Merlin - Happily Ever After, My Arse (Merlin/Arthur, PG-13)
1. If you love Merlin, you MUST read suaine's Excaliber. It's got telepathy. And it's gorgeous. And it will make your day better. Trufax.
2. sparky77 wrote me Leverage/Ocean's 11, and it's all about Alec and it's even MORE awesome than you can imagine. Go read it! Tell her how awesome it is! In Which Hardison Has An Unfortunate Meeting and Adrenaline Makes Him Say Something He'll Regret
Today is the most awesome day ever for two reasons 1) The End of the Bush Reign of Terror and b) it's lazlet's birthday! and um, yeah, sweetie, that RPS just wasn't happening. It may be only the second time in my life I've got a massive RPS block, so I hope you will accept this in its stead.
Merlin
Arthur/Merlin
Rated PG-13
Happily Ever After, My Arse
The first time the dragon told Arthur his destiny was some idiot named Merlin, Arthur laughed. Loudly. And at length. And it had nothing to do with the blow to the head he'd received from that poncy git, Lucan. Arthur's back had been turned for a start, which was why Lucan was in the dungeon and Arthur was talking to a bloody great big dragon.
After all, Arthur didn't take orders from anyone, least of all a dragon who was chained up under the castle and didn't even bother to address Arthur with the respect due his position.
Everyone knew the dragon was just a spiteful, oversized lizard, and the only reason Arthur ever visited him at all was because, if he didn't, the dragon would just nag and nag until Arthur had to succumb.
Besides, the name 'Merlin' implied another man, and that wasn't really on Arthur's agenda at the moment. Or at all. Except for that one time. And that other time. And that thing last month.
"You do know I'm going to be king one day?" Arthur said.
"I had heard," the dragon replied.
"Maybe you've forgotten the bit where I have to supply an heir to the throne."
The dragon snorted. "I've forgotten no such thing."
"And I don't fancy that Merlin's become a girl's name as of late?" Arthur offered.
The dragon rolled his eyes. "Really, young Pendragon."
"Exactly," Arthur said, crossing his arms.
The dragon flew off, chain rattling.
"This Merlin isn't one of those with girl and boy bits, is he?" Arthur called.
Silence
Bollocks.
Five days after this skinny, pasty oaf named Merlin had the audacity to show up in Albion and save Arthur's life, Arthur stomped down to see the dragon. "My destiny is to have the worst manservant ever? I don't think so."
The dragon lifted his head and showed entirely too many teeth. "Merlin will be your advisor."
"Advise me? He can hardly tell which bit of a tunic is the front," Arthur said incredulously.
"That is of no importance," the dragon said.
"You're not the one going around with his tunic on backwards," Arthur retorted. The dragon's lip curled, and Arthur took a step back. "Well, that's important," he insisted.
"Do you object to Merlin on moral grounds?"
Arthur sputtered. "Do I what?"
"Has he made any untoward advances?"
"He'll still alive," Arthur said hotly. "For the moment."
"Do you object to Merlin on religious grounds?"
"Sorry, what?"
"I'll take that as a no."
"He's an idiot," Arthur persisted.
"That saved your life," the dragon said flatly.
"Must you bring up facts?" Arthur asked.
"I know it's very bothersome," the dragon replied, before tucking his head under his wing.
Presumably Arthur was dismissed.
That thing where Merlin drank the poisoned wine meant for Arthur and nearly died did not put Arthur in the most amiable mood. Mostly because of the bit where Merlin nearly died.
After that whole great white light of whatever saved Arthur from the spiders the size of Merlin's head and he brought the flower to Gaius and Merlin woke up, Arthur had a few words to say to the dragon. "This business where I feel compelled to save Merlin's life? This is all bollocks."
The dragon just snorted. "Of course," he said, before going back to gnawing on what looked like the remains of a cow.
"No one said anything about Merlin dying!" Arthur shouted. "What am I supposed to do if my destiny dies? Does that mean I die as well?"
The dragon didn't glance up. "And yet, he did not die."
"Yes, but he almost did!" Arthur protested vehemently.
"Almost," the dragon said. As though 'almost' didn't count.
The dragon went back to eating, and Arthur scowled for several seconds before stomping off in on a huff. If princes stomped, which they didn't.
Clearly what Arthur needed to do was to go harass Merlin until he felt better.
Stupid idiot, nearly dying for Arthur like that.
Arthur really did like Lancelot; it was a shame about the rest of it. Except for that bit where Merlin seemed to think the sun rose out of Lancelot's arse. Yes, Arthur could've done without that. Probably for the best that Lancelot was gone actually; Arthur would hate to have to kill him for despoiling his manservant.
After the King had vanquished the black knight, Arthur went down to see the dragon.
"Merlin told me about the sword," he said.
The dragon said nothing.
"I told you he was an idiot," Arthur prompted.
"I never said he wasn't," the dragon replied. "But he is still your destiny."
"My destiny's an idiot?" Arthur didn't bother to hide his disdain. "I want a do-over."
The problem with the dragon, Arthur decided, apart from it being a terrible pain in his backside and full of nothing but cryptic nonsense, was that the dragon tended to be very sure of himself. Not unlike Arthur's father. Which might've been another reason the dragon was locked up in the cellar -- too many cooks and all that. And yet, that didn't mean the dragon was necessarily wrong. But Arthur's destiny surely couldn't be Merlin. Impertinent, rude, clumsy, pasty, gawky Merlin with the enormous ears and the puffy red mouth and the long fingers that Arthur could just imagine wrapped around his prick and -- err. Moving on.
It would've been nice if the dragon had mentioned the bit where, when Merlin was angry with him, Arthur felt like shit. No, really, that would've been helpful. At the very least, the dragon could've pointed out that sometimes Merlin was right and killing a unicorn was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. And the real corker was that Arthur regretted killing the unicorn. He regretted the hardship the people had suffered, but mostly he regretted the fact that if he'd actually listened to Merlin, for once, it could've all been avoided.
Stupid fucking destiny.
Arthur could accept that Merlin had been kidnapped by a deranged sorcerer. He could even accept that he would once again have to ride to Merlin's rescue, since he was apparently being kept in this castle somewhere off in the mountains in some place that Arthur had never even bloody well heard of, because that was how these things went.
The fact that this rescue would require Arthur to cut through forests of thorns and trees and risk life and limb was a bit much really, but was completely expected because it was Merlin, and Merlin always made things difficult.
Arthur didn't even object to the bit where he had to slay the sorcerer when he turned into an enormous dragon with green fire, huge wings and the whole business. Arthur was a bit knackered after all that fuss though and had to have a bit of a lie-down before he walked up the fifteen thousand steps to where Merlin was being kept.
What Arthur did object to was the bit where, after Arthur had nearly been ripped to death by thorns and defeated the dragon and climbed to the highest room in the highest tower, Merlin was asleep.
Arthur leaned over the bed where Merlin slept, peered at him intently, smacked Merlin across the face and got no response.
Huh.
"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted, "You useless, clumsy, incompetent idiot, wake up!"
Still no response.
Arthur sighed and collapsed down on the bed next to Merlin. "You are the worst destiny ever," he complained to the ceiling. And then he saw the inscription on the canopy above them.
Will Only Awaken With True Love's Kiss
Arthur just stared. "Oh, come on," he said. "Tell me you're having a laugh."
Silence.
"You can't possibly mean me."
More silence
"Fine," Arthur huffed, "but we never speak of this again."
Even more silence.
"Oh, right," Arthur said before propping himself up on one elbow and leaning over Merlin.
Merlin's skin was just as pasty as it had been the day they met, his ears just as funny-looking, his eyelashes just as dark and lush and his mouth --
Arthur snogged Merlin lest he get carried away with the sappy palaver.
To Merlin's undying credit, when he awoke with Arthur leaning over him, he only sighed. "Let me guess? It's some destiny nonsense again, right?"
Arthur stared suspiciously. "What do you know about our -- my -- yes, my destiny."
Merlin rolled his eyes and rather gracelessly climbed off the bed. "Our destiny, your Royal Pratliness. At least get it right."
Arthur got to his feet. "Worst destiny ever," he reiterated.
Merlin just gave him a toothy grin.
The destiny bit needed clarification.
"This destiny bit needs clarification," Arthur said to the dragon once he and Merlin had returned from that whole dragon-slaying, rescuing Merlin-in-distress business.
If the dragon was pleased to see them together, he didn't show it.
"Yes," Merlin agreed. "Are we destined to be together -- or just, you know, destined to drive each other mad?"
"Sex," Arthur clarified even further. "Am I supposed to shag him for the rest of our lives?"
"Who said you'll be shagging me?" Merlin replied. "You'd be lucky if I touched you."
"Are you implying that I'd let -- that you'd put --" Arthur sputtered. "I'm the Crown Prince!"
"Prince Prat," Merlin countered.
"Young Pendragon and the warlock," the dragon intoned blandly. "Is this what you've come to complain about today?"
Arthur turned to Merlin incredulously. "Warlock? You're a warlock?"
"You didn't think your destiny was a manservant, did you?" the dragon asked, showing a bit more interest.
Arthur was still stuck on the last bit. "You're a warlock?" he repeated, smacking Merlin on the back of the head. "And you didn't tell me?"
"You didn't tell me you were visiting the dragon!" Merlin rubbed his head sullenly.
"That's hardly the same thing!" Arthur shouted. "He's a buggering warlock," he said to the dragon.
The dragon's lips curled. "I know."
"Absolutely not," Arthur declared. "For all I know, he'd enchant me just to get my clothes off!"
"Not on your best day," Merlin retorted.
"Do not talk to me," Arthur declared before stomping off.
For the first time since they'd known each other, Merlin actually decided to do what he was told and not speak to Arthur. Oh, sure he followed orders and actually did his sodding job like a real manservant. It was eerie and upsetting. Not as upsetting as the warlock news, but close. Very close. It was easily the worst four days of Arthur's life, and that was saying a lot.
That thing where Arthur pushed Merlin in the pig sty just because Merlin was standing there, waiting patiently without rolling his eyes or muttering under his breath or doing any of the things that Arthur had come to expect Merlin to do, was completely immature and definitely conduct unbecoming a prince. But it made Arthur feel better, so the rest of it didn't matter.
The same could be said for the episode with the horse manure. And the feathery hat. And leaving Merlin to the attentions of the Lady Eleanor, who was notorious in her affection for young men.
Except that even the things that made Arthur feel better didn't really make him feel better. And, of course, the dragon was just as much help with this as he'd been with everything else, meaning he was no help at all. He just kept blathering about the gifts of nature and two-headed coins, which was a new one. Arthur hadn't heard the bit about the coin before. His destiny had always been about leadership and making sure to not let any of his knights bed his queen, which, if his queen was supposed to be Merlin, was most definitely never going to be in the cards.
Eventually, even Arthur's anger wore out as these things always do. And then it was just replaced by irritation. The sort of irritation that kept him awake at night with all the times Merlin had probably used magic and he'd totally ignored it, except he hadn't really, because of course the glowing ball of whatever had Merlin all over it. And Lancelot. It was fortunate that he was gone, because if Arthur ever caught Lancelot defiling Queen Merlin they were both going to be beheaded, not unlike so many witches and wizards and -- oh, right.
"So, you didn't tell me you were a warlock, because you thought I was going to have your head cut off, is that it?"
Merlin glanced behind him in alarm and then shut the door quickly. "Is that why you summoned me in the middle of the night?" he hissed. "To have this conversation now?" Merlin's nightshirt bloused over his trousers as though he'd tried to actually tuck the shirt in before entering Arthur's quarters.
Arthur poked at the burning embers in the fireplace. "It's cold," he said flatly.
Merlin was silent but the fire sprung to life in the grating, and Arthur had to take a few steps back lest he catch alight.
He spoke to the flames. "You lied to me."
"I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you."
Arthur made a scoffing noise and looked up. "Is that how you see it?"
Merlin licked his lips. "No one said anything about trusting you just because we're destined to be together."
Arthur frowned. "So you think we're destined to be together as well."
"As many times as I've saved your life?" Merlin's tone said it all.
"As many times as I've saved your life," Arthur retorted.
"I've stopped fighting it, if that's what you mean," Merlin said.
Arthur set the poker beside the fireplace and walked towards Merlin, who stood his ground just inside the room. "How am I supposed to trust you, if you're dishonest with me," he asked plainly.
Merlin's hair was a mess, his face creased by sleep. He met Arthur's gaze directly. "How am I supposed to trust you when your father hunts out my kind, and you watch as we're killed?"
Arthur sighed and rubbed his jaw. "Is this the part where I declare my undying devotion, promising never to let anyone harm you, you give me grief, and then I tell you you're a pain in the arse and we shag?"
Merlin's mouth twitched at the corners. "Could be."
Arthur nodded thoughtfully.
"Or we could just skip that and go right to the shagging," Merlin offered.
Arthur considered this, and then he grabbed Merlin by the front of his nightshirt and kissed him hard. As far as second kisses went -- if you included that whole True Love business -- it wasn't too shabby.
The shagging wasn't too shabby either.
Especially that bit where Merlin wrapped his gorgeously arrogant mouth around Arthur's cock and made him come hard enough to injure himself by banging his hand on the headboard.
They presented a united front to the dragon.
"We accept that we're destined to be together," Arthur said magnanimously.
"Even though he's an arse," Merlin interjected.
"And he's an idiot."
"But there'll be no dresses," Merlin warned. "I'm not a girl; I won't be queen."
"No, you won't," the dragon agreed.
"Oh, not even a nice blue one that matches your --" Arthur teased.
"Shut up," said Merlin.
"You can't talk to me like that."
"I can talk to you however I want," Merlin mocked. "We're destined; you can't escape now."
"We're destined, no one said I had to tolerate you," Arthur said.
"Clearly, I suppose I shouldn't expect a happy ending and all that then."
"Happy endings are overrated," the dragon interjected. "Just be happy with what you have."
Merlin wrinkled his nose at Arthur, who just raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I suppose you can't have everything," Merlin said.
"Speak for yourself," Arthur laughed. "I'm going to be king."
Merlin snorted. "Maybe the fates are wrong."
"Have I told you you're the worst destiny ever?"
Merlin licked his lips. "Many times, so you could just shut up and kiss me now."
"Oh, well, I suppose, if I must."
"Yes, you really must," the dragon insisted, looking suspiciously interested.
"You can't fight destiny," Merlin agreed.
And so, for once, Arthur just gave in.
-end-
This story is proof that one should never watch Sleeping Beauty drunk or with heartburn. Or drunk with heartburn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, lazlet!!!!
Thanks to sparky77 for beta duty. U iz awesome 2.
2. sparky77 wrote me Leverage/Ocean's 11, and it's all about Alec and it's even MORE awesome than you can imagine. Go read it! Tell her how awesome it is! In Which Hardison Has An Unfortunate Meeting and Adrenaline Makes Him Say Something He'll Regret
Today is the most awesome day ever for two reasons 1) The End of the Bush Reign of Terror and b) it's lazlet's birthday! and um, yeah, sweetie, that RPS just wasn't happening. It may be only the second time in my life I've got a massive RPS block, so I hope you will accept this in its stead.
Merlin
Arthur/Merlin
Rated PG-13
Happily Ever After, My Arse
The first time the dragon told Arthur his destiny was some idiot named Merlin, Arthur laughed. Loudly. And at length. And it had nothing to do with the blow to the head he'd received from that poncy git, Lucan. Arthur's back had been turned for a start, which was why Lucan was in the dungeon and Arthur was talking to a bloody great big dragon.
After all, Arthur didn't take orders from anyone, least of all a dragon who was chained up under the castle and didn't even bother to address Arthur with the respect due his position.
Everyone knew the dragon was just a spiteful, oversized lizard, and the only reason Arthur ever visited him at all was because, if he didn't, the dragon would just nag and nag until Arthur had to succumb.
Besides, the name 'Merlin' implied another man, and that wasn't really on Arthur's agenda at the moment. Or at all. Except for that one time. And that other time. And that thing last month.
"You do know I'm going to be king one day?" Arthur said.
"I had heard," the dragon replied.
"Maybe you've forgotten the bit where I have to supply an heir to the throne."
The dragon snorted. "I've forgotten no such thing."
"And I don't fancy that Merlin's become a girl's name as of late?" Arthur offered.
The dragon rolled his eyes. "Really, young Pendragon."
"Exactly," Arthur said, crossing his arms.
The dragon flew off, chain rattling.
"This Merlin isn't one of those with girl and boy bits, is he?" Arthur called.
Silence
Bollocks.
Five days after this skinny, pasty oaf named Merlin had the audacity to show up in Albion and save Arthur's life, Arthur stomped down to see the dragon. "My destiny is to have the worst manservant ever? I don't think so."
The dragon lifted his head and showed entirely too many teeth. "Merlin will be your advisor."
"Advise me? He can hardly tell which bit of a tunic is the front," Arthur said incredulously.
"That is of no importance," the dragon said.
"You're not the one going around with his tunic on backwards," Arthur retorted. The dragon's lip curled, and Arthur took a step back. "Well, that's important," he insisted.
"Do you object to Merlin on moral grounds?"
Arthur sputtered. "Do I what?"
"Has he made any untoward advances?"
"He'll still alive," Arthur said hotly. "For the moment."
"Do you object to Merlin on religious grounds?"
"Sorry, what?"
"I'll take that as a no."
"He's an idiot," Arthur persisted.
"That saved your life," the dragon said flatly.
"Must you bring up facts?" Arthur asked.
"I know it's very bothersome," the dragon replied, before tucking his head under his wing.
Presumably Arthur was dismissed.
That thing where Merlin drank the poisoned wine meant for Arthur and nearly died did not put Arthur in the most amiable mood. Mostly because of the bit where Merlin nearly died.
After that whole great white light of whatever saved Arthur from the spiders the size of Merlin's head and he brought the flower to Gaius and Merlin woke up, Arthur had a few words to say to the dragon. "This business where I feel compelled to save Merlin's life? This is all bollocks."
The dragon just snorted. "Of course," he said, before going back to gnawing on what looked like the remains of a cow.
"No one said anything about Merlin dying!" Arthur shouted. "What am I supposed to do if my destiny dies? Does that mean I die as well?"
The dragon didn't glance up. "And yet, he did not die."
"Yes, but he almost did!" Arthur protested vehemently.
"Almost," the dragon said. As though 'almost' didn't count.
The dragon went back to eating, and Arthur scowled for several seconds before stomping off in on a huff. If princes stomped, which they didn't.
Clearly what Arthur needed to do was to go harass Merlin until he felt better.
Stupid idiot, nearly dying for Arthur like that.
Arthur really did like Lancelot; it was a shame about the rest of it. Except for that bit where Merlin seemed to think the sun rose out of Lancelot's arse. Yes, Arthur could've done without that. Probably for the best that Lancelot was gone actually; Arthur would hate to have to kill him for despoiling his manservant.
After the King had vanquished the black knight, Arthur went down to see the dragon.
"Merlin told me about the sword," he said.
The dragon said nothing.
"I told you he was an idiot," Arthur prompted.
"I never said he wasn't," the dragon replied. "But he is still your destiny."
"My destiny's an idiot?" Arthur didn't bother to hide his disdain. "I want a do-over."
The problem with the dragon, Arthur decided, apart from it being a terrible pain in his backside and full of nothing but cryptic nonsense, was that the dragon tended to be very sure of himself. Not unlike Arthur's father. Which might've been another reason the dragon was locked up in the cellar -- too many cooks and all that. And yet, that didn't mean the dragon was necessarily wrong. But Arthur's destiny surely couldn't be Merlin. Impertinent, rude, clumsy, pasty, gawky Merlin with the enormous ears and the puffy red mouth and the long fingers that Arthur could just imagine wrapped around his prick and -- err. Moving on.
It would've been nice if the dragon had mentioned the bit where, when Merlin was angry with him, Arthur felt like shit. No, really, that would've been helpful. At the very least, the dragon could've pointed out that sometimes Merlin was right and killing a unicorn was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. And the real corker was that Arthur regretted killing the unicorn. He regretted the hardship the people had suffered, but mostly he regretted the fact that if he'd actually listened to Merlin, for once, it could've all been avoided.
Stupid fucking destiny.
Arthur could accept that Merlin had been kidnapped by a deranged sorcerer. He could even accept that he would once again have to ride to Merlin's rescue, since he was apparently being kept in this castle somewhere off in the mountains in some place that Arthur had never even bloody well heard of, because that was how these things went.
The fact that this rescue would require Arthur to cut through forests of thorns and trees and risk life and limb was a bit much really, but was completely expected because it was Merlin, and Merlin always made things difficult.
Arthur didn't even object to the bit where he had to slay the sorcerer when he turned into an enormous dragon with green fire, huge wings and the whole business. Arthur was a bit knackered after all that fuss though and had to have a bit of a lie-down before he walked up the fifteen thousand steps to where Merlin was being kept.
What Arthur did object to was the bit where, after Arthur had nearly been ripped to death by thorns and defeated the dragon and climbed to the highest room in the highest tower, Merlin was asleep.
Arthur leaned over the bed where Merlin slept, peered at him intently, smacked Merlin across the face and got no response.
Huh.
"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted, "You useless, clumsy, incompetent idiot, wake up!"
Still no response.
Arthur sighed and collapsed down on the bed next to Merlin. "You are the worst destiny ever," he complained to the ceiling. And then he saw the inscription on the canopy above them.
Will Only Awaken With True Love's Kiss
Arthur just stared. "Oh, come on," he said. "Tell me you're having a laugh."
Silence.
"You can't possibly mean me."
More silence
"Fine," Arthur huffed, "but we never speak of this again."
Even more silence.
"Oh, right," Arthur said before propping himself up on one elbow and leaning over Merlin.
Merlin's skin was just as pasty as it had been the day they met, his ears just as funny-looking, his eyelashes just as dark and lush and his mouth --
Arthur snogged Merlin lest he get carried away with the sappy palaver.
To Merlin's undying credit, when he awoke with Arthur leaning over him, he only sighed. "Let me guess? It's some destiny nonsense again, right?"
Arthur stared suspiciously. "What do you know about our -- my -- yes, my destiny."
Merlin rolled his eyes and rather gracelessly climbed off the bed. "Our destiny, your Royal Pratliness. At least get it right."
Arthur got to his feet. "Worst destiny ever," he reiterated.
Merlin just gave him a toothy grin.
The destiny bit needed clarification.
"This destiny bit needs clarification," Arthur said to the dragon once he and Merlin had returned from that whole dragon-slaying, rescuing Merlin-in-distress business.
If the dragon was pleased to see them together, he didn't show it.
"Yes," Merlin agreed. "Are we destined to be together -- or just, you know, destined to drive each other mad?"
"Sex," Arthur clarified even further. "Am I supposed to shag him for the rest of our lives?"
"Who said you'll be shagging me?" Merlin replied. "You'd be lucky if I touched you."
"Are you implying that I'd let -- that you'd put --" Arthur sputtered. "I'm the Crown Prince!"
"Prince Prat," Merlin countered.
"Young Pendragon and the warlock," the dragon intoned blandly. "Is this what you've come to complain about today?"
Arthur turned to Merlin incredulously. "Warlock? You're a warlock?"
"You didn't think your destiny was a manservant, did you?" the dragon asked, showing a bit more interest.
Arthur was still stuck on the last bit. "You're a warlock?" he repeated, smacking Merlin on the back of the head. "And you didn't tell me?"
"You didn't tell me you were visiting the dragon!" Merlin rubbed his head sullenly.
"That's hardly the same thing!" Arthur shouted. "He's a buggering warlock," he said to the dragon.
The dragon's lips curled. "I know."
"Absolutely not," Arthur declared. "For all I know, he'd enchant me just to get my clothes off!"
"Not on your best day," Merlin retorted.
"Do not talk to me," Arthur declared before stomping off.
For the first time since they'd known each other, Merlin actually decided to do what he was told and not speak to Arthur. Oh, sure he followed orders and actually did his sodding job like a real manservant. It was eerie and upsetting. Not as upsetting as the warlock news, but close. Very close. It was easily the worst four days of Arthur's life, and that was saying a lot.
That thing where Arthur pushed Merlin in the pig sty just because Merlin was standing there, waiting patiently without rolling his eyes or muttering under his breath or doing any of the things that Arthur had come to expect Merlin to do, was completely immature and definitely conduct unbecoming a prince. But it made Arthur feel better, so the rest of it didn't matter.
The same could be said for the episode with the horse manure. And the feathery hat. And leaving Merlin to the attentions of the Lady Eleanor, who was notorious in her affection for young men.
Except that even the things that made Arthur feel better didn't really make him feel better. And, of course, the dragon was just as much help with this as he'd been with everything else, meaning he was no help at all. He just kept blathering about the gifts of nature and two-headed coins, which was a new one. Arthur hadn't heard the bit about the coin before. His destiny had always been about leadership and making sure to not let any of his knights bed his queen, which, if his queen was supposed to be Merlin, was most definitely never going to be in the cards.
Eventually, even Arthur's anger wore out as these things always do. And then it was just replaced by irritation. The sort of irritation that kept him awake at night with all the times Merlin had probably used magic and he'd totally ignored it, except he hadn't really, because of course the glowing ball of whatever had Merlin all over it. And Lancelot. It was fortunate that he was gone, because if Arthur ever caught Lancelot defiling Queen Merlin they were both going to be beheaded, not unlike so many witches and wizards and -- oh, right.
"So, you didn't tell me you were a warlock, because you thought I was going to have your head cut off, is that it?"
Merlin glanced behind him in alarm and then shut the door quickly. "Is that why you summoned me in the middle of the night?" he hissed. "To have this conversation now?" Merlin's nightshirt bloused over his trousers as though he'd tried to actually tuck the shirt in before entering Arthur's quarters.
Arthur poked at the burning embers in the fireplace. "It's cold," he said flatly.
Merlin was silent but the fire sprung to life in the grating, and Arthur had to take a few steps back lest he catch alight.
He spoke to the flames. "You lied to me."
"I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you."
Arthur made a scoffing noise and looked up. "Is that how you see it?"
Merlin licked his lips. "No one said anything about trusting you just because we're destined to be together."
Arthur frowned. "So you think we're destined to be together as well."
"As many times as I've saved your life?" Merlin's tone said it all.
"As many times as I've saved your life," Arthur retorted.
"I've stopped fighting it, if that's what you mean," Merlin said.
Arthur set the poker beside the fireplace and walked towards Merlin, who stood his ground just inside the room. "How am I supposed to trust you, if you're dishonest with me," he asked plainly.
Merlin's hair was a mess, his face creased by sleep. He met Arthur's gaze directly. "How am I supposed to trust you when your father hunts out my kind, and you watch as we're killed?"
Arthur sighed and rubbed his jaw. "Is this the part where I declare my undying devotion, promising never to let anyone harm you, you give me grief, and then I tell you you're a pain in the arse and we shag?"
Merlin's mouth twitched at the corners. "Could be."
Arthur nodded thoughtfully.
"Or we could just skip that and go right to the shagging," Merlin offered.
Arthur considered this, and then he grabbed Merlin by the front of his nightshirt and kissed him hard. As far as second kisses went -- if you included that whole True Love business -- it wasn't too shabby.
The shagging wasn't too shabby either.
Especially that bit where Merlin wrapped his gorgeously arrogant mouth around Arthur's cock and made him come hard enough to injure himself by banging his hand on the headboard.
They presented a united front to the dragon.
"We accept that we're destined to be together," Arthur said magnanimously.
"Even though he's an arse," Merlin interjected.
"And he's an idiot."
"But there'll be no dresses," Merlin warned. "I'm not a girl; I won't be queen."
"No, you won't," the dragon agreed.
"Oh, not even a nice blue one that matches your --" Arthur teased.
"Shut up," said Merlin.
"You can't talk to me like that."
"I can talk to you however I want," Merlin mocked. "We're destined; you can't escape now."
"We're destined, no one said I had to tolerate you," Arthur said.
"Clearly, I suppose I shouldn't expect a happy ending and all that then."
"Happy endings are overrated," the dragon interjected. "Just be happy with what you have."
Merlin wrinkled his nose at Arthur, who just raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I suppose you can't have everything," Merlin said.
"Speak for yourself," Arthur laughed. "I'm going to be king."
Merlin snorted. "Maybe the fates are wrong."
"Have I told you you're the worst destiny ever?"
Merlin licked his lips. "Many times, so you could just shut up and kiss me now."
"Oh, well, I suppose, if I must."
"Yes, you really must," the dragon insisted, looking suspiciously interested.
"You can't fight destiny," Merlin agreed.
And so, for once, Arthur just gave in.
-end-
This story is proof that one should never watch Sleeping Beauty drunk or with heartburn. Or drunk with heartburn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, lazlet!!!!
Thanks to sparky77 for beta duty. U iz awesome 2.