What If I Said I Love You? [Chapter 4]

Mar 25, 2011 21:44

Title: What If I Said I Love You? [Chapter 4]
Author: Ani
Genre:  AU, slight angst, drama, eventually fluff
Rating: PG
Pairings: Chiitaro, hinted!Yamachii, flash-of!Yamajima
Summary: Best friends don't always fall in love.
Disclaimer: I don't own JE

“You’re really still here?” A dull fire flickered when I heard that voice.

“Go away, Morimoto-kun,” I muttered, not bothering to look up. To my irritation, he didn’t listen and simply took a seat next me, though he made sure there was a slight gap between us.

“Umm... I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to... you know...”

“‘I’m sorry?’ Is that all you have to say?! Do you think that can undo all the damage you did? Do you think just apologizing is good enough!?” I turned to glare at him but got startled instead by the depth of sadness in his eyes. For a second, I almost felt bad for him. “I-I won’t forgive you. I don’t care what you say.”

“You like him, don’t you? Ryosuke, I mean.”

“Don’t change the subject,” I snapped.

“Don’t avoid the subject,” he retaliated.

“I’m not obligated to tell you.” I stood up to leave.

“You’re just running away,” he called after me. “Coward.”

I paused before turning around slowly. “What did you just call me?”

Ryutaro smirked, having successfully hit a nerve. “Coward. You’re just scared, aren’t you? Scared that things won’t work out with Ryosuke if you agree to go out with him. And if you two break up, then your friendship will be broken as well. I thought my cousin was selfish, but that was really you, wasn’t it? You just didn’t want to risk hurting yourself if he decided to break up with you.”

“Shut up! That’s not true! It’s because I can’t return the same feelings as him, I don’t want to hurt him-”

“That’s a lie.” Ryutaro stepped closer and placed a palm against my face. It took me a moment to realize he was drying my wet cheek. “You’re not scared for him, you’re scared of him.”

“T-that’s n-not-” I was still trying to deny his words, but the tears wouldn’t stop streaming. Was it because there was just a tiny grain of truth in what he was saying? No! What did he know? We barely met recently, he didn’t understand me, he shouldn’t understand me, shouldn’t be able to see through me so easily, shouldn’t be able to voice out my inner most thoughts like this, thoughts I had pushed down into my subconscious.

“Shh.” I let him pull me into his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. His hands rubbed my back with soothing circles as I buried myself deeper into his embrace. “It’s okay, it’s normal to be scared. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it. If you can acknowledge your fears, then you’ve already taken the first steps in conquering them.”

I was surprised to find Yuuto on my doorsteps first thing in the morning. “Y-yuuto, what are you doing here?”

“Chii, we need to talk.” There was something wrong with Yuuto. He wasn’t being his usual, happy-go-lucky self, he actually seemed...serious. “What’s going on between you and Ryutaro?”

“N-nothing.” I automatically replied, though I knew there was a blush rising. Yuuto simply adjusted the strap of his bag and waited. “C-can we talk about this later? I need to get ready for school and-”

“Yuuto?” The taller boy whipped around with surprise at seeing Ryutaro. I gritted my teeth and clenched my jaw.

“So it’s nothing?” Yuuto asked suspiciously, looking between me and the idiot.

“What’s nothing?” Ryutaro asked cluelessly and I just wanted to whack him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. More importantly, how did he know where I lived?!

“Picking you up for school. Isn’t that what boyfriends do?” He smirked as Yuuto and I just blinked at him.

“You’re really dating him, Chii?” Yuuto asked me sadly. He turned away before I could say anything. “I’m disappointed.”

“What did you do that for?!” I flared on him as soon as Yuuto was gone. “I don’t remember ever agreeing to be your boyfriend. That was all nee-chan’s idea.”

“It was, but I don’t remember disagreeing to be your boyfriend either.” He patted my head and damn it, my whole body flushed at the contact. Without waiting for permission, he slid past me and into the house.

“W-wait, you’re trespassing-”

“Where’s Saya-san? Did she leave already?” He looked around. I stayed quiet, unwilling to answer but the silence told him enough. “So we’re alone?”

My eyes widened at this realization. “G-get out, I still haven’t forgiven you-”

“You look really cute in PJ’s, you know?” My face reddened; I hadn’t changed yet. “But-” He came closer and I instinctively stepped back. “You know - “ Closer. Back. “ - what - “ Closer again. Back again. “ - you look - ” Closer. My heart jolted as my back hit the wall. “ - even cuter in?” His soft brown orbs gazed into my own as my breath came out in short pants. “Hmm?” he prompted, touching noses with me.

“N-n-n-no?” Damn it, why was I stuttering? Why couldn’t I move away? Why was my heart beating so fast and why were my palms sweating? And why, why did I want to hear his answer so badly?

“Your uniform~ Hurry up and go change, otherwise we’ll be late.” He grinned, moving away and taking his warmth with him.

I was aware of every beat of my heart as we walked to school. Ryutaro matched his pace to mine so we were side-by-side. Every time I glanced at him furtively, he was always looking at me. It made my insides fluttery each time and I tried to keep my eyes on the ground instead. The
walk to school had never felt so long.

One look was enough to tell me Yamada hadn’t arrived yet. I couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief as I took my seat. Ryutaro was right; I was a coward for avoiding my best friend. And then my face grew warm because I remembered how he comforted me yesterday.

Class began and I looked at the empty desks around me with surprise. Neither Yuuto nor Yamada were present. I suppose it wasn’t surprising Yamada would stay at home but I just saw Yuuto this morning and he didn’t seem sick.

During break time, I went up to the roof to send him a quick text, then held it in my hands, expecting it to vibrate within a minute. Five minutes passed but there was still no reply. I started to get worried. Something was very wrong; Yuuto always responded and this wasn’t like him. But then, this morning wasn’t like him either...

“What’s wrong? You’ve been frowning for a while.” I glared as Ryutaro looked over my shoulder curiously. I hadn’t even heard him open the door.

“It’s none of your business. Now go away, I don’t want to see you.” Annoyingly, he didn’t budge and just scooted closer.

“But I wanted to see you~” he teased cutely. I punched him on the arm. “Ow!”

“Shut up. This is all your fault, you know?” I pointed out, ignoring his complaints. “If you didn’t...d-didn’t...” I felt myself stutter; the word wouldn’t even come out.

“Didn’t what?” he asked innocently. “Kiss you?”

I blushed at how casually he said it. “Shut up! Because you did that, now Ryo-chan and even Yuuto are mad.”

“I already apologized for that. Besides, I couldn’t help it, you looked too cute and-.”

“Don’t put the blame on me!” I hissed.

“And you even kissed me back.”

“I-I did not.”

“Did too~”

“Did not! Did not did not did not did not!”

Ryutaro looked surprised at how worked up I was and I thought he was backing off when he said, “Fine, you didn’t.” Then his smirk came back. “But you didn’t push me away either.”

“T-that’s because you caught me by surprise,” I protested. “I-I wasn’t expecting it and I-I was going to push you away, if it h-had b-been l-longer, I-I would have.”

“So you’re saying if I’d given you some warning, you wouldn’t have kissed me back?” Ryutaro asked, his face much too close for comfort.

“E-eh? I-I didn’t-” My cheeks flushed as he tilted my chin up.

“I’m going to kiss you, ‘kay?” he murmured with a soft smile that made me nearly melt.

“W-wait-”

“Feel free to push me away. But if you don’t~” My eyes widened as our lips touched briefly. “I’ll take it to mean you like me too.” He cupped my face with both hands, pressing his mouth firmly against mine.

Eyes closing, my body seemed to move on its own as I pulled myself closer, getting both calmed and excited by the thumping of his heart. Ryutaro deepened our kiss and I moaned quietly, wishing the moment wouldn’t end soon.

It did though, sooner rather than later. His hands fell from my face as he broke the kiss, leaving my heated cheeks warmer than before. I blinked but didn’t move away when I felt his soft lips on my forehead.

“M-morimoto-kun...?” I felt his fingers brush over my own. The contact left behind a funny tingle on my skin that I didn’t altogether hate.

“I really like you, Chinen,” Ryutaro whispered, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. “Ever since I met you...”

“B-but we just met recently,” I couldn’t help blurting out. It did feel nice. Him hugging me. “You d-don’t know me well enough, s-so why...?”

Ryutaro didn’t say anything for the longest time. I wondered at this and looked up to see the saddest smile on his face. Somehow, it made my stomach churn with guilt.

A/N: Posting before I sleep cuz I have doubts I can wake up early enough to do so tomorrow. Gods, I've never posted this much in such a short time, it feels weird. And wtf, three quizzes first week of school!? /starts stressing again

PANDA POWA
 

fanfiction: multi-chapter, p: yamajima, morimoto ryutaro, chinen yuuri, nakajima yuuto, p: yamachii, series: what if i said i love you?, p: chiitaro

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