repost: Never letting go Chapter 16
Hyukjae fought off the heavy feeling on her lids to open her eyes, she couldn’t exactly remember what happened yet, but something inside her was telling her that she needs to wake up. When the blur in her vision started fading away, flashes of what happened before she lost her consciousness came rushing back in to her.
Her wedding day was a disaster. Donghae didn’t come. Lack of breath came as if she was being deprived of air. She tried gasping for air, but it was difficult. Her throat was constricted by something that was not physically there. Her eyes felt hot, and soon, tears were falling.
She was alone, she realized. That’s when she let herself fall oblivious to everything else..
She curled herself into a ball, staring into space trying to blank her mind from things.
She was successful in blocking everything except for one.
Donghae’s image. Conscientious
The very image of him brought a smile on her lips despite the enormous amount of sting she was feeling in her heart.
The gigantic pressure on her chest only felt heavier, threatening to crush her already torn heart into dust as she recalled the two months she’s spent living with Donghae. The rational part of brain was begging her to stop doing it, because it was only tormenting her more. but how could she? When those were the sweetest days she had.
Those were her dreams that came to life, yet it ended horribly, like some curse deemed it to become a nightmare.
It would be healthy to cry out loud, but she’s afraid that if she does, she won’t stop.She doesn’t want to worry her entire family, as they already suffered too much from the stupidity she did. She pressed her lips tightly together pursing it to make sure that no sob would escape.
That’s when the door to her room creaked open. It was her mother, carrying a tray of food. Her mother rushed to her size upon realizing that she was awake.
“Hyukkie..” Hyukjae felt the agonized tone of her mother. “how do you feel?”
“awful mom… awful..” she didn’t lie. She knew her mother would understand.
She felt her mother pulling her up for a hug, and she let her body follow. It felt somewhat comforting, though the pain was to huge to be surpassed.
“just cry baby.. let it out..” Her mother hushed in her ear. She shook her head, but her body was trembling. “Sweetheart, listen to me.. let it out, don’t let it bottle inside you.. remember.. there’s a baby inside you.. what you feel, the baby feels.. the more you keep it, the more stressed you get. We don’t want our baby to look so stressed when he or she comes out right?” her mother spoke softly. Hyukjae was thankful that her mother was trying to put some humor in the heavy and lonely atmosphere that hung in her room.
“Do you know why you and your brother are both so good looking? It’s because whenever I get mad at your father I throw everything at his face!” her mother exclaimed.
Hyukjae chuckled lightly despite her tears. “You did that Umma?”
“I did! Oh just how many antiques I have broken..”
“but Appa loved you despite of that.. he stayed with you..” Hyukjae said and that did it. She broke into miserable sobs. Her mother just let her cry.
“It hurts so much Umma...”
“I know baby.. I know..”
“I love him.. I know he loves me too.. I don’t understand..”
“Maybe it’s not yet the right time for the two of you sweetheart..” Hyukjae’s mom whispered. She herself couldn’t bring herself to hate Donghae. Whatever his reasons are for not showing up, it must be heavy. She saw it. She saw the look he gave Hyukjae and something as genuine cannot be faked.
She just hope that they’d find their happy ending in the future.
When Hyukjae calmed down her mother was able to convince her to eat, she doesn’t have the appetite to but she knew her baby needs it. She was almost done with her meal when a soft knock was heard. Kyuhyun peeked inside, seeing that his sister was already awake, he went inside. Their mom figured that the two of them need to talk so she excused herself.
Kyuhyun sat on the edge of his sister’s bed. Deciding how he would open a topic. He kind of guessed Hyukjae would be a little mad at him. But seeing his sister’s swollen eyes, it makes him want to wring a certain person’s neck.
“Hey sis..”
“Hey yourself..” Hyukjae replied. She put an effort to smile. She knew that If there’s someone who’s greatly affected by anything that happens to her, whether it’s good or bad, it’s kyuhyun. It must be because of their special bond as twins.
“I’m sorry.. I-“
“It’s alright.. he never came did he? I could’ve waited until the next sunrise but he wouldn’t have come..” Hyukjae lowered her gaze. She thought that her tear ducts must have run dry somehow, but she was wrong because the tears are coming again.
Kyuhyun’s jaw tightened. If only he could take even just half of the hurt Hyukjae was feeling he would.
“He’s going to regret it.. He’s going to regret playing you like that..” Kyuhyun said with conviction, but Hyukjae started shaking her head violently.
“Kyu..” Hyukjae took in a deep breath. She never expected herself to be saying this too soon, but she needs to, for herself, for her family and most especially for her baby. “I don’t want anything to do with him or his family anymore. I don’t want revenge, I don’t want anything.. let’s stop at this.. afterall, this whole thing is still my fault. Right now, I just want to start a new life, with my baby.. your future nephew or niece.”
Kyuhyun wished Hyukjae wasn’t so kind he’s pretty sure that one day, Donghae would realize how big the treasure that he let go. He nodded in agreement, as much as he wants revenge, Hyukjae’s happiness is their primary priority at the moment.
“My niece.. I’m sure she’s going to be so pretty just like you.. we’re going to bring her up, you, I and Minnie.. she and our daughter will grow up like twins.. just like us..” Kyuhyun promised Hyukjae. His own eyes stung, he was feeling emotional, promising her sister that she’ll never be alone.
“Thank you oppa!” Hyukjae replied jokingly.
“Neh. So be a good girl. Tomorrow we’ll have you checked up.. I’ve talked with Umma and Appa, Minnie and I are going to get married soon, and we are going to live in the US.. and since I promise that we’ll stick together.. you’re coming with us..”
That made Hyukjae feel an extra ounce of sadness, but she thought it’ll be for the better. Away from the memories, It’ll be easier for her to rebuild her life.
Kyuhyun ruffled her hair and kissed her on the cheek. He told her to sleep she just said a passive yes though she’s quite sure she wouldn’t be able to.
She turned and found her phone on top of her bedside table. After a few minutes of contemplation she picked it up. More than 100 messages and 40 missed calls. She checked them one by one. She was already expecting that she wouldn’t see Donghae’s name in there, but it still brought a pang in her chest when he didn’t find his name.
---
Donghae found himself in front of his parents’ house that evening. He didn’t dare to go to their apartment. He feels he’ll tarnish the happy memories they’ve had there if he does. Moreover, he knows he has to face his family sooner or later.
His mother’s expression was unreadable when she opened the door, he knows exactly why. She adores Hyukjae like no other and he’s quite sure that by not showing up, he had hurt his own mother too.
“I’m sorry Umma..”
“I don’t think I should be the one you’re apologizing to, but come in. You look like a mess.”
He was indeed a mess. He was still wearing the clothes he wore from the other day. His hands were bloody, He have not had a proper sleep and most of all he was a total wreck inside.
His heart was shattered into pieces and the emotional stress was taking its toll on him. He wanted to see Hyukjae. make sure she’s atleast fine, but he doesn’t have any freaking guts to do that.
He was a fool, a total loser and Idiot. If only he realized his feelings for Hyukjae sooner. They wouldn’t have ended up like this.
He tried to atleast fix how he looked like before facing his father. Like always, his father was calm.
“I’m sorry Appa..” he bowed. He was apologizing for two things. For the upcoming foreclosure of their company and for being an embarrassment to their family.
“If you’re apologizing about the company.. don’t. The Lee’s family lawyer called. He said the contract is off. They won’t take the company.”
Hyukjae felt relieved for their family’s welfare, but he felt another slice added to the unseen wounds caused by the event. He knew Hyukjae was behind it.
“I don’t know your reasons son.. but I just hope, they’re enough to justify your actions.. because in the futute, I don’t want to see you lamenting over what happened today.”
“I really thought she would be a wonderful daughter in law.. but maybe, she’s really not the one for you..”
---
Donghae lied in bed. But his thoughts were on Hyukjae.
Someday he wishes that he’d be given a chance to explain everything to her. He’s open to the fact that she must hate him a lot right now, but one day, he hopes she’d understand.
He brought out his phone stared at the picture of Hyukjae that served as his wall paper. After a couple of minutes, he decided to reread every single message from her.
There were so many I love you’s from her that he didn’t reply to.
There’s nothing he regrets more than not telling her that when he had the opportunity, but thinks that maybe the heavens spared her. Because the pain she received would have been much greater. He doesn’t want her to loathe the word love thinking how he used it to make her believe lies.
He was staring at one of Hyukjae’s messages when he felt the urge to press the call button.
His thumb acted faster than his brain. He could have pressed the end call, but the part of him that’s yearning to hear Hyukjae’s voice took over. He brought the phone to his ears and listned.
---
Hyukjae got startled when her phone began vibrating and flashing Donghae’s name. She panicked. She doesn’t know if she should answer or not.
The sensible part of her being told her to dismiss the call, but her heart ordered her otherwise. It told her that Donghae might be calling because he realized something and hre hope rose up a fraction.
She answered the call.
The line was silent. It was only their breaths can be heard by each other. For minutes it was like that. Donghae brushed off the tear that spilled down his cheek. He was getting torn.
“How could you come after I told you I was not going?!”
“Because I told you I would.. “ Hyukjae answered. From the sound of her voice he just knew she was crying, and he felt like punching himself.
“That’s so stupid!”
“I know.. Believing in something that doesn’t exist.. I’m such a fool.. but I’m out of that dream now..”
Donghae was at lost for words. The implication of the last part of Hyukjae’s statement was like a gunshot right through his chest. Hyukjae doesn’t want him in his life anymore.
“I wish you happiness Donghae, I really do.. Thank you for the short time that we spent together. Those were my happiest.. “ Hyukjae waited for Donghae to say something, but when none came, she realized there’s no need to prolong the call any longer.
“This is so informal.. but I guess this it. Goodbye Donghae..” I love you.
Hyukjae ended the call. Clutching the phone near her chest, she promise herself that that would be the last time she’s going to cry for it.
As soon as Donghae heard the call end, he threw his phone on the wall, smashing it into pieces. He let himself cry once more.
Not once he had ever felt that helpless.
Her wedding day was a disaster. Donghae didn’t come. Lack of breath came as if she was being deprived of air. She tried gasping for air, but it was difficult. Her throat was constricted by something that was not physically there. Her eyes felt hot, and soon, tears were falling.
She was alone, she realized. That’s when she let herself fall oblivious to everything else..
She curled herself into a ball, staring into space trying to blank her mind from things.
She was successful in blocking everything except for one.
Donghae’s image. Conscientious
The very image of him brought a smile on her lips despite the enormous amount of sting she was feeling in her heart.
The gigantic pressure on her chest only felt heavier, threatening to crush her already torn heart into dust as she recalled the two months she’s spent living with Donghae. The rational part of brain was begging her to stop doing it, because it was only tormenting her more. but how could she? When those were the sweetest days she had.
Those were her dreams that came to life, yet it ended horribly, like some curse deemed it to become a nightmare.
It would be healthy to cry out loud, but she’s afraid that if she does, she won’t stop.She doesn’t want to worry her entire family, as they already suffered too much from the stupidity she did. She pressed her lips tightly together pursing it to make sure that no sob would escape.
That’s when the door to her room creaked open. It was her mother, carrying a tray of food. Her mother rushed to her size upon realizing that she was awake.
“Hyukkie..” Hyukjae felt the agonized tone of her mother. “how do you feel?”
“awful mom… awful..” she didn’t lie. She knew her mother would understand.
She felt her mother pulling her up for a hug, and she let her body follow. It felt somewhat comforting, though the pain was to huge to be surpassed.
“just cry baby.. let it out..” Her mother hushed in her ear. She shook her head, but her body was trembling. “Sweetheart, listen to me.. let it out, don’t let it bottle inside you.. remember.. there’s a baby inside you.. what you feel, the baby feels.. the more you keep it, the more stressed you get. We don’t want our baby to look so stressed when he or she comes out right?” her mother spoke softly. Hyukjae was thankful that her mother was trying to put some humor in the heavy and lonely atmosphere that hung in her room.
“Do you know why you and your brother are both so good looking? It’s because whenever I get mad at your father I throw everything at his face!” her mother exclaimed.
Hyukjae chuckled lightly despite her tears. “You did that Umma?”
“I did! Oh just how many antiques I have broken..”
“but Appa loved you despite of that.. he stayed with you..” Hyukjae said and that did it. She broke into miserable sobs. Her mother just let her cry.
“It hurts so much Umma...”
“I know baby.. I know..”
“I love him.. I know he loves me too.. I don’t understand..”
“Maybe it’s not yet the right time for the two of you sweetheart..” Hyukjae’s mom whispered. She herself couldn’t bring herself to hate Donghae. Whatever his reasons are for not showing up, it must be heavy. She saw it. She saw the look he gave Hyukjae and something as genuine cannot be faked.
She just hope that they’d find their happy ending in the future.
When Hyukjae calmed down her mother was able to convince her to eat, she doesn’t have the appetite to but she knew her baby needs it. She was almost done with her meal when a soft knock was heard. Kyuhyun peeked inside, seeing that his sister was already awake, he went inside. Their mom figured that the two of them need to talk so she excused herself.
Kyuhyun sat on the edge of his sister’s bed. Deciding how he would open a topic. He kind of guessed Hyukjae would be a little mad at him. But seeing his sister’s swollen eyes, it makes him want to wring a certain person’s neck.
“Hey sis..”
“Hey yourself..” Hyukjae replied. She put an effort to smile. She knew that If there’s someone who’s greatly affected by anything that happens to her, whether it’s good or bad, it’s kyuhyun. It must be because of their special bond as twins.
“I’m sorry.. I-“
“It’s alright.. he never came did he? I could’ve waited until the next sunrise but he wouldn’t have come..” Hyukjae lowered her gaze. She thought that her tear ducts must have run dry somehow, but she was wrong because the tears are coming again.
Kyuhyun’s jaw tightened. If only he could take even just half of the hurt Hyukjae was feeling he would.
“He’s going to regret it.. He’s going to regret playing you like that..” Kyuhyun said with conviction, but Hyukjae started shaking her head violently.
“Kyu..” Hyukjae took in a deep breath. She never expected herself to be saying this too soon, but she needs to, for herself, for her family and most especially for her baby. “I don’t want anything to do with him or his family anymore. I don’t want revenge, I don’t want anything.. let’s stop at this.. afterall, this whole thing is still my fault. Right now, I just want to start a new life, with my baby.. your future nephew or niece.”
Kyuhyun wished Hyukjae wasn’t so kind he’s pretty sure that one day, Donghae would realize how big the treasure that he let go. He nodded in agreement, as much as he wants revenge, Hyukjae’s happiness is their primary priority at the moment.
“My niece.. I’m sure she’s going to be so pretty just like you.. we’re going to bring her up, you, I and Minnie.. she and our daughter will grow up like twins.. just like us..” Kyuhyun promised Hyukjae. His own eyes stung, he was feeling emotional, promising her sister that she’ll never be alone.
“Thank you oppa!” Hyukjae replied jokingly.
“Neh. So be a good girl. Tomorrow we’ll have you checked up.. I’ve talked with Umma and Appa, Minnie and I are going to get married soon, and we are going to live in the US.. and since I promise that we’ll stick together.. you’re coming with us..”
That made Hyukjae feel an extra ounce of sadness, but she thought it’ll be for the better. Away from the memories, It’ll be easier for her to rebuild her life.
Kyuhyun ruffled her hair and kissed her on the cheek. He told her to sleep she just said a passive yes though she’s quite sure she wouldn’t be able to.
She turned and found her phone on top of her bedside table. After a few minutes of contemplation she picked it up. More than 100 messages and 40 missed calls. She checked them one by one. She was already expecting that she wouldn’t see Donghae’s name in there, but it still brought a pang in her chest when he didn’t find his name.
---
Donghae found himself in front of his parents’ house that evening. He didn’t dare to go to their apartment. He feels he’ll tarnish the happy memories they’ve had there if he does. Moreover, he knows he has to face his family sooner or later.
His mother’s expression was unreadable when she opened the door, he knows exactly why. She adores Hyukjae like no other and he’s quite sure that by not showing up, he had hurt his own mother too.
“I’m sorry Umma..”
“I don’t think I should be the one you’re apologizing to, but come in. You look like a mess.”
He was indeed a mess. He was still wearing the clothes he wore from the other day. His hands were bloody, He have not had a proper sleep and most of all he was a total wreck inside.
His heart was shattered into pieces and the emotional stress was taking its toll on him. He wanted to see Hyukjae. make sure she’s atleast fine, but he doesn’t have any freaking guts to do that.
He was a fool, a total loser and Idiot. If only he realized his feelings for Hyukjae sooner. They wouldn’t have ended up like this.
He tried to atleast fix how he looked like before facing his father. Like always, his father was calm.
“I’m sorry Appa..” he bowed. He was apologizing for two things. For the upcoming foreclosure of their company and for being an embarrassment to their family.
“If you’re apologizing about the company.. don’t. The Lee’s family lawyer called. He said the contract is off. They won’t take the company.”
Hyukjae felt relieved for their family’s welfare, but he felt another slice added to the unseen wounds caused by the event. He knew Hyukjae was behind it.
“I don’t know your reasons son.. but I just hope, they’re enough to justify your actions.. because in the futute, I don’t want to see you lamenting over what happened today.”
“I really thought she would be a wonderful daughter in law.. but maybe, she’s really not the one for you..”
---
Donghae lied in bed. But his thoughts were on Hyukjae.
Someday he wishes that he’d be given a chance to explain everything to her. He’s open to the fact that she must hate him a lot right now, but one day, he hopes she’d understand.
He brought out his phone stared at the picture of Hyukjae that served as his wall paper. After a couple of minutes, he decided to reread every single message from her.
There were so many I love you’s from her that he didn’t reply to.
There’s nothing he regrets more than not telling her that when he had the opportunity, but thinks that maybe the heavens spared her. Because the pain she received would have been much greater. He doesn’t want her to loathe the word love thinking how he used it to make her believe lies.
He was staring at one of Hyukjae’s messages when he felt the urge to press the call button.
His thumb acted faster than his brain. He could have pressed the end call, but the part of him that’s yearning to hear Hyukjae’s voice took over. He brought the phone to his ears and listned.
---
Hyukjae got startled when her phone began vibrating and flashing Donghae’s name. She panicked. She doesn’t know if she should answer or not.
The sensible part of her being told her to dismiss the call, but her heart ordered her otherwise. It told her that Donghae might be calling because he realized something and hre hope rose up a fraction.
She answered the call.
The line was silent. It was only their breaths can be heard by each other. For minutes it was like that. Donghae brushed off the tear that spilled down his cheek. He was getting torn.
“How could you come after I told you I was not going?!”
“Because I told you I would.. “ Hyukjae answered. From the sound of her voice he just knew she was crying, and he felt like punching himself.
“That’s so stupid!”
“I know.. Believing in something that doesn’t exist.. I’m such a fool.. but I’m out of that dream now..”
Donghae was at lost for words. The implication of the last part of Hyukjae’s statement was like a gunshot right through his chest. Hyukjae doesn’t want him in his life anymore.
“I wish you happiness Donghae, I really do.. Thank you for the short time that we spent together. Those were my happiest.. “ Hyukjae waited for Donghae to say something, but when none came, she realized there’s no need to prolong the call any longer.
“This is so informal.. but I guess this it. Goodbye Donghae..” I love you.
Hyukjae ended the call. Clutching the phone near her chest, she promise herself that that would be the last time she’s going to cry for it.
As soon as Donghae heard the call end, he threw his phone on the wall, smashing it into pieces. He let himself cry once more.
Not once he had ever felt that helpless.