Makes sense.
I think I've finally realized just why I'm such an odd individual as an adult. Just take a look at the description of some of the old Nintendo games I spent so much time playing in my youth:
From Wikipedia
A Boy and His Blob: This is a story about a boy. Like many boys of the 21st century, this boy has a friend from outer space. For this boy, his friend is a blob from the planet, Blobonia. Blob loves jelly beans. Coconut, cola, strawberry, licorice, and more, blob will eat them, and when he does, he turns into amazing things, like ladders, walls, bridges, and even a hummingbird! Together, the boy and his blob must defeat the evil emperor of Blobonia.
Where the fuck is my friend from outer space? Damnit!
8 Eyes: 8 Eyes is set in a post-apocalyptic future. Mankind is recovering from hundreds of years of chaos and nuclear war, and civilization is being rebuilt by the Great King, who harnesses the power of the eight jewels. The jewels, known as the 8 Eyes, were formed at the centers of eight nuclear explosions that came close to destroying the Earth. The 8 Eyes have mysterious power which, in the wrong hands, could bring about the end of the world. The Great King's eight power-hungry dukes steal the jewels for themselves and banish the King to the nuclear wastelands, threatening to once again plunge the Earth into war.
The player controls Orin the Falconer and his fighting falcon Cutrus. His mission is to penetrate the Dukes' eight castles and retrieve the 8 Eyes. With the help of Cutrus, you must fight the Dukes' soldiers, nuclear mutants, and the duke of each castle to retrieve the jewels. After the jewels have been recovered, you must return them to the Altar of Peace so that the Great King may return and finish rebuilding the Earth.
All hail the Great King!
Battletoads: Two teenaged, mutant toads affectionately named after skin disorders (Rash and Zitz) have to save their brother (Pimple) and the Princess Angelica from the Dark Queen, ruler of Planet Ragnarok, with the assistance of Professor T. Bird and his space ship, The Vulture.
Blaster Master: In Blaster Master (the localized version of Metafight), the player controls Jason Frudnick, a teenage boy who fell into a humongous underground cavern after chasing his pet frog, Fred, who has become enlarged due to exposure to radiation. There, he discovers an all-terrain battle tank. This vehicle is designated SOPHIA (sometimes also referred to as Sofia), which stands for "Subatomic Omni-directional Probative Hyper-responsive Indomitable Abdicator (3rd Design) Nora MA-01". As he explores the underground world, he must find the underboss of each of the eight levels and destroy them. After he destroys each underboss, he is given an upgrade with which to enhance SOPHIA the 3rd. When he reaches the end, he discovers that the underbosses were controlled by the Plutonium Boss, a creature which was planning to invade the world above.
Ok, screw getting a friend from Outer Space. Where is my "Subatomic Omni-directional Probative Hyper-responsive Indomitable Abdicator"? Does Honda make one?
Crystalis: Crystalis takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, where the aftermath of a global thermonuclear war has reverted civilization to a primitive, medieval state while populating much of the scorched Earth with fierce mutant creatures. What little remains of humanity lives in small, isolated enclaves, while a man known as Emperor Draygon (called Dragonia in GBC Version) who controls the world's last remaining military power is attempting to conquer what's left of the planet. To this end, Draygon is attempting to enter the Tower, an ancient weapon of mass destruction created to "oppress evil", but which would actually destroy all mutant and human life if activated.
The player takes the role of a young 20th century boy, cryogenically frozen for 100 years, who awakens to this world and, assisted by 4 sages, gradually learns that he is the destined savior of humanity whose purpose is to seek out another cryogenically frozen survivor (a girl known as Mesia), reassemble the 4 components of the legendary sword "Crystalis", and together defeat Draygon and destroy the Tower before it can end what remains of life on Earth.
Ok, now I'm not too big on my "post-apocalyptic" history. Does this take place before or after the events of 8 Eyes? Just wait until the Great King hears about this...
Exodus The player controls the biblical figure Moses as he leads the Israelites to the promised land. Moses has the ability to shoot glowing "W's", which signify the word of God, to defeat enemies and remove obstacles. To finish each level, Moses must acquire five question marks as well as a certain amount of manna while avoiding enemies such as magicians and soldiers. After a level is completed, the player must answer five bible-related questions before advancing to the next level.
Ok. I never played this game, but now I wish I had. At least I now will be wary of any rogue "glowing W's" I see laying on the ground. I wouldn't want to to step on any "word of God's" because I hear that shit is really hard to get off your shoes.
Kabuki Quantum Fighter Players adopt the persona of Colonel Scott O'Connor, a military agent who has transferred his brain into raw binary code in order to combat a rogue program in the Main Defense Computer. Oddly enough, when one enters the system, one's body forms the self-image of a Kabuki actor. Players use their long hair to attack the bizarre enemies inside the computer.
Um. What?
Monster Party: The story centers around a child named Mark who is accosted on his way home from a baseball game by a winged, gargoyle-like alien monster named Bert who requests his assistance in ridding "evil monsters" from his home planet. Mark is reluctant to help, but Bert insists, saying that Mark can use his "weapon" (the baseball bat in his hand) to fight enemies. He quickly whisks him away, and inexplicably fuses with Mark while in flight.
This bizarre plot introduction sets up a game that is filled with variations on many traditional horror characters and themes (sometimes with ironic twists) as well as relatively novel, and always weird, characters all its own. Some traditional horror bosses the game features include a mummy, giant spiders, zombies, Medusa, and Death; persistent players will also encounter such creatures as a wishing well, a large caterpillar, walking pants, and a huge cat that hurls small kittens.
Behold! I am a gargoyle-like alien monster named...Bert. I wonder if that is a common name in the far reaches of space? Somewhere on Earth there is a confused kid named Xqadfalth XIII.
Robo Demons: The player controls a boomerang-wielding hero whose mission is to destroy the robotic demon army of the evil king Kull. There are seven levels in Robo Demons, which are titled the "levels of" Bone, Flesh, Fire, Condemned Souls, Demon's Quarters, Robodemon Factory, and Kull's Palace.
Why am I even wasting time with my therapist? It all makes sense now.
From Wikipedia
A Boy and His Blob: This is a story about a boy. Like many boys of the 21st century, this boy has a friend from outer space. For this boy, his friend is a blob from the planet, Blobonia. Blob loves jelly beans. Coconut, cola, strawberry, licorice, and more, blob will eat them, and when he does, he turns into amazing things, like ladders, walls, bridges, and even a hummingbird! Together, the boy and his blob must defeat the evil emperor of Blobonia.
Where the fuck is my friend from outer space? Damnit!
8 Eyes: 8 Eyes is set in a post-apocalyptic future. Mankind is recovering from hundreds of years of chaos and nuclear war, and civilization is being rebuilt by the Great King, who harnesses the power of the eight jewels. The jewels, known as the 8 Eyes, were formed at the centers of eight nuclear explosions that came close to destroying the Earth. The 8 Eyes have mysterious power which, in the wrong hands, could bring about the end of the world. The Great King's eight power-hungry dukes steal the jewels for themselves and banish the King to the nuclear wastelands, threatening to once again plunge the Earth into war.
The player controls Orin the Falconer and his fighting falcon Cutrus. His mission is to penetrate the Dukes' eight castles and retrieve the 8 Eyes. With the help of Cutrus, you must fight the Dukes' soldiers, nuclear mutants, and the duke of each castle to retrieve the jewels. After the jewels have been recovered, you must return them to the Altar of Peace so that the Great King may return and finish rebuilding the Earth.
All hail the Great King!
Battletoads: Two teenaged, mutant toads affectionately named after skin disorders (Rash and Zitz) have to save their brother (Pimple) and the Princess Angelica from the Dark Queen, ruler of Planet Ragnarok, with the assistance of Professor T. Bird and his space ship, The Vulture.
Blaster Master: In Blaster Master (the localized version of Metafight), the player controls Jason Frudnick, a teenage boy who fell into a humongous underground cavern after chasing his pet frog, Fred, who has become enlarged due to exposure to radiation. There, he discovers an all-terrain battle tank. This vehicle is designated SOPHIA (sometimes also referred to as Sofia), which stands for "Subatomic Omni-directional Probative Hyper-responsive Indomitable Abdicator (3rd Design) Nora MA-01". As he explores the underground world, he must find the underboss of each of the eight levels and destroy them. After he destroys each underboss, he is given an upgrade with which to enhance SOPHIA the 3rd. When he reaches the end, he discovers that the underbosses were controlled by the Plutonium Boss, a creature which was planning to invade the world above.
Ok, screw getting a friend from Outer Space. Where is my "Subatomic Omni-directional Probative Hyper-responsive Indomitable Abdicator"? Does Honda make one?
Crystalis: Crystalis takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, where the aftermath of a global thermonuclear war has reverted civilization to a primitive, medieval state while populating much of the scorched Earth with fierce mutant creatures. What little remains of humanity lives in small, isolated enclaves, while a man known as Emperor Draygon (called Dragonia in GBC Version) who controls the world's last remaining military power is attempting to conquer what's left of the planet. To this end, Draygon is attempting to enter the Tower, an ancient weapon of mass destruction created to "oppress evil", but which would actually destroy all mutant and human life if activated.
The player takes the role of a young 20th century boy, cryogenically frozen for 100 years, who awakens to this world and, assisted by 4 sages, gradually learns that he is the destined savior of humanity whose purpose is to seek out another cryogenically frozen survivor (a girl known as Mesia), reassemble the 4 components of the legendary sword "Crystalis", and together defeat Draygon and destroy the Tower before it can end what remains of life on Earth.
Ok, now I'm not too big on my "post-apocalyptic" history. Does this take place before or after the events of 8 Eyes? Just wait until the Great King hears about this...
Exodus The player controls the biblical figure Moses as he leads the Israelites to the promised land. Moses has the ability to shoot glowing "W's", which signify the word of God, to defeat enemies and remove obstacles. To finish each level, Moses must acquire five question marks as well as a certain amount of manna while avoiding enemies such as magicians and soldiers. After a level is completed, the player must answer five bible-related questions before advancing to the next level.
Ok. I never played this game, but now I wish I had. At least I now will be wary of any rogue "glowing W's" I see laying on the ground. I wouldn't want to to step on any "word of God's" because I hear that shit is really hard to get off your shoes.
Kabuki Quantum Fighter Players adopt the persona of Colonel Scott O'Connor, a military agent who has transferred his brain into raw binary code in order to combat a rogue program in the Main Defense Computer. Oddly enough, when one enters the system, one's body forms the self-image of a Kabuki actor. Players use their long hair to attack the bizarre enemies inside the computer.
Um. What?
Monster Party: The story centers around a child named Mark who is accosted on his way home from a baseball game by a winged, gargoyle-like alien monster named Bert who requests his assistance in ridding "evil monsters" from his home planet. Mark is reluctant to help, but Bert insists, saying that Mark can use his "weapon" (the baseball bat in his hand) to fight enemies. He quickly whisks him away, and inexplicably fuses with Mark while in flight.
This bizarre plot introduction sets up a game that is filled with variations on many traditional horror characters and themes (sometimes with ironic twists) as well as relatively novel, and always weird, characters all its own. Some traditional horror bosses the game features include a mummy, giant spiders, zombies, Medusa, and Death; persistent players will also encounter such creatures as a wishing well, a large caterpillar, walking pants, and a huge cat that hurls small kittens.
Behold! I am a gargoyle-like alien monster named...Bert. I wonder if that is a common name in the far reaches of space? Somewhere on Earth there is a confused kid named Xqadfalth XIII.
Robo Demons: The player controls a boomerang-wielding hero whose mission is to destroy the robotic demon army of the evil king Kull. There are seven levels in Robo Demons, which are titled the "levels of" Bone, Flesh, Fire, Condemned Souls, Demon's Quarters, Robodemon Factory, and Kull's Palace.
Why am I even wasting time with my therapist? It all makes sense now.