Gashiyeon - Chapter 4 [Part 2]
The time that I had spent worrying about what would happen with me and Yunho this morning had turned itself into a blur. Hunger soon followed the retreating back of axiety. Today, I finally had a proper meal that was neither a thin gruel nor porridge for the first time in 2 weeks. All concern about the inside of my abused mouth was pushed aside for now. I finished a whole bowl of white rice, soup and a variety of side dishes, using the row of teeth on the opposite side of my mouth, despite the fact that the other was bleeding.
As expected, his face was a blank slate. My stomach burned in response to the food that it had been denied for a long time. But it was bearable. I was well enough to see him off to work a little while later. He received a sweet farewell, even though only a few minutes before, he had done the same for me with an ice cold heart. I was sure Yunho was probably affected by this deep sense of irony as well.
He put on his shoes and adjusted his glasses. They formed Jung Yunho’s mask as he stood in the face of society. He wore a shirt with an accented sleeve today-he looked so my sharp, my man.
Anything looks good on you.
I wanted to get him some clothes as thanks for being so perfect. It was my belief that beautiful things needed to be constantly pampered and cared for that led me to make plans for a shopping trip that hadn’t even been originally part of today’s schedule. Even though I wasn’t too happy about the fact that it was raining today, there was nothing that could shake my resolve. Ties, shirts, shoes, and underwear. Ah...My heart skipped a beat at the thought of dressing him up.
He tersely said his goodbyes. It was only after I heard those words that I could properly feel that I had been able to cut into his life. I was happy. He turned around for a brief second, as he opened the door at the end of the lengthy entrance hallway. He looked at her. As though offering a response to his glance, she gave him a smile. Then his eyes moved on to me. I smiled back at him too; and even though his eyes narrowed immediately in response, I kept it up until the end. He disappeared with the slam of the front door as we put up our hands and waved goodbye.
Ah… The lover and the wife waving their hands at the same time while living under the same roof…
“Puhaha-!”
It’s just too funny.
◈
“Will you give me some ice?”
Eventually, unable to stand her worried glances, I ended up doing what she wanted. Clutching at the towel wrapped around the ice cubes pressed against my face, I sat down on the sofa just like I did yesterday. Letting the TV run in the background, we carried on a conversation, laughing, and ranting about anything and everything. Most of what we talked about were just random celebrity news and recent human affairs. I put on quite a show as we talked, the conversation having been the most fun I’d had in a long while.
Our conversation continued on for a long time, despite the fact that there was no mention of Yunho─our only commonality.
"Haha…I feel so comfortable around you that I feel just like I’m with one of my girlfriends when I’m with you.”
I managed to choke on one of the ice cubes that I had taken out of the towel and had been sucking on, at her words. I coughed until the inside of my nose started to burn. She moved quickly, considering she was pregnant, to fetch me a glass of water. I managed to calm myself down after a few sips. I tip toed around her, reading her reactions carefully. Ah…She was looking at me like that too, afterall. Back when we had dated when we were younger, there had been countless tense situations because of my Kim Jaejoong brand of brashness that Yunho had constantly scolded me about.
Hm…Girlfriend, huh…But I don’t have a womb...
Her words were a fuse that blew up the truth that I had been managing to bury in the depths of my mind.
“I heard that having sex between 4 to 6 months into the pregnancy is good for the fetus’ IQ.”
Her eyes sparkled at my words; too bad I had no idea as for the degree of truth that they actually carried.
Of all her expressions I had seen, the one that she was making right now, a face full of unrestrained curiosity, was the most attractive, second only to her dazzling smile. Anyone could fall in love with that wonderfully naive expression, round eyes opened wide and lips parted in inquiry.
“Still, if you guys just go and scream and yell all you want, what am I supposed to do? I’m not even married yet.”
“Oh…Sorry…Did you…hear…?”
“It’s alright…I thought it was a cat or something, so I went downstairs to check on it, but it turns out…phew…”
Even though the one mewling like a cat in the middle of the night was probably me.
She didn’t seem flustered at the mention of their relationship at all. It was because they were married.
It was purely because of the fact that they had managed to bother another person who shared their home, that she was feeling apologetic.
She was humble even in the face of my thorny words…a person who was kind to the point of stupidity. I couldn’t stand to harass her any further. I had no other choice but to end the subject as if it had been merely a joke.
As I was taking another sip of water, she clasped her hands together and let a small sound escape her lips. She had just remembered something urgent.
“Um…then why don’t you guys have a drink together tonight?”
“Drink?”
“Yeah. Drink. So you can both forgive and forget…If I’m there…It’s probably going to get akward…”
“Wha- where are you going to go, then?”
“I planned to go back to my parent’s house for the weekend.”
I had been sitting, quietly contemplating if her lonliness had finally dragged her down into an all time low, when a sudden thought that crossed my mind─
She wasn’t going to be here this weekend. It was the best thing I’d heard all day. Every single one of my cells was beginning to rise up one by one, screaming out in pure joy at the news. But even so, I kept up my poker face.
Because she was smart. If I did anything suspicious, things would get messy. I wanted to stay as her husband’s relative, a person that would ease her lonlines, at least for now.
“You guys can finish off everything that’s there.”
She points at the closely packed rows of luxury liquors that stood lined up in the grandiose display case in the corner. Alcohol was a part of Yunho’s style. Of them, wine was the one that had always been my responsibility when we were together, half of the contents of his glass, dribbled slowly on to my body. Nothing had changed and nothing had been forgotten. By the looks of things, today could actually turn out to be the best day of my life.
“I’ve already told Yunho…”
Ah… Was that why you were being so cruel yesterday? You were acting so cute…because you were scared of being alone with me…? You were planning to keep me away with a fragile shield like that?
“You two won’t fight while you’re drinking, will you?”
Who knows. Our love itself is like a war; something like this can’t even be called a fight. We’re constantly struggling not to loose ourselves in the pit of our endlessly vast love. We’ve always loved like that-every second of every minute, and every minute of every day.
“Fight? Not a chance. It’s just me taking it one-sidedly. That bastard…he's freaking strong, too.”
She laughed heartily at my comments about her husband. She was a poor woman that knew nothing of my true feelings…My words have an underlying meaning to them, Suh-Hee.
After he smacks me around until both of my cheeks are swollen red, we rub our bodies together. I turn around and offer my opening to him and he puts his organ inside of me. We kiss until our lips are about to burst and violently caress each other’s body until our skin is about to rub off. I feel Yunho’s body fill up my own and look at his satisfied expression….
Our bodies become one in such an awe inspiring way. I’ve never been dissatisfied with him. You see, I just couldn’t get enough of him no matter how much I had….
We’ve loved with that kind of intensity, every moment we had together. It’s become the only truth to either of us. Compared to our own, we felt that there was no such thing in the entire world could even be called love.
You’re a poor woman, Suh-Hee. Never having experienced the firey passion of true love, you’ve given up everything to my man, haven’t you?
Yunho’s my man. Everything of his is also mine. But, I don’t want you, Suh-Hee.
Because you’re pitiable…The world’s not big enough for two people as pathetic as we are…
“Ah…just a second. I was just going to leave to go shopping…”
She got up from her seat hastily, saying that she needed to get ready to leave for her parent’s house. I grabbed her retreating figure and made her look at me. Her white, innocent face turned to me with another question.
She was a beautiful woman-a woman that I wanted to break exactly because of it.
“Let’s go together.”
There will come a day when you’ll regret not having driven me out.
‘I hate that I’m like this’…?
As if. Its because you love yourself to that extent that you can’t let go of him, Kim Jaejoong.
Because you see, you can’t live without Jung Yunho.