seem to have said most of this word for word before

[hamfastgamgee]

So my lad Sam is in trouble, is he? Can't say I'm surprised. I knew there'd be trouble the day Mr. Bilbo began to learn him his letters. I knew some harm would come of it. Elves and dragons and that little nymphet Frodo Baggins! I says to him. Cabbages and potatoes are better for me and you. Don't go getting mixed up in the business of your betters

Comments

[samwisegamgee]

Aw, Dad!!! It's a little late to be harping on that shit now, innit?!

Fuck fuckfuckfuckfcufkcfiuckfkkk.

[hamfastgamgee]

Don't you whine like that at me, you good for nothing ninnyfuckinghammer!

I always said that if you can't plant taters in your own garden, you'd better not be planting them in others, if you follow me. But it's too late for that. You never listened to your old Gaffer, did you, you little monkeyfucker?

It's all that demented shit about elves, leading you off to strange places and mixing you up with queer folk and making you recite poetry like some kind of dandy. It just isn't natural.

And I don't know how any of what I just said is relevant either.

*smacks you on the back of the head*

Why can't you be normal!?

[samwisegamgee]

Ow! Fucker! I am fucking normal, sort of!

I don't have to fucking take this shit! Why the fuck do you think I left home and... and...

*cries*

[hamfastgamgee]

Stop crying, you little contraceptive failure.

You must have learned this kind of behaviour from the Bagginses. I always told your mother, our Sam spends too much time in there listening to queer stories and not enough time outside mixing fertiliser and trimming rose bushes.

*raps your knuckles with a pair of garden shears*

I thought you left home because your brother Halfred threatened to perform surgery on you.