HOMESTUCK ON THE RANGE, PART THREE
This part is almost entirely porn.
Title: A Fistful of Boondollars
Fandom: MSPA (Homestuck)
Pairing: John/Karkat, a tiny bit of Sollux/Aradia
Rating: R
Warnings: Pooooorn. Also heavily AU and probably not very realistic. Who needs realism? This is a Western.
Prompt: "Sheriff!John X Anyone. Preferably with John topping xD"
~~~
Devoid of pistol and horse both, Nepeta was thoroughly winded by the time she reached the clearing, her legs sore from running. She'd finally managed to lose Strider in the canyons, but everything was going wrong, and she'd known it as soon as she'd reached the designated rendevous point and found neither of her good friends there. She'd run across a trail of hoofbeast tracks culminating in a spatter of bright red blood in the dust, still congealing, and her heart had hurt for Karkat, but there was not much to be done for him by herself. Her next priority had been tracking down Sollux, and she'd found him at last, hanging from his feet in the one tree to be found for miles. Someone had strung him up with a whip and several complicated knots, which Nepeta bypassed easily with one swipe of her knife. Sollux fell to the ground with an undignified shout, holding his glasses together as he stood up to keep them from falling apart entirely.
"Thankth, Nep," he told her, brushing off his usually immaculate trousers with his free hand. "I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't shown up."
"Died, I expect," Nepeta told him gumly. "Oh, it's just awful, Sol!"
"What ith?" Sollux demanded, his expression deadly serious again. "For that matter, where'th KK?"
"That's just it!" Nepeta wailed, distraught. "They got him, too. I think he was hurt, maybe bad. We have to go after him!"
"Now, jutht calm down," Sollux told her, laying his hand on her shoulder and shaking lightly. "Firtht priority ith getting out of here before the rancher cometh back for me, and then we can worry about KK."
"But... but Terezi will hang him at dawn, you know she will!"
"Now, I don't know much about her, but I do know we won't get KK back by lothing our headth. Come on." As they started back towards the town, Sollux wrapped an arm around Nepeta's shoulders awkwardly and she buried her face in his side, smelling the starch in his shirt and the oil in his leather vest.
"How'd you get caught, anyway?" she asked after a moment, sniffing slightly, and she felt it as Sollux winced.
"I made a few thtupid dethisionth. But don't tell KK, alright? He'th on hith high hoofbeatht too often ath it ith."
Nepeta giggled weakly. "It's okay Sol. Maybe you can tie her up, next time!"
"Nepeta? Let'th play a game on the way back, okay? It'th called the 'quiet game'. I think you'll like it."
To Sollux's chagrin and Nepeta's enjoyment, she lost every round of that game they played.
---
There was an old grandfather clock in the sheriff's office, and its laborious, echoing tick was the only sound in the whole building, it seemed. John had spent the last half hour shuffling and reshuffling papers as quiet as he could before giving it up as too loud an activity, his heart thumping like a drum beat. He wasn't drunk, but he felt like he should have been, like maybe it would have helped. He was hot under the collar, flushed, and ashamed of himself. He'd adjusted his desk recently, and now it faced towards the row of cells where Karkat was sitting dismally, his head swathed in bandages that he'd tried to refuse before John pressed them on him. Yes, he would die in a few hours, but it was John's job to ensure that he was safe and healthy and comfortable until then.
The candlelight flickered, casting sketchy shadows over everything, and John had half a mind to blow the damn thing out and leave them in darkness, darkness that would cover his shame as he put his head down on the desk and wept. He didn't want to be doing this. Every atom in his body cried out against it, but there was no way around it. No matter what he thought of Karkat, no matter how much his skin and blood and bones cried out for him, he'd broken the law and now he would face justice. There would be no two ways around it.
"I want my hat back," Karkat said after a long while, breaking the painful silence for the first time in ages. John was glad of it, but the ache in his chest did not disipate with a return to some semblance of normalcy.
"What?" he asked, intelligently, blinking in the low light, and Karkat growled, getting up and stalking over to fit his face through the bars of the cell.
"Did I fucking stutter? I want my gogdamned hat back, Jegus Christ. Can't a man die with his hat on in this country?"
John's heart nearly stopped with pain, but he muscled through, striding over to the cell on uncertain legs, removing the hat and attempting to stuff it through the bars. "Yeah, sure. Just take it. It's a good hat."
"I know it is," Karkat snarled, "and you're crumpling it. Stop that."
"Sorry! The bars are too thin to fit it through."
"So open the door and pass it through to me, fuckass. This ain't rocket science."
John stepped back jerkily, suddenly suspicious. "Oh, no you don't. If I open that door you'll try to escape." John had thrown him in there ropes and all, but Karkat had managed to get himself out of them, and John hadn't been brave enough to go in there and try to cuff him. Who knew what kind of shenanigans that could cause?
"Fuck!" Karkat swore, slumping against the cell wall. "I can't fucking believe this. All these years and I get caught by some fucktard who doesn't even carry handcuffs with him when he goes hunting criminals! Pathetic."
"Aw, cheer up," John told him, feeling bad again. Okay, so Karkat had tried to trick him. So what? Wouldn't anyone be fighting for survival, in this situation? Viewed that way, John almost pitied him; poor Karkat probably had a rough childhood and turned to a life of crime to make up for it, and now he was going to hang in the morning. He was so young, too, not all that much older than John himself. All that potential, wasted. "You had a good run. And hey, at least your friends got away!"
"Both of them?" Karkat's head snapped up and then he sagged again, morosely. "Not like it matters. Fucking Sollux would probably rather cut off one of his bulges before he'd risk his neck over me. I'm fucked."
"Sorry, but there's nothing I can do." John really was sorry, too-- that was what got to him. Somehow, he couldn't shake the feeling that Karkat didn't really deserve this, but that might have been personal bias speaking.
"Nothing?" Karkat asked, his voice curiously flat, and then he was at the bars again, his gaze piercing enough that John took another step backward, startled. "Tell me, Egbert, you ever been with a woman?"
"N-no, can't say that I have," John stuttered, unsure of where Karkat was going with this. Surely he wasn't abotu to offer John the sexual favors of his catgirl friend for his freedom? That would be just disgusting.
As it turned out, though, the truth was worse. Karkat showed his sharp teeth, leaning in as close to John as he could manage. "Didn't think so. Ever been with a man, then?"
"No!" John shouted, shocked, his heart pounding. "Of course n-not. I... it... that's... No!"
This time Karkat was definitely grinning back at him, albeit maliciously. "Would you like to?"
There was a challenge in there, somewhere, and just the thought of it took John's breath away. Was Karkat offering to... to fuck him? In exchange for his freedom? John swallowed thickly, his eyes wide, hands breaking out in a cold sweat. This was unreal, something out of a terrible romance novel, and he shouldn't even be considering it. He could just lie, of course, take the favor and let justice be served anyway, but that would make him just as bad as Karkat if not worse. But at the same time...
...At the same time, oh god, he wanted it so bad. It was wrong, and bad, and awful, and would have been even if Karkat hadn't been a convicted criminal negotiating his escape, but that was not actually a deterrent, it turned out. If anything, it might have been a turn on. John clenched and unclenched his fists and Karkat kept talking, his voice low and rough and so very attractive. "Terezi's an axe crazy bitch, and you know it. She'd kill you as soon as look at you. You said we were fated rivals, Egbert-- why don't you come over here and show me that you meant it. You can beat me up if you want, humiliate me, pull my hair, make me suck your cock, and then you can let me go."
"C-can't," John told him, voice curiously high. "I'll lose my job."
"So you'll catch me again. And again after that. You can keep using me, if you want. Over and over again. Would you like that, you pervert? Fuck yes you would, I can see it. You thought I couldn't feel it, didn't you? When you were hard on top of me?" Karkat paused and licked his lips in a way that should have been (and might have been, in some states) illegal. "I liked it," he admitted. "You're a fucking asshole for making me want it and then not doing a damn thing to help out, Egbert. What the fuck are you going to do about it?"
John knew he was only offering all this because the other option was death, but he was hard and his clothes felt too tight, and damn it, he was weak. Just a weak little lost human boy who should have stayed home where he belonged, and he wanted this so much. "Okay," he barely heard himself whisper, feeling like someone else was in control of his body and mind. Surely no one in his right mind would ever do this but, well. John had pretty much admitted from the start of his strange attraction to Karkat that he was going crazy.
"Okay what?" Karkat demanded. "Do we have a deal or not?"
"Y-yeah, I mean... sure. If we can, um, finish before dawn." There were only a couple hours left before daybreak, after all; time was running short.
"You're a virgin. It won't take that long."
"But--"
"Trust me on this," Karkat told him, and John found that he rather did. He'd be prepared to trust anything Karkat said to him in that voice, so deep and wanting. It was at that point John began to suspect this wasn't all onesided, and while he had no proof, it made him feel a little bit better about the whole enterprise. He retrieved the ring of keys from his belt and approached the cell again, stopping short just before the door. Karkat groaned. "What now?"
"How do I know you won't attack me if I open the door?" John asked, frowning deeply.
"Oh, for fuck's sakes, Egbert. Here, if it makes you feel better, cuff me." Fed up with John's dithering, Karkat thrust his wrists between the bars, offering them for John's inspection. Not wanting to make him wait, John scrabbled to find his hand cuffs and clapped them over Karkat's wrists, noting that when he locked them is both restricted movement of his arms and essentially chained him to the cell; with the way the chain was threaded around the bars, he couldn't pull his hands all the way back in. "Is that secure enough for you?"
John thought about it hard, but couldn't find any possible scenario that would result in Karkat escaping from that, and he nodded slightly, fitting the key to the cell's lock successfully after about the third try. "Yeah, that's... that's good. Um." Stepping inside the cell, John bit his lower lip nervously as Karkat watched him impatiently.
"Well?" the troll demanded. "Are you going to do this or not, Egbert?"
"Yeah, but..." John hesitated, blushing furiously. "I just... I don't know what to do, okay? I've never done this before."
"Don't tell me you've never thought about it, either."
"Not... not really. I mean, I've dreamed about it, but that doesn't count."
Karkat sighed. "Alright, look, just... what do you want to do?"
"I guess I want to... touch you?" It sounded like a question, and it might have been intended that way-- that was what he was supposed to be doing, right? John didn't even know anymore.
"Do that, then. And hurry up. I've been waiting for you to man up and do something ever since you were molesting me back there."
John blinked. "I was... what?"
"My horns, you asshole! Don't tell me you weren't doing that on purpose, please."
"Oh. Uh..." The correct answer was that no, he hadn't been, but there aws no reason Karkat had to know that at this point in time. "Right. Yeah. You like that, huh? Are your horns really sensitive?"
"Fuck, yes they are. Are we done with question time, now? Can you just do something?" John noticed that there was a rather noticable bulge growing in the front of Karkat's trousers and he felt an answering tug of bright heat in his groin, demanding attention. Clearly, the thing to do here was follow Karkat's instructions and do whatever he wanted to do. And right now, John wanted to touch him. Mouth dry, John moved behind his prisoner, pressing him up against the bars and grinding his hips into Karkat's ass. The troll groaned, his own erection rubbing against the cell door, and pushed back automatically against John's hips, which was encouraging, at least. John rested his head on Karkat's shoulder, his thick black hair against John's cheek, and let his hand travel around to rest on Karkat's hip and then his groin, squeezing him lightly through his pants. John would have expected this to be embarrassing, but it really wasn't, at least on his end-- it made him feel powerful, actually, in control in a way he hadn't been for such a long time, and whenever he made an untoward noise that he was ashamed of, the pleasure was there to reel him back in.
"That good?" he panted after a moment, stilling his hips, pleased to find that Karkat continued bucking back into him.
"Nnngh. What do you think, fuckass?" Karkat asked through clenched teeth, his eyes shut tight. John decided to take that as a good sign and moved his hand to Karkat's zipper, hesitating there.
"Is this okay?" he asked, pulling the zipper down and reaching inside Karkat's pants, his fingers wrapping clumsily around Karkat's throbbing cock. "I mean, you did say I should touch you..."
"Shut your gogdamned mouth, Egbert," Karkat told him with fury undisguised, thrusting into John's hand to make him move. "Just don't... stop." Karkat groaned loudly as John began to pump him with short, uneven strokes, pressing his thumb into the weeping tip. Fascinated, John watched his face as best he could, forgetting his own pleasure; Karkat looked good like this, he thought, the desire evident in his lusting expression.
"Karkat?" he asked after awhile, his hand stilling, causing Karkat to hiss at him in frustration.
"What?"
"Um, I guess I was just wondering... what comes after this?"
Karkat took a moment to consider this quandary and catch his breath, his chest heaving. John didn't take his hand away-- he wasn't that cruel --and Karkat continued to buck into him shallowly. "Depends on what you want to happen."
"Let's just say, theoretically, that I have no idea what I'm doing and would like suggestions," John told him, slightly embarrassed now. "Anyway, I mean... what do you want?"
Apparently Karkat knew exactly what he wanted, because he answered immediately, to John's surprise. "I want you to fuck me," Karkat told him bluntly, only the blush on his cheeks and ears betraying his discomfort. "Think you can manage that without fucking up, Egbert?"
"M-maybe," John squeaked, taken aback. He hadn't been entirely sure what he'd expected out of all this, but it probably wasn't that, at least this first time. He probably should have seen it coming, though-- everything about this position screamed out for it, since Karkat wasn't in much of a state to touch him back. "I mean, I'm willing to try. More than willing."
"What do you want, a medal? Let's just do this, alright?" John nodded and took his hand away at last, backing off enough to pull Karkat's pants the rest of the way down and unbuckle his own. Karkat spread his legs a foot or so, leaning forward so that he was bent over a ways, and John, secure in the knowledge that no one could see him, took a moment to admire him. Karkat had good legs, well muscled from all the running and climbing he did on a daily basis, and a nice ass, by any standard that was quantifiable. It was odd thinking that this was how he was going to lose his virginity, but there was nothing particularly bad about the prospect; Karkat was handsome and rugged and manly and that was apparently what John's libido was looking for in a partner.
Taking a deep breath to steel himself, John drew his own cock out of his pants and stroked it once, stalling for time, imagining what it would be like to have Karkat wrapped around him instead of his hand. Gripping Karkat's hips hard, his nails digging into the troll's skin, he aligned himself and started to push in, but was stopped as soon as he started.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Karkat asked, shuffling his hips back towards the cell door and away from John. "You can't just fuck me dry. Jegus, how stupid are you?"
"Sorry," John yelped, realizing his mistake; it would probably hurt Karkat a lot if he just proceeded the way things were, yes, but he didn't know what to do about that. "What do you, um, want me to do?"
Karkat hit his head against the bars a couple of times and John was about to stop him before he reopened his wounds when he grumbled, "Do you have any lotion or anything?"
"No," John told him ruefully, shaking his head.
"How about lamp oil? ...Vegetable oil? Come on, Egbert, work with me here!"
"We don't have anything like that! I'm sorry. It's not my fault."
"Gogdammit. Fine, I guess we're going to have to do this the old fashioned way. Get around front."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, exit the damn cell and stand in front of me, fuckwit," Karkat snapped, and John hastened to do as bid, almost tripping over his pants which had been around his ankles. "This is honestly not that hard."
If John had been unembarrassed before, he was realizing now that it had mostly been because Karkat couldn't see him. Standing in front of the outlaw he felt terrifically exposed, his erection on full display. Karkat's unimpressed look wasn't helping things, either. "Now what?" John asked timidly, and Karkat sank to his knees, kneeling before him on the hard stone floor of the cell.
"Get a little closer," Karkat commanded him, and John did, walking forward as far as he could until he was pressed up against the bars, his erection poking into the cell. "Yeah, like that," Karkat told him, and that was all the warning John had before his cock was engulfed in warm wetness. It took him way longer than it should have to realize that Karkat had taken him into his mouth, and when he did, the thought of it almost caused him to come; looking down he could see Karkat's shock of messy black hair, similar to John's own, as his head bobbed up and down on his cock, lips wrapped firmly around John's shaft.
John felt his knees go weak and grabbed the bars tightly for support, groaning as Karkat took him in a little farther, swiping his tongue over a pulsing vein. Karkat's tongue was rough, like a cat's, but pleasantly so-- not scratchy enough to seriously hurt, but enough to give it an interesting texture. Then John made the mistake of bucking forward and cried out in pain as Karkat's sharp teeth scraped him, taking all the pleasure out of the experience.
Karkat backed off immediately, sitting back on his heels and glaring up at John. "Idiot. What did you think would happen? That's what I get for trying to be careful, I guess."
"I didn't mean to!" John whined, feeling rather silly; now that the pain had receeded, he was fully aroused again and still more than ready to go, and all he wanted was for Karkat to lean forward a few more inches and lick him again. "It just... it felt so good."
"Yeah, well, I know something that'll feel better. Get back in here."
John looked crestfallen. "We're done now?"
"No, idiot. Now you're going to fuck me."
John made a little noise that might best be approximated as 'oh' and hurried back into position, the anticipation succeeding in killing his nervousness. Karkat seemed pretty nonchalant about all this for someone who was about to have something stuck up his ass, but John didn't have time to worry about that. He was too busy pulling Karkat back towards him again and pushing in, for real this time, leaning forward so that his stomach was flush against Karkat's back. He worked himself in slowly, savoring the feeling, before Karkat growled that he should feel free to hurry the fuck up. Karkat sounded strained under him, and John gave in out of pity, thrusting the rest of the way in and pulling out quickly, gasping out loud at the shock of it. Karkat was tight and warm and not quite slick enough, but it felt just about perfect to John, who'd never had anything like it before. Even Karkat's tongue and mouth on him had been nothing like this, nowhere close to this level of intensity.
It was awkward at first, when neither of them moved at a steady rhythm, John thrusting at whatever pace he could manage and Karkat pushing back at him insistently, needing more stimulation, but John was determined to do it right and pleasure both of them. He felt close after just a few minutes of desperate, rough movements, the previous stimulation combining with his virginal state to bring him to the edge in record time, but no matter why he was doing it, it would feel wrong if he got off and Karkat didn't; in the spirit of friendship, John reached around him again and found Karkat's cock, stroking it with a bit more confidence now. Karkat growled low and deep in his throat, a sound reminiscent of a purr, and John knew he was doing something right; he thrust in harder, faster, more and Karkat's volume increased as he alternated between thrusting his hips back against John's and grinding into his hand.
Overcome by a burst of misplaced sentimentality, John buried his face in the side of Karkat's neck, smelling his sweat, and kissed him softly, feeling the racing pulse of his heart under gray skin. "I love you," John wanted to say, but he wasn't sure if it was true, not yet. Karkat was a bad person, not to mention vile and hateful towards everything and everyone, but that didn't mean he was irredeemable. Maybe, just maybe, if John pursued him, and they kept doing this, he could find something good about Karkat. Something worth fighting for. Something worth saving.
And that would make it all worth it.
With this thought on his mind, John came, pushing himself as far as he could inside Karkat and holding himself there as he rode out his orgasm. It wasn't until he pulled and took his hand away that he discovered that Karkat had come too, his noises of pleasure eclipsed by the delicious madness John had fallen into. He lay against Karkat for a moment, their bodies pressed together, John's shirt slicked to his chest with sweat, and neither of them spoke until John asked, "What now?"
"Now you thtick 'em up, fucko," said a voice from behind him, and it was at that moment that John heard an ominous click and felt the barrel of a gun pressed up against the back of his head.
"Sollux?" Karkat asked incredulously as John straightened up and raised his hands slowly, backing up as directed. Karkat craned his neck to look, and found that yes, Sollux was standing there, both of his shotguns trained directly on John.
"Fuck, KK, if I knew thith wath what pathed for polith ethicth around here, I would have gotten uth here thooner," Sollux said, glaring at John, who was well intimidated by this point.
"Yeah, well, I notice you still let us finish before breaking things up. Enjoy the show, Captor?" Karkat was blushing now, too, and John could tell he was thoroughly humiliated-- for that matter, John was too.
"Well, I mean, you theemed to be enjoying yourthelf. It would have been awkward to thow mythelf too thoon. Poor Nepeta had to leave the room, though."
"Oh, bullshit. I bet she's watching from the rafters or something."
"Nevermind that now." Sollux turned his attention back to John, who jumped slightly, sensing death just over the horizon. "Where'th the keyth, sheriff? Thtep lively now."
"They're, uh, in my pants," John said, and Nepeta dropped out from seemingly nowhere to rifle through his discarded trousers.
"I knew it! Nepeta, you are not allowed to put this on your shipping wall, okay? Not. Allowed."
"Too late!" Nepeta mewed happily, triumphantly pulling the key ring loose and cycling through keys until she found a likely candidate. "It's this one, right?" she asked John, who nodded dumbly, perplexed thoroughly by all of this. Karkat pulled himself free, rubbing at his wrists where the cuffs had chafed away a layer of skin, and tugged his pants back up, grumbling under his breath. When he'd finished, he turned to face John, who realized too late that the tables had turned, and now Karkat could easily hurt or even kill him, if he wanted to. Which he might.
Flustered, John coughed and said, "Well, looks like you're free to go, then."
Karkat nodded noncommittally. "Looks like it."
"I, ah... I reckon it'd be alright if you came around again sometime, so's I could lock you up again and such."
This time, Karkat offered him a smirk, wrathful but teasing. "I reckon it'd be alright if you cuffed me again, so I can't escape."
John grinned back, knowing that his buck teeth made him look like a fool and not caring. "I'll hold you to that, rival."
"If we're through with thith touching thpectacle, let'th go," Sollux groused, prodding Karkat in the shoulder with the tip of one shotgun. "We're burning midnight here."
John just nodded and watched them go, confusion in his head and heart. "And Karkat?" he called after them, causing Karkat to pause in the doorway and look back at him, expression unreadable. John's grin widened, involuntarily. "I'm keeping your hat."
As John watched them ride away into the sunrise, something told him that nothing would be the same ever again.
---
Two months later, the town of Little Houston woke to find its sheriff naked but for a beaten up black cowboy hat and a pair of boots, handcuffed to the hitching post, his keys long gone. It took a skilled locksmith the better part of a Terezi-indictment-filled afternoon to extract him, and it was clear that there would be hell to pay.
But that was alright. John would get him next time.
Title: A Fistful of Boondollars
Fandom: MSPA (Homestuck)
Pairing: John/Karkat, a tiny bit of Sollux/Aradia
Rating: R
Warnings: Pooooorn. Also heavily AU and probably not very realistic. Who needs realism? This is a Western.
Prompt: "Sheriff!John X Anyone. Preferably with John topping xD"
~~~
Devoid of pistol and horse both, Nepeta was thoroughly winded by the time she reached the clearing, her legs sore from running. She'd finally managed to lose Strider in the canyons, but everything was going wrong, and she'd known it as soon as she'd reached the designated rendevous point and found neither of her good friends there. She'd run across a trail of hoofbeast tracks culminating in a spatter of bright red blood in the dust, still congealing, and her heart had hurt for Karkat, but there was not much to be done for him by herself. Her next priority had been tracking down Sollux, and she'd found him at last, hanging from his feet in the one tree to be found for miles. Someone had strung him up with a whip and several complicated knots, which Nepeta bypassed easily with one swipe of her knife. Sollux fell to the ground with an undignified shout, holding his glasses together as he stood up to keep them from falling apart entirely.
"Thankth, Nep," he told her, brushing off his usually immaculate trousers with his free hand. "I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't shown up."
"Died, I expect," Nepeta told him gumly. "Oh, it's just awful, Sol!"
"What ith?" Sollux demanded, his expression deadly serious again. "For that matter, where'th KK?"
"That's just it!" Nepeta wailed, distraught. "They got him, too. I think he was hurt, maybe bad. We have to go after him!"
"Now, jutht calm down," Sollux told her, laying his hand on her shoulder and shaking lightly. "Firtht priority ith getting out of here before the rancher cometh back for me, and then we can worry about KK."
"But... but Terezi will hang him at dawn, you know she will!"
"Now, I don't know much about her, but I do know we won't get KK back by lothing our headth. Come on." As they started back towards the town, Sollux wrapped an arm around Nepeta's shoulders awkwardly and she buried her face in his side, smelling the starch in his shirt and the oil in his leather vest.
"How'd you get caught, anyway?" she asked after a moment, sniffing slightly, and she felt it as Sollux winced.
"I made a few thtupid dethisionth. But don't tell KK, alright? He'th on hith high hoofbeatht too often ath it ith."
Nepeta giggled weakly. "It's okay Sol. Maybe you can tie her up, next time!"
"Nepeta? Let'th play a game on the way back, okay? It'th called the 'quiet game'. I think you'll like it."
To Sollux's chagrin and Nepeta's enjoyment, she lost every round of that game they played.
---
There was an old grandfather clock in the sheriff's office, and its laborious, echoing tick was the only sound in the whole building, it seemed. John had spent the last half hour shuffling and reshuffling papers as quiet as he could before giving it up as too loud an activity, his heart thumping like a drum beat. He wasn't drunk, but he felt like he should have been, like maybe it would have helped. He was hot under the collar, flushed, and ashamed of himself. He'd adjusted his desk recently, and now it faced towards the row of cells where Karkat was sitting dismally, his head swathed in bandages that he'd tried to refuse before John pressed them on him. Yes, he would die in a few hours, but it was John's job to ensure that he was safe and healthy and comfortable until then.
The candlelight flickered, casting sketchy shadows over everything, and John had half a mind to blow the damn thing out and leave them in darkness, darkness that would cover his shame as he put his head down on the desk and wept. He didn't want to be doing this. Every atom in his body cried out against it, but there was no way around it. No matter what he thought of Karkat, no matter how much his skin and blood and bones cried out for him, he'd broken the law and now he would face justice. There would be no two ways around it.
"I want my hat back," Karkat said after a long while, breaking the painful silence for the first time in ages. John was glad of it, but the ache in his chest did not disipate with a return to some semblance of normalcy.
"What?" he asked, intelligently, blinking in the low light, and Karkat growled, getting up and stalking over to fit his face through the bars of the cell.
"Did I fucking stutter? I want my gogdamned hat back, Jegus Christ. Can't a man die with his hat on in this country?"
John's heart nearly stopped with pain, but he muscled through, striding over to the cell on uncertain legs, removing the hat and attempting to stuff it through the bars. "Yeah, sure. Just take it. It's a good hat."
"I know it is," Karkat snarled, "and you're crumpling it. Stop that."
"Sorry! The bars are too thin to fit it through."
"So open the door and pass it through to me, fuckass. This ain't rocket science."
John stepped back jerkily, suddenly suspicious. "Oh, no you don't. If I open that door you'll try to escape." John had thrown him in there ropes and all, but Karkat had managed to get himself out of them, and John hadn't been brave enough to go in there and try to cuff him. Who knew what kind of shenanigans that could cause?
"Fuck!" Karkat swore, slumping against the cell wall. "I can't fucking believe this. All these years and I get caught by some fucktard who doesn't even carry handcuffs with him when he goes hunting criminals! Pathetic."
"Aw, cheer up," John told him, feeling bad again. Okay, so Karkat had tried to trick him. So what? Wouldn't anyone be fighting for survival, in this situation? Viewed that way, John almost pitied him; poor Karkat probably had a rough childhood and turned to a life of crime to make up for it, and now he was going to hang in the morning. He was so young, too, not all that much older than John himself. All that potential, wasted. "You had a good run. And hey, at least your friends got away!"
"Both of them?" Karkat's head snapped up and then he sagged again, morosely. "Not like it matters. Fucking Sollux would probably rather cut off one of his bulges before he'd risk his neck over me. I'm fucked."
"Sorry, but there's nothing I can do." John really was sorry, too-- that was what got to him. Somehow, he couldn't shake the feeling that Karkat didn't really deserve this, but that might have been personal bias speaking.
"Nothing?" Karkat asked, his voice curiously flat, and then he was at the bars again, his gaze piercing enough that John took another step backward, startled. "Tell me, Egbert, you ever been with a woman?"
"N-no, can't say that I have," John stuttered, unsure of where Karkat was going with this. Surely he wasn't abotu to offer John the sexual favors of his catgirl friend for his freedom? That would be just disgusting.
As it turned out, though, the truth was worse. Karkat showed his sharp teeth, leaning in as close to John as he could manage. "Didn't think so. Ever been with a man, then?"
"No!" John shouted, shocked, his heart pounding. "Of course n-not. I... it... that's... No!"
This time Karkat was definitely grinning back at him, albeit maliciously. "Would you like to?"
There was a challenge in there, somewhere, and just the thought of it took John's breath away. Was Karkat offering to... to fuck him? In exchange for his freedom? John swallowed thickly, his eyes wide, hands breaking out in a cold sweat. This was unreal, something out of a terrible romance novel, and he shouldn't even be considering it. He could just lie, of course, take the favor and let justice be served anyway, but that would make him just as bad as Karkat if not worse. But at the same time...
...At the same time, oh god, he wanted it so bad. It was wrong, and bad, and awful, and would have been even if Karkat hadn't been a convicted criminal negotiating his escape, but that was not actually a deterrent, it turned out. If anything, it might have been a turn on. John clenched and unclenched his fists and Karkat kept talking, his voice low and rough and so very attractive. "Terezi's an axe crazy bitch, and you know it. She'd kill you as soon as look at you. You said we were fated rivals, Egbert-- why don't you come over here and show me that you meant it. You can beat me up if you want, humiliate me, pull my hair, make me suck your cock, and then you can let me go."
"C-can't," John told him, voice curiously high. "I'll lose my job."
"So you'll catch me again. And again after that. You can keep using me, if you want. Over and over again. Would you like that, you pervert? Fuck yes you would, I can see it. You thought I couldn't feel it, didn't you? When you were hard on top of me?" Karkat paused and licked his lips in a way that should have been (and might have been, in some states) illegal. "I liked it," he admitted. "You're a fucking asshole for making me want it and then not doing a damn thing to help out, Egbert. What the fuck are you going to do about it?"
John knew he was only offering all this because the other option was death, but he was hard and his clothes felt too tight, and damn it, he was weak. Just a weak little lost human boy who should have stayed home where he belonged, and he wanted this so much. "Okay," he barely heard himself whisper, feeling like someone else was in control of his body and mind. Surely no one in his right mind would ever do this but, well. John had pretty much admitted from the start of his strange attraction to Karkat that he was going crazy.
"Okay what?" Karkat demanded. "Do we have a deal or not?"
"Y-yeah, I mean... sure. If we can, um, finish before dawn." There were only a couple hours left before daybreak, after all; time was running short.
"You're a virgin. It won't take that long."
"But--"
"Trust me on this," Karkat told him, and John found that he rather did. He'd be prepared to trust anything Karkat said to him in that voice, so deep and wanting. It was at that point John began to suspect this wasn't all onesided, and while he had no proof, it made him feel a little bit better about the whole enterprise. He retrieved the ring of keys from his belt and approached the cell again, stopping short just before the door. Karkat groaned. "What now?"
"How do I know you won't attack me if I open the door?" John asked, frowning deeply.
"Oh, for fuck's sakes, Egbert. Here, if it makes you feel better, cuff me." Fed up with John's dithering, Karkat thrust his wrists between the bars, offering them for John's inspection. Not wanting to make him wait, John scrabbled to find his hand cuffs and clapped them over Karkat's wrists, noting that when he locked them is both restricted movement of his arms and essentially chained him to the cell; with the way the chain was threaded around the bars, he couldn't pull his hands all the way back in. "Is that secure enough for you?"
John thought about it hard, but couldn't find any possible scenario that would result in Karkat escaping from that, and he nodded slightly, fitting the key to the cell's lock successfully after about the third try. "Yeah, that's... that's good. Um." Stepping inside the cell, John bit his lower lip nervously as Karkat watched him impatiently.
"Well?" the troll demanded. "Are you going to do this or not, Egbert?"
"Yeah, but..." John hesitated, blushing furiously. "I just... I don't know what to do, okay? I've never done this before."
"Don't tell me you've never thought about it, either."
"Not... not really. I mean, I've dreamed about it, but that doesn't count."
Karkat sighed. "Alright, look, just... what do you want to do?"
"I guess I want to... touch you?" It sounded like a question, and it might have been intended that way-- that was what he was supposed to be doing, right? John didn't even know anymore.
"Do that, then. And hurry up. I've been waiting for you to man up and do something ever since you were molesting me back there."
John blinked. "I was... what?"
"My horns, you asshole! Don't tell me you weren't doing that on purpose, please."
"Oh. Uh..." The correct answer was that no, he hadn't been, but there aws no reason Karkat had to know that at this point in time. "Right. Yeah. You like that, huh? Are your horns really sensitive?"
"Fuck, yes they are. Are we done with question time, now? Can you just do something?" John noticed that there was a rather noticable bulge growing in the front of Karkat's trousers and he felt an answering tug of bright heat in his groin, demanding attention. Clearly, the thing to do here was follow Karkat's instructions and do whatever he wanted to do. And right now, John wanted to touch him. Mouth dry, John moved behind his prisoner, pressing him up against the bars and grinding his hips into Karkat's ass. The troll groaned, his own erection rubbing against the cell door, and pushed back automatically against John's hips, which was encouraging, at least. John rested his head on Karkat's shoulder, his thick black hair against John's cheek, and let his hand travel around to rest on Karkat's hip and then his groin, squeezing him lightly through his pants. John would have expected this to be embarrassing, but it really wasn't, at least on his end-- it made him feel powerful, actually, in control in a way he hadn't been for such a long time, and whenever he made an untoward noise that he was ashamed of, the pleasure was there to reel him back in.
"That good?" he panted after a moment, stilling his hips, pleased to find that Karkat continued bucking back into him.
"Nnngh. What do you think, fuckass?" Karkat asked through clenched teeth, his eyes shut tight. John decided to take that as a good sign and moved his hand to Karkat's zipper, hesitating there.
"Is this okay?" he asked, pulling the zipper down and reaching inside Karkat's pants, his fingers wrapping clumsily around Karkat's throbbing cock. "I mean, you did say I should touch you..."
"Shut your gogdamned mouth, Egbert," Karkat told him with fury undisguised, thrusting into John's hand to make him move. "Just don't... stop." Karkat groaned loudly as John began to pump him with short, uneven strokes, pressing his thumb into the weeping tip. Fascinated, John watched his face as best he could, forgetting his own pleasure; Karkat looked good like this, he thought, the desire evident in his lusting expression.
"Karkat?" he asked after awhile, his hand stilling, causing Karkat to hiss at him in frustration.
"What?"
"Um, I guess I was just wondering... what comes after this?"
Karkat took a moment to consider this quandary and catch his breath, his chest heaving. John didn't take his hand away-- he wasn't that cruel --and Karkat continued to buck into him shallowly. "Depends on what you want to happen."
"Let's just say, theoretically, that I have no idea what I'm doing and would like suggestions," John told him, slightly embarrassed now. "Anyway, I mean... what do you want?"
Apparently Karkat knew exactly what he wanted, because he answered immediately, to John's surprise. "I want you to fuck me," Karkat told him bluntly, only the blush on his cheeks and ears betraying his discomfort. "Think you can manage that without fucking up, Egbert?"
"M-maybe," John squeaked, taken aback. He hadn't been entirely sure what he'd expected out of all this, but it probably wasn't that, at least this first time. He probably should have seen it coming, though-- everything about this position screamed out for it, since Karkat wasn't in much of a state to touch him back. "I mean, I'm willing to try. More than willing."
"What do you want, a medal? Let's just do this, alright?" John nodded and took his hand away at last, backing off enough to pull Karkat's pants the rest of the way down and unbuckle his own. Karkat spread his legs a foot or so, leaning forward so that he was bent over a ways, and John, secure in the knowledge that no one could see him, took a moment to admire him. Karkat had good legs, well muscled from all the running and climbing he did on a daily basis, and a nice ass, by any standard that was quantifiable. It was odd thinking that this was how he was going to lose his virginity, but there was nothing particularly bad about the prospect; Karkat was handsome and rugged and manly and that was apparently what John's libido was looking for in a partner.
Taking a deep breath to steel himself, John drew his own cock out of his pants and stroked it once, stalling for time, imagining what it would be like to have Karkat wrapped around him instead of his hand. Gripping Karkat's hips hard, his nails digging into the troll's skin, he aligned himself and started to push in, but was stopped as soon as he started.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Karkat asked, shuffling his hips back towards the cell door and away from John. "You can't just fuck me dry. Jegus, how stupid are you?"
"Sorry," John yelped, realizing his mistake; it would probably hurt Karkat a lot if he just proceeded the way things were, yes, but he didn't know what to do about that. "What do you, um, want me to do?"
Karkat hit his head against the bars a couple of times and John was about to stop him before he reopened his wounds when he grumbled, "Do you have any lotion or anything?"
"No," John told him ruefully, shaking his head.
"How about lamp oil? ...Vegetable oil? Come on, Egbert, work with me here!"
"We don't have anything like that! I'm sorry. It's not my fault."
"Gogdammit. Fine, I guess we're going to have to do this the old fashioned way. Get around front."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, exit the damn cell and stand in front of me, fuckwit," Karkat snapped, and John hastened to do as bid, almost tripping over his pants which had been around his ankles. "This is honestly not that hard."
If John had been unembarrassed before, he was realizing now that it had mostly been because Karkat couldn't see him. Standing in front of the outlaw he felt terrifically exposed, his erection on full display. Karkat's unimpressed look wasn't helping things, either. "Now what?" John asked timidly, and Karkat sank to his knees, kneeling before him on the hard stone floor of the cell.
"Get a little closer," Karkat commanded him, and John did, walking forward as far as he could until he was pressed up against the bars, his erection poking into the cell. "Yeah, like that," Karkat told him, and that was all the warning John had before his cock was engulfed in warm wetness. It took him way longer than it should have to realize that Karkat had taken him into his mouth, and when he did, the thought of it almost caused him to come; looking down he could see Karkat's shock of messy black hair, similar to John's own, as his head bobbed up and down on his cock, lips wrapped firmly around John's shaft.
John felt his knees go weak and grabbed the bars tightly for support, groaning as Karkat took him in a little farther, swiping his tongue over a pulsing vein. Karkat's tongue was rough, like a cat's, but pleasantly so-- not scratchy enough to seriously hurt, but enough to give it an interesting texture. Then John made the mistake of bucking forward and cried out in pain as Karkat's sharp teeth scraped him, taking all the pleasure out of the experience.
Karkat backed off immediately, sitting back on his heels and glaring up at John. "Idiot. What did you think would happen? That's what I get for trying to be careful, I guess."
"I didn't mean to!" John whined, feeling rather silly; now that the pain had receeded, he was fully aroused again and still more than ready to go, and all he wanted was for Karkat to lean forward a few more inches and lick him again. "It just... it felt so good."
"Yeah, well, I know something that'll feel better. Get back in here."
John looked crestfallen. "We're done now?"
"No, idiot. Now you're going to fuck me."
John made a little noise that might best be approximated as 'oh' and hurried back into position, the anticipation succeeding in killing his nervousness. Karkat seemed pretty nonchalant about all this for someone who was about to have something stuck up his ass, but John didn't have time to worry about that. He was too busy pulling Karkat back towards him again and pushing in, for real this time, leaning forward so that his stomach was flush against Karkat's back. He worked himself in slowly, savoring the feeling, before Karkat growled that he should feel free to hurry the fuck up. Karkat sounded strained under him, and John gave in out of pity, thrusting the rest of the way in and pulling out quickly, gasping out loud at the shock of it. Karkat was tight and warm and not quite slick enough, but it felt just about perfect to John, who'd never had anything like it before. Even Karkat's tongue and mouth on him had been nothing like this, nowhere close to this level of intensity.
It was awkward at first, when neither of them moved at a steady rhythm, John thrusting at whatever pace he could manage and Karkat pushing back at him insistently, needing more stimulation, but John was determined to do it right and pleasure both of them. He felt close after just a few minutes of desperate, rough movements, the previous stimulation combining with his virginal state to bring him to the edge in record time, but no matter why he was doing it, it would feel wrong if he got off and Karkat didn't; in the spirit of friendship, John reached around him again and found Karkat's cock, stroking it with a bit more confidence now. Karkat growled low and deep in his throat, a sound reminiscent of a purr, and John knew he was doing something right; he thrust in harder, faster, more and Karkat's volume increased as he alternated between thrusting his hips back against John's and grinding into his hand.
Overcome by a burst of misplaced sentimentality, John buried his face in the side of Karkat's neck, smelling his sweat, and kissed him softly, feeling the racing pulse of his heart under gray skin. "I love you," John wanted to say, but he wasn't sure if it was true, not yet. Karkat was a bad person, not to mention vile and hateful towards everything and everyone, but that didn't mean he was irredeemable. Maybe, just maybe, if John pursued him, and they kept doing this, he could find something good about Karkat. Something worth fighting for. Something worth saving.
And that would make it all worth it.
With this thought on his mind, John came, pushing himself as far as he could inside Karkat and holding himself there as he rode out his orgasm. It wasn't until he pulled and took his hand away that he discovered that Karkat had come too, his noises of pleasure eclipsed by the delicious madness John had fallen into. He lay against Karkat for a moment, their bodies pressed together, John's shirt slicked to his chest with sweat, and neither of them spoke until John asked, "What now?"
"Now you thtick 'em up, fucko," said a voice from behind him, and it was at that moment that John heard an ominous click and felt the barrel of a gun pressed up against the back of his head.
"Sollux?" Karkat asked incredulously as John straightened up and raised his hands slowly, backing up as directed. Karkat craned his neck to look, and found that yes, Sollux was standing there, both of his shotguns trained directly on John.
"Fuck, KK, if I knew thith wath what pathed for polith ethicth around here, I would have gotten uth here thooner," Sollux said, glaring at John, who was well intimidated by this point.
"Yeah, well, I notice you still let us finish before breaking things up. Enjoy the show, Captor?" Karkat was blushing now, too, and John could tell he was thoroughly humiliated-- for that matter, John was too.
"Well, I mean, you theemed to be enjoying yourthelf. It would have been awkward to thow mythelf too thoon. Poor Nepeta had to leave the room, though."
"Oh, bullshit. I bet she's watching from the rafters or something."
"Nevermind that now." Sollux turned his attention back to John, who jumped slightly, sensing death just over the horizon. "Where'th the keyth, sheriff? Thtep lively now."
"They're, uh, in my pants," John said, and Nepeta dropped out from seemingly nowhere to rifle through his discarded trousers.
"I knew it! Nepeta, you are not allowed to put this on your shipping wall, okay? Not. Allowed."
"Too late!" Nepeta mewed happily, triumphantly pulling the key ring loose and cycling through keys until she found a likely candidate. "It's this one, right?" she asked John, who nodded dumbly, perplexed thoroughly by all of this. Karkat pulled himself free, rubbing at his wrists where the cuffs had chafed away a layer of skin, and tugged his pants back up, grumbling under his breath. When he'd finished, he turned to face John, who realized too late that the tables had turned, and now Karkat could easily hurt or even kill him, if he wanted to. Which he might.
Flustered, John coughed and said, "Well, looks like you're free to go, then."
Karkat nodded noncommittally. "Looks like it."
"I, ah... I reckon it'd be alright if you came around again sometime, so's I could lock you up again and such."
This time, Karkat offered him a smirk, wrathful but teasing. "I reckon it'd be alright if you cuffed me again, so I can't escape."
John grinned back, knowing that his buck teeth made him look like a fool and not caring. "I'll hold you to that, rival."
"If we're through with thith touching thpectacle, let'th go," Sollux groused, prodding Karkat in the shoulder with the tip of one shotgun. "We're burning midnight here."
John just nodded and watched them go, confusion in his head and heart. "And Karkat?" he called after them, causing Karkat to pause in the doorway and look back at him, expression unreadable. John's grin widened, involuntarily. "I'm keeping your hat."
As John watched them ride away into the sunrise, something told him that nothing would be the same ever again.
---
Two months later, the town of Little Houston woke to find its sheriff naked but for a beaten up black cowboy hat and a pair of boots, handcuffed to the hitching post, his keys long gone. It took a skilled locksmith the better part of a Terezi-indictment-filled afternoon to extract him, and it was clear that there would be hell to pay.
But that was alright. John would get him next time.