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apparently I like to say im going to write about my weekend and then I decide to never do it...oh well, ill follow up with that shortly, but first:
id like to vent: my prom date, is amazing. just kidding. we never talk anymore and it really sucks. for any of you who are not aware of what lovely man ill be taking to prom, it's jared. he asked me and i actually felt important, but now...i don't. jared and i have liked each other since we were little, it's been a mutual understanding...nothing ever came of it and quite frankly, nothing ever would...there was a point recently where we both thought maybe something would happen, so we tried it, that failed. basically, he met the lovely tanya and then he proceeded to inform me that i never made it seem like i liked him enough, and now he's like madly in love with her.(don't get me wrong...i love this girl, she makes me laugh and she is a great person). he never talks to me anymore, ever. we see each other in school and there's like, a glance..that's cool. he 'called' me the other night, but didn't leave a message and he doesn't know my cell phone number which i find hard to believe, but i'll avoid the arguing, it isn't worth it. anyway, to continue...so we never talk anymore so i see him in the hallway today and i tell him, why don't you just got with tanya and blah blah blah, but whatever, im over it. it's basically cool. he even admitted that all he does is talk to her and spend time with her so he never has time for anyone else, which makes me feel really good about myself. Oh well. it just gets me upset cause i want to have a good time...it's already wednesday, which leaves a day and half for the two of us to converse and get everything settled. i don't even think he knows what flowers to get me and vice-versa, this is wonderful. i mean, im wicked excited for prom, but it's stressing me out. money, that i don't have...cause hey, i don't have a job...a coolkid prom date...before prom, the limo, the food...everything, is overwhelming and im trying not to care because I want the night to be fun and I don't want to ruin it for anyone, which i won't, i just want it to be a good time, especially seeing as how there are one or two seniors that i care about that will be there and i want to have fun with them, also *ugh, i can't believe i just said that about the seniors..gag me*but yea. i suppose im done ranting and raving. im just irritated, that's all and nothing is making me feel better, minus a few of my friends who i like right now. everyone else, is gay.
Anywho. I suppose I should follow up with the entry about this weekend? guess what, I don't want to. But I do want to say a few things to a few people:
Numero Uno: TiffanyLynn. Last night we had a conversation about something really important and it really scares me. I don't want to see what happened between me and other best friends happen between you and I. I realize that we can work through it, I know we are strong enough to do so, but just the thought scares me. I want to always know that I can call you and you'll be by my side as quick as you always have been, so I hope we can keep the pinky swear. I love you with all my heart and I thank you for everything. You’ve given me so much and I can’t thank you enough for it. You’ve changed my life in so many ways and you’ve stuck by my side through EVERYTHING…the more we talk, the closer we’re getting…and I don’t want anything else in world. You’re my best friend tiffanylynn and I love you.
Numero Dos: Justin. you always know how to make me feel important and I appreciate that more then anything. you're always willing to be by my side and I don't know how to thank you enough. I've always been able to call you when I needed someone to talk to and that means the world to me. You and I have become really close in the past couple of months and I just wanted to let you know that it really means so much. So thank you for it all. You're an awesome kid xox.
Numero Tres: Andy. We were best friends, anyone could see it. When i needed a place to go, your house, and your arms, were always open. I put all my trust in you and that will never be forgotten. you showed me a friendship I couldn't get from ANYONE else in this world. Who knows where this is going to end up, maybe we'll hang this summer and build this lost friendship back up, maybe we'll push further apart, either way I will never forget all the times I shared with you...they were some of my best. I can only wish you the best in all you do and I hope that you do what makes you happy, no one else..you may have your flaws, but if you ask me...any girl is lucky to have you. I love you.
Numero Cuatro: Steph. We use to talk and hang out and have non-stop laughs, when I needed a cuddle...you were there. I know we've changed and life has thrown us a shit load of curve balls, but you know im always going to be here. our friendship has grown apart, and we both know that...but i'm leaving in a year and half and i don't want to stop talking to you, you’ve given me way too much to just end it like that. College is going to be hard and losing a best friend while im on the verge of heading to school, scares me. you took up a huge space in my heart steph, and i never want you to forget that. with all the negativity and hate that you share with people, and all the times people have flipped on you , I know the real you and you're stronger then that...and I'm just thankful that I could see that side, the side that I know and love with all my heart..i miss you, steph and I love you...
Numero Cinco: Mich. Another amazing friend of mine. We were so close, also and this year we have separated more then I ever wished for. I'll never forget all the laughs we've shared, like the beach, bernard, the retard...that explains us, right there, in a nut shell. I'll always be here for you mich and I want you to know that. I love you and I miss you and I wish you luck in life. you’ve been through a lot and even if we aren’t as close as we have been, im beyond glad that I could share and be there for many of those experiences. You’re one of the strongest people Michele and sometimes..its ok to be weak. thanks for all your support, you always knew how to listen.
Numero Seis: Danielle. There isn't much I can say to you, but the simple fact that you've given me an amazing friendship and you've always been someone I could confide in. thank you...i love you.
Numero Siete: Amber. your a stupid fucker and you're sitting right next to me so I hope you don't look over and read this, you deusch. We've always had a mutual friendship, but just recently, this past month even, you and I have become wicked close. I've needed someone to talk to a lot lately and you managed to be there for me. During study you always give me someone to talk to and it amazes me that you can sit there and listen to me ramble on and on about the stupidest shit. I can't thank you enough because you shouldn't have to do that...but you still do. So thank you for listening to me and being willing to be there, even if it's just a hug. I love you, ba.
Numero Ocho: Marissa. I know that you have been going through a lot lately and I wish i could be there, and i know it doesn't help that im going through the same shit..because we've both been so caught up..but i want you to know that no matter what happens, im still here and you never have to doubt that. we've been friends since 5th grade and that means so much to me to know that you've kept by my side for so long, i respect that more then anything. i think you are beautiful and I never want you to think otherwise, i know it's hard because we see ourselves like no one else does, we're our hardest critic, but you are beautiful and you are funny and you're honest...i love you, rizz.
Numero Nueve: Ash. I don't even think you read this..but that's ok. Out of all the people in here, I want to thank you the most so this will probably be the longest. We've gone through so much this year, starting off with me being scared of you because you hated me last year, to now. It's a fucking messed up roller coaster, with the worst of times, you hating me, me hating you,crying, yelling, saying we never wanted to talk to each other again, it sucke.....and you know what? i wouldn't change a thing. You are amazing...I mean that. You've shown me a side of me that i never saw before and I was lucky enough to be close to you. You are an awesome friend and I love the fact that we can work through this shit and be as close as we are, it may not be wicked close...as of right now...but im confident that when you leave i might be lucky enough to see you once in a while. you make me smile, never forget that. you are smart, talented, funny, beautiful...you're just awesome. Don’t take anything less then a guy who can care about you, cause you really need someone with dedication. I'm going to miss you, a lot, more then you know..this year went by so fast and I can't even believe you're sitting right near me now, but in two days..you're gone, forever..I know you’ll be around, but it still won’t be the same. Who am I going to look at in class :-P. like i said, you got that something bout you that makes you so different and now my level of expectations are high..which could probably suck, but i know that if we can work our skills together one more time, we'll be happy campers. :-P Thank you for always understanding me and looking past my immaturity, I know you give up on people, because they piss you off, so you sticking by my side makes me appreciate you all the more. i luv ya babe, never forget that...and ash, the person who manages to find that page..is really lucky.
Numero Diez: Kay. you always make me laugh and it means a lot to me that you are willing to take the extra step to make me feel better. this year has gone by so fast and i know that this summer you and i are going to become closer, or atleast i hope. From the times falling in the hallway, to just driving me home and talking, each one has been awesome. i love you!
Numero Once: Drea. No one really knows what happened...I know that you and I have always had a dispute going on since you moved in in the 4th grade. who knows what will happen in future..good luck and make the right choices, ok? i know deep down you really are a good person and I just hope you find someone that can handle you ;) if you need to talk, ill always be your neighbor...
Numero Doce: last, but not least...jayde. there has always been the strangest relationship between us. we were best friends when we were little, we'd tell each other everything and as we moved into highschool, as expected..things changed. you were still the sweet jayde i always knew, but you had a lot more on your plate, as i did mine...and they didn't mix to well. this year we've become closer, more or so recently, and that means something to me. the fact that we've grown up and can put shit behind us..i hope that it goes somewhere. i don't care what other people say about our friendship, because they don't understand..yea, it has it flaws, and that can't be changed...there's been talking about eachother, and levels of hate...but you know im always here and ill understand you when no one else does..i mean, we always have been able to do that. i love you .
Numero 13: Tegan Emma, you have changed my life around a lot and it means so much. we laugh so much, it's ridiculous. you always can put a smile on my face when i feel like shit, no matter the situation. you know im always going to be there, through thick and thin..make the right choices, you deserve a lot in life and i don't want you ever getting hurt, i dont know what i would do with myself. you are beautiful, never let anyone tell you otherwise because you deserve to hear it..it's true. i love you, and im always here.
There aren't many more that I want to write a huge thing for, but there are a few people I love and want to thank: andy,jeff,chris,jenna,heather,cristina,niki,tanya<3,jess,g, rachele,jared(sometimes :P)..the list can continue. I love you, guys!
i hope i can make you understand how much you really mean to me. look at that...all that writing, and no kiss concert update. OH WELL :-) ill do it later. it was the most amazing day of my life time. <3