The Pleasures of Guilt.
Kurt felt like crap.
Here he was in the bathroom trying to clean the icy mess dumped on his lovable boyfriend, Blaine, who had just been slushied for the first, but definitely not the last time, at Mckinley High. They both knew the purple juice was not getting completey out by the time Fourth period started.
“Don’t move , Blaine, I know what I’m doing” he said in the most gentle tone as he lovingly went through the mechanics of trying to get as much of the frozen concoction out of Blaine’s hair and clothes.
It had all gone downhill so quickly.
This morning he discovered that by transferring to McKinley Blaine would be a Junior instead of a Senior for Kurt’s final year in high school. Kurt was practically in tears. He had cut third period to try to find his boyfriend to talk about this, this disaster. He was certain their relationship was doomed.
To top it off, he got to Blaine just seconds after the hockey team Cro-Magnons inaugurated Blaine ‘s entry to McKinley High with a ceremonial baptism by slushie flavor du jour, grape juice, in the main hallway.
As Kurt had escorted Blaine to the boys bathroom he babbled to Blaine his discovery about Blaine’s grade level demotion.
“Blaine you knew this would happen?”
Under a faucet of streaming water Blaine tried to downplay the situation to Kurt, “I knew this was going to happen but it was my choice. Call it a casualty of my hasty transfer to Dalton two years back from my old school. My transcripts bit me In the butt.”
Kurt’s heart sank.
Of all the talking points both boys had brought up either seriously or in jest about the pros and cons of Blaine transferring, this, this fact had never been brought up by Blaine. Ever.
“Blaine, you do realize if I had known this I never would have pressured you at all to transfer?”
His boyfriend gave him a sheepish grin, “why do you think I never mentioned it? I knew it would be a deal breaker.”
“So then why…”
Blaine shook his hair and stood up from the faucet. He bit his lip and gazed directly in Kurt’s eyes with a look of grim resolution. “At first all the transfer talk, we both were half kidding about it and it seemed like so much harmless fun to fantasize about. But then the more we talked about it, damn if your points didn’t start to make sense to me. The lump in my throat from running away from my last public school?” Blaine’s eyes were tearing up, “that one evening with you at your Junior Prom did more for me then all the self help books I religiously read and quote from.”
Kurt looked with amazement at Blaine but was far from convinced.
Sensing this, Blaine offered more. He grabbed Kurt’s hand in his and pressed it tight.
“I didn’t tell you but I had actually made up my mind to transfer a few weeks ago. I was just trying to get the courage.”
“But…”
“Kurt, would you do the same thing for me?”
The taller boy blinked, “ I… I honestly don’t know.”
Blaine smiled. “I know you better then you know yourself, I know you would do it. I’m talking to the boy that encouraged me and backed me up when I wanted to serenade another boy at the GAP, remember?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, “Know me better then myself? Don’t be silly. Didn’t I also tear you to shreds over the Rachel kiss…”
“That’s different. I should have been torn to shreds over that fiasco,” Blaine laughing replied to Kurt. “Besides, wasn’t that an example of you knowing me better then I knew myself?”
Kurt grimaced. “I’ve created a monster who’s as snarky and presumptuous as I am.”
The next thing he felt were his boyfriend’s lips pressing against his.
“If you think kissing me is going to change anything, “ Kurt gasped between their kisses.
“I’m just trying to break down your resistance,” whispered Blaine.
As he felt the same rush he always did when he was so close physically to Blaine smelling the mixture of sweat and scents that was so Blaine , Kurt could only stammer, “it’s working.”
Suddenly Blaine seemed to brace himself. “Kurt since we are being totally honest…”
Kurt had never seen Blaine look so flustered and nervous, not even in the magical moments before their first kiss when Blaine confessed he was moved by Kurt. Blaine looked down, breaking eye contact.
“My father has absolutely refused to consider my going to New York for college next year.”
“Wow.”
“I tried everything, but he won’t budge. I have a legacy slot at OSU through my family and he expects me to fulfill it.”
His voice was suddenly ragged.
“To have to split after our senior year while you went off to New York and I stayed in Ohio…I just couldn’t…”
“Oh Blaine” whispered Kurt, overcome with emotion, “Honey, I would have gone to OSU with you in a heart beat…”.
“Precisely. You would have sacrificed your dream for me.”
Kurt froze in mid thought; since when had Blaine gotten to know him this well? Since when had Blaine ever outflanked Kurt in a discussion? It was both thrilling and terrifying.
“Kurt, all I know is that I would rather spend this year with you then contemplate being separated next year. I couldn’t handle that “.
“But at what a cost to you?” Kurt protested.
Blaine put his finger on Kurt’s lips as if to quiet him.
“Kurt, I have a plan and options. Yes, all my credits don’t transfer to McKinley but I know I can probably take a few Junior College evening courses to make up for them this year. Believe me I’ve researched it. It really is doable. Besides, being with you every day will give me the courage to work on my Dad for the coming year. I need your strength and I am not going to deny that I need it more then ever. Every day.”
“Blaine, there’s something more, I can sense it.”
Blaine grinned, “I guess we both know each other too well.”
“The dirty secret is that my grandfather actually paid for my Dalton tuition. You can just imagine what it costs since it included boarding expenses.”
Kurt nodded, but he still couldn’t grasp where Blaine was going with this.
“I confess I get along better with Gramps then I do with Dad.” Blaine got a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I told him about my plans, about our plans. He’s totally on board.”
Kurt was dumbfounded. “I just assumed that your whole family was like your Dad. Still, I don’t see how this changes anything.”
“The thing is, I’m not eighteen yet. Gramps said he’d work on Dad, but he needs time. At the very least he will spring it on Dad that if I can get my credits up to par he will pay for my first year in New York with the Dalton tuition he is saving by my transferring to McKinley. But he can’t just come out and say that to my Dad, because he knows my dad would get defensive. By offering the Dalton tuition it gives my Dad a chance to save face. Mom promises her help too.” Blaine groaned. “I can’t explain it, but it’s the Anderson way of passively aggressively doing things. God, we are so dysfunctional!”
“So let me get this straight. Your grandfather and mother are tag teaming to get around your dad’s resistance to you going to New York?”
“Yup.”
It made Kurt appreciate more then ever the relationship he had with his own Dad. Burt Hummel not on board fully with his son was something so alien to Kurt. And it made him even more crazy in love with his boyfriend who had obviously thought all this up and figured it out in that meticulously gorgeous gelled head of his.
For the first time, Kurt wrapped his mind around the idea that this crazy insane scheme of Blaine might actually work.
“Geeze Blaine, you even know how to rebel with manners.”
Blaine punched him hard in the shoulders and Kurt feigned shock and pain.
“But Blaine it’s so risky and there is no guarantee.”
“Kurt, I’m tired of talking about ‘courage’ as if it’s something you can just pluck out of the air. It’s my life and my choice and I know what I want to do. You’re not the only one that can be stubborn as all get out.”
“I’m not stubborn.”
“Say that again?”
“Shut up.”
Looking at his boyfriend, Kurt was amazed at what he had, what they had together. But still..
“Blaine, never the less, it makes me feel so responsible.”
The ex-Warbler had a dark look in his eyes, “I’m counting on it, believe me I am going to milk this for all it’s worth. I want you totally wrapped around my finger.” He proceeded to then kiss Kurt’s throat hungrily and Kurt quivered, feeling he would melt into a puddle right then and there. “I’m not your puppy dog anymore Kurt.” Those words sent a chill down Kurt’s back
"This more then makes up for my taking so long to get my head out of my ass and see you were right in front of me all along, Kurt. I'm tired of making up for that," Baine said between creating the most insane hickey on Kurt's throat.
"Blaine, I never wanted you to feel that way." What was the capital of Thailand?
"You are such a liar, Kurt," and Blaine looked at Kurt and Kurt blushed under his gaze. Blaine started undoing Kurt's shirt buttons and that just wouldn't do. He traced his fingers over Kurt's chest, squeezing his nipples. He then bit hard and chuckled. "You little hypocrite, you had no qualms taking full advantage of my guilt over our courtship, did you?" and he laughed softly as he felt Kurt fall to pieces.
Kurt knew Blaine was right. He had taken advantage of Blaine's guilt and had reveled in it. Apparently those days were gone.
Blaine bit again.
Harder.
Was Bismark the capital of South or North Dakota? Kurt couldn't remember.
"Blaine, please, oh my God, stop. We are at McKinley after all…” Kurt was trying to keep his senses as Blaine was literally mauling him in the boys bathroom between third and fourth periods. Kurt had Geography next for Gods’s sake, how could he concentrate on World Capitals?
Purple juice or no purple juice, Kurt thought Blaine had never looked so in control. This Blaine where did he come from? Not that Kurt was complaining.
“It’s your fault I’m here instead of the safety of Dalton. All your fault, Kurt Hummel, ” Blaine growled as he bit into Kurt’s shoulder blade. Kurt never had heard that tone in Blaine’s voice, he sounded so predatory.
“I do feel guilty, Blaine.” How could guilt seem like such a turn on? That couldn’t be healthy.
“I’m counting on that guilt to make you do evil and filthy things all senior year,” Blaine whispered in Kurt’s ear, as he continued to kiss him, “over and over and over.”
Healthy be damned.
“I think I like this devious side of you, Blaine Anderson.” Kurt murmured.
“You better, you’ll be seeing it every day.”
What was the capital of Madagascar?