Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex - White Maze (novel 3)
Long-time readers may remember the review I wrote, a little over four years ago now, of the first Stand Alone Complex light novel, in which I stated that, while the story was interesting, the writing was mind-bogglingly terrible, and because of this I had no plans to read any of the other novels.
Well, it took me a while, but...I lied.
First off, although the first novel read as if it had been translated by a sixth-grader using BabelFish, it also contained the line "Kusanagi and the dwarf faced off," which is pretty much the greatest thing ever, and if more of that was being produced, I had to have it, bad writing or no. Second, Production I.G is just as bad as Valve when it comes to teasing about threequels that I desperately want, and I needed more material to keep me occupied until there's funding and motivation for the 3rd GIG Kamiyama keeps saying will happen at some point. And third, I can't just have the first volume of something sitting alone on my shelf, now, can I? No, of course not.
I knew I was in for a treat when I read the back cover; the main tagline is "RISE OF THE WALKING DEAD?" in big red letters, followed by a paragraph break, and then the words "2030, Tokyo. A series of apparent vampire killings has terrorized the people of Niihama." I stopped reading after that due to a sudden urge to squeal excitedly and snuggle the book against my chest. Ghost in the Shell and vampires. How could that combination not be completely, hilariously amazing? It was like the worst fanfic I could ever imagine, only actually written by a guy who did episodes of the show, so the entire story was completely canon. With images of gothic-lolita vampire chicks being pinned to walls via stakes fired from the gatling guns of tachikomas dancing in my mind, I forwent my usual post-school e-mail check, curled up in bed with this gem, and started to read.
As it turned out, the back cover rather dramatically oversold the whole vampire thing - they're actually just people being controlled by a virus that transforms feelings of affection into feelings of hatred, and propagates by having its victims bite others in the neck in order to inject micromachines into their blood. This is also revealed within the first third of the story, and the other two thirds are basically the Major dicking around looking for the guy who made the micromachines in the first place, except suddenly we're moving on to a mysterious digital scene of a shop right before the destruction of Tokyo that came right the fuck outta nowhere in the wake of the vampire thing. That's right, it's TWO rejected episodes of one of the greatest anime to ever exist for the price of one, yours to own in hideous prose!
I know I keep harping on about the writing, but the level of awfulness it represents seems like it actually must have taken a lot of work to achieve, and again, I don't know if this is the fault of the author or the translator, although I blame both. The descriptive metaphors are clunky and overwrought, the dialogue is a ten-year-old's idea of badass, and if I may step onto my elitist fangirl box here for a minute, the characterization was awful. I would have no problem whatsoever with 200 pages of Motoko Kusanagi meandering around while investigating two hastily stitched-together storylines if it actually felt like I was reading about Motoko frickin' Kusanagi instead of some random loudmouth bossy-boots whom the narration feels compelled to remind me is not fond of clothing - if I wanted that, I'd go read the manga. Heck, the manga continuity Major was easier to tolerate than this chick, who reads more like Nancy Drew if she became a streetwalker.
Once one gets past the quality of the prose (although maybe 'gets past' isn't the right phrase to use - 'learns to ignore' is probably more accurate), the story is basically your garden-variety stand alone episode. There's a string of crimes with some odd aspect to them (in this case the vampire thing), Section 9 unearths some deeper conspiracy in the process of figuring it out, and ultimately there's some psychological/philosophical issue driving all of the fighty-shooty bits so we can feel that more intelligent for having read it. While there wasn't anything nearly as brilliant as the "Kusanagi and the dwarf faced off" part from the first novel, there was one bit that I actually thought was kind of cute, in which the tachikomas, after one of their fellows is suspended by chains from the ceiling (it makes sense in context, sort of), have a brief conversation about BDSM and its practical applications regarding the Major/Batou relationship tumor. There was also a rather more WTF part where a girl infected with the vampire love-turns-into-hate virus went psycho on the Major because she gave her a hug (again, it sort of makes sense in context); I'd make a joke about the attacks being triggered by feelings of affection, but that's like a canonical fact by now - Americans are bastards, micromachines fix everything, and everyone is lesbian for the Major.
And really, who can blame them?
While the plot was sub- the excellent standards usually set by the SAC franchise and the less said about the writing, the better, I ultimately purchased this book because I wanted something goofy to laugh at, and to that end I was not disappointed. I only hope that my copy of the second novel gets off of backorder soon and finds its way to my doorstep with all possible haste.