man i know. i try to live by that. i try to do good, for the sake of doing good. not for rewards, not for acknowledgement, not for blessings. it's just hard to truly sit back and get abused in the sense that you are trying to do good, and people are just using you up. it just makes me feel like i'm getting to the point where emotionally i will just turn off and wont be able to help anymore.
The circumstances that caused me to act so irrationally are long gone-I felt my baby girl's feelings were hurt at the time, so I was perturbed a bit with you. She isn't even on LJ anymore...and you both have moved on with your lives romantically. Her whole life is about to change, and I'm really happy for her.
While I of course am and will always be a mama bear, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. I hope you will forgive me-but somehow, I think that you did awhile ago. I just wanted to be woman enough to state it to you.
I also had some issues of my own to deal with-I didn't know that I was bipolar-but now that I know, I can actively work on it and how I react to situations. Knowledge is power, babe.
You cvan still say yes when absolutely necessary-but other than that, it is enabling. They know you'll help-so they won't learn to rely on themselves more.
but they know i'll help regardless of saying yes or no.
see that's the problem. it's like, if i tell my mom no i wont do something. it'll weigh on my mind more than it weighs on hers. so i'm worrying about how she's feeling about it, when she's probably not even thinking about anymore. so then the next day i end up calling her and agreeing to do it, cause i feel bad for telling her no.
that's where i get in the most trouble. it's not the fact that i say no. it's just harder to stick with the no, cause folks are so used to me doing it for them, that when i don't it's like they are helpless. it's like if i don't do it, it wont get done even if it has to be. then it all comes back to me saying no. and no matter if they were out of line to ask, it still seems like it's my fault. which i hate ppl holding shit over my head.
yeah playing the "im really nice role", gets tiring...although i dont have much people in my family, nor do i have much friends, but i swear when i get to the point where i dont have to care..where i have money in my pockets imma be the meanest thing to hit the streets..lol
your right a lot of people dont meet you half way...
they don't even meant you 1/4 the way sometimes. and it's like your wrong if you don't wanna go out your way, but then they can't go out their way for you.
stupid folks. feel like sometimes i should have a non-deadly gun that i could just shoot ppl with that would leave them paralized for one day. lmao....
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Seriously, I repeat that scripture often to myself, because otherwise, I'd have to fight my own battles instead of letting the Lord fight them.
That's really all I think I can say to this entry...
But pray for peace. Peace in the mind.
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I'd like to add you back. Let me know.
The circumstances that caused me to act so irrationally are long gone-I felt my baby girl's feelings were hurt at the time, so I was perturbed a bit with you. She isn't even on LJ anymore...and you both have moved on with your lives romantically. Her whole life is about to change, and I'm really happy for her.
While I of course am and will always be a mama bear, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. I hope you will forgive me-but somehow, I think that you did awhile ago. I just wanted to be woman enough to state it to you.
I also had some issues of my own to deal with-I didn't know that I was bipolar-but now that I know, I can actively work on it and how I react to situations. Knowledge is power, babe.
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Long time, no speak.
I used to have that problem-not being able to say no.
But one day, something just snaps and you just say HELL NO!
Then saying no becomes a lot easier.
Repeat after me: NO NO NO NO NO!
If not, then you can just use my icon on everyone that is getting on your nerves... :-)
Peace, babe.
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yea i'm ready to say no...hell naw..fuck no..
but i just feel so bad when i say no. it's not that i feel guilty. i just know how much it will mean if i help vs. how much it will take to help.
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You cvan still say yes when absolutely necessary-but other than that, it is enabling. They know you'll help-so they won't learn to rely on themselves more.
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see that's the problem. it's like, if i tell my mom no i wont do something. it'll weigh on my mind more than it weighs on hers. so i'm worrying about how she's feeling about it, when she's probably not even thinking about anymore. so then the next day i end up calling her and agreeing to do it, cause i feel bad for telling her no.
that's where i get in the most trouble. it's not the fact that i say no. it's just harder to stick with the no, cause folks are so used to me doing it for them, that when i don't it's like they are helpless. it's like if i don't do it, it wont get done even if it has to be. then it all comes back to me saying no. and no matter if they were out of line to ask, it still seems like it's my fault. which i hate ppl holding shit over my head.
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your right a lot of people dont meet you half way...
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stupid folks. feel like sometimes i should have a non-deadly gun that i could just shoot ppl with that would leave them paralized for one day. lmao....
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i skimmed this post so i could see some trees??? i thought that maybe i'd see your shadow or something. *sigh*
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