"now you can either stand around here eatin' jambalaya or you can come upstairs and eat my ass."
in an entry i wrote not too long ago where i pondered how fergie-ferg mysteriouslly outranked the victoria's secret angels in overall hotness on maxim's annual hot 100 list, i pointed out how if it were up to me, gale harold would occupy every last spot on that list REGARDLESS of the (what i believe to be) insignificant fact that he is a dude and maxim typically does not put "dudes" in the mag (i personally think they could learn a thing or two from me and change their ways. viva la revolucion, no?) that's probably not even real spanish. i only lasted two days before dropping spanish in senior year... the constant eye-sex with scotty boy grew far too tiresome. but i digress.
after four years, i finally made it to the final episode of queer as folk - which was incredible, and i did indeed cry like a baby when it ended. but i am now in withdrawal and its safe to say i'm sinking quickly into a state of queer-as-folk-less depression (which will soon be ended, as soon as the bro's at amazon.com learn what's good for them and send me my season one dvd. PRONTO.) if you haven't seen it, its about a group of gay friends living in pittsburgh and all of the cwazy, cwazy things they do. but it's no will & grace - its one of the most realistic, controversial, audacious, revolutionary shows in television history. it shows the true nature of the "gay" lifestyle in a very gutsy and unapologetic way - and it scared the shit out of half the world in doing so. to be honest, you WILL witness a fair amount of nudity (vogue dubbed it "notoriously explicit") but thats part of what makes it so bold. part of the reason i love it so much is because it spawned the devilish brian kinney (gale harold himself), easily one of my favorite characters of any kind - tv, movies, "literature," anything - challenged only by mr. pacey witter, who comes in a close second. ok, and jeff "THAT WAS MY SKULLLLLL" spicoli is pretty great too. but again, i digress.
brian kinney is a revolution in himself. brian is the anti-hero. he's a narcissistic, selfish, sex-crazed, arrogant, shallow asshole who enjoys his money, his good looks, his one night stands, and his reputation. and i absolutely love him. he's very masculine and powerful, which goes completely against the widely accepted gay stereotype. in the first episode alone, he deflowers a 17 year old boy (you say "ew!" but i say "well done." i would have deflowered randy harrison myself if he hadn't. holy jailbait. so shut your dirty condescending traps) and then attempts to hit-it-and-quit-it after DROPPING HIM OFF AT HIGH SCHOOL in the morning. i say "attempts to" because he's unsuccessful, he even almost marries the kid five years later in the last episode. i say "almost" because brian kinney is not the marriage type (he kindly refers to married gay men as "stepford fags") and they end up calling it off. i also find it incredible that while brian is a gay sex symbol, gale harold is completely straight, as are all but three of the show's actors. which is another reason why the show is so revolutionary - its hollywood standard for straight actors to refuse gay roles out of fear, but actors like gale harold, hal sparks and scott lowell took parts in queer as folk in spite of this. and i don't mean to make brian sound completely evil. he does have some good in him - after all, there has to be SOME reason why he still has friends. but that's not the point.
the point is that he is one hot bitch. i don't care that gale harold is nearly 40, i would bang him in a second. he is a legitimate dilf. if you were to do a quick scan of facebook groups bearing his name, you would come across "brian kinney can have me any way he wants me" (true), "i've seen the face of god, and his name is brian kinney" (also true), "brian kinney is so hot i could just shit myself" (awkward, yet true), and my personal favorite, "brian kinney melts my panties." he makes the world a much better looking place. and for that, i bring you these pictures to pay tribute to his jesus-help-me hotness and to offer up my thanks for, well, him being just so sdflkjsdfl good looking. he's a southern boy, an ex-soccer star, and as an added bonus, his co-stars swear that he's a genius. the show's creators even claim he's one of the most brilliant and well-spoken men they've ever met. on that note, i say feast your eyes on mr. brian "i don't believe in love, i believe in fucking. no excuses, no apologies, no regrets" kinney. wow, how weird is that. i just realized he's been my livejournal icon for the past three years and i'm just now writing about him. ha. but for real. the man is practically 40 YEARS OLD and he looks THIS GOOD?
he's tongue-ing a paper clip. i was a little confuzzled about that at first, too.
that's justin (randy harrison), the tot he deflowered.
i've imagined punching hal sparks on many occasions too.
that's him with peter paige, queer as folk's resident "nelly bottom" emmett.
lord almighty, the man is a masterpiece. he needs to write his mother a thank you note.
so to wrap it up, i'm sorry this was so long. its like three in the morning and i'm not tired and i'm bored beyond bored and my room is hot and i'm out of chunky monkey ice cream and i spent too much money today and my hair looks scary and i leave for LA in exactly a week.
but it took me forever to track down all of those pictures.
so enjoy them as creepily as i do.
i can only hope that i will run into him in the streets of LA sometime, at which point i will rocket through the air like a bat out of hell and latch myself onto him with superhuman strength, refusing to release him from my clutches until he agrees to marry me and be mine foreverrrrrrrrr.
i'm a classy broad.