Belonging 3a/? (Star Trek, McSpork, sequel to Acceptance)
Title: Belonging
Rating: T
Word Count: 11,457
Summary: Once found, belonging is the thing we will fight the most for.
Note: ANGST AHEAD!
McCoy and Jim were perched in front of the viewscreen in their quarters that they shared with their other mate, Spock. At the moment, Spock was otherwise occupied, and they were hesitantly awaiting the reply from New Vulcan.
Two minutes later the two Vulcans appeared, raising an eyebrow as soon as they saw who was calling and nodding. "Doctor, Captain, to what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Um...well...we had a couple questions for you..." Jim said hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"We...we were wondering...if it was possible at all...you know, for a...male Vulcan to...you know...be…'up the duff'?" Jim asked hesitantly.
"'Up the duff?'" Sarek asked in barely visible confusion, both Vulcans looking at each other before looking back at them.
"Yeah...you know...'get a bun in the oven'? Um..." They still looked confused
"Goddamn it, he means pregnant, is it possible for male Vulcans to get pregnant?!"
"Yes, Doctor, it is indeed possible for male Vulcans to conceive. It does not happen very frequently, however, as most Vulcan males mate with females. To them it is purely logical, even knowing that they would be able to impregnate a mate of their same gender. What reason is there behind your inquiry?" Sarek raised an eyebrow knowingly and Jim was sure that the old Vulcan was purposely trying to torture him.
"Um...well, you see...Spock's sorta’...um... We..."
"What Jim's trying to say is, we impregnated the damn Vulcan. Spock's pregnant. Twins. We weren't sure if that was just....insane or what, so thought we'd ask you... So yeah. Congratulations, Sarek seems you're getting grandchildren."
Salek's brow arched and he and Sarek glanced at each other, "We had begun wondering when Spock would inform you of this occurrence."
"You mean the hobgoblin.... FUCK AND DAMN!!!" McCoy shouted out, jumping up and heading to the bathroom where Spock currently was. Jim blinked, looking up after him and then turned back to look at two passively amused Vulcan elders and gave them a slightly sheepish smile, "I think I'm going to go save Spock now... Nice talking to you, bye!" With that he ran off, running back a second later to close the connection.
Jim rushed into the bathroom, immediately setting his eyes on a furious Leonard and an overly innocent Spock, who was leaning back against the side of the large tub, body immersed in thick, cinnamon scented foam -he'd developed a liking for bubble baths, said liking mostly prompted by the enjoyment he felt from the barely developed lives inside him. Jim smiled despite the anger sparking along the bond.
McCoy bristled, "So, I take it you decided to inform your father before you informed us?" He bit out between gritted teeth.
"That is correct..."
"And you didn't plan on telling us that you had told them, setting us up to make us act like complete fools, is that right?"
"That may or may not have been my intention..." Spock said, shifting slightly, the cinnamon scented water working its magic.
Jim noticed it first, if Bones even did at all. Soft, sweet feelings were spiking across the tendrils of the bond, twisting and coiling hotly. Jim felt himself harden, shifting on his feet as Bones continued to glare at Spock.
"And why would you do something like that to us?" His voice was sharp, brows furrowed and mouth set into a scowl.
"It is possible that I might derive a small amount of illogical pleasure from watching or listening to you both squirm..." Spock said, shifting again, stretching his back and raising an eyebrow, his arms resting on either side of the tub.
Jim shifted some more, flicking his gaze to McCoy and noticing the slight realization that was flickering in those hazel eyes.
The sparks of anger disappeared completely in a matter of seconds and then Bones was tugging his shirt over his head, throwing it off to the side and reaching down to unbutton and unzip his regulation black pants. Spock licked his lips and Jim quickly followed Leonard's example, kicking off his shoes and almost knocking himself off balance as he tugged his socks off. He wrestled out of his pants and practically tore his shirt as he took it off.
Later, when they were resting in the nearly empty tub, looking around at the water and bubbles that were dripping from almost every surface, Bones gave a sigh. "One day hobgoblin, I'm going to find a way to stay mad at you..."
"I welcome the challenge..." Spock answered, his voice half amused, shivering slightly as his skin cooled. Jim got a towel and held it out for him as McCoy helped him up.
As soon as he was vertical Jim had him wrapped up in the fluffy material and his arms, nuzzling his mate's makeup free skin happily. Spock sighed contentedly and stood there for a few moments, resting his forehead on Jim's shoulder. Eventually they pulled apart and dried off, throwing their discarded clothing into the laundry chute before walking out of the steam-stuffy bathroom. Spock crawled onto the bed and stretched in a cat-like way before snuggling down into the pillows and blankets. Jim and Bones laid on either side of him, each placing a hand on his belly as they curled around him. Spock branched out the tendrils of the bond to tentatively brush their three minds against those of the twins'. He purred softly and closed his eyes.
His mates snuggled up closer to him, kissed his ears, and they slowly fell asleep together.
Spock was usually the one to wake up first, but lately he had needed more sleep than usual. McCoy was working on trying to find ways to give him beta shifts. They were debating on telling the crew and figured that leaving it a surprise would be amusing as all hell. Jim was looking forward to Scotty's reaction.
Jim and Bones had started waking up at least a half hour earlier than they had previously. They would slip out of bed and bump and push each other at the bathroom counter as they brushed their teeth, then check if there was anything pressingly important they should see too. Generally, that would take about ten to fifteen minutes. After -in a completely non creepy way, Jim reminded himself frequently-, they would lounge around the room and watch Spock sleeping peacefully. After letting him sleep for another hour, give or take, they would spend close to ten minutes coaxing Spock out of bed.
It was beyond adorable, Spock would slowly peel his eyes open, one at a time, only to have the other droop shut as he whimpered slightly at the feeling of the blankets being removed, followed by the pillows, then he would curl up and try and ignore them for just a few more moments, even if they shook him. It was also a nice way to get revenge by being able to wake someone who spent lots of time and energy making sure they got up at a reasonable hour.
Sometimes Spock was still so fuzzy-minded and sleepy and off-balance that Jim and Bones had to help him get dressed, and though the Vulcan would never admit it -and tried to block it from his mates every time- they knew he rather enjoyed feeling cared for like that. What he didn't enjoy was leaving their quarters and going to the Bridge without Leonard, one very important third of their bond. Jim and Bones hated it too.
But by the time the two of them went to the Bridge, Spock had regained his professional demeanor and the pain of McCoy's absence was dimmed. They were Starfleet; they couldn't afford to do otherwise.
Jim and Spock stepped on the turbolift, turning around and facing the doors, waiting for when they would slide open, touching fingers gently in one last kiss before they slid back open. When they did, the two of them moved forward, into the Bridge, Spock and Jim moving to their places. Chekov and Sulu smiled at Jim, Nyota gave a small smile to Spock, and when Jim winked at her in sarcastic playfulness she tossed her hair at him, and then looked pointedly at Spock who was ignoring them both in amusement.
Jim plopped into his beloved swivel chair and spun around a few times, grinning at Spock widely each time his face zoomed past, before stopping in front of Nyota, who was shaking her head at him with a slightly fond smile.
"Any new commands from Starfleet, Lt. Uhura?" he asked, drawing out the 'a' like he used to do when he was a child.
"Patching it through to your chair now, basic surveying mission. Nothing too strenuous. Probably have you bored within a couple hours, captain..." Nyota responded in amusement. It had taken a while, but they were finally able to talk and tease without having Uhura fall into a hissy fit. It was the Vulcan who was giving them a raised eyebrow that they had to watch out for.
Nyota was the only other person they had told about Spock's pregnancy, and she had become as protective of him as a mother bear to her cubs. When Spock started to look like he was ready to Nerve Pinch his mate or his unofficially adopted sister, they would stop their playful, meaningless flirting. However, some crew members had seen the Vulcan stalking towards sickbay with a sheepishly grinning Captain thrown over his shoulder.
It always made them pause what they were doing, and look after them in amusement. It was too easy to do. As it was though, they enjoyed poking at each other, and Spock let it happen. Although never let it be said that Vulcans were not possessive of what was theirs, but most agreed that they definitely had a right to be. But above all, most of the crew was positive that Spock especially deserved it, if only because they knew him.
Jim, feeling a little restless after having read the base description of their mission, wiggled his way between Chekov and Sulu to enter the coordinates himself, momentarily interrupting their conversation.
"Warp two, Mr. Sulu." Jim said as he moved off towards Spock, gently rubbing at his tense shoulders. He felt the light twinges of pain coming from his pelvis -the bones were separating as if he was a human female, though they didn't know why and it caused him unnecessary discomfort- and sent feelings of calm and love over the bond, trying to counter the pain.
This had become routine, none of the other bridge officers minded the closeness the two of them demonstrated. When it mattered, they were more professional than most, and that was the important thing. As it was though, they thought it was adorable, and it became something of a game for the helmsman and the navigator. If one of them caught one of their superiors looking at the other in a less than professional manner, the one who had noticed would nudge the one beside them and they kept tabs on who saw it first. So far, Chekov was winning in the amount of looks seen.
Jim rubbed his thumb over the back of Spock's neck before turning to go back to his chair, lip pushed into a pout. Nyota pouted at him teasingly in return, opening her arms as if to hug him. It made him grin, and he felt a small buzz of amusement tingle over the bond along with a warning. Spock was apparently possessive when he was emotional.
The thought made him grin, looking back at the back of Spock's head and sending careful pieces of reassurance, even as he gave Uhura a quick hug before walking back to his chair and plopping onto it. The rest of shift was divided between teasing Sulu and Chekov by giving almost improper looks to his bondmate, that turned into purely command based questions, and actually giving Spock ‘almost’ improper looks.
As soon as the shift ended, Jim bounced over to Spock as he flipped open his communicator. He curled his fingers around the back of the Vulcan's neck, rubbing the soft skin.
"Hey Bones, coming to lunch?"
"No, I'm going to sit here alone and starve, you idiot."
"Most illogical, doctor..."
"Shut up, Spock."
The rest of the bridge crew were stifling laughter as they gathered their things and the replacement shift sauntered in, "See you there, then Bones." Jim finished, and surreptitiously helped Spock up, the both of them nodding to their replacements before entering the turbolift together.
Jim immediately dropped his hands to Spock's lower back, kneading the muscle there gently. He peppered butterfly kisses over his cheeks and forehead, flooding his mate with reassurance and love.
"You know it's just teasing, baby. Nyota is like my little sister, just like she's yours." Jim smiled.
Spock relaxed into the kneading, tilting his head back slightly to rest on Jim's shoulder, "I am aware, but it is...difficult. I am Vulcan, Jim. We mate for life, and those who we choose we remain with for as long as we draw breath. To see a mate behaving so is..."
"Baby, I would never, ever leave you, not for anyone. Not for anything. You have to know this, you have to understand. I'm sorry, if it helps, I'll stop."
"You do not need to stop, so long as you restrict it to simple play flirting with Nyota. I do not know how I would react if you acted as such with anyone else." He whispered as the turbolift doors whooshed open.
They straightened up automatically, Jim managing to press one quick kiss to his mates’ ear as they left, heading to the mess hall and their other mate waiting for them.
Spock hesitantly twined their fingers together in the hallway, seeing as no other crewmembers were near. Their arms were pressed together, from palm to shoulder. Jim smiled as he gently tugged Spock along, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.
They finally made it to the mess, the two of them letting go and spotting Leonard in the back near the replicators, and automatically made a quick beeline over to him. McCoy greeted them with a fond grin, and then flicked his eyes to Spock's stomach briefly, and handed him a small card. "Diet changes...they suck, but they're necessary."
Once they all had their trays, they moved towards a nearby table, nodding to Sulu and Chekov two tables over as they sat. Spock tried to hide it, but he was the Vulcan equivalent of ravenous as he consumed his meal. Jim and Leonard watched fondly as they ate their own meals, vegetables and fruits and iced water -with added fiber and protein powder for Spock.
They had changed their diet slowly but surely, their mate had been against it at first, but when they assured him that it wasn't really a bother, and Jim mentioned that he was definitely not going to say no to a steak on special occasions, he agreed. McCoy was definitely happy with Jim's eating habits. He was amused to find that the way to make him eat healthy was to mate him to a Vulcan; then again, he supposed it made sense.
He tried not to show it too much, but Spock was, in fact, very happy with his mates' choice. He preferred not smelling meat on their breath, and it was illogical to make them brush their teeth and rinse their mouths after every meal. He agreed that they could consume what they wished for special occasions, like their anniversary or important dinners on alien planets.
It was something they did for each other, compromised. Spock finished first, looking down at his empty plate in something bordering a pout, and Jim gave a tiny smirk before shoving him his and standing up, going to get some more. Chekov and Sulu had caught that, and looked at each other. Spock was never one to eat that much, but then they took a look at him, wrote it off as he had finally realized how stick thin he was, and went back to their huddled conversation.
Jim came back to the table with another tray for himself, and a bowl of water with Spock's favorite fruit -pomegranate. He took one half and carefully dug out the seeds, dropping them into the cold water. Bones was doing the same with the other, and once they were finished, they poured the water from the bowl into Jim's empty glass.
Once every last drop was in the glass they handed it off to Spock who drank it easily, inclining his head in thanks. They grinned at him, and then returned to their own meals. When they were done they headed off. There wasn't much to be done that day, Spock would head to the science labs later, but for the moment, there was nothing that needed their immediate attention. With that in mind, they headed to their shared quarters.
Spock settled on the bed as soon as they walked in, back pressed to the piles of pillows lining the headboard thickly. Bones shook his head as he bustled about, picking up Jim's dirty clothes that were strewn across the plush carpeted floor. He threw them into the laundry chute with a pointed look towards Jim.
Jim gave him a wide smile, blinking his eyes innocently. McCoy rolled his eyes with a huff, glaring at him. Spock would usually be clearing the area, but when certain things became apparent, McCoy took over, the gentlemen in him unwilling to let anything else be the case. Jim was too lazy.
Spock shifted his legs and gave a muffled groan as his lower back and pelvis throbbed in pain for a few moments. He pressed further into the fluffy pillow under his back, leaning his head on another pillow and looking up at the ceiling.
His mates froze what they were doing, looking over to him, eyes flicking to each other, before Jim nodded to McCoy. Leonard gave a bit of a sigh, crawling on the bed and leaning next to his mate, turning him onto his side, Jim pulling Spock's upper torso towards him and resting his mates black haired head on his lap. McCoy began digging into those muscles at Spock's lower back, the two of them whispering to him quietly, telling him that it would be alright, telling him how proud they were of him, telling him how special he was.
Spock winced at the first few firm presses into his muscles, but the pain began to lessen soon enough and he practically melted down into the bed. The faint aches from his pelvis were nothing compared to the soothing pleasure from Leonard's talented, precise fingers and the heels of his hands. Jim started carding his fingers through his hair and rubbing behind his ears and Spock quickly found himself slipping into a half asleep state, eyes half lidded and chest rumbling as he purred.
The soft purring made the two of his mates relax, small self indulgent smiles tugging at their lips. Jim didn't fight his for long, a soft slightly dopy grin tugging up the corner of his mouth as he rubbed his finger on the back of Spock's ear, leaning back into the pillows and sighing contentedly. McCoy was getting there; he always took a bit longer to relax.
Once he did, he stretched out behind Spock, holding his head up with his hand, elbow pressed into the pillow. Spock was blinking rather slowly, inner eyelid already closed, lips pulled into a small, lazy smile. Jim's fingers were still messing up Spock's hair, locks separating around them and then falling back to his head. Jim was half asleep too, movements slow and lazy and Leonard really wanted to let them fall asleep and go along with them, but they each had things to do in just under an hour. He kept his eye on them, making sure they didn't get too close to sleep.
After a few quiet peaceful moments, listening to each other breathe, fingers drifting over hair and becoming progressively drowsy. Bones rubbed at his face, taking a look at the old fashioned clock on the bedside, and reached over, rubbing Spock's back firmly before shaking him gently. "Hey, come on... Up we get... We have stuff to do." Spock gave a soft whimper, but allowed Bones to help him up.
When Spock yawned and stretched, tongue just barely curling upwards at the tip, Jim had to resist the urge to pull him back down onto the bed and cuddle him into oblivion and never let him go. He settled with pouting and waving at his mates as they headed off to work for another few hours, then curled in on himself for a few minutes until the pain and discomfort of separation wore off.
--
At a month and a half, something happened that made Jim and McCoy pause. Spock started showing. It wasn't particularly huge, but it was still there, and that made them begin thinking. What had been so vague before had suddenly sharpened. Their male mate was pregnant; they were going to be fathers. In McCoy's case, he was going to be a father again.
That thought prompted some deep contemplation on Leonard's part. He couldn't keep this from his daughter, his precious Joanna. She deserved to know that she was going to have siblings. Bones resolved that he would tell her once the pregnancy moved along a little more, to give himself time to think of every situation that could arise, think of how his little girl would react to the news.
But the more McCoy thought about it, the more tangled up in his thoughts he became, and none of his thoughts were uplifting. Leonard had never been a drinker, never believed in solving his problems at the bottom of a bottle, but the more the thought of that small bump and the more he thought of his daughter and his ex-wife, the more he wished he did.
He didn't know what to do. He hadn't really been a good husband to Jocelyn or the best father to Joanna, and he knew that sooner or later he'd screw something up with the two Vulcan children on the way, and also the Vulcan that carried them. He started taking more and more time thinking, sitting in his office in sickbay, trying to figure out what he should do, and thinking of that still tiny bump.
Jim had a lot of thinking to do too. They didn't always get along well, but he did have to tell his mother that she would have grandchildren. He had to tell Sam and Aurleen too -he knew the two would love the thought of having more babies in the family.
Jim had other problems though, but the big one was this: He didn't know how to be a father. His only model that had lasted for a decent amount of time had been Frank, and Frank was nothing short of a bastard. He had been abusive, finally making his older brother run away, and leading Jim himself to drive his real (dead) father’s car off a rock quarry. Then there was his background to consider, what had he been before entering Starfleet? A drunk, something of a manwhore, and a genius level repeat offender.
What the hell was he thinking?
He'd never held a child before, not even his nephew, and if he'd never done something so simple, then how could he be expected to be able to care for the two that would be born in roughly eight months? Sure, he could read up on it, try to learn, but without firsthand experience...
There were so many things he was afraid of. What if his children hated him? What if he made Spock decide he was a bad influence, and wouldn't let him see them? He could admit that that thought was a bit ridiculous, but he was just so worried that he couldn't help it. When these thoughts came he drifted, spending time wandering his ship, eyes glazed and head bowed.
It took them a week before it happened, but Jim and McCoy eventually told Spock what they wanted to do. They had each decided that they would tell their families, not wanting to put it off any longer as Spock's belly grew a bit more, the bump still small but more pronounced. Spock agreed readily, tense shoulders dropping only slightly and his eyes regaining a bit of warmth. He carefully filtered his feelings, blocking off most of his end of the bond without his mates noticing. They had been doing it unconsciously, and Spock decided that if he wasn't allowed to know what they were feeling or what was going on in their heads, then they wouldn't be allowed to once their blocks dropped.
Jim, Spock and McCoy sat in front of the viewscreen, Jim calling Uhura quietly. "Hey...Uhura..."
"Jim? What can I do for you?"
"I need you to contact my mom, and I need you to contact Sam, can you put them on a direct link to my quarters?" Jim asked quietly.
There was definitely an air of a tease when Uhura said, "Better late than never?"
"It's not that late..." Jim said sighing, Nyota laughed.
"It'll take a second. Good luck." Nyota smiled and her face flickered off the screen. They sat in silence for the next few minutes, tension thick around Leonard and Jim. Then, three faces appeared on the viewscreen, a colorless expanse separating the two images.
"Hey Jimmy!" Sam and Aurleen greeted happily, grins on their faces.
"How are you?" Winona asked, smiling a little tensely.
Jim took a breath, giving them a slight smile, "Hi guys...I'm fine. Um... You remember Spock and McCoy, right?"
Sam's expression turned teasing, "You mean the true proof that our Jimmy's not like most human beings and can't pick just one?"
Jim nodded, trying to hide the fact that the tension in the room increased at his brother's words.
"Hi Spock, McCoy. How are you?" Aurleen smiled at them, breaking the short, uncomfortable silence.
"I am as well as can be expected." Spock answered.
Jim felt like stomping on his foot. He wasn't supposed to bring it up so soon. He wasn't ready, he wasn't ready.... He took a breath, waiting for his family to pick up on that, and then take a closer look at Spock. Sure enough, that's exactly what they did.
Winona caught the angry, desperate look on her son's face immediately. Her eyes zeroed in on the slightly outstretched material of Spock's shirt as he shifted, and widened as her mind connected the dots. Her jaw slackened, shock marking her features.
"Jim, don't tell...is he...pre...?" She stuttered, incapable of saying it aloud though her mind kept screaming it.
Jim felt like blurting it out, just to see her reaction. As it was though, he sighed, and slowly nodded his head. "Twins...you're going to be a grandmother."
Sam and Aurleen were confused for a moment, and then snapped their own eyes to Spock's middle. Sam, who had been standing behind Aurleen attempted to sit down, only to fall on his ass.
Aurleen giggled and helped her husband up off the floor, dragging over a rolling chair so he could sit beside her.
"How far along are you, Spock?" she asked, eyes and grin warm and happy.
The reaction surprised Jim, his eyes widening slightly, even as Spock answered with a quiet, "Almost two months."
"Ooooh, I remember those months. They're rough, Spock, but it's worth it, believe me..." She said, smiling.
Spock nodded, one hand coming to rest over the bump of his belly.
"You guys…don't mind?" Jim asked, shock clear in his voice.
The three of them looked at him in surprise; it was their turn for a slightly awkward silence. "Jimmy... I'm going to be a grandmother... I...I... already am one, but I never thought." She took a breath. "Jim, I know what I did to you. I do, in fact, I never expected you to ever settle down because of what I did. You don't know what that's like, and I pray that you never will. To hear that you are in a committed relationship with two people and that you're going to have kids... Jim... I can't tell you how much I hoped you'd find people like this."
"Mom..." Jim whispered, voice cracking as tears welled up in his eyes.
Winona sniffed slightly, and gave a brief, "I'm sorry Jimmy...congratulations. You'll let me know when and where they're going to be born, okay? I...I have to go now." With that she stood up, turning her side of the connection off, but not before they saw the tears that slid down her face, a mixture of joy and sorrow for a little boy who was finally turning into the man he should be.
They were silent for the next few moments, Spock sliding his fingertips over Jim's in plain view of his brother and sister-in-law and leaning against his shoulder while Bones rubbed his back. None of Jim’s tears spilled over, but they came pretty close when he smiled, a mix of joy and sorrow from finally having his mother's acceptance and, though he still wasn't sure, maybe even her love.
Sam sighed, looked to Spock and gave him a slight smile, "Too much emotion for you?"
Spock shook his head, "I have had time to become accustomed to such displays, and the torrent of emotion coming through our bond. I have even, in fact, had similar emotional outbursts."
"That's definitely something that you are going to have to get used to. Rushing hormones and all that good stuff..." Aurleen said nodding her head sagely. Sam elbowed her.
"Indeed..." Spock said with a small incline of his head.
"He's had some without the hormones, trust me..." Jim said with a small smile, sifting a bit of amused teasing into the bond, getting a bit of apology mixed with regret, mixed with love.
Sam chuckled and Aurleen smiled at them, "Well, it's late down here on earth, boys. We're gonna head off to bed." she blew them each a kiss.
They gave them a nod and a small smile. Jim relaxed fully when the two of them signed off. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his own connection. "Well...that was eventful..." Jim finally got out, his hand moving back to press against the small bump of Spock's abdomen.
Spock lifted his shirt and let Jim's hand settle on his skin, soothing his mate.
"Do you wish to wait before we contact your daughter and ex-wife, Leonard?" Spock asked softly, turning his head to look at his still tense mate.
McCoy took a breath, eyes pinched, the lines under them reflecting the sleepless nights he had spent agonizing over this moment. He looked over to Spock, and then down to Jim, eyes focusing on that hand that rested on Spock's abdomen. He took a deep breath, and Spock backed towards him carefully, McCoy embraced him, pressing his hand over Jim's and leaning his chin on Spock's shoulder... "Now. I'll do it now."
Spock gave him a small, reassuring kiss, just barely brushing their lips together before calling up Nyota once more.
"Lt. Uhura, would you please contact Leonard's daughter and link the call to our quarters?" he asked, moving Jim's hand off his belly and pulling his shirt back down.
"Of course, Spock." Nyota replied, smiling at the rather adorable display. Their connection to her console on the Bridge cut.
McCoy took the seat Jim had vacated, waiting quietly for when Joanna would answer. The girl who finally did was small, had bright hazel eyes and brown messy hair that was pulled into a pair of equally messy pigtails. Her eyes brightened when she saw who was calling and she gave them a wide gap toothed smile. "Daddy! Uncle Jim, Uncle Spock!"
"Hey baby girl!" Leonard grinned at his little girl and relaxed back into the chair. "How's school going?"
She stuck her lower lip out, "School's school. But I'm doing well. Got an A on my math test, too!"
"That's great!" McCoy praised, smiling at her, Jim nodding his head in agreement, a similar grin on his lips. Spock inclined his head with a slight hint of a smile, his definition of high praise.
"How're things in space? Has Uncle Jim done anything stupid lately?" Joanna giggled, brushing a lock of loose hair away from her face.
"Hey! You're getting an attitude, missy!" Jim said, mock glaring at her, she stuck her tongue out at him.
"Doesn't he always," McCoy replied with a small smirk. Jim smacked him over the head, and Joanna laughed.
"If you'd ask mom, she'd say that I get my attitude from you, Uncle Jim!"
"Yeah well.... That's your mom." Jim finished rather lamely, blinking slightly. Joanna giggled.
"You can't seem to finish a thought today, Uncle Jim, something on your mind?"
"Yes, in fact, there is. Bones?" Jim gave him a pointed look; grabbing hold of his hand under the table and feeling Spock do the same. Joanna leaned forward, watching her father expectantly.
"Joanna..." he swallowed slightly, "How would you feel about having siblings?"
Joanna wrinkled her nose slightly, "Siblings?"
"Brothers, sisters...how would you feel about it?"
"...I don't know, daddy. Why, is mommy gonna have another baby?" she asked, tilting her head to the side a little. It reminded Jim of Spock. He squeezed Bones' hand.
"Not exactly honey... You remember how Uncle Spock isn't human, apparently... Male vulcans can become pregnant. Spock...Spock's pregnant, you're going to have two new siblings."
Joanna's eyes widened and she backed away from the screen before her face went carefully blank. She sat there staring for a minute and Bones tensed up again, holding his breath. Joanna blinked slowly, gave a sad, strained smile and reached a hand over to switch off the screen. She had looked aged well beyond her eleven years in that last moment before the screen went black.
Spock placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but Leonard shrugged them both off, standing abruptly and rushing out of the room stiffly. Jim spared Spock an apologetic glance and ran after him.
As soon as they were both gone, Spock retreated back to the bed slowly, sinking onto it bonelessly. He had felt the angry despair and disgust that had drifted through Bones side of the connection before it shut. He curled into a ball, hands placed on his abdomen, mind reeling.
He completely cut off his end of the connection as he felt Jim do the same. He felt empty and alone inside his head without his mates there. He rubbed his hands over his lightly protruding abdomen, feeding the developing babies with feelings of calm and peace and love, even though it was the exact opposite of what he himself was feeling.
Jim managed to catch up to Bones finally in McCoy's quarters, they had kept their own for moments when they needed some time for themselves. McCoy was glaring at him, eyes bloodshot and tense as all heck when he burst in. "What do you want?!"
"To make sure you're okay, to apologize for Joanna's reaction... to tell you that I'm sorry that..."
“That what? Your mom didn't realize what kind of crap parents we'd wind up being, what you’d wind up being?"
Jim froze, staring at Bones with something akin to shock plastered over his face. Jim knew that he wouldn't be the best parent, but figured that at least his mates would accept his efforts and encourage him to be the best he could. He felt his heart sink as the revelation of what his best friend -and his mate, god damn it, his mate- truly thought of him hit home. He turned slowly and walked back out of the room.
McCoy dropped to his knees in the center of his room, tears finally sliding their way down his cheeks, "I'm sorry, Jim... I'm sorry... I didn't mean it..." McCoy said quietly, and curled up there on his floor and wept. He was never meant for the sort of happiness he had been feeling, when had he ever convinced himself otherwise?
Jim wandered aimlessly through the halls, staring straight forward as he walked. Every crewmember that he passed -and didn't see- stopped to watch him go, concern wafting off of them like radiation. His face was as carefully blank as Joanna's had been eyes emotionless and face stoic, and everyone knew that something was wrong. Their Captain had been so happy lately that it bordered on insanity, and now he looked like a moving statue.
There was a turbolift at the end of the hallway he was in and Jim stepped on beside a crewman dressed in regulation gym clothes. He leaned against the wall and watched the floors fly passed, following the crewman out when the lift stopped in front of the gym. Jim immediately walked up to a punching bag and let loose all his pent up feelings.
The next morning when Jim walked onto the Bridge, he was met with worried looks from Sulu and Chekov and a suspicious one from Uhura. She stood as soon as Jim sat and made her way over to Spock, who was sitting perfectly straight in his chair. Her lips moved but she was speaking too quietly for Jim to hear. Spock tilted his head and his words seemed to calm her, some of the worry melting from her face. She gave him one last assessing look before returning to her console.
Spock closed his eyes briefly as Nyota left his side, wishing he had asked her to stay. Now that the sweet scent of her perfume was gone, he could clearly smell his mate. It made the separation pain worse, not better like it had so many times previously. He took a few deep breaths and returned to his own console, reading old reports on pregnancy and strange pre-birth symptoms.
Jim was the first one out the door when Alpha shift came to its end. He headed down the hall towards the Mess, greeting the crewmembers already there rather dully. Bones was nowhere to be found, and Spock left with two trays of food -everyone assumed it was for the absent doctor- and headed off to his quarters. Jim got his own tray of food and sat at an empty table in the far corner. He couldn't keep his mind off Bones' words.
'That what? Your mom didn't realize what kind of crap parents we'd wind up being, what you’d wind up being?'
Feeling his stomach clench, Jim dropped his fork and pushed his tray away, resting his forehead on the cool surface if the table. He didn't know what to do. Bones thought he'd make a bad parent, which probably also meant that Bones thought he was something not worth keeping around. Then why had the man pretended to love him? Hell, why had he even pretended to be his friend before hand?
That's when it hit him. What some had speculated about -Cupcake, Ericson, Mitchell- and what most knew -Gaila, Frank, Jessica, Marlena and countless others.
He was a good lay. Jim laughed, bitter and humorless, as he pushed away from the table and left the Mess Hall.
No one saw Spock for the rest of the day, or so he heard. Jim walked around the ship, stopping at every department to see how things were going, asking if they wanted or needed some help. He was somewhat glad they all said no, because all he really wanted to do was run back to the quarters he shared with Spock and Bones and bury himself under the covers and pillows covering their bed. Once he made his rounds twice, Scotty eventually coaxed him into going back to his rooms to rest -"You look like all hell, Cap'n! Ah hope none of th' higher ups wanna speak to yah, the' might think there's torture going on!".
It made Jim smile some, and it stuck to his face as he made his way up to the floor that housed his and his mates' quarters. When he opened the door and walked in, he was met with a room devoid of life. The smile immediately dropped from his face. That meant that Bones hadn't come back, and that Spock was hiding somewhere.
Down in sickbay, everything was quiet, almost eerily so. McCoy hated silence, no matter what he said, and this one, deep and cloying, left too much room in his head for him to think. He thought of how accepting Jim's family had been of their situation, happiness on each of their faces, even Winona's. He thought of Jim's relief. He thought of his baby girl calling Jim and Spock her uncles and the smile his half Vulcan mate had given her. He thought of the blank look on her face when she learned of Spock being pregnant. He thought of the look on Jim's face when the man had come running after him and he had snapped, in short telling him that he would be a bad parent.
But never did he spare a thought for how Spock had to have been feeling about any of this.
The very same Spock, who was curled up on his side on the bed in his old quarters, lower back and pelvis throbbing, pain sharper than it had been the day before. Mind slow and ragged and missing two thirds of itself, forcing himself to continue feeding the children positive emotions, Spock fell into a light, uncomfortable slumber, eyebrows furrowed.
PART 2
Rating: T
Word Count: 11,457
Summary: Once found, belonging is the thing we will fight the most for.
Note: ANGST AHEAD!
McCoy and Jim were perched in front of the viewscreen in their quarters that they shared with their other mate, Spock. At the moment, Spock was otherwise occupied, and they were hesitantly awaiting the reply from New Vulcan.
Two minutes later the two Vulcans appeared, raising an eyebrow as soon as they saw who was calling and nodding. "Doctor, Captain, to what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Um...well...we had a couple questions for you..." Jim said hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"We...we were wondering...if it was possible at all...you know, for a...male Vulcan to...you know...be…'up the duff'?" Jim asked hesitantly.
"'Up the duff?'" Sarek asked in barely visible confusion, both Vulcans looking at each other before looking back at them.
"Yeah...you know...'get a bun in the oven'? Um..." They still looked confused
"Goddamn it, he means pregnant, is it possible for male Vulcans to get pregnant?!"
"Yes, Doctor, it is indeed possible for male Vulcans to conceive. It does not happen very frequently, however, as most Vulcan males mate with females. To them it is purely logical, even knowing that they would be able to impregnate a mate of their same gender. What reason is there behind your inquiry?" Sarek raised an eyebrow knowingly and Jim was sure that the old Vulcan was purposely trying to torture him.
"Um...well, you see...Spock's sorta’...um... We..."
"What Jim's trying to say is, we impregnated the damn Vulcan. Spock's pregnant. Twins. We weren't sure if that was just....insane or what, so thought we'd ask you... So yeah. Congratulations, Sarek seems you're getting grandchildren."
Salek's brow arched and he and Sarek glanced at each other, "We had begun wondering when Spock would inform you of this occurrence."
"You mean the hobgoblin.... FUCK AND DAMN!!!" McCoy shouted out, jumping up and heading to the bathroom where Spock currently was. Jim blinked, looking up after him and then turned back to look at two passively amused Vulcan elders and gave them a slightly sheepish smile, "I think I'm going to go save Spock now... Nice talking to you, bye!" With that he ran off, running back a second later to close the connection.
Jim rushed into the bathroom, immediately setting his eyes on a furious Leonard and an overly innocent Spock, who was leaning back against the side of the large tub, body immersed in thick, cinnamon scented foam -he'd developed a liking for bubble baths, said liking mostly prompted by the enjoyment he felt from the barely developed lives inside him. Jim smiled despite the anger sparking along the bond.
McCoy bristled, "So, I take it you decided to inform your father before you informed us?" He bit out between gritted teeth.
"That is correct..."
"And you didn't plan on telling us that you had told them, setting us up to make us act like complete fools, is that right?"
"That may or may not have been my intention..." Spock said, shifting slightly, the cinnamon scented water working its magic.
Jim noticed it first, if Bones even did at all. Soft, sweet feelings were spiking across the tendrils of the bond, twisting and coiling hotly. Jim felt himself harden, shifting on his feet as Bones continued to glare at Spock.
"And why would you do something like that to us?" His voice was sharp, brows furrowed and mouth set into a scowl.
"It is possible that I might derive a small amount of illogical pleasure from watching or listening to you both squirm..." Spock said, shifting again, stretching his back and raising an eyebrow, his arms resting on either side of the tub.
Jim shifted some more, flicking his gaze to McCoy and noticing the slight realization that was flickering in those hazel eyes.
The sparks of anger disappeared completely in a matter of seconds and then Bones was tugging his shirt over his head, throwing it off to the side and reaching down to unbutton and unzip his regulation black pants. Spock licked his lips and Jim quickly followed Leonard's example, kicking off his shoes and almost knocking himself off balance as he tugged his socks off. He wrestled out of his pants and practically tore his shirt as he took it off.
Later, when they were resting in the nearly empty tub, looking around at the water and bubbles that were dripping from almost every surface, Bones gave a sigh. "One day hobgoblin, I'm going to find a way to stay mad at you..."
"I welcome the challenge..." Spock answered, his voice half amused, shivering slightly as his skin cooled. Jim got a towel and held it out for him as McCoy helped him up.
As soon as he was vertical Jim had him wrapped up in the fluffy material and his arms, nuzzling his mate's makeup free skin happily. Spock sighed contentedly and stood there for a few moments, resting his forehead on Jim's shoulder. Eventually they pulled apart and dried off, throwing their discarded clothing into the laundry chute before walking out of the steam-stuffy bathroom. Spock crawled onto the bed and stretched in a cat-like way before snuggling down into the pillows and blankets. Jim and Bones laid on either side of him, each placing a hand on his belly as they curled around him. Spock branched out the tendrils of the bond to tentatively brush their three minds against those of the twins'. He purred softly and closed his eyes.
His mates snuggled up closer to him, kissed his ears, and they slowly fell asleep together.
Spock was usually the one to wake up first, but lately he had needed more sleep than usual. McCoy was working on trying to find ways to give him beta shifts. They were debating on telling the crew and figured that leaving it a surprise would be amusing as all hell. Jim was looking forward to Scotty's reaction.
Jim and Bones had started waking up at least a half hour earlier than they had previously. They would slip out of bed and bump and push each other at the bathroom counter as they brushed their teeth, then check if there was anything pressingly important they should see too. Generally, that would take about ten to fifteen minutes. After -in a completely non creepy way, Jim reminded himself frequently-, they would lounge around the room and watch Spock sleeping peacefully. After letting him sleep for another hour, give or take, they would spend close to ten minutes coaxing Spock out of bed.
It was beyond adorable, Spock would slowly peel his eyes open, one at a time, only to have the other droop shut as he whimpered slightly at the feeling of the blankets being removed, followed by the pillows, then he would curl up and try and ignore them for just a few more moments, even if they shook him. It was also a nice way to get revenge by being able to wake someone who spent lots of time and energy making sure they got up at a reasonable hour.
Sometimes Spock was still so fuzzy-minded and sleepy and off-balance that Jim and Bones had to help him get dressed, and though the Vulcan would never admit it -and tried to block it from his mates every time- they knew he rather enjoyed feeling cared for like that. What he didn't enjoy was leaving their quarters and going to the Bridge without Leonard, one very important third of their bond. Jim and Bones hated it too.
But by the time the two of them went to the Bridge, Spock had regained his professional demeanor and the pain of McCoy's absence was dimmed. They were Starfleet; they couldn't afford to do otherwise.
Jim and Spock stepped on the turbolift, turning around and facing the doors, waiting for when they would slide open, touching fingers gently in one last kiss before they slid back open. When they did, the two of them moved forward, into the Bridge, Spock and Jim moving to their places. Chekov and Sulu smiled at Jim, Nyota gave a small smile to Spock, and when Jim winked at her in sarcastic playfulness she tossed her hair at him, and then looked pointedly at Spock who was ignoring them both in amusement.
Jim plopped into his beloved swivel chair and spun around a few times, grinning at Spock widely each time his face zoomed past, before stopping in front of Nyota, who was shaking her head at him with a slightly fond smile.
"Any new commands from Starfleet, Lt. Uhura?" he asked, drawing out the 'a' like he used to do when he was a child.
"Patching it through to your chair now, basic surveying mission. Nothing too strenuous. Probably have you bored within a couple hours, captain..." Nyota responded in amusement. It had taken a while, but they were finally able to talk and tease without having Uhura fall into a hissy fit. It was the Vulcan who was giving them a raised eyebrow that they had to watch out for.
Nyota was the only other person they had told about Spock's pregnancy, and she had become as protective of him as a mother bear to her cubs. When Spock started to look like he was ready to Nerve Pinch his mate or his unofficially adopted sister, they would stop their playful, meaningless flirting. However, some crew members had seen the Vulcan stalking towards sickbay with a sheepishly grinning Captain thrown over his shoulder.
It always made them pause what they were doing, and look after them in amusement. It was too easy to do. As it was though, they enjoyed poking at each other, and Spock let it happen. Although never let it be said that Vulcans were not possessive of what was theirs, but most agreed that they definitely had a right to be. But above all, most of the crew was positive that Spock especially deserved it, if only because they knew him.
Jim, feeling a little restless after having read the base description of their mission, wiggled his way between Chekov and Sulu to enter the coordinates himself, momentarily interrupting their conversation.
"Warp two, Mr. Sulu." Jim said as he moved off towards Spock, gently rubbing at his tense shoulders. He felt the light twinges of pain coming from his pelvis -the bones were separating as if he was a human female, though they didn't know why and it caused him unnecessary discomfort- and sent feelings of calm and love over the bond, trying to counter the pain.
This had become routine, none of the other bridge officers minded the closeness the two of them demonstrated. When it mattered, they were more professional than most, and that was the important thing. As it was though, they thought it was adorable, and it became something of a game for the helmsman and the navigator. If one of them caught one of their superiors looking at the other in a less than professional manner, the one who had noticed would nudge the one beside them and they kept tabs on who saw it first. So far, Chekov was winning in the amount of looks seen.
Jim rubbed his thumb over the back of Spock's neck before turning to go back to his chair, lip pushed into a pout. Nyota pouted at him teasingly in return, opening her arms as if to hug him. It made him grin, and he felt a small buzz of amusement tingle over the bond along with a warning. Spock was apparently possessive when he was emotional.
The thought made him grin, looking back at the back of Spock's head and sending careful pieces of reassurance, even as he gave Uhura a quick hug before walking back to his chair and plopping onto it. The rest of shift was divided between teasing Sulu and Chekov by giving almost improper looks to his bondmate, that turned into purely command based questions, and actually giving Spock ‘almost’ improper looks.
As soon as the shift ended, Jim bounced over to Spock as he flipped open his communicator. He curled his fingers around the back of the Vulcan's neck, rubbing the soft skin.
"Hey Bones, coming to lunch?"
"No, I'm going to sit here alone and starve, you idiot."
"Most illogical, doctor..."
"Shut up, Spock."
The rest of the bridge crew were stifling laughter as they gathered their things and the replacement shift sauntered in, "See you there, then Bones." Jim finished, and surreptitiously helped Spock up, the both of them nodding to their replacements before entering the turbolift together.
Jim immediately dropped his hands to Spock's lower back, kneading the muscle there gently. He peppered butterfly kisses over his cheeks and forehead, flooding his mate with reassurance and love.
"You know it's just teasing, baby. Nyota is like my little sister, just like she's yours." Jim smiled.
Spock relaxed into the kneading, tilting his head back slightly to rest on Jim's shoulder, "I am aware, but it is...difficult. I am Vulcan, Jim. We mate for life, and those who we choose we remain with for as long as we draw breath. To see a mate behaving so is..."
"Baby, I would never, ever leave you, not for anyone. Not for anything. You have to know this, you have to understand. I'm sorry, if it helps, I'll stop."
"You do not need to stop, so long as you restrict it to simple play flirting with Nyota. I do not know how I would react if you acted as such with anyone else." He whispered as the turbolift doors whooshed open.
They straightened up automatically, Jim managing to press one quick kiss to his mates’ ear as they left, heading to the mess hall and their other mate waiting for them.
Spock hesitantly twined their fingers together in the hallway, seeing as no other crewmembers were near. Their arms were pressed together, from palm to shoulder. Jim smiled as he gently tugged Spock along, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.
They finally made it to the mess, the two of them letting go and spotting Leonard in the back near the replicators, and automatically made a quick beeline over to him. McCoy greeted them with a fond grin, and then flicked his eyes to Spock's stomach briefly, and handed him a small card. "Diet changes...they suck, but they're necessary."
Once they all had their trays, they moved towards a nearby table, nodding to Sulu and Chekov two tables over as they sat. Spock tried to hide it, but he was the Vulcan equivalent of ravenous as he consumed his meal. Jim and Leonard watched fondly as they ate their own meals, vegetables and fruits and iced water -with added fiber and protein powder for Spock.
They had changed their diet slowly but surely, their mate had been against it at first, but when they assured him that it wasn't really a bother, and Jim mentioned that he was definitely not going to say no to a steak on special occasions, he agreed. McCoy was definitely happy with Jim's eating habits. He was amused to find that the way to make him eat healthy was to mate him to a Vulcan; then again, he supposed it made sense.
He tried not to show it too much, but Spock was, in fact, very happy with his mates' choice. He preferred not smelling meat on their breath, and it was illogical to make them brush their teeth and rinse their mouths after every meal. He agreed that they could consume what they wished for special occasions, like their anniversary or important dinners on alien planets.
It was something they did for each other, compromised. Spock finished first, looking down at his empty plate in something bordering a pout, and Jim gave a tiny smirk before shoving him his and standing up, going to get some more. Chekov and Sulu had caught that, and looked at each other. Spock was never one to eat that much, but then they took a look at him, wrote it off as he had finally realized how stick thin he was, and went back to their huddled conversation.
Jim came back to the table with another tray for himself, and a bowl of water with Spock's favorite fruit -pomegranate. He took one half and carefully dug out the seeds, dropping them into the cold water. Bones was doing the same with the other, and once they were finished, they poured the water from the bowl into Jim's empty glass.
Once every last drop was in the glass they handed it off to Spock who drank it easily, inclining his head in thanks. They grinned at him, and then returned to their own meals. When they were done they headed off. There wasn't much to be done that day, Spock would head to the science labs later, but for the moment, there was nothing that needed their immediate attention. With that in mind, they headed to their shared quarters.
Spock settled on the bed as soon as they walked in, back pressed to the piles of pillows lining the headboard thickly. Bones shook his head as he bustled about, picking up Jim's dirty clothes that were strewn across the plush carpeted floor. He threw them into the laundry chute with a pointed look towards Jim.
Jim gave him a wide smile, blinking his eyes innocently. McCoy rolled his eyes with a huff, glaring at him. Spock would usually be clearing the area, but when certain things became apparent, McCoy took over, the gentlemen in him unwilling to let anything else be the case. Jim was too lazy.
Spock shifted his legs and gave a muffled groan as his lower back and pelvis throbbed in pain for a few moments. He pressed further into the fluffy pillow under his back, leaning his head on another pillow and looking up at the ceiling.
His mates froze what they were doing, looking over to him, eyes flicking to each other, before Jim nodded to McCoy. Leonard gave a bit of a sigh, crawling on the bed and leaning next to his mate, turning him onto his side, Jim pulling Spock's upper torso towards him and resting his mates black haired head on his lap. McCoy began digging into those muscles at Spock's lower back, the two of them whispering to him quietly, telling him that it would be alright, telling him how proud they were of him, telling him how special he was.
Spock winced at the first few firm presses into his muscles, but the pain began to lessen soon enough and he practically melted down into the bed. The faint aches from his pelvis were nothing compared to the soothing pleasure from Leonard's talented, precise fingers and the heels of his hands. Jim started carding his fingers through his hair and rubbing behind his ears and Spock quickly found himself slipping into a half asleep state, eyes half lidded and chest rumbling as he purred.
The soft purring made the two of his mates relax, small self indulgent smiles tugging at their lips. Jim didn't fight his for long, a soft slightly dopy grin tugging up the corner of his mouth as he rubbed his finger on the back of Spock's ear, leaning back into the pillows and sighing contentedly. McCoy was getting there; he always took a bit longer to relax.
Once he did, he stretched out behind Spock, holding his head up with his hand, elbow pressed into the pillow. Spock was blinking rather slowly, inner eyelid already closed, lips pulled into a small, lazy smile. Jim's fingers were still messing up Spock's hair, locks separating around them and then falling back to his head. Jim was half asleep too, movements slow and lazy and Leonard really wanted to let them fall asleep and go along with them, but they each had things to do in just under an hour. He kept his eye on them, making sure they didn't get too close to sleep.
After a few quiet peaceful moments, listening to each other breathe, fingers drifting over hair and becoming progressively drowsy. Bones rubbed at his face, taking a look at the old fashioned clock on the bedside, and reached over, rubbing Spock's back firmly before shaking him gently. "Hey, come on... Up we get... We have stuff to do." Spock gave a soft whimper, but allowed Bones to help him up.
When Spock yawned and stretched, tongue just barely curling upwards at the tip, Jim had to resist the urge to pull him back down onto the bed and cuddle him into oblivion and never let him go. He settled with pouting and waving at his mates as they headed off to work for another few hours, then curled in on himself for a few minutes until the pain and discomfort of separation wore off.
--
At a month and a half, something happened that made Jim and McCoy pause. Spock started showing. It wasn't particularly huge, but it was still there, and that made them begin thinking. What had been so vague before had suddenly sharpened. Their male mate was pregnant; they were going to be fathers. In McCoy's case, he was going to be a father again.
That thought prompted some deep contemplation on Leonard's part. He couldn't keep this from his daughter, his precious Joanna. She deserved to know that she was going to have siblings. Bones resolved that he would tell her once the pregnancy moved along a little more, to give himself time to think of every situation that could arise, think of how his little girl would react to the news.
But the more McCoy thought about it, the more tangled up in his thoughts he became, and none of his thoughts were uplifting. Leonard had never been a drinker, never believed in solving his problems at the bottom of a bottle, but the more the thought of that small bump and the more he thought of his daughter and his ex-wife, the more he wished he did.
He didn't know what to do. He hadn't really been a good husband to Jocelyn or the best father to Joanna, and he knew that sooner or later he'd screw something up with the two Vulcan children on the way, and also the Vulcan that carried them. He started taking more and more time thinking, sitting in his office in sickbay, trying to figure out what he should do, and thinking of that still tiny bump.
Jim had a lot of thinking to do too. They didn't always get along well, but he did have to tell his mother that she would have grandchildren. He had to tell Sam and Aurleen too -he knew the two would love the thought of having more babies in the family.
Jim had other problems though, but the big one was this: He didn't know how to be a father. His only model that had lasted for a decent amount of time had been Frank, and Frank was nothing short of a bastard. He had been abusive, finally making his older brother run away, and leading Jim himself to drive his real (dead) father’s car off a rock quarry. Then there was his background to consider, what had he been before entering Starfleet? A drunk, something of a manwhore, and a genius level repeat offender.
What the hell was he thinking?
He'd never held a child before, not even his nephew, and if he'd never done something so simple, then how could he be expected to be able to care for the two that would be born in roughly eight months? Sure, he could read up on it, try to learn, but without firsthand experience...
There were so many things he was afraid of. What if his children hated him? What if he made Spock decide he was a bad influence, and wouldn't let him see them? He could admit that that thought was a bit ridiculous, but he was just so worried that he couldn't help it. When these thoughts came he drifted, spending time wandering his ship, eyes glazed and head bowed.
It took them a week before it happened, but Jim and McCoy eventually told Spock what they wanted to do. They had each decided that they would tell their families, not wanting to put it off any longer as Spock's belly grew a bit more, the bump still small but more pronounced. Spock agreed readily, tense shoulders dropping only slightly and his eyes regaining a bit of warmth. He carefully filtered his feelings, blocking off most of his end of the bond without his mates noticing. They had been doing it unconsciously, and Spock decided that if he wasn't allowed to know what they were feeling or what was going on in their heads, then they wouldn't be allowed to once their blocks dropped.
Jim, Spock and McCoy sat in front of the viewscreen, Jim calling Uhura quietly. "Hey...Uhura..."
"Jim? What can I do for you?"
"I need you to contact my mom, and I need you to contact Sam, can you put them on a direct link to my quarters?" Jim asked quietly.
There was definitely an air of a tease when Uhura said, "Better late than never?"
"It's not that late..." Jim said sighing, Nyota laughed.
"It'll take a second. Good luck." Nyota smiled and her face flickered off the screen. They sat in silence for the next few minutes, tension thick around Leonard and Jim. Then, three faces appeared on the viewscreen, a colorless expanse separating the two images.
"Hey Jimmy!" Sam and Aurleen greeted happily, grins on their faces.
"How are you?" Winona asked, smiling a little tensely.
Jim took a breath, giving them a slight smile, "Hi guys...I'm fine. Um... You remember Spock and McCoy, right?"
Sam's expression turned teasing, "You mean the true proof that our Jimmy's not like most human beings and can't pick just one?"
Jim nodded, trying to hide the fact that the tension in the room increased at his brother's words.
"Hi Spock, McCoy. How are you?" Aurleen smiled at them, breaking the short, uncomfortable silence.
"I am as well as can be expected." Spock answered.
Jim felt like stomping on his foot. He wasn't supposed to bring it up so soon. He wasn't ready, he wasn't ready.... He took a breath, waiting for his family to pick up on that, and then take a closer look at Spock. Sure enough, that's exactly what they did.
Winona caught the angry, desperate look on her son's face immediately. Her eyes zeroed in on the slightly outstretched material of Spock's shirt as he shifted, and widened as her mind connected the dots. Her jaw slackened, shock marking her features.
"Jim, don't tell...is he...pre...?" She stuttered, incapable of saying it aloud though her mind kept screaming it.
Jim felt like blurting it out, just to see her reaction. As it was though, he sighed, and slowly nodded his head. "Twins...you're going to be a grandmother."
Sam and Aurleen were confused for a moment, and then snapped their own eyes to Spock's middle. Sam, who had been standing behind Aurleen attempted to sit down, only to fall on his ass.
Aurleen giggled and helped her husband up off the floor, dragging over a rolling chair so he could sit beside her.
"How far along are you, Spock?" she asked, eyes and grin warm and happy.
The reaction surprised Jim, his eyes widening slightly, even as Spock answered with a quiet, "Almost two months."
"Ooooh, I remember those months. They're rough, Spock, but it's worth it, believe me..." She said, smiling.
Spock nodded, one hand coming to rest over the bump of his belly.
"You guys…don't mind?" Jim asked, shock clear in his voice.
The three of them looked at him in surprise; it was their turn for a slightly awkward silence. "Jimmy... I'm going to be a grandmother... I...I... already am one, but I never thought." She took a breath. "Jim, I know what I did to you. I do, in fact, I never expected you to ever settle down because of what I did. You don't know what that's like, and I pray that you never will. To hear that you are in a committed relationship with two people and that you're going to have kids... Jim... I can't tell you how much I hoped you'd find people like this."
"Mom..." Jim whispered, voice cracking as tears welled up in his eyes.
Winona sniffed slightly, and gave a brief, "I'm sorry Jimmy...congratulations. You'll let me know when and where they're going to be born, okay? I...I have to go now." With that she stood up, turning her side of the connection off, but not before they saw the tears that slid down her face, a mixture of joy and sorrow for a little boy who was finally turning into the man he should be.
They were silent for the next few moments, Spock sliding his fingertips over Jim's in plain view of his brother and sister-in-law and leaning against his shoulder while Bones rubbed his back. None of Jim’s tears spilled over, but they came pretty close when he smiled, a mix of joy and sorrow from finally having his mother's acceptance and, though he still wasn't sure, maybe even her love.
Sam sighed, looked to Spock and gave him a slight smile, "Too much emotion for you?"
Spock shook his head, "I have had time to become accustomed to such displays, and the torrent of emotion coming through our bond. I have even, in fact, had similar emotional outbursts."
"That's definitely something that you are going to have to get used to. Rushing hormones and all that good stuff..." Aurleen said nodding her head sagely. Sam elbowed her.
"Indeed..." Spock said with a small incline of his head.
"He's had some without the hormones, trust me..." Jim said with a small smile, sifting a bit of amused teasing into the bond, getting a bit of apology mixed with regret, mixed with love.
Sam chuckled and Aurleen smiled at them, "Well, it's late down here on earth, boys. We're gonna head off to bed." she blew them each a kiss.
They gave them a nod and a small smile. Jim relaxed fully when the two of them signed off. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his own connection. "Well...that was eventful..." Jim finally got out, his hand moving back to press against the small bump of Spock's abdomen.
Spock lifted his shirt and let Jim's hand settle on his skin, soothing his mate.
"Do you wish to wait before we contact your daughter and ex-wife, Leonard?" Spock asked softly, turning his head to look at his still tense mate.
McCoy took a breath, eyes pinched, the lines under them reflecting the sleepless nights he had spent agonizing over this moment. He looked over to Spock, and then down to Jim, eyes focusing on that hand that rested on Spock's abdomen. He took a deep breath, and Spock backed towards him carefully, McCoy embraced him, pressing his hand over Jim's and leaning his chin on Spock's shoulder... "Now. I'll do it now."
Spock gave him a small, reassuring kiss, just barely brushing their lips together before calling up Nyota once more.
"Lt. Uhura, would you please contact Leonard's daughter and link the call to our quarters?" he asked, moving Jim's hand off his belly and pulling his shirt back down.
"Of course, Spock." Nyota replied, smiling at the rather adorable display. Their connection to her console on the Bridge cut.
McCoy took the seat Jim had vacated, waiting quietly for when Joanna would answer. The girl who finally did was small, had bright hazel eyes and brown messy hair that was pulled into a pair of equally messy pigtails. Her eyes brightened when she saw who was calling and she gave them a wide gap toothed smile. "Daddy! Uncle Jim, Uncle Spock!"
"Hey baby girl!" Leonard grinned at his little girl and relaxed back into the chair. "How's school going?"
She stuck her lower lip out, "School's school. But I'm doing well. Got an A on my math test, too!"
"That's great!" McCoy praised, smiling at her, Jim nodding his head in agreement, a similar grin on his lips. Spock inclined his head with a slight hint of a smile, his definition of high praise.
"How're things in space? Has Uncle Jim done anything stupid lately?" Joanna giggled, brushing a lock of loose hair away from her face.
"Hey! You're getting an attitude, missy!" Jim said, mock glaring at her, she stuck her tongue out at him.
"Doesn't he always," McCoy replied with a small smirk. Jim smacked him over the head, and Joanna laughed.
"If you'd ask mom, she'd say that I get my attitude from you, Uncle Jim!"
"Yeah well.... That's your mom." Jim finished rather lamely, blinking slightly. Joanna giggled.
"You can't seem to finish a thought today, Uncle Jim, something on your mind?"
"Yes, in fact, there is. Bones?" Jim gave him a pointed look; grabbing hold of his hand under the table and feeling Spock do the same. Joanna leaned forward, watching her father expectantly.
"Joanna..." he swallowed slightly, "How would you feel about having siblings?"
Joanna wrinkled her nose slightly, "Siblings?"
"Brothers, sisters...how would you feel about it?"
"...I don't know, daddy. Why, is mommy gonna have another baby?" she asked, tilting her head to the side a little. It reminded Jim of Spock. He squeezed Bones' hand.
"Not exactly honey... You remember how Uncle Spock isn't human, apparently... Male vulcans can become pregnant. Spock...Spock's pregnant, you're going to have two new siblings."
Joanna's eyes widened and she backed away from the screen before her face went carefully blank. She sat there staring for a minute and Bones tensed up again, holding his breath. Joanna blinked slowly, gave a sad, strained smile and reached a hand over to switch off the screen. She had looked aged well beyond her eleven years in that last moment before the screen went black.
Spock placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but Leonard shrugged them both off, standing abruptly and rushing out of the room stiffly. Jim spared Spock an apologetic glance and ran after him.
As soon as they were both gone, Spock retreated back to the bed slowly, sinking onto it bonelessly. He had felt the angry despair and disgust that had drifted through Bones side of the connection before it shut. He curled into a ball, hands placed on his abdomen, mind reeling.
He completely cut off his end of the connection as he felt Jim do the same. He felt empty and alone inside his head without his mates there. He rubbed his hands over his lightly protruding abdomen, feeding the developing babies with feelings of calm and peace and love, even though it was the exact opposite of what he himself was feeling.
Jim managed to catch up to Bones finally in McCoy's quarters, they had kept their own for moments when they needed some time for themselves. McCoy was glaring at him, eyes bloodshot and tense as all heck when he burst in. "What do you want?!"
"To make sure you're okay, to apologize for Joanna's reaction... to tell you that I'm sorry that..."
“That what? Your mom didn't realize what kind of crap parents we'd wind up being, what you’d wind up being?"
Jim froze, staring at Bones with something akin to shock plastered over his face. Jim knew that he wouldn't be the best parent, but figured that at least his mates would accept his efforts and encourage him to be the best he could. He felt his heart sink as the revelation of what his best friend -and his mate, god damn it, his mate- truly thought of him hit home. He turned slowly and walked back out of the room.
McCoy dropped to his knees in the center of his room, tears finally sliding their way down his cheeks, "I'm sorry, Jim... I'm sorry... I didn't mean it..." McCoy said quietly, and curled up there on his floor and wept. He was never meant for the sort of happiness he had been feeling, when had he ever convinced himself otherwise?
Jim wandered aimlessly through the halls, staring straight forward as he walked. Every crewmember that he passed -and didn't see- stopped to watch him go, concern wafting off of them like radiation. His face was as carefully blank as Joanna's had been eyes emotionless and face stoic, and everyone knew that something was wrong. Their Captain had been so happy lately that it bordered on insanity, and now he looked like a moving statue.
There was a turbolift at the end of the hallway he was in and Jim stepped on beside a crewman dressed in regulation gym clothes. He leaned against the wall and watched the floors fly passed, following the crewman out when the lift stopped in front of the gym. Jim immediately walked up to a punching bag and let loose all his pent up feelings.
The next morning when Jim walked onto the Bridge, he was met with worried looks from Sulu and Chekov and a suspicious one from Uhura. She stood as soon as Jim sat and made her way over to Spock, who was sitting perfectly straight in his chair. Her lips moved but she was speaking too quietly for Jim to hear. Spock tilted his head and his words seemed to calm her, some of the worry melting from her face. She gave him one last assessing look before returning to her console.
Spock closed his eyes briefly as Nyota left his side, wishing he had asked her to stay. Now that the sweet scent of her perfume was gone, he could clearly smell his mate. It made the separation pain worse, not better like it had so many times previously. He took a few deep breaths and returned to his own console, reading old reports on pregnancy and strange pre-birth symptoms.
Jim was the first one out the door when Alpha shift came to its end. He headed down the hall towards the Mess, greeting the crewmembers already there rather dully. Bones was nowhere to be found, and Spock left with two trays of food -everyone assumed it was for the absent doctor- and headed off to his quarters. Jim got his own tray of food and sat at an empty table in the far corner. He couldn't keep his mind off Bones' words.
'That what? Your mom didn't realize what kind of crap parents we'd wind up being, what you’d wind up being?'
Feeling his stomach clench, Jim dropped his fork and pushed his tray away, resting his forehead on the cool surface if the table. He didn't know what to do. Bones thought he'd make a bad parent, which probably also meant that Bones thought he was something not worth keeping around. Then why had the man pretended to love him? Hell, why had he even pretended to be his friend before hand?
That's when it hit him. What some had speculated about -Cupcake, Ericson, Mitchell- and what most knew -Gaila, Frank, Jessica, Marlena and countless others.
He was a good lay. Jim laughed, bitter and humorless, as he pushed away from the table and left the Mess Hall.
No one saw Spock for the rest of the day, or so he heard. Jim walked around the ship, stopping at every department to see how things were going, asking if they wanted or needed some help. He was somewhat glad they all said no, because all he really wanted to do was run back to the quarters he shared with Spock and Bones and bury himself under the covers and pillows covering their bed. Once he made his rounds twice, Scotty eventually coaxed him into going back to his rooms to rest -"You look like all hell, Cap'n! Ah hope none of th' higher ups wanna speak to yah, the' might think there's torture going on!".
It made Jim smile some, and it stuck to his face as he made his way up to the floor that housed his and his mates' quarters. When he opened the door and walked in, he was met with a room devoid of life. The smile immediately dropped from his face. That meant that Bones hadn't come back, and that Spock was hiding somewhere.
Down in sickbay, everything was quiet, almost eerily so. McCoy hated silence, no matter what he said, and this one, deep and cloying, left too much room in his head for him to think. He thought of how accepting Jim's family had been of their situation, happiness on each of their faces, even Winona's. He thought of Jim's relief. He thought of his baby girl calling Jim and Spock her uncles and the smile his half Vulcan mate had given her. He thought of the blank look on her face when she learned of Spock being pregnant. He thought of the look on Jim's face when the man had come running after him and he had snapped, in short telling him that he would be a bad parent.
But never did he spare a thought for how Spock had to have been feeling about any of this.
The very same Spock, who was curled up on his side on the bed in his old quarters, lower back and pelvis throbbing, pain sharper than it had been the day before. Mind slow and ragged and missing two thirds of itself, forcing himself to continue feeding the children positive emotions, Spock fell into a light, uncomfortable slumber, eyebrows furrowed.
PART 2