Fic/Dialogue: Of Bunnies and Penises
The amazingly awesome powercrack duo SASHARI is back! This time, we bring you a friendly conversation between our fav VF bishies, inspired by the very lovely spam email that is blessed on us on a daily basis. So enjoy, laugh, cry but please don't die. (The previous faulty post was done by aliens, nothing to do with us...)
Of Bunnies and Penises
Sincerely by: SASHARI
: Mommy, Daddy, I wanna have a pet!
Do you want a dog or a kitty? (That will determine his ukeness in the future...)
: Or a snake?
: I wanna have a goldfish!
: You can't have a goldfish, we're mafia....
: If I can't have a goldfish, I wanna have a bunny!
: Can he be more of an uke?
: What have I done...
: Bunny! Bunny!
: Cool! You're even more ukeish than I am!
: Mikhail! Tao needs to go to the seme school!
: *laughs* Like mother, like son...
: Bastard!
: I don't need you to tell me that.
: Yeah! Only I can call him that!
: And Fei, you have me, I'm your bastard.
: You're my sexual partner. Here, to serve me and satisfy my libido.
: How can you say that? *tears*
: What is the meaning of libido?
: You're too young for that. Here, have a bunny.
: Bunny bunny!
: Ukes...
: I will train my Tao to be the greatest seme ever! Then you will see, Asami!
: Don't make me laugh... It would ruin my image...
: *takes out feather*
: *giggles*"
: Did anyone order a penis enlargement? It's addressed to... "Asami Ryuuichi"...
: *snickers*
: *glares*
: *ROFLs*
: Mr Asami, take care...
: *pulls out his gun* Somebody's gonna die...
: *still on the floor laughing* We're all so scared!
: Feilong, you're the one who did it right?
: *whistles innocently*
: You have small penis, sir?
: Be careful, kid.
: Hey, don't take it out on Tao!
: So, do you?
: That's a not very courteous thing to ask.
: But... Fei-sama always says I should ask if I don't know anything...
: You little...
: *still laughing* Oh Tao... You're so cute.
: *still whistling innocently*
: Little? I'm not little! I'm already 12! Is your penis little?
: Wait till I catch you without your mama around.
: Asami! *takes out gun*
: Mommy!
: Asami, be careful!
: *thinks: Whose side should I take?*
: *decides to watch the show*
: You're so pathetic Feilong, cowering behind this child. If you want to say something to me, then say it straightly!
: If I am the one who did it, I will not hide! You're the cowardly chicken!
: If you're so offended by the suggestion about your penis, is it because you're uncertain about it yourself?
: *growls* Who are you to tell me that?
: Oh... I'm simply a better man..
: Is that something a man with a perm should be telling me?
: I don't need to tell anyone anything since it's something everybody already knows.
: Everybody knows you have perm on your pubic hair, sucker.
: Mommy, why does that man not buy a bigger penis, if he's so unsatisfied with it?
: It is not something you can just buy, my dear Tao...
:*still whistling in the background*
: Some people have it, and some people just aren't that fortunate, Tao.
: My penis is bigger than yours!
: That box speaks for itself.
: Ehmm, guys...
: Keep quiet when adults are talking, boy.
: *meep*
: Yeah, keep quiet and stay there, while I deal with these two cowards.
: But Asami...
: *yawn* This is getting boring, when is the action gonna start?
: *unzips trousers*
: ASAMI!
: If you want to pee, I'll show you the toilets.
: *can't help but look*
: If you think we'll be all impressed, you'll sadly mistaken. *unzips too*
: *doesn't know where to look*
: Asami Asami... *thinks: It's supposed to be only mine...*
: But the toilets are just around the corner...
: *yawn*
: Asami....let's go home...
: Hmph. Not until one of these cowards confess.
: You're so pathetic, Asami... Who cares about your weenee?
: Obviously you do. Who was the one staring at me so intensely just now?
: What were you staring at?
: *ignores Mik*
: Asami, I need to tell you something...
: *picks up ringing cell-phone* Oohhh... It's you. Sorry, I got distracted by some idiots here. I'm going right now. *blushes* I have to go, guys. By the way, you can always check the sender's address on the delivery slip.
: *sweatdropz*
: Where is it????
: *attempts to hide the slip but was taken by
*
: Hmmm... Wait... This place is very familiar...
: Ryuuichi, let's just go home... *puppy-eyes*
: It's YOUR address!!!! Takaba, you of all people should know that my penis...
: ...is the biggest in Japan...
: Hah, but apparently it's not big enough to satisfy your uke... You should try Caucasian men... You'll know what real penis is...
: If Caucasian men are THAT good, Feilong wouldn't be staring at me just now.
: so you WERE staring at him, Fei?
: ......
: Maybe your little Arbatov is not so great after all, that Feilong had to look elsewhere....
: Feilong...
: You can't control me!
: Looks to me like someone can't satisfy his own uke...
: Feilong isn't the one who ordered the penis enlargement kit.
: That was a joke!
: What is this penis, you keep talking about?
: It's something your mummy don't have, little boy.
: Mommy?
: ASAMI RYUUICHI! *kicks*
: *kicks Feilong*
+
= ukefight
: *lights up a cigarette*
: Woo! Boxing!
: My uke is stronger than yours.
: My uke has a cuter ass.
: My uke fucked that cute ass of your uke!
: *RAGE!* And your uke has a crush on ME!
And then Mikhail, Feilong, Asami and Takaba continued squabbling like school children until...
: BUNNY! Where are you going? *runs out of the room*
: *breaks from the fight* Tao, where are you going!
: Baby boy!
: That's so touching...
: TAOOOOOOO! *runs off*
: Fei!!!! *runs off*
: ...... Tao ran in the way of the kitchen... Feilong must be afraid that little chimp will eat everything in there again...
: Do you think you can distract me that easily, Akihito?
: A-A-Asami...I... *backs away*
: You have no place to hide... I will show you what I am capable of.
: I already know what you're capable of...
: Hmm... Apparently you don't know well enough...
: Geez, I've already told you that it was a joke with the penis...
: Then shouldn't I return you with a joke too? *gets nearer*
: But you don't have a sense of humor...
: I will show you the true essence of humour then. *suddenly takes out a maid outfit*
: O____O
: I never thought I will use this so fast...
: I've never thought you had a crossdressing fetish...so, dress up!
: Shouldn't the maid shut up and listen to his master?
: I thought you're gonna be the maid! C'mon Asami...
: *thinks: I have a delusional uke...*
: You're such a bore... Fine! *snatches the uniform and puts it on*
: :)
: Oh, master, give it to me good and hard!
: *pulls out his magical rod, i.e. the largest penis in Japan*
: *______* Asami...
: *predatory grin*
CENSORED
THE END
: Bunnyyyyyyyyy!
: RAWRRR.
THE REAL END..?
Of Bunnies and Penises
Sincerely by: SASHARI
: Mommy, Daddy, I wanna have a pet!
Do you want a dog or a kitty? (That will determine his ukeness in the future...)
: Or a snake?
: I wanna have a goldfish!
: You can't have a goldfish, we're mafia....
: If I can't have a goldfish, I wanna have a bunny!
: Can he be more of an uke?
: What have I done...
: Bunny! Bunny!
: Cool! You're even more ukeish than I am!
: Mikhail! Tao needs to go to the seme school!
: *laughs* Like mother, like son...
: Bastard!
: I don't need you to tell me that.
: Yeah! Only I can call him that!
: And Fei, you have me, I'm your bastard.
: You're my sexual partner. Here, to serve me and satisfy my libido.
: How can you say that? *tears*
: What is the meaning of libido?
: You're too young for that. Here, have a bunny.
: Bunny bunny!
: Ukes...
: I will train my Tao to be the greatest seme ever! Then you will see, Asami!
: Don't make me laugh... It would ruin my image...
: *takes out feather*
: *giggles*"
: Did anyone order a penis enlargement? It's addressed to... "Asami Ryuuichi"...
: *snickers*
: *glares*
: *ROFLs*
: Mr Asami, take care...
: *pulls out his gun* Somebody's gonna die...
: *still on the floor laughing* We're all so scared!
: Feilong, you're the one who did it right?
: *whistles innocently*
: You have small penis, sir?
: Be careful, kid.
: Hey, don't take it out on Tao!
: So, do you?
: That's a not very courteous thing to ask.
: But... Fei-sama always says I should ask if I don't know anything...
: You little...
: *still laughing* Oh Tao... You're so cute.
: *still whistling innocently*
: Little? I'm not little! I'm already 12! Is your penis little?
: Wait till I catch you without your mama around.
: Asami! *takes out gun*
: Mommy!
: Asami, be careful!
: *thinks: Whose side should I take?*
: *decides to watch the show*
: You're so pathetic Feilong, cowering behind this child. If you want to say something to me, then say it straightly!
: If I am the one who did it, I will not hide! You're the cowardly chicken!
: If you're so offended by the suggestion about your penis, is it because you're uncertain about it yourself?
: *growls* Who are you to tell me that?
: Oh... I'm simply a better man..
: Is that something a man with a perm should be telling me?
: I don't need to tell anyone anything since it's something everybody already knows.
: Everybody knows you have perm on your pubic hair, sucker.
: Mommy, why does that man not buy a bigger penis, if he's so unsatisfied with it?
: It is not something you can just buy, my dear Tao...
:*still whistling in the background*
: Some people have it, and some people just aren't that fortunate, Tao.
: My penis is bigger than yours!
: That box speaks for itself.
: Ehmm, guys...
: Keep quiet when adults are talking, boy.
: *meep*
: Yeah, keep quiet and stay there, while I deal with these two cowards.
: But Asami...
: *yawn* This is getting boring, when is the action gonna start?
: *unzips trousers*
: ASAMI!
: If you want to pee, I'll show you the toilets.
: *can't help but look*
: If you think we'll be all impressed, you'll sadly mistaken. *unzips too*
: *doesn't know where to look*
: Asami Asami... *thinks: It's supposed to be only mine...*
: But the toilets are just around the corner...
: *yawn*
: Asami....let's go home...
: Hmph. Not until one of these cowards confess.
: You're so pathetic, Asami... Who cares about your weenee?
: Obviously you do. Who was the one staring at me so intensely just now?
: What were you staring at?
: *ignores Mik*
: Asami, I need to tell you something...
: *picks up ringing cell-phone* Oohhh... It's you. Sorry, I got distracted by some idiots here. I'm going right now. *blushes* I have to go, guys. By the way, you can always check the sender's address on the delivery slip.
: *sweatdropz*
: Where is it????
: *attempts to hide the slip but was taken by
*
: Hmmm... Wait... This place is very familiar...
: Ryuuichi, let's just go home... *puppy-eyes*
: It's YOUR address!!!! Takaba, you of all people should know that my penis...
: ...is the biggest in Japan...
: Hah, but apparently it's not big enough to satisfy your uke... You should try Caucasian men... You'll know what real penis is...
: If Caucasian men are THAT good, Feilong wouldn't be staring at me just now.
: so you WERE staring at him, Fei?
: ......
: Maybe your little Arbatov is not so great after all, that Feilong had to look elsewhere....
: Feilong...
: You can't control me!
: Looks to me like someone can't satisfy his own uke...
: Feilong isn't the one who ordered the penis enlargement kit.
: That was a joke!
: What is this penis, you keep talking about?
: It's something your mummy don't have, little boy.
: Mommy?
: ASAMI RYUUICHI! *kicks*
: *kicks Feilong*
+
= ukefight
: *lights up a cigarette*
: Woo! Boxing!
: My uke is stronger than yours.
: My uke has a cuter ass.
: My uke fucked that cute ass of your uke!
: *RAGE!* And your uke has a crush on ME!
And then Mikhail, Feilong, Asami and Takaba continued squabbling like school children until...
: BUNNY! Where are you going? *runs out of the room*
: *breaks from the fight* Tao, where are you going!
: Baby boy!
: That's so touching...
: TAOOOOOOO! *runs off*
: Fei!!!! *runs off*
: ...... Tao ran in the way of the kitchen... Feilong must be afraid that little chimp will eat everything in there again...
: Do you think you can distract me that easily, Akihito?
: A-A-Asami...I... *backs away*
: You have no place to hide... I will show you what I am capable of.
: I already know what you're capable of...
: Hmm... Apparently you don't know well enough...
: Geez, I've already told you that it was a joke with the penis...
: Then shouldn't I return you with a joke too? *gets nearer*
: But you don't have a sense of humor...
: I will show you the true essence of humour then. *suddenly takes out a maid outfit*
: O____O
: I never thought I will use this so fast...
: I've never thought you had a crossdressing fetish...so, dress up!
: Shouldn't the maid shut up and listen to his master?
: I thought you're gonna be the maid! C'mon Asami...
: *thinks: I have a delusional uke...*
: You're such a bore... Fine! *snatches the uniform and puts it on*
: :)
: Oh, master, give it to me good and hard!
: *pulls out his magical rod, i.e. the largest penis in Japan*
: *______* Asami...
: *predatory grin*
CENSORED
THE END
: Bunnyyyyyyyyy!
: RAWRRR.
THE REAL END..?