At Long Last:
Before The Royal Keeper of the Evil Ferret Overlord got to worrying to much about his nonfictional status, Livilla struck a mallet against a large gong, startling Maureen the duck, and delighting the Overlord and Alter Ego. Gongs are, after all, shiny.
“Ferret! Explosions are prepared!” Livilla announced.
The Evil Ferret Overlord hoisted Keeper into the air. This was not deliberate, but the Overlord wished to read Keeper’s time-telling implement, which was strapped to his wrist. Being lifted into the air was merely a means to an end. Keeper sighed and rolled his eyes, as he was returned to the floor.
“Weapons Exposition time already?”
The Weapons-Forgers nodded. “Everything is in readiness, EFO. We merely await your word.”
Everything was also in readiness in the warehouse. Angelita was leading herself through some deep breathing exercises obtained from a book written by a dungeon inhabitant under the influence of massive amounts of pixie dust. Some random villagers passing by thought they heard someone say “get ready, almost time to push.” Most thoughts needed at least a good shove to get through Angelita’s skull, but that was not what was happening. The exercises were meant for something the author called “a labour of the mind”, designed to give birth to new ideas. It also involved phrases like “ethereal umbilical cord” and “exposition of the quivering afterbirth to the omniscient first light of dawn.” Angelita was now using a breathing technique from the book to give birth to a spiritual connection between herself and Philippe.
[AN again: "I do agree, though . . . that man, with his Aries energy (and a triple fire chart, anyway) can make extremely fast and stealth getaways!!!" Angelita re: Philippe)
Philippe was now several feet under the ground, completely oblivious to the connection that his stalker was trying to make with his brain. His attention was focused on the impressive array of weapons laid out on the long benches before him. The Evil Ferret Overlord’s attention was unusually focused as well, given the abundance of shiny objects in the collection.
Many of the daggers and swords commonly used by the castle inhabitants had been remanufactured using a lighter-weight material. A few of them now also came with added features, like a small clock, and a hollow handle for hiding treats. Livilla and Twila demonstrated by opening the handles and procuring Pixie Dust and a few crunchy ferret treats for Alter Ego. The two ferrety creatures agreed that the craftsmanship was exquisite.
The Evil Ferret Overlord spied an array of bottles, arranged on a set of shelves in neat little rows. They were decorated with rhinestones, for extra sparkle. The Overlord let out a squeal of delight.
“Shiny!! Shiny bottles for me!!” The Evil Ferret Overlord danced a little jig and reached for one of the bottles.
“Careful, Evil Overlord!” Twila cried out. “Those bottles are full of water and--”
“Shiny, stabby water balloon! You two are the best!” The Evil Ferret Overlord was practically bouncing through the roof with ferrety glee.
“Overlord. Overlord! Stop.” Twila said firmly. The Evil Ferret Overlord skidded to a halt, narrowly missing a collision with a wall. “I was going to say, Evil Overlord, that the bottle also contains another bottle full of Oleum. If the bottle breaks, it will set off a nasty explosion, which, given where we are, will set off several more nasty explosions, which are likely to singe the ferret fur. The Evil Ferret Overlord was suddenly a very nervous-looking ten-foot-tall ferret. She gingerly set the bottle back down on the shelf, and darted away.
“What schwas Oleum?” Asked Philippe.
“Volatile Chemical. Creates a mist of sulfuric acid when it explodes.” Twila explained.
“Hmm…” Keeper thought aloud, “perhaps I should take one of those bottles. Just in case of…emergencies. You know, in case I should be attacked by something furry and angry, to defend against puncture wounds.”
The Evil Ferret Overlord hissed. “You singe Ferrety fur, you get Ferrety Wrath, puncture wounds or no.” She smoothed her fur, looking over her shoulders.
“Umm…”Livilla thought quickly. “Here! We have more shinies that are considerably safer to play with!” She took a long sword from a nearby table. Everyone in the small party ooohed over it. That is, everyone except Keeper, who had far too much composure for expressions such as “oooh” His came out as more of a muffled “hmm.”
“This, Evil Ferret Overlord, was inspired by your valiant smiting of the unruly dancing diva.” Livilla announced.
“We let Tory and Stoph help.” Added Twila.
The weapon was indeed most impressive. It featured a long handle, designed especially for two-handed wielding, encrusted with tiny, multicolored rhinestones. The blade was long and narrow, and featured a serrated tip.
“The blade was inspired by Tory and Stoph’s ice skates.” Twila said, touching one of the tiny spines. “This bit is quite useful for grabbing onto materials that snag easily.”
“The kind the villagers like to make into sweaters! I like it.”
“As do we. You can see, Evil Ferret Overlord, we liked these so much, we made copies for ourselves.” Said Livilla. The weapons forgers produced their own swords, which were differentiated by the pink rhinestones on Livilla’s and purple on Twila’s.
“Yay! Shiny! Do these ones hold treats?”
“Err…not at this time, Evil Overlord, but we could modify them, if you would like.”
“Please do!” The Evil Ferret Overlord grinned. The weapons-forgers nodded.
“And now, Evil Ferret Overlord, if you will direct your attention to this curtain, we have developed a new reconnaissance…device…the likes of which have never before been seen.” Twila said, indicating an old shower curtain, patterned with little frogs holding umbrellas. Livilla threw open the curtain with a dramatic flourish. Everyone drew in their breath, and then cocked their heads to one side, and then the next, trying to figure out just what this new device might be.