Hong Kong pt. 1
Alright, so day 1:
well, its day 3 now, but we were lazy yesterday so fookit. First off Al got here on the 27th (Tuesday) at around noon, dropped all his shit off at Jerry's apartment, and then they went and walked all around Central and just saw random shit.
Yossi got here at round ten:30 cuz his mutherfuckin plane got in hour and a half late. Came in, gave out musical chassid with santa claus is coming to town motif, bageled the apartment, (oh yeah mmm that feels good you treat me so fine MELOVEYOULONGTIME OHNO WHITE DEVILS COMING TO HONG KONG TAKIN...oh, hey Al. Umm, tangent?) sorry. Had nice cute chinese girl next to me on plane. I started flirt, realized next to her husband. Continued to flirt. Anyway, apartment, collapse, wake up, and heeeeeerrrrre'ssss AL!
Alright, I realized I forgot to tell about stuff from day one, so backtracking a bit, I slept like the whole way from JFK to Korea, so I was pretty wide awake, and at like 5:00am (afternoon-evening US time) I hooked up with the free wireless in the airport HAHA YOU SAID HOOKED UP (can you guess who that was?) ME HAHA YAYAYYYYYY
Die Yossi.
Moving along, I talked to a couple of people on AIM while chilling in Seoul, KE, and then ended up in HK airport, met Jerry (uncle) and then walked over to Rhonda's (aunt) house and said hi to her/”the girls” (cousins Maia and Gabi) and THEN did that walking around, bought lots of really good Belgian beer, drank it, had dinner, and waited for Yossi to show up. Dude you so purposely avoided the use of the word come right thur. It's ghetto, Al.(schmuck). Nothing you would know about, so how bout you shut your trashy whiteboy mouf?
Yossi, your breathing privileges have been revoked.
SUCK ME, HONKY.
Day 2:
Okay, so we wake up the next morning reasonably early cause we're jet-lagged as hell, and ate Quaker Oat Squares with Chinese on it, and had really good tea Oooooolong! OOOlOOOlOONG! (That's the kind of tea, yeah.) And then Jerry showed us some maps, which we entirely failed to understand, and we headed out to go pick up the cousins and do shit.
Yeah, we was chillin/illin/ having a pretty good time, and then we left and i got us lost in a 3 block radius for ½ an hour. I saw a park in the complete opposite direction of where we were headed and decided it would be a shortcut...and considering Hong Kong works in terms of ups and downs, not right/left, YOU SUCK AT TYPING YOU FUCKING BITCH. BITCH! (I didn't say that, Yossi, but you really do fucking suck) fuck you, Al. Fuck you. Anyway, it turns out in retrospect I zeroed in on an all girl's college. I have no idea how. (by the way, there are a SHITLOAD of girls' schools all around, its so weird - were they expecting sick fucks like Yossi?) haha shit/poop. Yeah, so we gets there eventually, and we meet al's precocious young dripping ok wrong adjectives to start using while hes here im gonna go now
SHE'S 10 FREAKING YEARS OLD YOU PEDOPHILIC BADSTARD!
No, the other one.
Okay, that's slightly better, considering Heatherhayleyshotsister, is 13, too, and she's freaking hot, but objectively, I think Gabi (10) is gonna be hotter than Maia (13) when they get older.(NOTOUCHY SAD)
Well, once she's 18, she'll definitely be living in the states, and by that time I don't have a problem, provided you don't have any sex crimes on your record.
Plus, i'll probably be in a coma of some sort. NOW GET ON WIV NARRATIVE.
Oh, so we're almost at the good part. See, Maia and Gabi were gonna come with us, except they couldn't at the last minute, cause they realized they didn't have a key and their mom was at work, so we ended up heading out by ourselves, which turned out to be REALLY fortunate cause-- BOOBIES BOOBIES ISRAELIU HOT WE GONN GET SOME THANK YOU ME../my intitaitive.
You so totally gave it away, but yeah, we were looking for Ladder St, and we decided to ask for directions from the only BOOBS white people around, who happened to be two really hot girls, and what could make it better? It turns out they were Israeli! Yossi goes up to them and starts talking, and one of them looks confused and and says (cause apparently she's got awesome jewdar, and also Yossi was wearing a kipa) “atem m'dabrim Ivrit?” which all you goyim won't understand, but I'm not gonna translate cause we're semi-bilingual and therefor superior to you uncultured bastards (wow, I'm starting to sound like Yossi)
I Was actually just thinking that too. I think it was the disdain, but that was undermined by the lack of giggling when you came HAHA I SAID CAME...fuck. Forgot what i was going to say. Shit.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize for my friend's existence.
So yeah, these girls, Hila and Maia tried to help us with the map, but they haven't been here that long, they didn't really know what we were looking for, so they were like “hey, we'll just walk with you guys.” So pretty much on our first day here we picked up two hot Israeli (that's a redundancy) And then instead of just getting lost around Central like we had planned, we walked around with them, and somehow ended up at an MTR (subway, except subway here means underground tunnel) station, and then randomly went to Kowloon, but not before getting Maia's number, which Yossi is going to call pretty soon, I think, cause we wanna get together with them either for New Years, or his B-day, which is the 3rd, if I'm not mistaken.
But yeah... I just have to reiterate how freaking perfectly that worked out. Two of us - two girls, two Jews - two Israelis! I mean, honestly - had I brought anyone else along with me to HK, it would not have been so perfect.
Great, great great stop goin fag on me Al.
Look who's talking.
MOVING ON. Yeah, so after meeting 2 random beautiful girls (who did NOT mace us, i might add. And were sober!!!!) we went to crazy ass art museum in Kowloon. Dude...you have not seen Chinese art until you have the seen the shit they have there. I mean what i say, Al. No, im not fixing it, you whore. Anyhoo, crazy old school art and stunning Chinese modern pieces combined for an experience that knocked the scum out of me. And there's a lot of scum to knock out. I'm going to slowly drown you in bodily fluids, you sad piece of turd. Yeah, crazy shit. Spinny time! Called a glimpse of the setting sun. i have the name written down(painter) but i refuse to get up out of principle. It was this unbelievable, almost cavern made up from this crazy maelstrom of dark blue, gray, orange, and flashes of red. Mounted on the wall so that one could spin it around should one desire. And One better fucking desire, because it was “the trippiest shit i ever saw”-Al. From every angle the perspective changed so that eventually you had no idea what in hell you were looking at originally and the world had been thrown upside down,(btw, we spent about 25 minutes in front of it not saying anything) fucked in every orifice, and then O.D.ed on a cocktail of heroin and surround sound.
No, no, we didn't. Well, have gay sex or do drugs - but we did spend at least 25 minutes staring at this painting before we realized how incredibly transfixed we were.
We eventually made it home... that is, we took the MTR back to Hong Kong Island, and then it took us a while to figure out how to get back to Mid-Levels (where Jerry lives, named that cause it's about midway up the side of the mountain) And we eventually just rode the escalator all the way up.
Oooh did we tell you about this escalator? Yeah... basically cause all of HK is one giant mountain, everything is on a really steep slope, so they built this giant commuter escalator up the side, with stairs to get off at every cross street, and like shops and shit on the sides. But yeah, we've got pictures of that, which I'll post somehow, along with all the other pictures, so that hopefully things won't be so confusing.