if i had to explain it, i wouldn't know where to start
Last night upset me pretty bad. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot lately and I honestly feel like I have become someone I never wanted to be. After last night, I feel like I am done with drinking. I know you're all like, "yeah, OKAY." but I didn't even used to drink often. I probably wouldn't have done half the things I've done recently, 2 years ago. And I used to be an amazing student. I don't even go to school anymore. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm young, but i'm not even that young anymore, and I want to have some idea. I want to know what direction my life is going in, and lately it feel like it's going a million different ways. I just feel like lately I'm not myself or I'm not living up to what I could be and I'm mad at myself for it. i haven't seen people that I really care about in weeks. I mean, I LOVE the people I hang out with but I miss other people so much and I don't even know how to tell some of them. That's messed up. People that I was so close with don't even know I miss them, and I usually can just be like, "listen, this is what's up," but I can't lately. and I get so obsessed with things lately, things that don't matter, things that I never even used to think about. It's weird. AND i am so mad that people have been disrespecting my car, and it's surroundings, and i don't even know what to say when it happens. Why would people throw food at my car? beer cans inside my car? why would people be so disrespectful?
lately, i have been filled with happy times, but then when it's not so happy, it's just SO sad. there's so much to think about. and i just want to be able to be there for my friends, but not the way I have been lately, if that makes any sense.
I don't know, I guess I'm just upset.
I didn't even sleep last night
I was scared out of my mind.
and the people at the hospital were weird.
and i'm still worried.
so fricking worried.
i have the worst headache ever
and i have to work until 1:30 AM
sweet.
I got a second job today and I'm goign to be making mad bills.
let's move to california. yes?