Gashiyeon - Chapter 2 [Part 2]
Please read and comment!
Written by: maio
Translated by: happy_colour
She gave me a look that seemed to be asking why it was that I was coming out of Yunho’s room. That’s something that you’ll find out soon enough. As I stood in front of her, showing no intention of opening my mouth, she did so herself with a gentle voice. I felt the bottom of my stomach turn.
“Ah…Dinner’s ready.”
“I was really hungry.”
She laughed light heartedly at the playful undertone in my voice. She was a woman who was very generous with her smiles. I guess she’s pretty generous with her body too considering how fast she managed to get pregnant.
She made a move towards the bedroom to call him down to dinner. I urgently reached for her shoulder.
“He’s on the phone.”
She seemed to buy my pathetic excuse. We took a seat together after I had managed to steer her to the table. Without even a shadow of suspicion, as if in recognition of my kindness, she offered me her gentle words.
“I hope the food suits your taste.”
Actually, I can’t eat anything right now. Even though I’d gotten my stitches taken out, not even a full day had gone by since. On top of that, my stomach was turning nauseatingly, taking away my appetite. I think I might have gotten heat exhaustion from standing out in the sun for too long this afternoon. Oh well, if I pick at the food, she’ll get the message on her own.
“I really missed homemade food.”
Most people wouldn’t understand how unappetizing the systematically planned meals at the hospital are. I’d really gotten too used to eating alone.
She seemed to be the type of person who looks at everything optimistically. Maybe because of her pregnancy hormones, she didn’t press the issue any further, and continued to interpret things in a good light.
Perhaps just because it hadn’t been very long since I had met her, but she gave off a strong feeling of being a woman who had been brought up in both a financial and emotionally wealthy family. This personality of hers will benefit her in her days to come.
I placed the bowl of soup the Housekeeper handed me beside my rice. A bowl was also placed in front of the one empty seat as well. A faint sound of a door opening was heard, and soon, every pair of eyes in the room was fixed to single spot.
“…”
Crazy bastard. He wore it out. I fucking love him.
It was an intense red- just like his passion and determination; but there was a dark undertone to the shade that prevented it from looking too over the top. It was the same colour as his heart that I had so wanted to reach down his throat and squeeze in my hands. I wanted to thank him for suiting the shirt so well.
He must have secretly complimented my taste before coming out of the room. There was not a single thing that I had ever picked out for him that he hadn’t liked. I bet there had been a cynical smile on his lips. It was just like him.
“New shirt?”
He struggled to find the right words. I wonder what he was thinking, wearing it out without even having thought up a single excuse. I was so proud of him. He was so cute right then that I had to help him out; it was something only I could do.
“It’s a present…from me.”
“Oh…”
“I hadn’t heard before I came that he’d gotten married so I didn’t have a chance to get you anything.”
“…”
“Oh, I mean Sister-in-law.”
Yunho’s hardened expression softened gently as I corrected myself. Standing up for her, just because she’s your wife, eh? Even though it’s not even love…
“It’s alright if you just call me by my name….Jaejoong…”
This time, it was her turn to surprise me. It didn’t look like I was the only one who was thrown off by her unexpected words. Yunho had a dumbfounded expression on his face. It seemed as though she had no talent for interpreting situations. That, or Jung Yunho just knows me too well.
Look, do you even know who you’re trying to get close to? Feeling bad for her, I responded to her words with a half smile.
The meal went on quite silently after that. It was like the calm before the storm.
It was an alright experience, despite the fact that the way that she tucked the golden strands of hair behind her ear as she chewed her food diligently for the baby got on my nerves. My opinion was largely due to the way she that had generously offered to make me some gruel when she had noticed that I was having trouble chewing. She made a sweet banana smoothie for me, knowing that I hadn’t eaten very well. I also liked the way she had made sure to prepare a nice dessert on top of everything as well. But, fear settled down on me as it drew closer to the time when I would have to go bed.
He had his eyes on the television screen, occasionally sinking his teeth into the fruit he had in his hand. Her gaze was fixed on the brown box as well, but she would occasionally stop to caress her stomach as she passed on the fruit to her unborn baby.
I found it quite annoying the way she tried to make conversation every time our eyes would meet. On top of that, I got caught nibbling on my lips, which promptly had her asking if there was anything wrong.
“Excuse me…”
“Yes, what is it? Is there anything I can get for you?”
She treated me as her husband’s relative should be treated. She knew that if I had found the stay uncomfortable in any way, it would be her that would be impacted the most. At her well mannered treatment of the family of the Father of her child, I realized that she probably wasn’t a woman who had just grown up pampered. It was at least clear that she was genuinely trying her best with me. The attention in the room shifted from the television on to me. At last, the time had come for me to say it.
I can’t sleep by myself…”
She made a puzzled face. Yunho closed his eyes and scowled from behind her, where he had been watching me moments before. I’m sure it must be annoying for him.
“Could I borrow Yunho please?”
“Jaejoong…”
“Ah…I can’t sleep very well on my own- let alone in an unfamiliar place…”
I began to say all kinds of things, startled by the low voice that I heard, calling out for me desperately. Her questioning expression still did not change. She must be dumbfounded considering that a man was asking to borrow her husband with the excuse that even after 27 years of life, he still had trouble going to sleep by himself.
Why. Are you worried that might do something like have sex with your husband? Do you even know me? Why are you looking at me as if I’m an intruder here? Do I seem that pathetic to you?
“Let me borrow him.”
Instead, the one who responded in a stiff tone of voice was not her, but Yunho. I wonder what he’s planning to say. He grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her towards himself. I couldn’t see his expression, hidden behind her.
“Honey, to tell you the truth…”
“I have a mental disorder.”
Her eyes turned back on to me. Her pure eyes widened; I could see his surprised face from behind hers as well. All the attention uncomfortably fell on to me, once again. Having unintentionally drawn the focus to myself, I waved it off as if to say that it was no big deal. From there, I began my explanation in a soft, calm voice in order to calm them down.
“I’m sick…really sick. Maybe it’s because my mind is so restless, but I keep seeing strange things at night…That’s why when there’s no one there, I can’t even get a wink of sleep. I’m scared, really…It doesn’t even compare with having a nightmare…Even I didn’t expect this sort of thing to be treated as a mental problem…”
I bet you don’t know how scary it is to fall asleep alone. The unforgettable memories of that day that constantly hover around me during the day, at night instantly transforms itself into a dark monster that threatens to suffocate me. I cry tears of blood as it wrings the life from my neck, unable to scream, unable to do anything. It torments me that after all that, I’m still alive.
My limbs are pulled apart, and each and one of the crevices in my body clot with blood. After thrashing around like that for however long it is, I wake up and see a tiny square ceiling, and find myself completely drenched in sweat. I’m so sick of it all.
“Please understand, Suh-hee.”
I could see her heart melt at my sincere request. She comforted me, asking me why I did not tell her sooner, and telling me that, that sort of thing isn’t a mental disorder. I guess it’s not like one would be able to tell just from looking at me, seeing as it’s not as if I have a problem living an ordinary life or have any overt symptoms.
Her eyes are back to how they were before I had made my confession. They were kind and mild- free of any prejudices. She even went on to apologize for the brief moment when she had been judgmental of me. I wonder if there is another woman in this world with eyes are honest as hers. In that moment, I felt that if I was not gay, I would have fallen in love with her right then. I might have married her and made her bear my child. Just like Yunho.
But he couldn’t stop me. Fully knowing the kind hearted pregnant woman who was filled with compassion for the mentally unstable man, suffering from the after effects of getting his wisdom teeth pulled out. Fully knowing the evil past lover who was doing everything possible to try and spend some time with him. Even knowing everything, Yunho made no move to stop me.
It was obvious the bed had never been used ever since it had been brought into the room. Both he and I were silent for a long while after being shoved into the guest room together upstairs. Even though it was already long after the sheets had been changed and a second pillow had been tossed on to the bed, Yunho and I were currently doing two different things. I’d finally gotten around to taking that shower, and he was flipping through a small magazine. They seemed like awkward activities for the both of us.
I wonder what he’s thinking. I wonder how long this new bed will torture me before finally letting me go to sleep. I lay down, filled half with dread and half with curiosity.
I was happy to find that the pillow was softer than what I’d expected. I intentionally called out to him in a very soft, fragile voice. It was only after the sound of his name that had curled around my tongue had evaporated in the air that he finally closed the magazine and got into his spot beside me in the bed.
He still remained ice cold. My heart ached at the sight of his turned back. You were really hurt badly back then, weren’t you…?
You’re still like the Jung Yunho of seventeen. Even back then, both boy and man had coexisted inside of you. It was beautiful.
But looking at his strong back, I felt that I had somehow become hidden behind the shadow of the life of the still beautiful twenty seven year old Jung Yunho.
I began to get upset, feeling as though I was being left behind without even having been given a reason why. Now that I was already in his house, he wouldn’t just kick me out. So,
"Did you sleep with her?”
“We’re married.”
There was no waver in his response, even at my overtly obnoxious question. I wonder if he had picked up on the way I had been glaring at her stomach. But just as I was about to dismiss it as proof of him paying attention to me, sadness overtook me by the way he had addressed her and himself as ‘we.’
Because of that, I briefly cast aside my vicious tone and asked,
“How many months…?”
Yunho responded, weakened by my genuinely hurt tone of voice.
“6 months…”
You’re feeling bad about what you did, aren’t you?
“Can you even get it up in front of her?!”
“You better watch what you say.”
He was coping well with the roller coaster like conversation of ours; slowly climbing its way up to the peak one moment, only to crash into the ground the next. I was scared that he might say that he actually loves her with those lips that had only known my name- those lips that had once whispered words of adoration. His voice that I had, in the past, appreciated even as he was tearing me down with his vulgar words, had grown cruel solely to me. Things had changed way too much in the span of just 2 years.
I wrapped my arms around his back. I whined in a voice as soft as a whisper, as I buried my face into the pulse spot on his back.
“Can you hold me while we sleep?”
“…”
“It’s alright even if you don’t do anything for me…”
“Get away from me.”
“Oppa…”
In that instant, I could feel the violent reaction of the cells in his body that were pressed to my skin. I’m happy. It seems like at least the way you like me calling you ‘Oppa’ still hasn’t changed… I remember you liked hearing it, having grown up in a family with four other male siblings and no younger sister. You could never be mean to the juniors girls that followed you around in high school no matter how angry I got. All just because of that one word…
It sounded like a curse that my simple minded man had just quietly spat out. The trembling of his lips rang in my ears; he finally stood up, unable to stand it any longer.
“If you’re going to be like this, then just sleep separately. That’d be a lot better.”
“No…! I’m sorry…really…I’m scared. I’m scared to sleep alone…”
I begged with a face that looked as though I was ready to cry. He lay back down next to me with a sigh. Even though it was obvious that he hated being there, I still was elated at the thought of the night to come that would bring sleep that at the same time was not sleep at all. Something as small as his rejection was nothing to me. I attached myself to his back a second time like a koala bear. He didn’t push me away; even at this, I felt wildly happy.
Opening my lips that had drawn close, I softly nipped on the rim of his ear. The very particles of his being were reacting passionately. The muscles in his shoulders began to tremble as I moved on to press firmly in the dip on the back side of his ear with my tongue. My lower stomach began to ache, seeking attention.
I whispered…
“Can’t you put it in me even just once?”
“…”
At that, he cast aside the sheets and lifted himself to his feet, after turning his hate filled eyes on to me. I latched on to him as if to say that I wanted to take back what I had just said.
I pitifully shook my head from side to side. He lay back down a second time as I softly begged, “Don’t go.”
I tried to pull him towards me, wanting to look into his eyes, but he was quick to turn his back on me again. So cute…I was just on the verge of biting his cheek, when I stopped myself. What if my saliva is too sweet for him to handle?
Worried, I decided to save that for later. I didn’t want to defrost his icy façade just yet. I lifted my hand and ran my fingers down the back of his neck. He swatted me away.
Instead of stopping, I continued the path of my fingers down the line of his back. This time, even though he twitched, he made no move to stop me. He remained immobile after I continued to stoke him, and even after I just settled for shaking him by his arm like a child, as if having finally had found the solution: that all he had to do was do nothing. I was weak to unresponsiveness.
This is boring.
“Fine. Ch…”
I’ll leave you alone, then.
…I’ll be good for tonight.
Thanks for reading! Please help spread the word about this project!
Written by: maio
Translated by: happy_colour
She gave me a look that seemed to be asking why it was that I was coming out of Yunho’s room. That’s something that you’ll find out soon enough. As I stood in front of her, showing no intention of opening my mouth, she did so herself with a gentle voice. I felt the bottom of my stomach turn.
“Ah…Dinner’s ready.”
“I was really hungry.”
She laughed light heartedly at the playful undertone in my voice. She was a woman who was very generous with her smiles. I guess she’s pretty generous with her body too considering how fast she managed to get pregnant.
She made a move towards the bedroom to call him down to dinner. I urgently reached for her shoulder.
“He’s on the phone.”
She seemed to buy my pathetic excuse. We took a seat together after I had managed to steer her to the table. Without even a shadow of suspicion, as if in recognition of my kindness, she offered me her gentle words.
“I hope the food suits your taste.”
Actually, I can’t eat anything right now. Even though I’d gotten my stitches taken out, not even a full day had gone by since. On top of that, my stomach was turning nauseatingly, taking away my appetite. I think I might have gotten heat exhaustion from standing out in the sun for too long this afternoon. Oh well, if I pick at the food, she’ll get the message on her own.
“I really missed homemade food.”
Most people wouldn’t understand how unappetizing the systematically planned meals at the hospital are. I’d really gotten too used to eating alone.
She seemed to be the type of person who looks at everything optimistically. Maybe because of her pregnancy hormones, she didn’t press the issue any further, and continued to interpret things in a good light.
Perhaps just because it hadn’t been very long since I had met her, but she gave off a strong feeling of being a woman who had been brought up in both a financial and emotionally wealthy family. This personality of hers will benefit her in her days to come.
I placed the bowl of soup the Housekeeper handed me beside my rice. A bowl was also placed in front of the one empty seat as well. A faint sound of a door opening was heard, and soon, every pair of eyes in the room was fixed to single spot.
“…”
Crazy bastard. He wore it out. I fucking love him.
It was an intense red- just like his passion and determination; but there was a dark undertone to the shade that prevented it from looking too over the top. It was the same colour as his heart that I had so wanted to reach down his throat and squeeze in my hands. I wanted to thank him for suiting the shirt so well.
He must have secretly complimented my taste before coming out of the room. There was not a single thing that I had ever picked out for him that he hadn’t liked. I bet there had been a cynical smile on his lips. It was just like him.
“New shirt?”
He struggled to find the right words. I wonder what he was thinking, wearing it out without even having thought up a single excuse. I was so proud of him. He was so cute right then that I had to help him out; it was something only I could do.
“It’s a present…from me.”
“Oh…”
“I hadn’t heard before I came that he’d gotten married so I didn’t have a chance to get you anything.”
“…”
“Oh, I mean Sister-in-law.”
Yunho’s hardened expression softened gently as I corrected myself. Standing up for her, just because she’s your wife, eh? Even though it’s not even love…
“It’s alright if you just call me by my name….Jaejoong…”
This time, it was her turn to surprise me. It didn’t look like I was the only one who was thrown off by her unexpected words. Yunho had a dumbfounded expression on his face. It seemed as though she had no talent for interpreting situations. That, or Jung Yunho just knows me too well.
Look, do you even know who you’re trying to get close to? Feeling bad for her, I responded to her words with a half smile.
The meal went on quite silently after that. It was like the calm before the storm.
It was an alright experience, despite the fact that the way that she tucked the golden strands of hair behind her ear as she chewed her food diligently for the baby got on my nerves. My opinion was largely due to the way she that had generously offered to make me some gruel when she had noticed that I was having trouble chewing. She made a sweet banana smoothie for me, knowing that I hadn’t eaten very well. I also liked the way she had made sure to prepare a nice dessert on top of everything as well. But, fear settled down on me as it drew closer to the time when I would have to go bed.
He had his eyes on the television screen, occasionally sinking his teeth into the fruit he had in his hand. Her gaze was fixed on the brown box as well, but she would occasionally stop to caress her stomach as she passed on the fruit to her unborn baby.
I found it quite annoying the way she tried to make conversation every time our eyes would meet. On top of that, I got caught nibbling on my lips, which promptly had her asking if there was anything wrong.
“Excuse me…”
“Yes, what is it? Is there anything I can get for you?”
She treated me as her husband’s relative should be treated. She knew that if I had found the stay uncomfortable in any way, it would be her that would be impacted the most. At her well mannered treatment of the family of the Father of her child, I realized that she probably wasn’t a woman who had just grown up pampered. It was at least clear that she was genuinely trying her best with me. The attention in the room shifted from the television on to me. At last, the time had come for me to say it.
I can’t sleep by myself…”
She made a puzzled face. Yunho closed his eyes and scowled from behind her, where he had been watching me moments before. I’m sure it must be annoying for him.
“Could I borrow Yunho please?”
“Jaejoong…”
“Ah…I can’t sleep very well on my own- let alone in an unfamiliar place…”
I began to say all kinds of things, startled by the low voice that I heard, calling out for me desperately. Her questioning expression still did not change. She must be dumbfounded considering that a man was asking to borrow her husband with the excuse that even after 27 years of life, he still had trouble going to sleep by himself.
Why. Are you worried that might do something like have sex with your husband? Do you even know me? Why are you looking at me as if I’m an intruder here? Do I seem that pathetic to you?
“Let me borrow him.”
Instead, the one who responded in a stiff tone of voice was not her, but Yunho. I wonder what he’s planning to say. He grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her towards himself. I couldn’t see his expression, hidden behind her.
“Honey, to tell you the truth…”
“I have a mental disorder.”
Her eyes turned back on to me. Her pure eyes widened; I could see his surprised face from behind hers as well. All the attention uncomfortably fell on to me, once again. Having unintentionally drawn the focus to myself, I waved it off as if to say that it was no big deal. From there, I began my explanation in a soft, calm voice in order to calm them down.
“I’m sick…really sick. Maybe it’s because my mind is so restless, but I keep seeing strange things at night…That’s why when there’s no one there, I can’t even get a wink of sleep. I’m scared, really…It doesn’t even compare with having a nightmare…Even I didn’t expect this sort of thing to be treated as a mental problem…”
I bet you don’t know how scary it is to fall asleep alone. The unforgettable memories of that day that constantly hover around me during the day, at night instantly transforms itself into a dark monster that threatens to suffocate me. I cry tears of blood as it wrings the life from my neck, unable to scream, unable to do anything. It torments me that after all that, I’m still alive.
My limbs are pulled apart, and each and one of the crevices in my body clot with blood. After thrashing around like that for however long it is, I wake up and see a tiny square ceiling, and find myself completely drenched in sweat. I’m so sick of it all.
“Please understand, Suh-hee.”
I could see her heart melt at my sincere request. She comforted me, asking me why I did not tell her sooner, and telling me that, that sort of thing isn’t a mental disorder. I guess it’s not like one would be able to tell just from looking at me, seeing as it’s not as if I have a problem living an ordinary life or have any overt symptoms.
Her eyes are back to how they were before I had made my confession. They were kind and mild- free of any prejudices. She even went on to apologize for the brief moment when she had been judgmental of me. I wonder if there is another woman in this world with eyes are honest as hers. In that moment, I felt that if I was not gay, I would have fallen in love with her right then. I might have married her and made her bear my child. Just like Yunho.
But he couldn’t stop me. Fully knowing the kind hearted pregnant woman who was filled with compassion for the mentally unstable man, suffering from the after effects of getting his wisdom teeth pulled out. Fully knowing the evil past lover who was doing everything possible to try and spend some time with him. Even knowing everything, Yunho made no move to stop me.
It was obvious the bed had never been used ever since it had been brought into the room. Both he and I were silent for a long while after being shoved into the guest room together upstairs. Even though it was already long after the sheets had been changed and a second pillow had been tossed on to the bed, Yunho and I were currently doing two different things. I’d finally gotten around to taking that shower, and he was flipping through a small magazine. They seemed like awkward activities for the both of us.
I wonder what he’s thinking. I wonder how long this new bed will torture me before finally letting me go to sleep. I lay down, filled half with dread and half with curiosity.
I was happy to find that the pillow was softer than what I’d expected. I intentionally called out to him in a very soft, fragile voice. It was only after the sound of his name that had curled around my tongue had evaporated in the air that he finally closed the magazine and got into his spot beside me in the bed.
He still remained ice cold. My heart ached at the sight of his turned back. You were really hurt badly back then, weren’t you…?
You’re still like the Jung Yunho of seventeen. Even back then, both boy and man had coexisted inside of you. It was beautiful.
But looking at his strong back, I felt that I had somehow become hidden behind the shadow of the life of the still beautiful twenty seven year old Jung Yunho.
I began to get upset, feeling as though I was being left behind without even having been given a reason why. Now that I was already in his house, he wouldn’t just kick me out. So,
"Did you sleep with her?”
“We’re married.”
There was no waver in his response, even at my overtly obnoxious question. I wonder if he had picked up on the way I had been glaring at her stomach. But just as I was about to dismiss it as proof of him paying attention to me, sadness overtook me by the way he had addressed her and himself as ‘we.’
Because of that, I briefly cast aside my vicious tone and asked,
“How many months…?”
Yunho responded, weakened by my genuinely hurt tone of voice.
“6 months…”
You’re feeling bad about what you did, aren’t you?
“Can you even get it up in front of her?!”
“You better watch what you say.”
He was coping well with the roller coaster like conversation of ours; slowly climbing its way up to the peak one moment, only to crash into the ground the next. I was scared that he might say that he actually loves her with those lips that had only known my name- those lips that had once whispered words of adoration. His voice that I had, in the past, appreciated even as he was tearing me down with his vulgar words, had grown cruel solely to me. Things had changed way too much in the span of just 2 years.
I wrapped my arms around his back. I whined in a voice as soft as a whisper, as I buried my face into the pulse spot on his back.
“Can you hold me while we sleep?”
“…”
“It’s alright even if you don’t do anything for me…”
“Get away from me.”
“Oppa…”
In that instant, I could feel the violent reaction of the cells in his body that were pressed to my skin. I’m happy. It seems like at least the way you like me calling you ‘Oppa’ still hasn’t changed… I remember you liked hearing it, having grown up in a family with four other male siblings and no younger sister. You could never be mean to the juniors girls that followed you around in high school no matter how angry I got. All just because of that one word…
It sounded like a curse that my simple minded man had just quietly spat out. The trembling of his lips rang in my ears; he finally stood up, unable to stand it any longer.
“If you’re going to be like this, then just sleep separately. That’d be a lot better.”
“No…! I’m sorry…really…I’m scared. I’m scared to sleep alone…”
I begged with a face that looked as though I was ready to cry. He lay back down next to me with a sigh. Even though it was obvious that he hated being there, I still was elated at the thought of the night to come that would bring sleep that at the same time was not sleep at all. Something as small as his rejection was nothing to me. I attached myself to his back a second time like a koala bear. He didn’t push me away; even at this, I felt wildly happy.
Opening my lips that had drawn close, I softly nipped on the rim of his ear. The very particles of his being were reacting passionately. The muscles in his shoulders began to tremble as I moved on to press firmly in the dip on the back side of his ear with my tongue. My lower stomach began to ache, seeking attention.
I whispered…
“Can’t you put it in me even just once?”
“…”
At that, he cast aside the sheets and lifted himself to his feet, after turning his hate filled eyes on to me. I latched on to him as if to say that I wanted to take back what I had just said.
I pitifully shook my head from side to side. He lay back down a second time as I softly begged, “Don’t go.”
I tried to pull him towards me, wanting to look into his eyes, but he was quick to turn his back on me again. So cute…I was just on the verge of biting his cheek, when I stopped myself. What if my saliva is too sweet for him to handle?
Worried, I decided to save that for later. I didn’t want to defrost his icy façade just yet. I lifted my hand and ran my fingers down the back of his neck. He swatted me away.
Instead of stopping, I continued the path of my fingers down the line of his back. This time, even though he twitched, he made no move to stop me. He remained immobile after I continued to stoke him, and even after I just settled for shaking him by his arm like a child, as if having finally had found the solution: that all he had to do was do nothing. I was weak to unresponsiveness.
This is boring.
“Fine. Ch…”
I’ll leave you alone, then.
…I’ll be good for tonight.
Thanks for reading! Please help spread the word about this project!