Satisfied (01): Most of the Time
This took third place in the miracle______ crossover contest! *dances in joy and appreciation* It's actually the first in a series of five vignettes that I have planned looking at the relationships of each member of DBSK with a member of Super Junior. They're loosely organized around the idea of satisfaction and different conceptions of it in different circumstances, so I've decided to call the series Satisfied. I hope to have the next vignette ready soon.
Most of the Time
pairing: Yunho/Heechul
Most of the time, Yunho was thoroughly satisfied with his life. Most of the time, he felt happy, confident, truly blessed to be where he was, doing what he was doing. Most of the time, it was hard for him to remember when life had been different-back before Dong Bang Shin Gi, before Jaejoong had put him back together, patiently fitting the pieces into place until it was hard to tell he had ever been broken at all.
Most of the time didn't matter when Heechul was around.
Yunho knew the older boy had arrived when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Heechul brought a certain tension to a room-always had, even before-as if the air had suddenly become charged, electrons snapping to attention at his entrance. Yunho could almost hear it humming with energy. The sensation was not an unpleasant one; in fact, most of the time Yunho found that he liked it. It seemed to sharpen his senses, he thought, suddenly noticing the faint peppermint scent of the product the stylist was working into his hair.
He watched Heechul in the mirror as the other boy slid in through the door, finishing up a text message and closing his cell phone with a definitive snap. When he looked up to find Yunho staring back at him in the mirror, he gave a grin in greeting before plopping down into the next chair over, spinning it to face him, and then with great ceremony lifting up his legs and resting his feet in Yunho's lap.
"Lookin' good, fearless leader."
The tone was joking, but Yunho knew he meant it. Heechul never lied about appearances.
"You here for your perm, princess?" Yunho returned, smiling and pushing Heechul's feet off his lap and watching as the chair swung around to face the opposite direction. Before Heechul had a chance to swing it back it was caught by a pinch-faced stylist, who brusquely turned it to face front.
Heechul, the stylist's fingers already running efficiently through his hair, could only turn his head slightly towards him, but Yunho could still see the flash in his eyes when he replied, blowing himself a kiss in the mirror, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
And suddenly in the flash of his eyes and his "don't hate me," most of the time was gone and in its place came a flood of images. Heechul's eyes: lidded and sweet after their first kiss. Twinkling dark with mischief as he ran soft, wet lips down Yunho's pelvic bone. Rolling back into his head as he arched exquisitely beneath Yunho's larger frame. Then the other images: Heechul grinding against Donghae on the dance floor. Heechul smiling as a drunken Kangin groped his ass and sucked on his neck at Junsu's birthday party. Heechul staring at Yunho, unflinching, when he had walked into their room to find another man-a total stranger, as far as Yunho knew-fucking Heechul on their bed. He had been beautiful even in that moment, maybe even the most beautiful Yunho had ever seen him. There was something in his eyes then that was completely honest, and Yunho remembered being frozen on the spot, a part of him thinking that if he didn't move maybe he could have a few more seconds before they were lidded again in artifice and bravado.
Heechul had calmly asked him to leave, and Yunho had opened the door and walked out without a word. He only decided to end it when he heard the rhythmic squeak of the mattress springs start again even before the door had shut behind him. The next day, over coffee, Yunho had broken up with him and Heechul had said, "Don't hate me, ok?" earnest but not overly worried, as if he had lost Yunho's favorite CD or thrown away his 50,000 won winning lottery ticket.
And Yunho hadn't hated him; he had known, after all, how Heechul was before he fell in love with him. He had expected him to flirt, to tease, even to fuck other men-they had even joked about it. He hadn't realized what it would do to him, how it would eat at his insides, how he would forget how to laugh for a while, but even so he couldn't hate Heechul for that. It was just who Heechul was.
Or, he had thought it was who Heechul was.
"Siwon," he said, too loud, and seeing Heechul's eybrows furrow in the mirror he went on, "I hear you've been hanging out with Siwon a lot recently."
Siwon had always been a perfect gentleman, had never laid a finger on Heechul while he and Yunho were together, though it was obvious to Yunho that he was madly in love with him. Recently they had gotten together, and at first Yunho had felt bad for Siwon, had almost wanted to warn him that he was making a mistake, but then he began to hear that Heechul had changed. Donghae had had to find someone else to grind with, Kangin someone else to grope when he was drunk. Heechul didn't sleep with strange men anymore, only with Siwon, and everyone thought it was a real surprise, a miracle, a happy ending. Yunho thought it was the cruelest thing Heechul had ever done, because he had always thought that Heechul couldn't change for him. When he had realized that Heechul simply wouldn't was the first time that he ever really hated him.
"Yeah, we've gotten pretty close, I guess," Heechul said, and Yunho heard a rare hint of hesitation in his voice. He waited for Heechul to go on, but there was no elaboration, and the room fell into silence. Yunho took turns looking at himself and Heechul in the mirror, consciously unclenched his fists, told himself he didn't want to kiss Heechul, or punch him, or cry. Soon the stylists finished with both of them and left the room to find other hair to work on. The silence continued.
And then Heechul got up and walked past him, and Yunho thought maybe he would just leave, that maybe he had no idea how Yunho felt, or didn't care.
"Yunho..." Heechul's voice was hesitant again, and when Yunho looked up Heechul met his gaze in the mirror, and his eyes were honest again, like that time, and Yunho forgot to breathe for a moment.
"I fucked up." Heechul's voice was soft, and it was the first time Yunho had heard him like this. "We had a good thing, and I fucked it up." Yunho didn't know if he was talking about their relationship or their friendship, didn't know if Heechul knew. "I just didn't know I could be what you wanted me to be; no one ever told me before Siwon..." His voice trailed off, and there was another moment of silence as they looked at each other in the mirror. Then suddenly he said, "I want us to be ok."
That was Heechul's way of asking a question, Yunho knew that, but he didn't know the answer and so he said nothing. Heechul waited a few moments, then nodded slightly. "Ok." He looked as if he wanted to touch Yunho, took a step forward, but instead he laid his hand on the back of Yunho's chair, squeezed once, then turned and walked out of the room.
Yunho wasn't sure how long he sat there, alone, thinking, wasn't sure when the tears began to slide silently down his cheeks, wasn't sure when he gave up trying to answer Heechul's question. He just knew that at some point warm arms wrapped around him from behind, and he breathed in Jaejoong's scent and waited for most of the time to come back.