Penny and Sheldon Get Married, a Big Bang Theory fanfic
Title: Penny and Sheldon Get Married
Author: happy_overdose
Summary: Penny and Sheldon arrange a marriage to impress Sheldon's investors, and build a life together. Futurefic
She was smiling, holding the bouquet of wild flowers, her pigtails whipping in the evening wind. She did her march, humming the familiar tune, which took on a punk rock feel when she hummed low and deep in her throat. Her light-up sneakers provided a light show on the dark grass. And she could just see it. Her future husband was standing at the altar, looking unbelievably handsome (and not at all like Rick Johnson from next door). The church she had grown up in looked almost magical. Her bridesmaids, all her friends from her second grade class, were smiling in their pretty lavender dresses (they had drawn straws over who would get to have which colour at their wedding; nobody got pink, because everybody wanted pink). Her daddy was holding her hand and walking down the aisle and they would get a harpist, like Auntie Becky’s wedding. It was way better than Miss Trenton’s arthritic fingers on the ancient organ.
Everyone would be looking at her in her big fancy dress with the train as long as the church aisle; not as long as Princess Diana’s (from the video Auntie Becky brought to watch with Penny’s mom) but long enough for a small Nebraska church. And rose petals would fall from the roof...
“Penny! Come on in, honey! It’s dinner time!”
Dropping the flowers, Penny ran for the house, her daydream temporarily forgotten.
*~*~*~*~*
The dress itched. Like really itched. And it was a bit short too, not to mention it was strapless, so it had zero support. Why she had decided to wear this dress, when she obviously didn’t find it comfortable, she didn’t know. It wasn’t really a good dress for a wedding.
“You look nervous.”
Penny turned to look at the wedding planner. She looked calm and was smiling. That was a good sign. It meant nothing was going wrong.
“I’m not,” Penny told her, shrugging, “Why would I be?”
“You’d be surprised,” the wedding planner explained, taking out a napkin and patting Penny’s hairline, “I’ve seen thousands of weddings and there are times when the maid of honour is more nervous than the bride. All you gotta remember is, you got her here, like you were supposed to. The rest is up to her.”
Penny nodded, not even bothering to correct the woman’s slip up. She wasn’t Anna’s maid of honour. She was Leonard’s.
Best man. Whatever.
And she wasn’t nervous. Leonard’s wedding was going to be great. She helped Anna plan it, along with her maid of honour Diana, plus Anna and Leonard’s mothers (Mrs. Hofstadter wasn’t really that enthusiastic, but she chose the flowers, Casablanca lilies). The piano solo that would be playing when Anna entered the church was an original composition, done by the happy couple (along with a professional composer- a wedding gift from Anna’s cousin). It was going to be perfect.
Penny sighed, moved over to where the rest of the wedding procession was gathering, standing in front of Sheldon, Howard and Raj.
“You guys ready?” she asked them as the wedding planner handed over her bouquet.
“You ask us the same thing before every single wedding, Penny,” Sheldon informed her in that belittling way only he could pull off.
She sighed in annoyance, yanking at her tiny blue dress one more time, “Yeah. We’ve been to a lot of weddings, haven’t we?”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was trying to listen. But she could feel her dress riding up her thighs. She dropped her arms, using the bouquet to hide the hem of her dress, but then Mrs. Hofstadter’s eyes caught hers and she gave her a stinging look. Penny put her arms back up, even though she was sure the entire church could probably see her panties right now.
She yanked down the tiny dress, smiled apologetically at the pastor as he sent her an annoyed look.
“Penny, stop fidgeting,” Sheldon whispered in her right ear. His breath tickled her neck. She gripped her bouquet tightly as a shiver went down her spine.
Okay, focus honey, she told herself, trying not to care about the damn dress. She focused on Leonard and Anna, who were smiling blissfully at each other. Anna looked amazing in her dress, with her veil thrown back and her big broad smile.
Penny felt a little jealous.
Well, maybe jealous wasn’t the right word. She was a bit concerned for herself. Her perfect day with the perfect dress and the perfect man seemed more and more like a dream the more weddings she went to. She ticked off in her head; Howard was married to Bernadette for three years now, moving promptly into the house next door to his mother’s; Raj was married now too, to a girl named Neya, who was handpicked by his mother in New Delhi (granted, she didn’t force them together, but it was quite coincidental that one of Raj’s old schoolmates just happened to move from India straight into the apartment building Raj lived in). Now, Leonard was getting married.
And Penny owned a bookstore.
My, how the tables were turned.
She felt Sheldon’s fingers splayed at the base of back, and she gasped. He pushed her forward.
“You were on my foot,” he whispered to her.
“Sorry,” she whispered back, effectively ignoring the tingling shivers that coursed through her.
She focused in time to hear the pastor announce Leonard and Anna man and wife.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Penny watched Leonard and Anna dancing to the disco song the DJ was playing. Raj and Neya were dancing too, but Howard and Bernadette were sitting at a table, feeding each other cake.
Penny’s hands propped up her chin and her elbows were on the table. When did this happen? How did this happen? Well, she knew the guys were all catches (it took the coming of Bernadette, but even Howard turned into one) but when did the rest of the female population get wind of them? Granted, Raj and Neya knew each other since childhood, and Anna was Leonard’s grad student, and Bernadette and Howard...well, Penny wasn’t sure how that happened. But they all got married before her! They all found somebody, and she, who had more experience than all of them combined and doubled, didn’t even have a boyfriend and hadn’t had sex in...let’s just say way too long.
How did this happen? Was she really so caught up in things at the bookstore that she had forgotten dating and sex was important? Was it her fault that Mrs. James changed her will to give her the store, when she had only been working there two years, then promptly died three months after? And when did her friends, one of who could hardly talk to women, finally wake up to the fact that they could probably marry these great girls around them?
Now she was their ‘single friend’.
Well, she and Sheldon.
Penny almost laughed aloud. Wow, if Sheldon fell in love and got married, she would know she was past redemption. Sheldon still couldn’t get the little sexual innuendoes she dropped from time to time. He was still clueless when women tried to come on to him. Mrs. James had a great time whenever he came to the bookstore while she was alive.
She watched him as he stood speaking to one of the CalTech smarties that made up most of the guest list. He looked great with his shirt unbuttoned at the collar and his sleeves pulled up. She liked him like that. He looked that way at every wedding reception they had been to...
She shook her head. Oh gosh. She had to start dating again soon.
Someone put a slice of wedding cake in front of her, and she looked up.
Neya was standing there. She had a pleasant face that was almost always smiling, her long dark hair was cut, coloured and styled, she had on a bright green dress and her matching earrings twinkled and shone in the overhead light.
“I got you a slice. You okay?” she asked Penny in her melodic New Delhi accent.
“M-hmm,” Penny nodded, “I’m just thinking, you know?”
“Well, don’t think too much,” Neya grinned, “I’m trying to get one of those cute CalTech guys to ask you to dance.”
As Neya walked off, Penny looked over at the Caltech posse. She didn’t see anybody who had any potential at all. Except maybe Sheldon.
She shook her head again. Okay, Monday morning, she had to get herself a date.
She looked over at him and saw he was walking over. Penny busied herself with the cake.
“The man has absolutely no understanding of the movement of particles. How can he argue for...”
“Honey,” she cut him off, “Remember that this is Penny, not Leonard or Raj or Howard. I own a bookstore, I don’t have time to brush up on particle movement.”
He looked at her, then down, “I apologize. I shouldn’t assume that your newly established relationship with books means you have made any attempt to comprehend
the very building blocks of life.”
She glared at him, knowing him well enough to detect the insult.
“You know, we sell all sorts of books. There’s science fiction, and historical fiction. And you like the books in my store!”
“They are quite fine for entertainment and recreation, but useless in intellectual discourse.” he argued.
She rolled her eyes. It wasn’t as if she and Sheldon hadn’t had this conversation trillions of times since she first got the store.
The tempo of the music changed, became slower. Penny watched as Leonard and Anna held each other tight, Bernadette and Howard finally moved to the dance floor and Neya grabbed a retreating Raj and pulled him close.
Penny sighed. She would ask Sheldon to dance, but having been with him to countless weddings (Howard, Missy, Raj
and her cousin Hannah, in that order) she already knew the answer. Instead, she looked at her married friends. They all looked so cute. Howard and Bernadette were laughing at some private joke; Raj was kissing Neya, or maybe it was the other way around; Anna was whispering something in Leonard’s ear.
“Look at them,” she said aloud, “They’re all married. In like no time at all, all of them just up and got married. And I don’t even have a boyfriend. It’s like the world’s gone backwards. I’m supposed to be the one getting married. Heaven knows I’ve been husband hunting way longer than any of them has ever been looking for a wife.”
“You’ve never wanted a husband, Penny,” said Sheldon, fiddling with the disposable camera on the table, “You have mainly been in search of overdeveloped simpletons.”
Penny glared at him again, but he continued unperturbed, “However, it is true that your pursuit of coitus has preceded any of theirs.”
Penny winced, “What did I tell you about that word? Well, anyway, all I’m saying is I should be married.”
“You want to get married?”
“Sure,” Penny sighed, “Every little girl dreams of getting married when they grow up. Or at least a wedding...where are you going?”
Sheldon was putting on his jacket hurriedly. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled and she sprang up out of the seat.
“Grab your bouquet,” he told her, “We can go to the courthouse.”
Penny only had time to gasp before he pulled her towards the banquet hall doors.
*~*~*~*~*~ *
“Sweetie!” she yelled at him as he opened the driver’s side of her grey SUV, ushering her in, “I think I know what you’re thinking and I dunno if what I think I know you’re thinking is such a good idea!”
“You said you wanted to get married,” he explained, “and right at this moment, I have great need for a wife.”
Penny was suddenly reminded of the Regency era book she read last week, “Um, I’m sure I’m gonna regret this, but why exactly do you have need for a wife?”
“Seatbelt,” he said softly, and she automatically buckled up, “There is a technologies firm from Japan who want to fund some of my research in the hope that it will aid the development of their products. However, they would prefer to work with someone who has a stable home life, which, according to them, is for me to have a wife and possibly
children- yes, Penny, I do remember the Healthy Uterus contract that we signed. I do not think it is necessary for us to have offspring. But, a wife is imperative.”
“Okay,” Penny was already pulling into traffic, heading towards the court house, “So you have to have a wife or what? They won’t fund your research?”
“They have several other candidates, Penny. And all of them are competent physicists. They believe that working with someone who has a family will be beneficial when it comes to negotiating.”
Penny nodded, not really getting it, but trusting that he did, “So I marry you. Then what?”
Sheldon looked over at her, “I must confess that I haven’t thought that far, Penny. Maybe if we take a few months to plan...”
“No,” Penny stopped him, knowing that if she took a minute, much less a month, to think, she would see the complete nonsense in this plan and back out. She was operating on pure autopilot at that moment, so much so that she hadn’t even put down her bouquet and her purse was in her lap. She didn’t want to think about telling him no.
“Are you sure?” he asked her.
Penny nodded vigorously, even as she realized she was
probably going to regret this decision in the morning, “Positive.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Penny checked her makeup in the rear-view mirror, then took a swipe of gloss to her lips. She finger combed her waves into place and readjusted her short skirt. Gosh, why did she wear this stupid dress?
“Are you ready?” Sheldon asked. He had been staring at her for the last few minutes while she got ready.
She checked herself one last time then opened her door, “Uh huh. Let’s go.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*