Fast Eddies
This is NOT fanfiction, but it is m/m.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter Nineteen
I'm completely wasted. It's some time in the early morning, Mike and Stuart had crawled to bed a few hours ago, leaving me and Jason watching a strange old horror film on some cable channel. I can't help but think of Joe as I watch it, this the kind of film I know he would enjoy, in the same vein as those I took him to see. My cellphone is switched off on the table, thrown there after Joe had rung after his shift at Fast Eddies. I had been drunk enough to want to talk to him, but Jason had snatched the cell away from me, yelling at Joe before turning it off. I wish he hadn't done it, the more I'd drunk the more dejected I had become, wanting to know why Joe did what he did.
'Well, I think we should hit the hay,' Jason announces, squinting his eyes as he attempts to read his watch, 'fuck, it's five a.m and I think I've got class tomorrow.'
'Yeah, I think I do too,' I laugh to myself as I try to get up off the couch, failing miserably and falling back against Jason, 'but if I can't even make it to bed I'm definitely not going to make it to campus.'
Jason laughs, somehow getting to his feet, turning round feebly, hanging onto the arm of the couch for support. Once he has gained his balance he gingerly lifts his hand, holding it out for me to take.
'Let's go dude, we can do it.'
I laugh, feeling a hell of a lot better than I did when I first came home. I don't know how he's managed it, but his brightness and obvious friendship has turned my mood around. After all the time I've spent with Joe and his friends, it's reassuring to know that I do have friends of my own, even if they are going to go their separate ways in a few months. Jason hauls me to my feet and I stumble as soon as I hit upright, head spinning at the sudden movement and altitude. I'm too drunk, it's been a hell of a long time since I've been this drunk. God, I probably won't remember much of tonight in the morning.
'We can do it,' Jason repeats, both of us laughing as we stumble pathetically towards the bedrooms.
'I think I'll just sleep on the couch,' I joke, as I slip on the polished wood floor, 'I'm less likely to break my neck at least.'
'Yeah, but where's the fun in that?' He smiles, black hair sticking up in a disordered mess, hazel eyes glinting with their usual mischievous charm. 'Don't worry, I'll get you to bed safe.'
'Sure you will,' I snort, clinging to his back, noticing for the first time how lean and muscled he is.
'I totally will,' he grins, stopping a moment as we sway, precariously balanced. Thankfully it only lasts a moment before he helps me the remaining steps to my door, where I fall into a wall, Jason unable to keep us both balanced.
He shush's my yelp as I cling to the wall, his arms circling my waist, pulling me back to him, up from the stability of the painted surface. Quieting I can't help but giggle as my door is pushed open a rectangle of light invading the room. I find myself dropped on my bed, more soft light filling the room as Jason turns the bedside lamp on.
'There you go, catch you in the morning dude,' he offers as he starts to stagger his way back to the doorway.
'No, don't go, I want to say something,' I slur, lifting myself up on my elbows. Jason walks back, leaning over me. Reaching up I hug him, taking him off balance so we drop back together, his chest against mine. 'Thank you for this, for looking after me,' I find my eyes welling as all of my emotions surface in one drunken, insecure swirl, 'I'm really going to miss you when college is over.'
'I'm going to miss you too,' he breathes, his body so warm and close to me, comforting and safe, 'I don't think you realise just how much.'
The kiss takes me by surprise, his lips soft and unsure. I don't register that it's Jason, that it's my friend, that we are both drunk; all I can feel is the surge of lust rising in me, the need to feel close to someone, to feel loved. Kissing back I feel him respond instantly, the unfamiliar mouth exciting me. The actions are shy as a hand twines in my hair, softly pulling me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Tongues touching I let it happen, let myself be dominated by these shy, gentle, obviously first homosexual experience kisses. His hands wander slowly down my chest, caressing the skin through my shirt. I want this, I want to feel a warm body, naked skin and the pleasure of sex. But despite this my drunk brain finally manages to scream out that this is Jason, that I can't take advantage of him in this situation, even though to some it could seem like he was trying to take advantage of me. I've done this before, it would simply be another fuck, but to Jason it would mean so much more than that.
A hand on his chest I push him away, separating our lips even though he keeps pressing for more, trying to kiss me. I can't do this to him, he's my friend, I love him too much for that. A firm hand has Jason kept at distance, both of us breathing heavily, aroused and needy.
'I'm sorry,' Jason apologises, lifting himself from me fully, sitting on the bed to steady himself.
'Forget about it man, go to bed,' I say simply, knowing he already has too much to deal with without me being weird with him.
Jason stands up, walking to the door before turning, leaning on the frame as he looks at me. I don't want him to say anything, don't want any admissions that will ruin what we have. Things should remain left unsaid, and I have to be the one to uphold it.
'Night, see you tomorrow,' I finish with, watching Jason shut the door at this dismissal.
I fall back onto the bed as soon as the door clicks shut. Why the hell do things always have to go so wrong with me? I always knew Jason had tendencies he hadn't admitted, but I never thought any of it would be directed at me, not in a million years. God I'm too drunk, thoughts spinning along with the room. First my father, then Joe, now this, just another mess to add to everything which has already fucked up. I guess I can only hope Jason forgets about what happened, that the alcohol will blank his mind. I hope to fucking God it blanks mine.
*
I wake with the foulest of hangovers ravaging my senses. Fuck I drank too much yesterday, I don't think it was worth it. I had drunk that much to take away the pain of Joe cheating on me, yet here I am in so much more fucking pain, suffering worse than if I had just dealt with it in a rational manner and cried over some ice cream like a chick. Now I feel like I'm dying physically as well as emotionally. A sudden memory has me groaning worse than the hangover. Jason kissed me, and I let him. Oh fuck what am I going to do about that?
Rolling over I look at the timetable on my desk, collating the college class time with the clock. Fuck, three hours until I have to be at college, but at least I have to go to work straight after until nine. If I can avoid him for the couple of hours I'm here then I won't have to see him until tomorrow, Thursday the evening he spends with others on his course. He's going to be hungover as hell, he probably wont even remember, but even if he does he wont come looking for me. This is just going to make things so much more fucking complicated. I swear things couldn't get any fucking worse.
Fuck it, I'm not going to college. I don't care about failing, I don't care about shit. My mother was right, I should never have let him get into my heart in the first fucking place. Why did I do this to myself? I knew I had to concentrate this year, knew I had to do well, after all the shit with Ash and how that affected my grades I shouldn't have been so fucking stupid and run head first into this. I'm an idiot, a stupid, fucking, stupid idiot! Pulling the duvet over my head I don't need to close my eyes, the fabric suffocating me, but offering an escape from reality. It's too real out there, everything has consequences, and I'm going to hide from those consequences today like the coward I am. There is no way in hell I'm facing Jason, and there is no way I'm facing the fact that Joe is cheating, lying scum.
A knock on the door has me groaning, but I don't move to open it. If I pretend to be passed out they might leave me alone, whoever it is. They knock again, by the impatience of it I'm going to guess it's Mike. I hope Jason hasn't told him, he'll be trying to set us up for sure, thinking only of our matching social standing. Fuck why does everything always have to fall apart on me? The door opens, Mike's voice too loud for my delicate head.
'You awake dude?'
'If I weren't I would be now,' I complain, leaving the duvet over my head.
'I got you some breakfast if you're up for it,' he continues, walking over and pulling the material from over my head, the air of the room chill after the enclosed warmth.
Shuffling up more out of politeness than anything I take in the tray he has in his hand. On it is one of my cinnamon and raisin bagels ready buttered, a glass of orange juice, a cup of coffee and two painkillers. It's the most thoughtful thing I think he's ever done for me and I can't help but be touched.
'Feeling rough this morning I take it,' he continues as he places the tray on my legs, 'when the hell did you two make it to bed?'
'I dunno, around five or something I guess,' I shrug, taking the painkillers, swallowing the little pills with a mouthful of juice.
'At least you've not got to work today,' he reminds me, 'and I take it by the fact you're still in bed you're skipping class.'
'Oh, I am totally skipping,' I reply, lifting the coffee, smelling the wonderful rich liquid before sipping at it.
'Don't blame you, after everything you deserve a lie in,' he tells me earnestly, reaching out and putting a hand on my bare shoulder, contact he's normally over aware of, 'look dude, if you need me, just come get me, hell, if you don't want to get out of bed just call me. You've had a rough couple of days and I'm here to help man.'
'I really appreciate that,' I tell him earnestly, looking up, offering the best in form of a smile I can right now.
He just nods, releasing my shoulder and walking back towards the door.
'Catch you later,' is all he says before closing it and leaving me to myself again.
I sit and think, a little taken aback by his behaviour. That is hands down the nicest thing he's ever done for me. Jason has always been the one who's been there for me, the one I called my closest friend, but was that only because of what happened last night, was he only that nice because of whatever crush he has on me? Mike has no such personal reason to get me on his side. He's acting purely out of friendship with no goal of personal gain. Maybe all along I've been backing the wrong horse, have I wasted time developing the wrong friendship?
Fuck it's all too complicated for me to think about, especially when my head is already swamped with images of Joe and Kevin, images which send me deeper into the depression I can feel myself staring at almost like staring down the barrel of a gun. You know you need to move, get yourself away from it, but you just can't stop thinking about it, frozen in horror. Joe cheated on me, he fucking cheated on me. If he didn't he'd be round here right now begging for me to listen to him, work or no work. I know for sure if he thought I'd cheated on him I'd be round there doing everything I could to get him to believe me that he was wrong. So that means he must be cheating on me, that or he doesn't care enough about our relationship to set me straight, and either one of those conclusions kills me.
What did I do to deserve this? I've been nothing but a good date to him, nothing but courteous and kind. Why the hell did he cheat on me like this? He could have at least had the balls to call me up and tell me to my face he didn't want to see me any more than let me find out that way, especially after just visiting my father in the hospital. It's like the nicer a guy I am the more shit that comes my way. Maybe I should just stop giving a fuck, be an asshole to everyone and maybe good things will come to me. Milo was with Joe for six months and he's the biggest fucking asshole on the planet, all I get is a month.
The world is screwed up, and I'm in the middle of it, shit raining down on me.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter Nineteen
I'm completely wasted. It's some time in the early morning, Mike and Stuart had crawled to bed a few hours ago, leaving me and Jason watching a strange old horror film on some cable channel. I can't help but think of Joe as I watch it, this the kind of film I know he would enjoy, in the same vein as those I took him to see. My cellphone is switched off on the table, thrown there after Joe had rung after his shift at Fast Eddies. I had been drunk enough to want to talk to him, but Jason had snatched the cell away from me, yelling at Joe before turning it off. I wish he hadn't done it, the more I'd drunk the more dejected I had become, wanting to know why Joe did what he did.
'Well, I think we should hit the hay,' Jason announces, squinting his eyes as he attempts to read his watch, 'fuck, it's five a.m and I think I've got class tomorrow.'
'Yeah, I think I do too,' I laugh to myself as I try to get up off the couch, failing miserably and falling back against Jason, 'but if I can't even make it to bed I'm definitely not going to make it to campus.'
Jason laughs, somehow getting to his feet, turning round feebly, hanging onto the arm of the couch for support. Once he has gained his balance he gingerly lifts his hand, holding it out for me to take.
'Let's go dude, we can do it.'
I laugh, feeling a hell of a lot better than I did when I first came home. I don't know how he's managed it, but his brightness and obvious friendship has turned my mood around. After all the time I've spent with Joe and his friends, it's reassuring to know that I do have friends of my own, even if they are going to go their separate ways in a few months. Jason hauls me to my feet and I stumble as soon as I hit upright, head spinning at the sudden movement and altitude. I'm too drunk, it's been a hell of a long time since I've been this drunk. God, I probably won't remember much of tonight in the morning.
'We can do it,' Jason repeats, both of us laughing as we stumble pathetically towards the bedrooms.
'I think I'll just sleep on the couch,' I joke, as I slip on the polished wood floor, 'I'm less likely to break my neck at least.'
'Yeah, but where's the fun in that?' He smiles, black hair sticking up in a disordered mess, hazel eyes glinting with their usual mischievous charm. 'Don't worry, I'll get you to bed safe.'
'Sure you will,' I snort, clinging to his back, noticing for the first time how lean and muscled he is.
'I totally will,' he grins, stopping a moment as we sway, precariously balanced. Thankfully it only lasts a moment before he helps me the remaining steps to my door, where I fall into a wall, Jason unable to keep us both balanced.
He shush's my yelp as I cling to the wall, his arms circling my waist, pulling me back to him, up from the stability of the painted surface. Quieting I can't help but giggle as my door is pushed open a rectangle of light invading the room. I find myself dropped on my bed, more soft light filling the room as Jason turns the bedside lamp on.
'There you go, catch you in the morning dude,' he offers as he starts to stagger his way back to the doorway.
'No, don't go, I want to say something,' I slur, lifting myself up on my elbows. Jason walks back, leaning over me. Reaching up I hug him, taking him off balance so we drop back together, his chest against mine. 'Thank you for this, for looking after me,' I find my eyes welling as all of my emotions surface in one drunken, insecure swirl, 'I'm really going to miss you when college is over.'
'I'm going to miss you too,' he breathes, his body so warm and close to me, comforting and safe, 'I don't think you realise just how much.'
The kiss takes me by surprise, his lips soft and unsure. I don't register that it's Jason, that it's my friend, that we are both drunk; all I can feel is the surge of lust rising in me, the need to feel close to someone, to feel loved. Kissing back I feel him respond instantly, the unfamiliar mouth exciting me. The actions are shy as a hand twines in my hair, softly pulling me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Tongues touching I let it happen, let myself be dominated by these shy, gentle, obviously first homosexual experience kisses. His hands wander slowly down my chest, caressing the skin through my shirt. I want this, I want to feel a warm body, naked skin and the pleasure of sex. But despite this my drunk brain finally manages to scream out that this is Jason, that I can't take advantage of him in this situation, even though to some it could seem like he was trying to take advantage of me. I've done this before, it would simply be another fuck, but to Jason it would mean so much more than that.
A hand on his chest I push him away, separating our lips even though he keeps pressing for more, trying to kiss me. I can't do this to him, he's my friend, I love him too much for that. A firm hand has Jason kept at distance, both of us breathing heavily, aroused and needy.
'I'm sorry,' Jason apologises, lifting himself from me fully, sitting on the bed to steady himself.
'Forget about it man, go to bed,' I say simply, knowing he already has too much to deal with without me being weird with him.
Jason stands up, walking to the door before turning, leaning on the frame as he looks at me. I don't want him to say anything, don't want any admissions that will ruin what we have. Things should remain left unsaid, and I have to be the one to uphold it.
'Night, see you tomorrow,' I finish with, watching Jason shut the door at this dismissal.
I fall back onto the bed as soon as the door clicks shut. Why the hell do things always have to go so wrong with me? I always knew Jason had tendencies he hadn't admitted, but I never thought any of it would be directed at me, not in a million years. God I'm too drunk, thoughts spinning along with the room. First my father, then Joe, now this, just another mess to add to everything which has already fucked up. I guess I can only hope Jason forgets about what happened, that the alcohol will blank his mind. I hope to fucking God it blanks mine.
*
I wake with the foulest of hangovers ravaging my senses. Fuck I drank too much yesterday, I don't think it was worth it. I had drunk that much to take away the pain of Joe cheating on me, yet here I am in so much more fucking pain, suffering worse than if I had just dealt with it in a rational manner and cried over some ice cream like a chick. Now I feel like I'm dying physically as well as emotionally. A sudden memory has me groaning worse than the hangover. Jason kissed me, and I let him. Oh fuck what am I going to do about that?
Rolling over I look at the timetable on my desk, collating the college class time with the clock. Fuck, three hours until I have to be at college, but at least I have to go to work straight after until nine. If I can avoid him for the couple of hours I'm here then I won't have to see him until tomorrow, Thursday the evening he spends with others on his course. He's going to be hungover as hell, he probably wont even remember, but even if he does he wont come looking for me. This is just going to make things so much more fucking complicated. I swear things couldn't get any fucking worse.
Fuck it, I'm not going to college. I don't care about failing, I don't care about shit. My mother was right, I should never have let him get into my heart in the first fucking place. Why did I do this to myself? I knew I had to concentrate this year, knew I had to do well, after all the shit with Ash and how that affected my grades I shouldn't have been so fucking stupid and run head first into this. I'm an idiot, a stupid, fucking, stupid idiot! Pulling the duvet over my head I don't need to close my eyes, the fabric suffocating me, but offering an escape from reality. It's too real out there, everything has consequences, and I'm going to hide from those consequences today like the coward I am. There is no way in hell I'm facing Jason, and there is no way I'm facing the fact that Joe is cheating, lying scum.
A knock on the door has me groaning, but I don't move to open it. If I pretend to be passed out they might leave me alone, whoever it is. They knock again, by the impatience of it I'm going to guess it's Mike. I hope Jason hasn't told him, he'll be trying to set us up for sure, thinking only of our matching social standing. Fuck why does everything always have to fall apart on me? The door opens, Mike's voice too loud for my delicate head.
'You awake dude?'
'If I weren't I would be now,' I complain, leaving the duvet over my head.
'I got you some breakfast if you're up for it,' he continues, walking over and pulling the material from over my head, the air of the room chill after the enclosed warmth.
Shuffling up more out of politeness than anything I take in the tray he has in his hand. On it is one of my cinnamon and raisin bagels ready buttered, a glass of orange juice, a cup of coffee and two painkillers. It's the most thoughtful thing I think he's ever done for me and I can't help but be touched.
'Feeling rough this morning I take it,' he continues as he places the tray on my legs, 'when the hell did you two make it to bed?'
'I dunno, around five or something I guess,' I shrug, taking the painkillers, swallowing the little pills with a mouthful of juice.
'At least you've not got to work today,' he reminds me, 'and I take it by the fact you're still in bed you're skipping class.'
'Oh, I am totally skipping,' I reply, lifting the coffee, smelling the wonderful rich liquid before sipping at it.
'Don't blame you, after everything you deserve a lie in,' he tells me earnestly, reaching out and putting a hand on my bare shoulder, contact he's normally over aware of, 'look dude, if you need me, just come get me, hell, if you don't want to get out of bed just call me. You've had a rough couple of days and I'm here to help man.'
'I really appreciate that,' I tell him earnestly, looking up, offering the best in form of a smile I can right now.
He just nods, releasing my shoulder and walking back towards the door.
'Catch you later,' is all he says before closing it and leaving me to myself again.
I sit and think, a little taken aback by his behaviour. That is hands down the nicest thing he's ever done for me. Jason has always been the one who's been there for me, the one I called my closest friend, but was that only because of what happened last night, was he only that nice because of whatever crush he has on me? Mike has no such personal reason to get me on his side. He's acting purely out of friendship with no goal of personal gain. Maybe all along I've been backing the wrong horse, have I wasted time developing the wrong friendship?
Fuck it's all too complicated for me to think about, especially when my head is already swamped with images of Joe and Kevin, images which send me deeper into the depression I can feel myself staring at almost like staring down the barrel of a gun. You know you need to move, get yourself away from it, but you just can't stop thinking about it, frozen in horror. Joe cheated on me, he fucking cheated on me. If he didn't he'd be round here right now begging for me to listen to him, work or no work. I know for sure if he thought I'd cheated on him I'd be round there doing everything I could to get him to believe me that he was wrong. So that means he must be cheating on me, that or he doesn't care enough about our relationship to set me straight, and either one of those conclusions kills me.
What did I do to deserve this? I've been nothing but a good date to him, nothing but courteous and kind. Why the hell did he cheat on me like this? He could have at least had the balls to call me up and tell me to my face he didn't want to see me any more than let me find out that way, especially after just visiting my father in the hospital. It's like the nicer a guy I am the more shit that comes my way. Maybe I should just stop giving a fuck, be an asshole to everyone and maybe good things will come to me. Milo was with Joe for six months and he's the biggest fucking asshole on the planet, all I get is a month.
The world is screwed up, and I'm in the middle of it, shit raining down on me.