Rewind and Press Play [Oneshot]
Title: Rewind and Press Play
Author: Ani
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 for excessive emo-ing
Pairings: Chiitaro (sorta), fake!Yamachii, hinted!Yamajima
Summary: Ryutaro and Chinen used to get along more than well. But relationships can't always endure over time.
Disclaimer: I don't own JE
Ryutaro remembered the old days, when Chinen used to hug him randomly for no real reason. Sometimes, as he stared out his window while procrastinating on his math homework, he would wonder. What went wrong? What happened to that cute (not that Chinen still isn't) boy who loved to tease him? Why don't those bright smiles flash his way anymore?
Reluctantly, he returned to his worksheet. It was due tomorrow, and he hadn't even showered yet. He really regretted not accepting Inoo's offer to tutor him. Now he was stuck with interpreting a stupidly long integral problem by himself. He knew it had something to do with a formula his teacher mentioned in class but he felt too lazy to flip through his notes...
The next day, he missed his train stop when he accidentally fell asleep on the way to work. By the time he got to JUMP's dressing room, he was already an hour and a half late. He apologized over and over again as Yabu gave him a long lecture on the virtues of punctuality and blah blah blah, the usual crap.
Eventually, there was a lull and he was freed with a warning to start his homework earlier. Ryutaro made an empty promise of doing so, which both he and Yabu knew perfectly well he wouldn't uphold, but hey, it didn't matter as long as he turned it in on time.
He heard the two of them before seeing them. Chinen had his head resting on Yamada's shoulder and was currently blowing air at the other boy's cheek. Apparently Yamada was ticklish; he kept laughing while trying to tell Chinen firmly to stop.
"Hey, Ryutaro, a little help please?" Yamada caught him staring and Chinen took the chance while he was distracted to wrap his arms around the older boy.
"You look pretty comfortable," Ryutaro remarked with a smirk and Yamada shot a him a promise that he would get strangled soon.
Laughing, Ryutaro turned away from them, unable to stand the sight any longer. All Chinen seemed to care about now was stealing as much attention as possible away from Yamada. Of course, he already spent a lot of time with Yamada, thanks to NYC plus School Kakumei, on top of all of JUMP's activities together.
Sighing, Ryutaro sank into an empty chair and pulled out his DS to pass the time until the photoshoot began. He was probably the only one who thought maybe, just maybe, Chinen should hang out with other members more. Didn't he get tired of the same person all time? Ryutaro certainly would.
Yabu was busy enough with keeping the chaos in check of looking after nine adolescents so Ryutaro tried to stay out of the older boy's way. Takaki still scared him a bit; he couldn't completely shake off the feeling that he would get the living daylights punched out of him if he accidentally pissed the actor-delinquent off. Hikaru's pranks were fun, but they dulled over time. Inoo had smarts, but Ryutaro started to feel time and mentally strained when the conversation stretched too long.
Daiki liked to harass him too much; it was fun for about half an hour the first time before he got annoyed. Yuuto's drums were interesting to listen to, but that was more Keito's forte and Ryutaro wasn't that instrumentally talented as the English boy anyways. He considered Yamada his rival in many aspects, some opened and others hidden, but the older boy had other worries to stress over. And Chinen...
Well, he honestly couldn't say he's seen much of Chinen lately. He drew a blank whenever he tried to think back. Was it half a year ago they last had a proper conversation? Has it really been nearly a year since the two of them hung out together? The distance in time and space felt surreal, yet the facts were there.
Sometimes, he wondered if things would have turned out differently had he noticed Chinen slipping away from him faster. All the little 'what ifs' and 'maybes' constantly ran through his mind each time he set his eyes on the shorter boy.
What if he didn't just give up asking Chinen to go out with him when the older boy rejected him over and over? What if he'd been more patient and understanding of Chinen's situation, instead of selfishly thinking and pitying himself for getting abandoned. Why couldn't he have accepted the Chinen who apologized each time their schedule conflicted?
"I'm sorry, Ryu-chan. NYC has something tomorrow, maybe next week?" Why couldn't he have chased after Chinen when the older started to leave him? Then maybe he could be the one holding Chinen in his arms.
Chinen wished he could go back to the old days, when there was only JUMP, and 7, and BEST. Everyone got along, everyone loved and supported one another to the fullest without a second thought. Sometimes, he'd sit quietly by himself in a corner at the studio for School Kakumei, wondering. What happened? Why, even though JUMP understood each other more than they did three years ago, did they seem so far apart at the same time? Or maybe it was just him who noticed this. It was only him, because he drifted away.
Yabu's attention was divided between nine boys as he had to look after them all. He had School Kakumei with Hikaru, but the older boy connected better with Yamada. Inoo daunted him, with his books and studying and simply being a college student. Daiki was friendly enough but he was tired of listening to the BEST member's height complaints.
Keito was too quiet, Chinen couldn't really figure out what was going on inside the English boy's head. He didn't so much as talk to Yuuto as listen to the taller boy rant on and on about bugs and drums and Yamada and raw horse meat and...Yamada. And Ryutaro doesn't talk to him anymore; in fact, the younger boy always made a point to leave his presence.
Someone called his name and he glanced up to see one of the staff gesturing him to get ready in five. He nodded to show his understanding and stretched. This was the last thing he needed to do for the day; once it was over, he could finally go home...where a pile of homework was waiting for him.
Without really thinking about it, he flipped opened his phone to check the time. 5:40. It might take an hour, maybe an hour and half to finish filming, then to get home would take 15 minutes on the train and a five minute walk to his house. If he didn't get distracted, he could be done with homework before ten and get some much needed sleep. He stared at the screen (it had a background of a soft squirrel cushion) for a moment longer, telling himself it was stupid to still expect a message but without much conviction. Someone patted his head.
"Don't look so down." He glanced up to see Yamada giving him a sympathetic look.
"I'm not...really. Just a lot of schoolwork." Chinen shrugged like it was no big deal, tucking his phone away in his pockets.
Filming actually took two hours; for some reason, he couldn't get the dance steps right for the livestage and constantly messed up. Even though Yamada and Hikaru kept reassuring him "it's fine, don't worry," he could hear the strain in their voices after an hour and knew they wanted to go home as badly as he did. Finally, it was over and they were just saying good-bye's at the exit when someone attacked Yamada.
Wait, he took it back. It was just Yuuto, who nearly broke Yamada's spine by rushing at him too fast. With Hikaru cackling madly in the back, Chinen worriedly rubbed Yamada's back while Yuuto apologized and begged everything under the stars for forgiveness.
"Anyway, what are you doing here?" Yamada finally asked, and Chinen thanked him quietly for changing topics so Yuuto could stop sounding like a broken record.
"Just passing the area and thought you could use an escort home!" Yuuto replied cheerfully.
Yamada got fidgety next to Chinen. "You didn't have to, I usually go home this time..."
"Go on, Yama-chan!" Chinen gave the older boy a great push so he stood on Yuuto's side instead. "It's not everyday Yuuto can walk home with you."
"How about you? Will you be alright?" Yamada hesitated, even though Yuuto had already hopped on ahead to the end of the block.
"I'll be okay, I'm taking the train home," Chinen explained.
From across the road, they heard Yuuto calling Yamada to hurry up. "Listen, Chinen, if you still keep all his texts-"
"Don't keep Yuuto waiting!" Chinen's tone came out sharper than he intended. "Bye, Yama-chan." He quickly walked off so he didn't have to hear the other boy's reply.
While sitting on train though, Yamada's words kept coming back to him. Damn him for being so observant. Like a magnet, he brought his phone out and scrolled through the messages he'd received. His inbox had over 100 saved texts, and nearly all of them were from the same person: Morimoto Ryutaro.
Unable to stop himself now, he went all the way down to the first text he ever got from the other younger boy.
Morimoto Ryutaro January 3 2008
chinen-kun i took ur jacket by accident
will return tmrw
He smiled, remembering the jacket in question. It was still hanging in his room, not often worn anymore since it was actually starting to get small on him, but in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't ever throw it away or donate it.
Morimoto Ryutaro March 10 2008
yuuto wants to do something on white day
suggestions?
It turned pretty chaotic since none of them knew where they were going and got lost about five times over. Somehow, he ended up getting a cute phone strap from Ryutaro, which he was now fingering.
Morimoto Ryutaro June 27 2008
bored don't want to do hw
want to go somewhere?
He could still vividly recall the jittery feeling eating him the entire time while waiting for the younger boy at the train station. That the first of many times they hung out together that summer and the butterflies in his stomach only fluttered more wildly with each instance.
Morimoto Ryutaro November 30 2008
happy birthday!
His vibrating phone woke him at midnight exactly. Although he was still groggy from sleep, the fact that the younger boy had stayed up just to be the first to greet him on his birthday made him unreasonably happy.
Morimoto Ryutaro December 25 2008
merry christmas! see you in a few hours~
Chinen would never forget it; the first Christmas he spend with Ryutaro. They were alone in the younger boy's room when Chinen heard a whispered, "I like you." Turning, he found Ryutaro's mouth pressed softly against his.
Morimoto Ryutaro July 16 2009
i know ur busy
don't worry about it
After that, the texts from Ryutaro stopped coming in. His vision blurred and a teardrop splattered on the screen. An announcement came overhead that it was the last stop and all passengers had to get off. Chinen looked up, startled to see he was the only one left in his car. Panicking slightly, he checked his location and saw he already missed his stop.
As he stepped onto the platform, he heard a familiar voice call his name. Heart pounding, Chinen turned to see Ryutaro coming towards him, looking baffled. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Chinen shot back automatically.
Ryutaro raised an eyebrow. "I live three blocks from here?"
"Oh." Chinen checked the name again and realized it was the stop for Ryutaro's house. "Oh, right. Well, I'll go buy another ticket." But fortune was hating on Chinen that day.
"You don't have enough money?" Ryutaro asked, coming up behind him.
"No..." Chinen frowned, thinking. "I'll call my mom." He pulled out his phone and dialed his house, but after ten rings, no one had picked up. Worried, Chinen tried his mom's cell phone and finally got through to her. "Hi Mom? Aren't you ho-? Oh, yeah, your business trip was today...how about dad? He's visiting grandma? Um...I'm kinda...in trouble..."
Reluctantly, he explained the situation and had to endure five minutes of his mom scolding him. Finally, she paused her tirade and suggested, "Ryutaro-kun's with you? Why don't you stay at his house for tonight?"
Chinen's glanced over at the other boy quickly. He was leaning against the wall, texting someone on his phone but looked up at that moment, so their eyes met briefly before Chinen shot his down at the floor.
"I-I don't want to bother-"
"Well, I'm sure he won't mind. You used to go over all the time, sometimes you didn't even tell me."
"T-that was before." Chinen felt uncomfortable, having the past and present brought so closely together.
"Well, if you don't ask now, you'll be sleeping on the streets tonight."
"Mom!" But his mom already hung up and the only response he got was a dead tone.
"What happened?" Ryutaro asked when Chinen shuffled over to him nervously.
He kept his eyes glued on his shoes. "D-do you mind if I-I stay over t-tonight? My parents can't pick me up and I don't have money to get home. I'm really sorry about the trouble-"
"Yeah, sure." Chinen blinked as Ryutaro began to leave. "Aren't you coming?"
They walked in silence because Chinen didn't know what to say to Ryutaro and the younger wasn't making an effort at starting a conversation either. A sudden sense of nostalgia washed over Chinen when he saw the familiar streets and side lanes. But Ryutaro never walked so far ahead of him; the younger boy always stayed close by his side so it was easier to reach out for his hand.
Once at Ryutaro's house, he went to the younger boy's room by habit and waited while Ryutaro looked for extra blankets and pillows. Glancing around, Chinen started to note the differences since he'd last visited over a year ago. There were some new posters up, of baseball players he didn't recognize, a stack of textbooks stood forlornly on his desk, which had moved from one corner to the other, and there seemed to be a new manga series on the bookshelf.
Otherwise though, everything else had stayed achingly the same. There had always been something about Ryutaro's room which Chinen couldn't put his finger on. Something. He felt comfortable in it, even now, though it saddened him slightly to see the picture frames by Ryutaro's bedside were gone.
He supposed it was to be expected; just because he kept Ryutaro's texts and every other little thing he received from the younger boy didn't mean Ryutaro would do the same.
"Hey, Chii, shoo, shoo." Chinen's head and heart speed shot up. At the same time, he got confused, until he saw Ryutaro come in with a bundle of blankets and a small Shiba Inu trotting at his feet. "A little help, please?"
Chinen went over and took a blanket off Ryutaro, trying to ignore the tingle he got when the younger boy's hand brushed against his arm. They made a futon for Chinen on the floor, then avoided looking at one another for a few minutes.
"I'm gonna shower." Chinen couldn't take the awkwardness anymore and stood up to leave.
"You don't have change of clothes," Ryutaro pointed out. Chinen paused as the taller boy went to his closet and pulled out a shirt and pair of pajama pants.
"Thanks," Chinen mumbled, taking the pile from Ryutaro. He showered quickly and noticed the shampoo was apple-scented now instead of strawberry. When he went back to Ryutaro's room, feeling weirdly excited about wearing the younger boy's clothes, he was nowhere in sight. On the bed was the sweater Ryutaro had on earlier.
Chinen took a seat on the edge and picked the sweater up. It still felt warm in his hands. Without thinking, he brought it up to his face and inhaled the familiar scent clinging onto it. There was a hint of apple; that was different yet it didn't feel wrong. He hugged it closer, feeling his heart beat slightly faster. "Ryu-chan..."
When he was with other members, it was much easier to forget Ryutaro, much easier to pretend he didn't think about about the other boy every day, much easier to act like he no longer cared about him. But now that he was in his room again, which was full of memories of a time he desperately wanted to return to, Chinen found the shield he so carefully constructed over the past year begin to crack.
Someone took a seat next to him, and blushing, he raised his head to see Ryutaro's blank eyes staring back at him. The younger boy hadn't bothered to use a blow-dryer and Chinen's blush deepened at the sight of his damp hair.
Without a word, Chinen lowered the sweater as well as his eyes, letting the former spill over his lap but unable to loosen his grip on it. "You'll catch a cold in this weather if you don't dry your hair."
"Why don't you look at me anymore?" The question caught Chinen off-guard, and for several seconds, he couldn't bring himself to reply. Turning away with a throbbing heart, Chinen debated whether he should just stay silent and not answer. "Chinen-" Ryutaro must have leaned in because he felt the other boy's breath warm the back of his neck.
The unexpected sensation made him panic and he abruptly stood up, the sweater spilling down to the floor. "I-I'm really tired, so I'm gonna sleep early." Chinen refused to look up, refused to meet those sad and hurt eyes.
Ryutaro didn't say anything, but Chinen could feel his gaze burning into his back as he crawled into the futon. It was another painful reminder, because the futon was the light blue one he used to always sleep in. The tears sprang up again and he buried his face against the pillow while covering his head over with the blankets, the better to muffle his cries in case they escaped.
Ryutaro's heart ached, watching Chinen curling miserably beneath the blankets. He wanted so badly to just hold the older boy and tell him everything would be okay, but he was too scared to do so. What right did he have over Chinen anyways? He let go once already; it's no wonder Chinen wouldn't give him a second chance.
Shoulders slumping, he left the room to blow dry his hair. He'd hoped...what did he hope for exactly? There was no way to return to the past he'd had with Chinen. He knew that already. But what he wanted, more than anything at the moment, was continue on the present with him.
When he returned, he sat down at the edge of the blankets covering Chinen and carefully pulled it back. The older boy was facing him and appeared to be fast asleep, but his cheeks were stained with tears, which made guilt flood Ryutaro. He reached out and gently rubbed the wet streaks with his thumb. "I'm sorry, Chinen."
"Why are you apologizing?" Chinen's eyes opened, but they were focused on his own hands in front of him.
"I wasn't thinking about you. It was always about myself. I thought...you didn't need me anymore. And so, I left before you did, cuz I was scared of how much you would hurt me." Ryutaro was spouting nonsense but he couldn't help it. He tried to blink back his own tears but didn't completely succeed. "It was the stupidest thing I ever did."
Chinen's mouth quivered and his voice shook as he spoke. "You are stupid, Ryutaro. You. Are. So. Stupid."
Ryutaro felt the warmth of Chinen's forehead press against his knee as he petted the older boy's head sadly. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Why?" Chinen sat up, not seeming to notice the tears flowing down his face. Even crying, he still looked cute. "Why do you keep apologizing? Why are you the one saying sorry? Why did you agree to let me come? Why are you still being so nice? Why can't you just hate me like you're supposed to? It would make everything easier if you did."
Ryutaro tried to say something but Chinen cut him off. It was like a dam had been opened and the older boy couldn't stop now.
"Yama-chan says you're always watching me, but when I look, I only see you leave the room. It hurts, it hurts so much to have you close by but you're still far away." Chinen hiccuped, his whole body shaking and shivering. His cheeks were red and his eyes were puffy from all the crying. "I've tried, I've tried so hard to forget you and just move on, but I can't. I can't delete the texts you send me, I can't throw away the presents you gave me. I still remember first kiss we shared here and every hug we had and...you might have forgotten me I don't want to forget Ryu-chan."
For several moments, there was only silence broken by Chinen's stifled cries. Then Ryutaro went over to his desk and pulled opened the bottom drawer. Inside were several frames turned face down, but what he was looking for was hiding in the back corner. He pulled it out, a small, plain box about the size of his palm and took it back to Chinen. The older boy watched him as he opened it and pulled out what looked like a bracelet.
"Remember you asked me for an anklet?" Ryutaro rolled up the other boy's pants a bit and clasp the thin jewelry piece around Chinen's ankle. "And then I said I would get you one with your name on." He fingered the cool letters dangling on the chain and looked up to see the most heart breaking expression on Chinen's face. "I haven't forgotten you and I don't hate you either. How could I? You're the most amazing person I know. That's why I thought you didn't need me anymore. I got scared of you, Chii, and tried to protect my heart, but broke it instead." He smiled bitterly as another tear fell.
A small hand slapped his face lightly and the touch made a familiar warmth rush through him. He covered Chinen's fingers with his own palm and squeezed them gently. "I'm sorry."
A/N: Inspired by an old Hyakushiki video when JUMP first debuted as volleyball supporters. Volleyballs were shot at each member and Chinen hugged Ryutaro while jogging his way back in line. I miss those days when they actually interacted with one another on camera. Sequel will be considered.
Author: Ani
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 for excessive emo-ing
Pairings: Chiitaro (sorta), fake!Yamachii, hinted!Yamajima
Summary: Ryutaro and Chinen used to get along more than well. But relationships can't always endure over time.
Disclaimer: I don't own JE
Ryutaro remembered the old days, when Chinen used to hug him randomly for no real reason. Sometimes, as he stared out his window while procrastinating on his math homework, he would wonder. What went wrong? What happened to that cute (not that Chinen still isn't) boy who loved to tease him? Why don't those bright smiles flash his way anymore?
Reluctantly, he returned to his worksheet. It was due tomorrow, and he hadn't even showered yet. He really regretted not accepting Inoo's offer to tutor him. Now he was stuck with interpreting a stupidly long integral problem by himself. He knew it had something to do with a formula his teacher mentioned in class but he felt too lazy to flip through his notes...
The next day, he missed his train stop when he accidentally fell asleep on the way to work. By the time he got to JUMP's dressing room, he was already an hour and a half late. He apologized over and over again as Yabu gave him a long lecture on the virtues of punctuality and blah blah blah, the usual crap.
Eventually, there was a lull and he was freed with a warning to start his homework earlier. Ryutaro made an empty promise of doing so, which both he and Yabu knew perfectly well he wouldn't uphold, but hey, it didn't matter as long as he turned it in on time.
He heard the two of them before seeing them. Chinen had his head resting on Yamada's shoulder and was currently blowing air at the other boy's cheek. Apparently Yamada was ticklish; he kept laughing while trying to tell Chinen firmly to stop.
"Hey, Ryutaro, a little help please?" Yamada caught him staring and Chinen took the chance while he was distracted to wrap his arms around the older boy.
"You look pretty comfortable," Ryutaro remarked with a smirk and Yamada shot a him a promise that he would get strangled soon.
Laughing, Ryutaro turned away from them, unable to stand the sight any longer. All Chinen seemed to care about now was stealing as much attention as possible away from Yamada. Of course, he already spent a lot of time with Yamada, thanks to NYC plus School Kakumei, on top of all of JUMP's activities together.
Sighing, Ryutaro sank into an empty chair and pulled out his DS to pass the time until the photoshoot began. He was probably the only one who thought maybe, just maybe, Chinen should hang out with other members more. Didn't he get tired of the same person all time? Ryutaro certainly would.
Yabu was busy enough with keeping the chaos in check of looking after nine adolescents so Ryutaro tried to stay out of the older boy's way. Takaki still scared him a bit; he couldn't completely shake off the feeling that he would get the living daylights punched out of him if he accidentally pissed the actor-delinquent off. Hikaru's pranks were fun, but they dulled over time. Inoo had smarts, but Ryutaro started to feel time and mentally strained when the conversation stretched too long.
Daiki liked to harass him too much; it was fun for about half an hour the first time before he got annoyed. Yuuto's drums were interesting to listen to, but that was more Keito's forte and Ryutaro wasn't that instrumentally talented as the English boy anyways. He considered Yamada his rival in many aspects, some opened and others hidden, but the older boy had other worries to stress over. And Chinen...
Well, he honestly couldn't say he's seen much of Chinen lately. He drew a blank whenever he tried to think back. Was it half a year ago they last had a proper conversation? Has it really been nearly a year since the two of them hung out together? The distance in time and space felt surreal, yet the facts were there.
Sometimes, he wondered if things would have turned out differently had he noticed Chinen slipping away from him faster. All the little 'what ifs' and 'maybes' constantly ran through his mind each time he set his eyes on the shorter boy.
What if he didn't just give up asking Chinen to go out with him when the older boy rejected him over and over? What if he'd been more patient and understanding of Chinen's situation, instead of selfishly thinking and pitying himself for getting abandoned. Why couldn't he have accepted the Chinen who apologized each time their schedule conflicted?
"I'm sorry, Ryu-chan. NYC has something tomorrow, maybe next week?" Why couldn't he have chased after Chinen when the older started to leave him? Then maybe he could be the one holding Chinen in his arms.
Chinen wished he could go back to the old days, when there was only JUMP, and 7, and BEST. Everyone got along, everyone loved and supported one another to the fullest without a second thought. Sometimes, he'd sit quietly by himself in a corner at the studio for School Kakumei, wondering. What happened? Why, even though JUMP understood each other more than they did three years ago, did they seem so far apart at the same time? Or maybe it was just him who noticed this. It was only him, because he drifted away.
Yabu's attention was divided between nine boys as he had to look after them all. He had School Kakumei with Hikaru, but the older boy connected better with Yamada. Inoo daunted him, with his books and studying and simply being a college student. Daiki was friendly enough but he was tired of listening to the BEST member's height complaints.
Keito was too quiet, Chinen couldn't really figure out what was going on inside the English boy's head. He didn't so much as talk to Yuuto as listen to the taller boy rant on and on about bugs and drums and Yamada and raw horse meat and...Yamada. And Ryutaro doesn't talk to him anymore; in fact, the younger boy always made a point to leave his presence.
Someone called his name and he glanced up to see one of the staff gesturing him to get ready in five. He nodded to show his understanding and stretched. This was the last thing he needed to do for the day; once it was over, he could finally go home...where a pile of homework was waiting for him.
Without really thinking about it, he flipped opened his phone to check the time. 5:40. It might take an hour, maybe an hour and half to finish filming, then to get home would take 15 minutes on the train and a five minute walk to his house. If he didn't get distracted, he could be done with homework before ten and get some much needed sleep. He stared at the screen (it had a background of a soft squirrel cushion) for a moment longer, telling himself it was stupid to still expect a message but without much conviction. Someone patted his head.
"Don't look so down." He glanced up to see Yamada giving him a sympathetic look.
"I'm not...really. Just a lot of schoolwork." Chinen shrugged like it was no big deal, tucking his phone away in his pockets.
Filming actually took two hours; for some reason, he couldn't get the dance steps right for the livestage and constantly messed up. Even though Yamada and Hikaru kept reassuring him "it's fine, don't worry," he could hear the strain in their voices after an hour and knew they wanted to go home as badly as he did. Finally, it was over and they were just saying good-bye's at the exit when someone attacked Yamada.
Wait, he took it back. It was just Yuuto, who nearly broke Yamada's spine by rushing at him too fast. With Hikaru cackling madly in the back, Chinen worriedly rubbed Yamada's back while Yuuto apologized and begged everything under the stars for forgiveness.
"Anyway, what are you doing here?" Yamada finally asked, and Chinen thanked him quietly for changing topics so Yuuto could stop sounding like a broken record.
"Just passing the area and thought you could use an escort home!" Yuuto replied cheerfully.
Yamada got fidgety next to Chinen. "You didn't have to, I usually go home this time..."
"Go on, Yama-chan!" Chinen gave the older boy a great push so he stood on Yuuto's side instead. "It's not everyday Yuuto can walk home with you."
"How about you? Will you be alright?" Yamada hesitated, even though Yuuto had already hopped on ahead to the end of the block.
"I'll be okay, I'm taking the train home," Chinen explained.
From across the road, they heard Yuuto calling Yamada to hurry up. "Listen, Chinen, if you still keep all his texts-"
"Don't keep Yuuto waiting!" Chinen's tone came out sharper than he intended. "Bye, Yama-chan." He quickly walked off so he didn't have to hear the other boy's reply.
While sitting on train though, Yamada's words kept coming back to him. Damn him for being so observant. Like a magnet, he brought his phone out and scrolled through the messages he'd received. His inbox had over 100 saved texts, and nearly all of them were from the same person: Morimoto Ryutaro.
Unable to stop himself now, he went all the way down to the first text he ever got from the other younger boy.
Morimoto Ryutaro January 3 2008
chinen-kun i took ur jacket by accident
will return tmrw
He smiled, remembering the jacket in question. It was still hanging in his room, not often worn anymore since it was actually starting to get small on him, but in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't ever throw it away or donate it.
Morimoto Ryutaro March 10 2008
yuuto wants to do something on white day
suggestions?
It turned pretty chaotic since none of them knew where they were going and got lost about five times over. Somehow, he ended up getting a cute phone strap from Ryutaro, which he was now fingering.
Morimoto Ryutaro June 27 2008
bored don't want to do hw
want to go somewhere?
He could still vividly recall the jittery feeling eating him the entire time while waiting for the younger boy at the train station. That the first of many times they hung out together that summer and the butterflies in his stomach only fluttered more wildly with each instance.
Morimoto Ryutaro November 30 2008
happy birthday!
His vibrating phone woke him at midnight exactly. Although he was still groggy from sleep, the fact that the younger boy had stayed up just to be the first to greet him on his birthday made him unreasonably happy.
Morimoto Ryutaro December 25 2008
merry christmas! see you in a few hours~
Chinen would never forget it; the first Christmas he spend with Ryutaro. They were alone in the younger boy's room when Chinen heard a whispered, "I like you." Turning, he found Ryutaro's mouth pressed softly against his.
Morimoto Ryutaro July 16 2009
i know ur busy
don't worry about it
After that, the texts from Ryutaro stopped coming in. His vision blurred and a teardrop splattered on the screen. An announcement came overhead that it was the last stop and all passengers had to get off. Chinen looked up, startled to see he was the only one left in his car. Panicking slightly, he checked his location and saw he already missed his stop.
As he stepped onto the platform, he heard a familiar voice call his name. Heart pounding, Chinen turned to see Ryutaro coming towards him, looking baffled. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Chinen shot back automatically.
Ryutaro raised an eyebrow. "I live three blocks from here?"
"Oh." Chinen checked the name again and realized it was the stop for Ryutaro's house. "Oh, right. Well, I'll go buy another ticket." But fortune was hating on Chinen that day.
"You don't have enough money?" Ryutaro asked, coming up behind him.
"No..." Chinen frowned, thinking. "I'll call my mom." He pulled out his phone and dialed his house, but after ten rings, no one had picked up. Worried, Chinen tried his mom's cell phone and finally got through to her. "Hi Mom? Aren't you ho-? Oh, yeah, your business trip was today...how about dad? He's visiting grandma? Um...I'm kinda...in trouble..."
Reluctantly, he explained the situation and had to endure five minutes of his mom scolding him. Finally, she paused her tirade and suggested, "Ryutaro-kun's with you? Why don't you stay at his house for tonight?"
Chinen's glanced over at the other boy quickly. He was leaning against the wall, texting someone on his phone but looked up at that moment, so their eyes met briefly before Chinen shot his down at the floor.
"I-I don't want to bother-"
"Well, I'm sure he won't mind. You used to go over all the time, sometimes you didn't even tell me."
"T-that was before." Chinen felt uncomfortable, having the past and present brought so closely together.
"Well, if you don't ask now, you'll be sleeping on the streets tonight."
"Mom!" But his mom already hung up and the only response he got was a dead tone.
"What happened?" Ryutaro asked when Chinen shuffled over to him nervously.
He kept his eyes glued on his shoes. "D-do you mind if I-I stay over t-tonight? My parents can't pick me up and I don't have money to get home. I'm really sorry about the trouble-"
"Yeah, sure." Chinen blinked as Ryutaro began to leave. "Aren't you coming?"
They walked in silence because Chinen didn't know what to say to Ryutaro and the younger wasn't making an effort at starting a conversation either. A sudden sense of nostalgia washed over Chinen when he saw the familiar streets and side lanes. But Ryutaro never walked so far ahead of him; the younger boy always stayed close by his side so it was easier to reach out for his hand.
Once at Ryutaro's house, he went to the younger boy's room by habit and waited while Ryutaro looked for extra blankets and pillows. Glancing around, Chinen started to note the differences since he'd last visited over a year ago. There were some new posters up, of baseball players he didn't recognize, a stack of textbooks stood forlornly on his desk, which had moved from one corner to the other, and there seemed to be a new manga series on the bookshelf.
Otherwise though, everything else had stayed achingly the same. There had always been something about Ryutaro's room which Chinen couldn't put his finger on. Something. He felt comfortable in it, even now, though it saddened him slightly to see the picture frames by Ryutaro's bedside were gone.
He supposed it was to be expected; just because he kept Ryutaro's texts and every other little thing he received from the younger boy didn't mean Ryutaro would do the same.
"Hey, Chii, shoo, shoo." Chinen's head and heart speed shot up. At the same time, he got confused, until he saw Ryutaro come in with a bundle of blankets and a small Shiba Inu trotting at his feet. "A little help, please?"
Chinen went over and took a blanket off Ryutaro, trying to ignore the tingle he got when the younger boy's hand brushed against his arm. They made a futon for Chinen on the floor, then avoided looking at one another for a few minutes.
"I'm gonna shower." Chinen couldn't take the awkwardness anymore and stood up to leave.
"You don't have change of clothes," Ryutaro pointed out. Chinen paused as the taller boy went to his closet and pulled out a shirt and pair of pajama pants.
"Thanks," Chinen mumbled, taking the pile from Ryutaro. He showered quickly and noticed the shampoo was apple-scented now instead of strawberry. When he went back to Ryutaro's room, feeling weirdly excited about wearing the younger boy's clothes, he was nowhere in sight. On the bed was the sweater Ryutaro had on earlier.
Chinen took a seat on the edge and picked the sweater up. It still felt warm in his hands. Without thinking, he brought it up to his face and inhaled the familiar scent clinging onto it. There was a hint of apple; that was different yet it didn't feel wrong. He hugged it closer, feeling his heart beat slightly faster. "Ryu-chan..."
When he was with other members, it was much easier to forget Ryutaro, much easier to pretend he didn't think about about the other boy every day, much easier to act like he no longer cared about him. But now that he was in his room again, which was full of memories of a time he desperately wanted to return to, Chinen found the shield he so carefully constructed over the past year begin to crack.
Someone took a seat next to him, and blushing, he raised his head to see Ryutaro's blank eyes staring back at him. The younger boy hadn't bothered to use a blow-dryer and Chinen's blush deepened at the sight of his damp hair.
Without a word, Chinen lowered the sweater as well as his eyes, letting the former spill over his lap but unable to loosen his grip on it. "You'll catch a cold in this weather if you don't dry your hair."
"Why don't you look at me anymore?" The question caught Chinen off-guard, and for several seconds, he couldn't bring himself to reply. Turning away with a throbbing heart, Chinen debated whether he should just stay silent and not answer. "Chinen-" Ryutaro must have leaned in because he felt the other boy's breath warm the back of his neck.
The unexpected sensation made him panic and he abruptly stood up, the sweater spilling down to the floor. "I-I'm really tired, so I'm gonna sleep early." Chinen refused to look up, refused to meet those sad and hurt eyes.
Ryutaro didn't say anything, but Chinen could feel his gaze burning into his back as he crawled into the futon. It was another painful reminder, because the futon was the light blue one he used to always sleep in. The tears sprang up again and he buried his face against the pillow while covering his head over with the blankets, the better to muffle his cries in case they escaped.
Ryutaro's heart ached, watching Chinen curling miserably beneath the blankets. He wanted so badly to just hold the older boy and tell him everything would be okay, but he was too scared to do so. What right did he have over Chinen anyways? He let go once already; it's no wonder Chinen wouldn't give him a second chance.
Shoulders slumping, he left the room to blow dry his hair. He'd hoped...what did he hope for exactly? There was no way to return to the past he'd had with Chinen. He knew that already. But what he wanted, more than anything at the moment, was continue on the present with him.
When he returned, he sat down at the edge of the blankets covering Chinen and carefully pulled it back. The older boy was facing him and appeared to be fast asleep, but his cheeks were stained with tears, which made guilt flood Ryutaro. He reached out and gently rubbed the wet streaks with his thumb. "I'm sorry, Chinen."
"Why are you apologizing?" Chinen's eyes opened, but they were focused on his own hands in front of him.
"I wasn't thinking about you. It was always about myself. I thought...you didn't need me anymore. And so, I left before you did, cuz I was scared of how much you would hurt me." Ryutaro was spouting nonsense but he couldn't help it. He tried to blink back his own tears but didn't completely succeed. "It was the stupidest thing I ever did."
Chinen's mouth quivered and his voice shook as he spoke. "You are stupid, Ryutaro. You. Are. So. Stupid."
Ryutaro felt the warmth of Chinen's forehead press against his knee as he petted the older boy's head sadly. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Why?" Chinen sat up, not seeming to notice the tears flowing down his face. Even crying, he still looked cute. "Why do you keep apologizing? Why are you the one saying sorry? Why did you agree to let me come? Why are you still being so nice? Why can't you just hate me like you're supposed to? It would make everything easier if you did."
Ryutaro tried to say something but Chinen cut him off. It was like a dam had been opened and the older boy couldn't stop now.
"Yama-chan says you're always watching me, but when I look, I only see you leave the room. It hurts, it hurts so much to have you close by but you're still far away." Chinen hiccuped, his whole body shaking and shivering. His cheeks were red and his eyes were puffy from all the crying. "I've tried, I've tried so hard to forget you and just move on, but I can't. I can't delete the texts you send me, I can't throw away the presents you gave me. I still remember first kiss we shared here and every hug we had and...you might have forgotten me I don't want to forget Ryu-chan."
For several moments, there was only silence broken by Chinen's stifled cries. Then Ryutaro went over to his desk and pulled opened the bottom drawer. Inside were several frames turned face down, but what he was looking for was hiding in the back corner. He pulled it out, a small, plain box about the size of his palm and took it back to Chinen. The older boy watched him as he opened it and pulled out what looked like a bracelet.
"Remember you asked me for an anklet?" Ryutaro rolled up the other boy's pants a bit and clasp the thin jewelry piece around Chinen's ankle. "And then I said I would get you one with your name on." He fingered the cool letters dangling on the chain and looked up to see the most heart breaking expression on Chinen's face. "I haven't forgotten you and I don't hate you either. How could I? You're the most amazing person I know. That's why I thought you didn't need me anymore. I got scared of you, Chii, and tried to protect my heart, but broke it instead." He smiled bitterly as another tear fell.
A small hand slapped his face lightly and the touch made a familiar warmth rush through him. He covered Chinen's fingers with his own palm and squeezed them gently. "I'm sorry."
A/N: Inspired by an old Hyakushiki video when JUMP first debuted as volleyball supporters. Volleyballs were shot at each member and Chinen hugged Ryutaro while jogging his way back in line. I miss those days when they actually interacted with one another on camera. Sequel will be considered.