chuck out and leaves him for Sarah and Casey to find, but the borrowing is very stressful. Yes, it's very stressful to Chuck to have a Not!Dead!Bryce holding a needle to his throat that might kill him, and also, Bryce is not dead and Chuck was in mourning, dammit. Chuck was angry. He had resentment. He had issues.
Then it turned out that Bryce isn't a bad guy, and that Chuck really really missed him, and it's all very harrowing and upsetting and then Bryce goes away, AGAIN, and Chuck never gets to yell at him.
That's probably the most distressing part. Chuck never gets to say 'What the fuck, Bryce?!' because if Bryce came back from the dead, and he wasn't a bad guy, and he really did it all for Chuck, shouldn't they get a second chance at, like, everything?
ii.
The second time Bryce kidnaps Chuck is even more harrowing than the first time, because Chuck is really not expecting it. Bryce is off the grid, or just far away from Los Angeles, and dammit, doesn't Bryce have a day job?
Chuck's sitting in his car listening to the last part of 'Tempted' by Squeeze on Star 98.7 and not thinking about how Sarah looks in her Uniform of Swiss Sex. He's singing that part about I asked of my reflection, tell me what is there to do? because Sarah is totally tempting.
He gets out of his car on Do-oo-oo-oo-oo, and then there's this pain in his ass, and he's sort of crumpling over the doorframe. Hooray for the ground! Except that Bryce is there with this wry grin and a needle in his hand, and Chuck, well, it's Bryce.
The next thing Chuck knows, he wakes up slobbering on the backseat of a car, and Bryce is leaning around the driver's seat and poking him in the ribs.
"Get up, Drooling Beauty," Bryce says, prodding at Chuck with his fingers. "We're here."
Chuck blinks, wipes at the saliva, and sits up sluggishly. There are trees everywhere and blue skies and there's a lake. A gorgeous, sparkling lake, reflecting the sun right into his eyes. Ow.
Chuck's been here before; he can't believe they're back again. "Are we where I think we are?"
Bryce grins and Chuck can't help smiling back. Damn Bryce and his infectious enthusiasm. "Yes sir, this is your kidnapping destination for the weekend."
Chuck means to frown, but instead he yawns. "Next time you want to kidnap me, don't stab me in the ass first," he protests half-heartedly.
Bryce's grin broadens. "But that was half of the fun!"
Chuck shakes his head and reaches for the door handle. "I always knew you were after my ass."
Bryce shrugs. "It's a nice ass. Who wouldn't be?"
When Chuck's fingers fumble the door handle it's the drugs' fault.
Right.
iii.
The third time Bryce kidnaps Chuck there's roast beef, so it's not really a kidnapping, it's more like an extended lunch break. Well, it would be an extended lunch break if it weren't 10:45 at night and Bryce wasn't waiting for Chuck in the Buy More parking lot. This is really risky for Bryce, and Chuck kind of wants to slap him around and ask him what he thinks he's doing, because if Casey finds out then there'll be bullets and blood and possible passing out (Chuck) and nobody wants that.
"Can't you kidnap me at home, like normal kidnappers?" Chuck hisses, even as he slides in next to Bryce and takes the proffered roast beef sandwich.
"Normal kidnappers don't bring you dinner," Bryce reminds him, shifting the car into reverse and rolling out of the parking lot three miles below the posted speed limit.
Chuck can hardly talk around his mouth full of sandwich, so 'Shut up, Bryce' comes out like "Shup we, Bweee."
Bryce snorts as he drops a paper sack in Chuck's lap. It's a warm sack. It smells like French fries. That's a real friend. "'Fuck me, Bryce?' is that what you just said, Chuck?"
It takes Chuck four minutes and 38 seconds to stop choking on his sandwich. He knows it's this long, because his eyes stream tears, his throat constricts madly and its takes longer than the entire version of The Smashing Pumpkins 'Tonight Tonight' and the intro to JET's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' for him to get a grip.
When he finally gets a hold of himself and sits back up, Bryce is holding out a large soda. "Get a grip, Bartowski," Bryce mocks as Chuck grabs the soda and downs enough to give him brain freeze. "You know I'd ease you into it."
Chuck gives Bryce a sideways glare, but it's sort of stifled by Chuck's brain wondering exactly what sex with Bryce would be like and how he would get 'eased' into the very obvious 'it.'
iv.
Bryce knows Chuck's schedule better than Chuck does. He knows when Chuck has an afternoon off versus when he has a whole day to spare, or occasionally, two to spare. Bryce knows what time Chuck leaves for work, what time he gets off, when there's inventory and when Morgan has decided that they need to have 'Male Bonding Night.'
If Sarah and Casey notice Chuck's not bugging them as much as usual, well, they don't say anything, and if Ellie thinks he's got a new girlfriend, well, you know, that's okay too. As long as nobody's prying too hard about where Chuck keeps disappearing to for a day or two days then they'll all be just fine. And if Chuck knows this is borrowed time, that doesn't matter either, because once upon a time, Bryce was his best friend and some people have a lot of making up to do.
v.
Chuck doesn't have an e-mail address for Bryce. He can't call him on the phone or send up smoke signals that say 'I had a really shitty day, could you kidnap me for a while and take me to the lake, so we can have blueberry pancakes for dinner and play Wii until my arm falls off?' Chuck really wishes he had something like this, but he doesn't. He does have Bryce though, so that's okay.
vi
Sometimes, when Chuck leaves work, he sits in his car in the parking lot of the Buy More and hopes that tonight will be the night that Bryce decides that Chuck needs to be Bryce-napped, so that he can get pushed off the end of the dock at the lake house that Bryce's family owns. More often than not this doesn't happen, but every now and then it does.
Every now and then Chuck will drive home, park the car, and when he gets out, Bryce will be leaning against the driver side door of a rusty Crown Victoria or a late-model Toyota Camry or some other innocuous car. Chuck will smile and Bryce will smile back and everything will be okay. For one day or two there'll be no intersect in Chuck's head. There will be no Stanford expulsion. It'll just be the two of them on a road trip to this beautiful place up in the mountains for rest and relaxation and Playstation, and the occasional night where Chuck will fall asleep on the sofa and wake up with Bryce curled around him like there's no place else he'd rather be.
vii.
It's a Monday night in kidnapping-land when Chuck kisses Bryce. They're sitting on the sofa at the lake house with a huge bag of Spicy Thai Kettle Crisps between them, watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on FOX, and between the drooling over Lena Headey and Bryce occasionally crumbling potato chips in his hair, Chuck is pretty damn content.
"That Adam guy totally looks like you," Bryce says, crumbling a particularly large chip in Chuck's hair. Chuck bats Bryce away with the back of his hand, smacking Bryce on the side of the head. "Ow, abuse!" Bryce complains.
Chuck ignores him. "So not true," he mocks, "I know that he's really your stand in. Look, he even has your eyes."
"He doesn't have my eyes," Bryce retorts, "he has your hair."
"No, that's your hair."
"My hair is not that floppy."
"That's what you think."
"I think I know how floppy your hair is," Bryce chides.
"Because you stare at it so much?" Chuck teases.
"Because I stare at you so much," Bryce corrects.
It's very quiet in the living room if you ignore the people shrieking on the TV, and when Chuck shifts and turns towards Bryce, the potato chips on the floor under him crackle and snap.
Bryce's profile is perfectly composed, eyes forward, mouth closed, and Chuck considers him for several seconds, poking his tongue in the corner of his jaw. "How long have we been dating?" Chuck asks after some thought.
Bryce shrugs nonchalantly, but Chuck can see the tension in the corner of his mouth. "Two months, or nine kidnappings," Bryce theorizes.
"So, we're kind of late on the making out part, aren't we?" Chuck speculates.
Bryce turns just as Chuck's leaning in and he ends up with his mouth on Bryce's ear. "We should probably try that again," Chuck says softly.
Bryce's voice cracks slightly as he fully turns towards Chuck. "Are you sure you want to be involved with me?"
Chuck laughs. "You've already ruined my life between getting me expelled, the computer in my head, and oh, yeah, dying on me twice! It's obvious I'm in love with my kidnapper, so don't you think it's a little late to ask that?"
Bryce's mouth twitches. "I've heard Stockholm Syndrome is all the rage."
Chuck has never had the best timing or the best luck, but they clearly need to make up for lost time -- starting now.
Chuck has no idea what he's doing, so it's a big surprise to him when he just sort of goes for it, grabbing Bryce and kissing him as though tomorrow they might die. He bites and pulls and turns Bryce everywhere he wants him, eventually hauling Bryce onto his lap.
Bryce gasps against his mouth like a fish. "I thought you'd want to take it slower," he says between Chuck's assaults.
"I thought about that," Chuck confesses, "but you might get blown up tomorrow too, so I'd like to ignore the beginner stuff and move to the advanced class."
"Always the overachiever," Bryce taunts.
"Look who's talking, Mr. Nine-Time Kidnapper." Bryce smiles and Chuck's chest gets tight. "Yeah," Chuck concedes, "I've missed you too."
-end-
Title from 'Anyone Else But You' by The Moldy Peaches. Can also be heard on the Juno soundtrack. Go see Juno, dammit!