(no subject)
attempted working on the book. currently, its named Exerpts, because that's what it is. Exerpts. The point of this first sentence, however, was to say that there was nothing substantial to add to exerpts tonight, save for thoughts about the other night. which are simple ramblings.
Yes, i've been thinking about Neill. I'm not particularly close friends with him. Nor with any of his close friends. But still. It breaks me heart. And how strong and brave he was to come in for a bit today- -if my father died, I couldnt ever dream of getting out of bed. Perhaps its just a man thing. They're unbelievable indifferent to pain and emotional distress that their parents may cause them. I'm jealous. I cant help but getting upset at fights my mother and I have. I know we dont get along, we never have. But it still gets to me. And that's just a fight.
Death is...death. But its not the end, oddly enough. It would be comforting to think that we can get closure, but I'm beginning to think that someone like me never well quite get closure. I could come out and tell everyone here my deepest secret. It's got to do with death! Yes, i'm taunting you all now. I wont tell you though. Its my no-second-chances policy. For myself. I'll forgive any of you (yes, sometimes it takes a while, okay Campbell, you were tough!)
in any case, death teaches quite a bit. And its not just one thing. it keeps teaching you stuff, even as you go away from one particular death. Two have stuck out to me. and again, we're not going there. because i'm a snotty bitch who likes to drop in tiny little hints and not elaborate. My point about closure is that I dont believe there is such a thing for someone like me. I question things. I demand answers. I dont let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not saying i fight, necesarily- -thats not true, i do. Most of the time, i can let things go, amazingly enough. Most of the time. (we know my exceptions, and those are rather glaring exceptions, so theres my arguement right there).
I should wrap this up. I'm talking to several people. its difficult to remain contemplative and deep while talking to people, especially about scotland. yeap. chatting with Milo. And nick, in approximately two minutes. so i'll bid you adeui. Appreciated that you listened to this. i'm in a jovial but sober mood. is that odd? what a stupid question, of course its odd.
Good night, lovlies.