What Michael has something to post of substance?...bullshit!
I remember when I was younger (almost three years ago, respectively), the big "it" words were "change" and "evolution." I was a fat, closeted, unibrow havin' wreck. I was too scared to do anything, let a lone open my mouth and make friends. I was constantly nervous and always second-guessing myself. Delusion ran rampant, "these people are my friends, so what if they ditch me 99.9% of the time and treat me like a retarded leper."
Somewhere in the middle of freshman year (I think a little after I was outted at La Salle and officially taken off my father's will (fuck I really wanted those Star Wars action figures from the 70's *not joking*)) I realized it was time for change. I sat down and meditated (for lack of better words) and thought about the ways I could improve myself. So, I lost a shit load of weight through starvation, walking up lots of stairs and diet everything. This allowed for a little confidence. Those of you who have known me for that long have seen me evolve into the person I am today. However, due to recent events, I'm starting to wonder if I "evolved" for the better. Did I mutate into some walking peice of shit? Behind the whole "woo look at me I'm fun and crazy"
I still feel like that poor little fat kid sometimes. Even worse, I now feel like a big fucking jerk. These thoughts have been running through my mind for the past couple of weeks and I've been feeling nothing but depressed. Looking through my own retrospective, I'm starting to think something went terribly wrong. Maybe I'm just overthinking or something. shit
Nothing but depressed lately. I've been watching nothing but docs on racism and homophobia. A friend of a friend died two days ago. The kid was fifteen, he overdosed on heroin. 15 and overdosed on heroin. I'm only three months away from being sixteen and I'm already starting to miss my youth. This and the facts and statistics I've learned from "Trembling Before G=d" and "The N Word" have been running in my mind for weeks now. I kind of just want to jump out my window.