Belonging 1/? (Star Trek, McSpirk, sequel to Acceptance)
Title: Belonging
Rating: M
Word Count: 7035
Summary: Once found, belonging is the thing we will fight for the most.
Note: My friend is in posession of an Angst Shovel, and the whole of this sequel will prove it. Fear it. I hope you like!
It was almost strange, the way the stars were passing by the Observation Deck window. In lieu of the bright, flashing streaks of light, they could see themselves passing by solar systems and meteor rings, could see the varying colors from the surfaces of planets and the shimmering light from stars and supernovas. All of it was accented by the absence of the usual lights of the Enterprise, soft, dim candlelight flickering as the ventilation system shifted the air in the room.
Spock, Jim, and Bones sat at a table together in tranquil quiet. In the months that had followed their initial agreement to begin dating as a couple, the need for idle chatter had waned. They were now able to sit quietly, enjoying each others presence, listening to each other breathe. There had been so many disasters that had threatened one or all of them that they found it to be calming, soothing. They were completely in synch, from the pace they kept as they ate to the puffs of breath that escaped their lungs and, judging by the way Spock had his head tilted, their heartbeats were probably following the pattern too.
His own was faster, but simply counting the half beats between each full. It was the product of knowing a person inside and out. It was the product of loving a Vulcan. A species that held a mental connection higher than a physical one. They had melded at some points. They were rarely ever out of anything more than duty, but even the ones that had taken place in the most dire of situations were treasured. They were proof of how much they belonged with each other.
It was completely unquestionable. Spock had shown them how well they fit, even though Jim and Bones had already known it. He had pushed Jim's and McCoy's hands together and placed his own above and under, creating the image for them. A cracked piece of glass, floating against a plain of black. Slowly, another piece slid over, locking perfectly into place with the first. Soon, another shard found its place, connecting the two others fully and completing the circle.
It had been beautiful. But it had mainly been meaningful. Something they recognized as Spock's attempt to show them what exactly they meant to him. He still had trouble saying it sometimes, but that was just who he was. Neither of them cared, and like they had promised, they didn't push. They loved him. And more importantly, they accepted him.
And that's what had prompted McCoy to cook for the two beautiful men he was sitting with. His mother had taught him to cook and bake when he was young, and anyone he had ever cooked for mentioned his talent at it in some way. Though, admittedly, he didn't utilise his skills very often, which had to have been what made him do it. He'd wanted to share something with them that only his family members back on earth had ever known.
So far, the dinner had been an outright success. Jim had complimented him on his cooking when he wasn't stuffing his face, which was right on the line between disgusting and flattering. Spock had of course told him to watch his manners and not speak with his mouth full. The resulting conversation between the two of them had been worth the minor disgust that the sight of unchewed lasagne had prompted.
When he mostly failed to instil some semblance of manners into Jim, Spock simply shook his head with an almost smile and scooped a forkful of his own meal -lasagne, just as his two companions, but made with tofu and other vegetarian items- into his mouth and chewed slowly. Jim grinned and licked up some of the sauce that dripped from his lips as he too continued his meal. Bones sighed in fond exasperation as he looked at the two.
Complete and total opposites, but ones that fit together so well. It was one of the reasons he had even considered letting Spock into what had been just the both of them, Jim and Leonard, and now Spock. And it was because of their connection, their fit. He had loved Spock as well, but it was watching the both of them together that really won him over to the idea, and now he couldn't have been happier. He had two when most people had one, and he was loved equally by both, just as he loved them.
He hadn't thought anything could be better than being with Jim, his long-time best friend and boss, but he had found the only thing that could improve his life and he would never give it up. Jim was beautiful, yes, but one could say the same for Spock. What no one else could possibly know, however, was how beautiful the two were when together. Sitting close in their quarters, walking perfectly in step with each other, spending time with the other in one of the rec rooms. McCoy was the only one who could truly see and appreciate how they were together.
Strangely though, it never made him feel like a third wheel. He was the one that pulled them out of orbit around each other when they needed it. He kept the level head when they were unable to. He was able to recognize when they were hiding injuries and prevent them from killing themselves with their stupidity. Besides, when the three of them were together, when Spock let them in those melds, he got to see just how well he fit, and just how important he was.
Most would see him as a simple accessory, but really, he was a bonus, was he not? At least, that's what Jim liked to say. Spock too, but in more polite ways, not to mention he counted Jim as one as well. He had never thought he would gain something like what he had found. He never doubted their love for him, and that was all that would ever matter. Just then, a foot nudged his ankle and Bones noticed that he had stopped eating, forkful of lasagne halfway to his half-open mouth. He blushed and shoved the food in his mouth, chewing quickly but politely, more like Spock than Jim, and washed it down with a sip from his water.
Jim smiled at him, a soft pretty thing that showed off his full lips. It would have been more impressive, only McCoy had caught him practicing it in front of the mirror one night at the academy. He had never let him live it down, no matter how effective it was.
"Where'd you go, Bones? You were a million miles away..." his voice was as soft as his smile, like warm, melted butter. It reminded Bones of home.
"I was actually pretty close, Jim. Just thinking about you two, how much I love you. How much I never wanna be away from you. How much I hate it that I don't work on the Bridge with you, even though I bet the crew already has enough with you two making eyes at each other when you think they're not looking." he smiled back as Jim blushed faintly, a smile that widened into a grin when he saw the soft green flush to Spock's cheeks. He loved watching them squirm, almost as much as he loved that flush. He hadn't forgotten what made him change his favorite color after all. And the thought that he could actually forget something like that was laughable; it had been the first night they gained Spock. The first night they were together. The first night they were home.
Jim felt his heart swell. It was a common feeling when he was around his CMO and First Officer, one he generally tried to hide because of the wide, stupid smile that appeared on his face every time. Now, though, he felt no need to hide his reaction. He leaned over and pressed a small, lingering kiss to the corner of McCoy's lips, eyes gleaming as he sat back in his seat.
Blue eyes flicked in Spock's direction, and with the same grin on his face, Jim extended his middle and index fingers, Spock did not mind human kisses, but often preferred Vulcan due to the connection. They accommodated that fact as much as they could. They liked it too.
Spock reached his own index and middle fingers out, brushing their tips over Jim's slowly and delicately, the equivalent of a soft, loving human kiss. Jim dropped his hand back to the table and Spock reached his fingers out to Bones, who gently scratched his nails over the pads of his fingers before rubbing them together briefly. Spock's lips quirked up as he went back to his meal.
As for Spock himself, his inner feelings of quiet contentment and joy at the two men sitting in front of him were reflected only in the quietest and smallest of ways. A softening in his eyes and mouth, the slight way his shoulders relaxed, the ease he projected into the quiet. But still, he knew that even these small cues were 'as apparent as the nose on his face'. He was at peace. He was loved.
The feelings were almost overwhelming. Never had he ever felt so loved, not even when his mother would hold him in her arms when he had nightmares or read him to sleep when he couldn't get there on his own. Those same feelings were reflected in the smiles and words and thoughts of his companions, so clear and smooth as they washed over him in sleep and in waking. Spock was accustomed to them now, easily and readily accepting them into his mind and heart.
They had been sharing the same bed for a while now, long enough to know the proper positioning in order to make it work, the Starfleet beds being what they were. Spock didn't sleep as long as his two human companions, so he always took the edge so he could slip off without waking them, but sometimes, the other two were able to observe him sleeping, note the almost childlike innocence in his positioning, the way everything seemed softer, younger.
Jim often slept curled around them like an octopus, facing either Bones or Spock with his leg thrown over their hip or leg and his arm tangled with that of whoever was spooned up against his back. Bones didn't mind where he slept, but it was noted he liked to sleep next to Spock more, when he was there, the Vulcan acted like a heater. McCoy would press as close to him as he possibly could, and usually make Jim spoon up tighter just to get a hold of them both, unable to sleep unless he could feel them breathing. That was the most intimate thing that happened in their bed; cuddling.
Most people would figure that the infamous James T. Kirk would have seduced Spock into his bed from the beginning, but the truth was exactly the opposite. Jim outright refused to even suggest such a thing to Spock. Bones and Jim knew how much Spock stuck to his values, knew that he would never do anything of a sexual nature with someone he wasn't mated to or planning on mating with. They both avidly hoped that Spock considered them to be that important to him, that he would want them to be lifemates and be with them for the rest of their lives.
In fact, that was what this dinner was for. Two weeks ago, they had decided that they were going to ask Spock to bond with them. They had planned this dinner every day they had, planning on placing it on their first anniversary as a way to make it even more special, if that was even possible. They were hoping that Spock would accept, a small current of unacknowledged tension buried under joy.
Spock could feel their unease, and though he would never admit it, it made him nervous. He often found himself wondering if they were rethinking their decision to develop a relationship with him. Such thoughts hurt him greatly, because he now knew that he wouldn't be able to experience happiness without them. Said course of action wouldn't surprise him, though he desperately hoped that they would not abandon him after professing their love and devotion to him. He knew that these were human emotions and forced himself to bury them, ignoring the way they grew fierce and hot, aching deep in his chest and clenching his belly with nervous tension.
When Leonard cleared his throat and looked over at Jim quickly, and then the both of them placed their forks on the table and looked directly into Spock's eyes, the half Vulcan felt his heart twist in his side, and his stomach flip, unease making him feel sick, although his outward appearance was calm and unblinking. He met their gazes with a raised eyebrow, placing his own fork on the table and waiting for what they would have to say.
"Spock...there's something that Jim and I have been meaning to talk to you about... You see...we've been together for a year, and while it's been an incredible year, there's still something very important missing." Bones started, leaning forward on the table.
"We haven't had it in the entirety of our time together, and it's very important to both of us, something that I'm sure won't surprise you, but something that we feel we need." Jim continued, copying Bones' position.
Spock felt his world slowly upend, bracing himself against the inevitable pain that would follow their declaration. He had an idea of what they wanted; he had hoped that they could accept him without it. He had apparently been wrong. Jim looked at Bones and then slowly reached out over the table, grasping one of Spock's hands in both of his, hesitation and hopeful despair flooding into Spock's skin at the contact.
"Spock, we want to bond with you."
Spock felt like his world had been knocked off its axis, but not by the pain he had thought would come. The nervous tension in his stomach loosened along with the tight muscles of his lower back. His frantic thoughts calmed and his feelings of nausea dissipated until they no longer existed. His heart started pounding soon after, cheeks heating with his pale mint flush as he fought the urge to yell his answer to the stars passing above them - quickly now as they entered Warp speed.
And then reality struck him. The whole of it. What exactly they were proposing, who they were, what they were likely to know about Vulcan Marriage Ceremonies... His heart sank; there was no way they could know what they were proposing. There was no way anyone would want to spend their lives with him. As much as he loved them, and knew they enjoyed him, he was still not someone that a person could stand to be around with for the whole of their lives. He had too many failed relationships that spoke of such a thing, too many people who believed it.
Fighting tears, Spock shook his head and pushed his chair away from the table, standing slowly on unsteady legs.
"I am sorry, but..." he swallowed hard, not daring to meet their eyes."I do not accept." he turned on his heels sharply and started walking towards the door, body tense and coiled, lips and heart tight with repressed pain.
Jim and Bones stood up as one, hearts twisting and eyes widening with shock. "What?" Bones breathed.
"Spock! Don't go, come back! You can't just say 'no' without telling us why! We thought...we thought you'd be happy, we thought you'd want to... We've shared so much of ourselves...we had hoped that you'd let us share more...we even asked Sarek! So you can't leave without telling us why."
Spock stopped short, closing his eyes tight. He could easily detect the pain in their vocal fluctuations, and the guilt he felt made his stomach roil unpleasantly. He took a few deep breaths before resolutely shaking his head and continuing on his path to the door.
Jim felt a flash of familiarity, "Computer, lock Observation Deck 4. Disable all but Captain's override, require voice authorization." He stood there, holding firm when Spock froze, looking at the floor and bowing his head, he had obviously noticed the fact that they had gone through this before, and the only way out was to reply. Stubbornness, a trait they both shared in full, but when Bones was on their side...Spock knew he'd wind up giving in.
He turned back to Jim and Leonard, folding his arms behind his back. "I have no reason to explain my actions to you, Captain."
"Yeah you do. You've just spent one year sleeping on the same bed with us, one year spending almost all your time with us, and you just now decide that you won't accept our offer to bond with us. Why? Were we just an experiment to you?" Bones voice was harsh, and got louder, anger making him lash out, but when Spock seemed to buckle under the force of it, he realized that this was just another insecurity. Just another hurt.
"I find myself hardly surprised that you would think so little of me, however, it hurts no less. You were in no way a simple experiment on my part. I do not regret our time together, in fact, I cherish it above almost all else, but I am not willing to bond with either of you." Spock said, masking the pain in his voice. He kept his face blank; staring passed them and the table they had previously occupied.
"Why, Spock, why won't you share that part of you with us? Do you fear being with us? Do you think that we don't know what we're getting into, that we'd regret being joined to you?" Jim asked softly, his mind following the same trail Bones had considered. When Spock seemed to tense, straightening up just that small millimeter more, Jim knew he had struck home.
"Indeed, Captain. You may think that this is something you desire, but you would be proven wrong in a matter of months. I am thinking of both yours and the Doctors wellbeing when I refuse your offer. It is only logical." Spock stated dully.
The both of them felt their hearts constrict, recognizing yet another old wound that had been placed on Spock's heart, something they hadn't closed yet, because it was something they hadn't known about. "Spock..." Jim wet his lips carefully, "Why do you think we would change our minds about you?"
"I do not see how any sentient being would enjoy being in my extended company, much less while knowing that they would have to endure my continued presence in their lives until one party met their death. I would rather not have such a situation arise, because I fear it would be hard to find a suitable replacement First Officer." the calm way Spock delivered the self-depreciating words made Bones shudder.
"Spock...do you really think that?" Bones voice was quiet, hoarse, and his eyes reflected the absolute pain in his heart. He was always the one who held his heart on his sleeve, and the look on his face made Spock regret speaking so bluntly. Of course Leonard would not appreciate to hear those words, no matter how true they might be. But that was when he noticed Jim, the way he stood, hands holding a white knuckled grip on his chair, his head bowed, his lips pursed and his eyes closed.
He found himself torn; wishing he was able to go back in time so that he could avoid what he had done but also wishing he could escape from the situation. He wanted to pull Jim and Leonard into his arms and never release them but also wanted to hide away somewhere dark and quiet and never leave. Spock ducked his head, taking a shaky breath and licking his lips, "I do, Doctor."
The chair cracked under Jim's grip, their eyes immediately turning to stare at him as Jim straightened up, staring at Spock in the eye. "It's a lie Spock. Whoever told you that, whatever made you think that's true...it's a lie. You are worth every second of time we could ever spend with you. We want to spend every second with you, sickness and health, parted from you and never parted, never and always touching and touched."
Spock felt his heart skip and his throat constrict as he gasped. He had never mentioned those words to either of the men before him, had never used them when initiating melds. There was no possible way they could know about the ritualistic lines. He quickly composed himself, pursing his lips just barely.
"Vulcans do not lie, Captain."
"That's who told it to you? Vulcans? Well, Spock...we have news for you, we're not Vulcan, we're human, and I don't know what sort of idiotic Vulcans you were with, but they're wrong. They're dead wrong, and Spock, I think it's another 'their loss our gain'. If they can't see the absolute beauty and integrity and wonder that you are, than they're either blind, or stupid." Jim said calmly, staring into Spock's brown eyes and trying to project the absolute conviction he felt into his own eyes.
Spock felt himself faltering once more, like he had so many months ago. His shoulders slumped forward slightly, hands curling in to rest against his thighs. Bones immediately recognized the almost unnoticeable start of a foetal position and nudged Jim's shoulder as Spock averted his gaze, staring at the floor of the Observation Deck.
"Please, Spock...we want this, we want this so bad that we asked Sarek about it. We actually contacted him and asked him to tell us about Vulcan Mating Habits. He taught us those words. They're beautiful words Spock. They're even more beautiful because of what they stand for. We want what they stand for. We want them with you." Jim said softly, trying to drive it home.
Spock drew in a half dozen shuddering breaths before looking back up at the two and raising a shaking arm, fingers outstretched. Jim surged forward and pressed his cheek to Spock's hand, helping splay his fingers over his meld points. Bones followed him closely, grabbing the half Vulcan's wrist and arranging the warm digits over his cheek and forehead.
There was a moment when Spock whispered, "my mind to your mind" and then the rest of the words echoed inside and out, 'my thoughts to your thoughts'. The first thing they concentrated on was the undying love and care that they had for the half Vulcan who had stolen their hearts and captivated their minds, making sure to project as much as they could. Spock's mind teetered back from it, shock and slight disbelief running through it, only to have the both of them grasp hold, showing him memories of the three of them together, memories of how well they fit.
The first memory was of the first night they slept in the same bed, the very same night Jim and Bones had first expressed their love for him. The next was of a shift on the Bridge, McCoy standing behind the Captain's chair, both Leonard and Jim shooting Spock winks and smiles and fluttering lashes. The rest went by too fast for Spock to concentrate on, but the last was slow in passing. Spock easily recognized the vid screen in the Doctor's office and then the face that appeared on its surface.
Jim and Bones sat in front of the viewscreen, hesitation and fear bleeding into every part of this memory. Sarek raised an eyebrow at the both of them, taking a moment to examine the both of them, take in the slightly hesitant glances they shot at one another and straightened. "Captain, Doctor, how may I be of service?"
"Well...u..ugh.." Jim stammered, licking his bottom lip nervously.
"Yes?" Sarek prompted again, that eyebrow raising further.
"It's...it's kind of hard to say... We just..." Jim said.
"We were wondering...about...well..."
"I believe it would waste much less of my time, and yours if you would simply ask what it is that you have contacted me for."
"We want to be bondmates with Spock!" Bones blurted, cheeks flushing seconds after.
That other eyebrow joined its counterpart in Sarek's hair, his eyes flickering from one face to another. "I see. Would I be correct in assuming that you wished to ask for my approval before you mentioned the possibility to Spock?"
"Yes, Ambassador." Jim said, managing without the slightest nervous fluctuation to his voice.
"A very logical decision, my compliments to you both."
"Thank you, sir." McCoy tilted his head forward respectfully as he spoke before meeting the Vulcan's gaze.
"We were hoping that we'd meet your approval as suitable mates for your son. He...he's very special to us, sir. We want to spend our lives with him. No matter how short in relation to his they may be. It's...probably selfish, but we love him." Jim said softly.
"I do not doubt your feelings towards my son, nor do I doubt the fact that he returns them. You have no reason to be nervous. I would not deny my son the happiness he most certainly deserves."
"Really?!" Jim asked loudly, eyes wide. Sarek raised that eyebrow, a small tic at the corner of his mouth betraying his laughter. "Um...I mean...I didn't think...what with the population and everything...I didn't think... I...I think I'm just going to shut up now before I dig myself into a deeper hole..."
"That might be wise."
"Nice going Jim," Bones grumbled at him, nudging him with his elbow. Sarek raised the eyebrow higher. The rest of the conversation was discussions of what it was like to be mated to a Vulcan, the sorts of things they could expect, a particular biological aspect had gained Jim's attention as soon as it was mentioned. Sarek's mouth had made another tic when he noticed the slightly far away state of Jim's gaze.
The two of them felt Spock's presence retreating from their minds, slow, like he was trying to savour the last time he would ever be inside them. They tried to grab hold, but couldn't compete with a Vulcan's natural gift, and Spock slipped away, out of the meld, leaving them bereft.
Their eyes opened, pain and despair at the fore of their minds, and then they blinked, a sound they hadn't heard before leaving the half Vulcans' throat. Something deep, rich, almost melodious, and then they realized what it was. Spock was laughing at them. His mouth was pulled into a grin, eyes lightly crinkled at the edges and cheeks flushing a happy mint green.
Spock quickly moved back to his chair at the table, laughing into his hands as he rested his elbows on the table top. Jim and Bones watched him disbelievingly, heads tilted and eyebrows furrowed. Jim's bottom lip pushed out into a pout as he wondered what Spock was laughing at. Then the sheer adorableness of the sight caught up with them and Jim grinned and McCoy's eyes twinkled as they moved forward to settle on their chairs beside Spock.
"What the hell is so damn funny, you pointy eared bastard?!" McCoy asked, trying to hold onto the irritation at the feeling of being laughed at. It wasn't working.
"Maybe he's realized what an idiot he was being?" Jim prompted, grin still tugging at his mouth when Spock seemed to try and regain his calm Vulcan exterior only to lose it at the sight of the two humans watching him in bemused amazement.
Spock's laugh was mellifluous, like the old antique wind chimes hanging from the door frame of a book store in San Francisco that Jim had always loved to spend hours in. It made them relax completely, the Vulcan's smile and bright eyes furthering it.
Spock took a deep breath and tried to school his features, but his cheeks were still flushed, mouth still curled, shoulders still shaking.
"I find your interaction with my father to be...most amusing."
They looked up at him in shock, and then bristled in mock indignation. "Hey! I'll have you know that having a conversation like that with a Vulcan is one of the scariest things I've ever had to do!"
"They like...see into your soul or something, and they're freaky as all hell!"
"Especially when he's your father! I mean...we didn't exactly get off to the best start...first thing he saw me do was…" Jim trailed off, looking at the ground.
"He has long since forgiven you for your actions, Jim." Spock reached over and brushed their fingers together. "And while my father may seem intimidating, he is rather gentle and human compared to certain members of the High Council. You had no cause to worry about his reaction as I am now the only one he has left to love in this world since mother's passing."
The thought was a very sombre one, and they spent a moment in silence, Jim squeezing Spock's hand gently in comfort, feeling the slight despair in the other. "Well...that was a mood breaker..." Jim said finally, clearing his throat. McCoy gave a small smirk, and then looked to Spock.
"Do you have an answer for us Spock? Will you bond with us?"
"It would be an illogical decision not to accept as I love you both to levels I previously thought were impossible." Spock whispered with his head tilted down slightly, looking at Jim and Bones through his long, dark lashes.
The simple statement made the two men jump into the air, letting out a cheer and a whoop, laughing themselves hoarse. Spock smiled at the tabletop, until both men reached down, grabbing him under his armpits and hoisting him up so they could pull him in a hug. These hugs always reminded Spock of an octopus, and had been rather hard to get used to, but the absolute joy that he felt from the two men made it worth it.
Spock nuzzled at Bones' neck and shoulder before nosing at the soft skin beneath Jim's ear. He gave a soft purr of contentment, closing his eyes. He pushed deeper into their embrace, feeling warmth and happiness seeping through their bond. Over their shoulders, Spock saw the bright streaks of passing stars slow once more, as they were at the beginning of the evening.
There was a moment of silence when they simply held onto one another, breathing each others air, trying to make the moment last for as long as they could. Then Jim's communicator crackled to life.
"Bridge to Captain Kirk," Uhura's voice called through. "Hate to ruin your night like this, I know it's important, but you asked me to alert you to when we were nearing New Vulcan."
"Thank you Lieutenant! Kirk out." Jim grinned and he and Bones watched as one of Spock's elegantly upswept eyebrows arched.
"We are passing near New Vulcan?" he asked.
"Yep, we...um...sorta made a pre-emptive decision to travel there. We were close and gained permission from the Admiralty beforehand. Sarek requested we do it soon, and if you said no... We were hoping Salek might actually be able to convince you otherwise..." Jim said, giving him a sheepish smile.
Spock shook his head slowly and pressed affectionate Vulcan kisses to both men's cheeks. "In human terms, this shall seem very…'corny', I believe is the correct terminology? But there are simply no words in Standard, Vulcan, nor any of the other dialects I am familiar with, that would be able to express my happiness and love for you both at this very moment. They may endeavour to do so, but they shall never succeed. I must express my gratitude that you have both stayed by side despite my...insecurities."
"Spock, if you didn't have those insecurities you wouldn't be the man you are now, the man we love, and honestly, I'm glad that you'll never get the right words. It means that you'll just have to keep trying." Jim said with a grin.
"Besides, from what I understand, 'let me help' is the best way to say 'I love you' that has ever been found." Bones added quietly, the other two looking over at him in surprise.
As Jim ran over that statement in his head, he turned back to Spock, "You will let us help you, won't you Spock? Because we love you, and you're beautiful, and insanely smart, and we want to be with you forever, and we want you to be happy with us. You need to let us help you out when you feel bad or insecure. Will you?" Jim half asked, half rambled, cupping Spock's cheek.
Spock cupped the back of Jim's hand, reaching out and holding Leonard's other hand, looking at them both closely, "Only if you let me help when you need it. If you allow me to 'return the favour' and begin to give to you what it is that you have given to me."
"Of course we will, Spock. Pinkie swear?" Bones asked with a slightly teasing tone to his voice, moulding himself to Spock's side and brushing his lips over the hot skin of his jaw.
"As you wish, Leonard." With that, he wrapped their pinkies together, giving him a small teasing quirk to his mouth that stood as a smile and making Jim laugh at Bones' surprised expression.
"Okay, now that we're done with our pre-teen girl moment, how 'bout we get down to the surface?" Jim smiled, curling his pinkie around theirs and tugging them towards the door.
They followed him out, pinkies crossed together until the door swished open and they dropped them, but they didn't stop touching. Soft brush of the arm here, slight touch of a hand here, and none of it was out of place. They entered the transporter room to find a small entourage standing there, consisting of the Bridge Crew and Scotty, the former beaming at them radiantly, and the latter wiping fake tears off of his face with a tissue.
"Scottyyyy.." Jim drawled suspiciously.
"Yes, Cap'n?" Scotty said, looking at him innocently
"You hacked the surveillance system for Observation Deck 4, didn't you?"
"Who, me?" Scotty gasped, clutching at his chest over his heart.
Jim shook his head with a wide grin, moving forward to punch Scotty in the shoulder. He backed away barely a step before Uhura caught him in a hug. She squeezed him tight before moving on to Bones and Spock and doing the same to them. Chekov just grinned at them brightly, eyes shining as he leaned against Sulu's shoulder, who gave Jim a thumbs up and a smile.
Uhura pulled back from Spock, hands still on his arms and tears in her eyes as she looked up at him and gave him a small shake. "I'm so proud of you Spock..." She whispered, just below ear shot of the others, receiving a small duck of the head in return as well as a very small embarrassed smile. "Can you see now why I had to let you go?"
"I do Nyota, I understand, and I thank you." Spock answered equally quietly. Uhura pulled back and looked over to Jim and Bones, "Hurt him and I'll kill you."
"I know, Uhura." Jim said seriously, moving closer to link his fingers with Spock's. Leonard followed, standing behind Spock and resting his chin on the Vulcan's clothed shoulder with an arm curled around his waist. As subtly as he could -which really wasn't that subtle at all- Scotty pulled out an old fashioned digital camera and snapped a picture of the three, the perfect picture of contentment and love.
Jim stuck his tongue out at him in retaliation, and only got another picture snapped, a madly grinning Scotsman tucking it safely back into his belt, and gesturing to the transporter. "New Vulcan awaits ye. May the ceremony not take too long, so ye can get to the other side benefits of matrimony..." Scotty said with a grand smile and a wink. They let out a laugh, even as Uhura tried to whack him over the head, the three moving to stand on the transporter in their ready positions.
Silvery white swirls surrounded them and the familiar, slightly nauseating feeling that accompanied beaming overcame Jim. Once the beams faded Jim stumbled into Spock's shoulder, knocked off balance by the bump in the sand he'd landed on. The heat came over them in a rush; Spock seemed to bloom under it while Jim and McCoy stiffened, but then the realization of what they were there for enveloped them. Jim laughed in a slightly insane and very excited way, pressing his lips to the blue material covering his Vulcan's skin.
Bones just beamed, and then they saw who stood in front of them and they immediately tried to hold themselves in a more respectful fashion. Sarek and Salek stood there, a slightly amused look held on the elder Spock's face, the two of them radiating peace and calm. The thought that their Spock might one day reach that kind of peace with himself made their hearts soar, even if he might not share it with them, it didn't make it any less special.
"As you have all arrived in such a pleasant mood, I presume there will be no need for persuasion on our part?" Salek asked with a barely there tease in his voice, eyebrow arched much like Sarek's.
The two humans tensed even more, blinking innocently at them, "'Course not, was there ever any doubt?" Jim asked smiling.
"None whatsoever..." Salek answered, smiling slightly, "From what I understand, you don't believe in 'no win scenarios'..."
Jim ducked his head before standing up straight, "And it hasn't been proven wrong yet."
"Let us hope that it continues to remain true. You are prepared?" Sarek asked them.
They nodded and Spock took one of Jim and Bones' hands into his as they followed his father and elder counterpart into the strangely foreboding temple standing behind them. They passed statues and paintings and walls with line upon line of Vulcan words engraved in the smooth stone. Jim and Leonard were looking at everything in wonder, soft light casting shadows all around.
A smell of slightly heady incense filled the air, somehow right below the line where it would become sickening, and instead being one of the most beautiful things they had ever inhaled. They clutched Spock's hands slightly tighter, and then noticed where they were heading.
There was a raised dais in the center of the temple. The base was made out of beautiful black and grey stone that very closely resembled granite, and the upper platform was thick and looked to be made of transparent crystal with a faint blue tint, but they couldn't be sure from the distance they found themselves at even as they moved forward steadily. Sarek and Salek climbed the steps set into the stone base and bowed to the large, stone renditions of Surak and his wife that were placed behind the dais as soon as they reached the surface -close up, it was very easy to tell that it was indeed made of precious, seamless crystal. It was absolutely gorgeous.
Yet surprisingly enough, when they stepped on it, they found it to be soft, almost spongy. This was something that begged to be laid on. They watched as Spock bowed before the two Elders who turned to face them, and bowed as well, kneeling on the dais in a semicircle position in front of them, facing Salek as he stepped forward.
Salek brushed his fingers to Jim's temple in the barest contact before trailing them through the air as if following an invisible line, touching the same two fingers to Spock's own temple. He did the same to McCoy with his other hand, keeping both sets of fingers pressed to Spock's skin. The force of their bond showed as faint shimmers in the air, linking their temples together. Spock slowly and steadily drew Jim and Bones into his mind as he touched their hands together, breathing deep and almost too slow.
They were pulled into Spock's mind, gently, yet forcefully, as though they were following a current. Once in the meld they recognized Spock's presence immediately, only to notice how different it was. They were feeling Salek. Their Spock branched out, covering both of their psyches, just as Salek's began weaving a tapestry together of their minds, plucking tendrils and lacing them together.
The patterns were intricate and impossible to follow, no matter how hard Jim tried. Masses of color and shapes and textures melded together. Jim felt impossibly warm, feelings of love, affection, admiration, irritation -from Bones, no doubt- wrapping tightly around him like a heavy winter blanket. Bones felt it too, an overwhelming sense of belonging and forever cloying around them.
Spock was wrapped up in awe, joy and peace, a feeling of belonging starting in his mind and spreading down to the very deepest part of his being. It was incredible. It wasn't like anything he had ever felt before, and the other two shone all the brighter until all there was…was them, wrapped in a cocoon of love and affection and…there was something wilder... Something he hadn't really felt before.
Salek slowly retracted his presence from their minds until he was back in his own, removing his finger from the sides of Spock's peaceful face. Sarek approached, waving his hand over their heads as he put an end to the Vulcan chant he'd been murmuring all throughout the ceremony. The two Elders looked at the three, still kneeling at their feet, and then glanced at each other. Without speaking a word or making any variation of sound, they moved back down the stone steps and exited the temple, both smiling, Salek more obviously than Sarek, leaving a small bottle behind them.
Chapter 2
Rating: M
Word Count: 7035
Summary: Once found, belonging is the thing we will fight for the most.
Note: My friend is in posession of an Angst Shovel, and the whole of this sequel will prove it. Fear it. I hope you like!
It was almost strange, the way the stars were passing by the Observation Deck window. In lieu of the bright, flashing streaks of light, they could see themselves passing by solar systems and meteor rings, could see the varying colors from the surfaces of planets and the shimmering light from stars and supernovas. All of it was accented by the absence of the usual lights of the Enterprise, soft, dim candlelight flickering as the ventilation system shifted the air in the room.
Spock, Jim, and Bones sat at a table together in tranquil quiet. In the months that had followed their initial agreement to begin dating as a couple, the need for idle chatter had waned. They were now able to sit quietly, enjoying each others presence, listening to each other breathe. There had been so many disasters that had threatened one or all of them that they found it to be calming, soothing. They were completely in synch, from the pace they kept as they ate to the puffs of breath that escaped their lungs and, judging by the way Spock had his head tilted, their heartbeats were probably following the pattern too.
His own was faster, but simply counting the half beats between each full. It was the product of knowing a person inside and out. It was the product of loving a Vulcan. A species that held a mental connection higher than a physical one. They had melded at some points. They were rarely ever out of anything more than duty, but even the ones that had taken place in the most dire of situations were treasured. They were proof of how much they belonged with each other.
It was completely unquestionable. Spock had shown them how well they fit, even though Jim and Bones had already known it. He had pushed Jim's and McCoy's hands together and placed his own above and under, creating the image for them. A cracked piece of glass, floating against a plain of black. Slowly, another piece slid over, locking perfectly into place with the first. Soon, another shard found its place, connecting the two others fully and completing the circle.
It had been beautiful. But it had mainly been meaningful. Something they recognized as Spock's attempt to show them what exactly they meant to him. He still had trouble saying it sometimes, but that was just who he was. Neither of them cared, and like they had promised, they didn't push. They loved him. And more importantly, they accepted him.
And that's what had prompted McCoy to cook for the two beautiful men he was sitting with. His mother had taught him to cook and bake when he was young, and anyone he had ever cooked for mentioned his talent at it in some way. Though, admittedly, he didn't utilise his skills very often, which had to have been what made him do it. He'd wanted to share something with them that only his family members back on earth had ever known.
So far, the dinner had been an outright success. Jim had complimented him on his cooking when he wasn't stuffing his face, which was right on the line between disgusting and flattering. Spock had of course told him to watch his manners and not speak with his mouth full. The resulting conversation between the two of them had been worth the minor disgust that the sight of unchewed lasagne had prompted.
When he mostly failed to instil some semblance of manners into Jim, Spock simply shook his head with an almost smile and scooped a forkful of his own meal -lasagne, just as his two companions, but made with tofu and other vegetarian items- into his mouth and chewed slowly. Jim grinned and licked up some of the sauce that dripped from his lips as he too continued his meal. Bones sighed in fond exasperation as he looked at the two.
Complete and total opposites, but ones that fit together so well. It was one of the reasons he had even considered letting Spock into what had been just the both of them, Jim and Leonard, and now Spock. And it was because of their connection, their fit. He had loved Spock as well, but it was watching the both of them together that really won him over to the idea, and now he couldn't have been happier. He had two when most people had one, and he was loved equally by both, just as he loved them.
He hadn't thought anything could be better than being with Jim, his long-time best friend and boss, but he had found the only thing that could improve his life and he would never give it up. Jim was beautiful, yes, but one could say the same for Spock. What no one else could possibly know, however, was how beautiful the two were when together. Sitting close in their quarters, walking perfectly in step with each other, spending time with the other in one of the rec rooms. McCoy was the only one who could truly see and appreciate how they were together.
Strangely though, it never made him feel like a third wheel. He was the one that pulled them out of orbit around each other when they needed it. He kept the level head when they were unable to. He was able to recognize when they were hiding injuries and prevent them from killing themselves with their stupidity. Besides, when the three of them were together, when Spock let them in those melds, he got to see just how well he fit, and just how important he was.
Most would see him as a simple accessory, but really, he was a bonus, was he not? At least, that's what Jim liked to say. Spock too, but in more polite ways, not to mention he counted Jim as one as well. He had never thought he would gain something like what he had found. He never doubted their love for him, and that was all that would ever matter. Just then, a foot nudged his ankle and Bones noticed that he had stopped eating, forkful of lasagne halfway to his half-open mouth. He blushed and shoved the food in his mouth, chewing quickly but politely, more like Spock than Jim, and washed it down with a sip from his water.
Jim smiled at him, a soft pretty thing that showed off his full lips. It would have been more impressive, only McCoy had caught him practicing it in front of the mirror one night at the academy. He had never let him live it down, no matter how effective it was.
"Where'd you go, Bones? You were a million miles away..." his voice was as soft as his smile, like warm, melted butter. It reminded Bones of home.
"I was actually pretty close, Jim. Just thinking about you two, how much I love you. How much I never wanna be away from you. How much I hate it that I don't work on the Bridge with you, even though I bet the crew already has enough with you two making eyes at each other when you think they're not looking." he smiled back as Jim blushed faintly, a smile that widened into a grin when he saw the soft green flush to Spock's cheeks. He loved watching them squirm, almost as much as he loved that flush. He hadn't forgotten what made him change his favorite color after all. And the thought that he could actually forget something like that was laughable; it had been the first night they gained Spock. The first night they were together. The first night they were home.
Jim felt his heart swell. It was a common feeling when he was around his CMO and First Officer, one he generally tried to hide because of the wide, stupid smile that appeared on his face every time. Now, though, he felt no need to hide his reaction. He leaned over and pressed a small, lingering kiss to the corner of McCoy's lips, eyes gleaming as he sat back in his seat.
Blue eyes flicked in Spock's direction, and with the same grin on his face, Jim extended his middle and index fingers, Spock did not mind human kisses, but often preferred Vulcan due to the connection. They accommodated that fact as much as they could. They liked it too.
Spock reached his own index and middle fingers out, brushing their tips over Jim's slowly and delicately, the equivalent of a soft, loving human kiss. Jim dropped his hand back to the table and Spock reached his fingers out to Bones, who gently scratched his nails over the pads of his fingers before rubbing them together briefly. Spock's lips quirked up as he went back to his meal.
As for Spock himself, his inner feelings of quiet contentment and joy at the two men sitting in front of him were reflected only in the quietest and smallest of ways. A softening in his eyes and mouth, the slight way his shoulders relaxed, the ease he projected into the quiet. But still, he knew that even these small cues were 'as apparent as the nose on his face'. He was at peace. He was loved.
The feelings were almost overwhelming. Never had he ever felt so loved, not even when his mother would hold him in her arms when he had nightmares or read him to sleep when he couldn't get there on his own. Those same feelings were reflected in the smiles and words and thoughts of his companions, so clear and smooth as they washed over him in sleep and in waking. Spock was accustomed to them now, easily and readily accepting them into his mind and heart.
They had been sharing the same bed for a while now, long enough to know the proper positioning in order to make it work, the Starfleet beds being what they were. Spock didn't sleep as long as his two human companions, so he always took the edge so he could slip off without waking them, but sometimes, the other two were able to observe him sleeping, note the almost childlike innocence in his positioning, the way everything seemed softer, younger.
Jim often slept curled around them like an octopus, facing either Bones or Spock with his leg thrown over their hip or leg and his arm tangled with that of whoever was spooned up against his back. Bones didn't mind where he slept, but it was noted he liked to sleep next to Spock more, when he was there, the Vulcan acted like a heater. McCoy would press as close to him as he possibly could, and usually make Jim spoon up tighter just to get a hold of them both, unable to sleep unless he could feel them breathing. That was the most intimate thing that happened in their bed; cuddling.
Most people would figure that the infamous James T. Kirk would have seduced Spock into his bed from the beginning, but the truth was exactly the opposite. Jim outright refused to even suggest such a thing to Spock. Bones and Jim knew how much Spock stuck to his values, knew that he would never do anything of a sexual nature with someone he wasn't mated to or planning on mating with. They both avidly hoped that Spock considered them to be that important to him, that he would want them to be lifemates and be with them for the rest of their lives.
In fact, that was what this dinner was for. Two weeks ago, they had decided that they were going to ask Spock to bond with them. They had planned this dinner every day they had, planning on placing it on their first anniversary as a way to make it even more special, if that was even possible. They were hoping that Spock would accept, a small current of unacknowledged tension buried under joy.
Spock could feel their unease, and though he would never admit it, it made him nervous. He often found himself wondering if they were rethinking their decision to develop a relationship with him. Such thoughts hurt him greatly, because he now knew that he wouldn't be able to experience happiness without them. Said course of action wouldn't surprise him, though he desperately hoped that they would not abandon him after professing their love and devotion to him. He knew that these were human emotions and forced himself to bury them, ignoring the way they grew fierce and hot, aching deep in his chest and clenching his belly with nervous tension.
When Leonard cleared his throat and looked over at Jim quickly, and then the both of them placed their forks on the table and looked directly into Spock's eyes, the half Vulcan felt his heart twist in his side, and his stomach flip, unease making him feel sick, although his outward appearance was calm and unblinking. He met their gazes with a raised eyebrow, placing his own fork on the table and waiting for what they would have to say.
"Spock...there's something that Jim and I have been meaning to talk to you about... You see...we've been together for a year, and while it's been an incredible year, there's still something very important missing." Bones started, leaning forward on the table.
"We haven't had it in the entirety of our time together, and it's very important to both of us, something that I'm sure won't surprise you, but something that we feel we need." Jim continued, copying Bones' position.
Spock felt his world slowly upend, bracing himself against the inevitable pain that would follow their declaration. He had an idea of what they wanted; he had hoped that they could accept him without it. He had apparently been wrong. Jim looked at Bones and then slowly reached out over the table, grasping one of Spock's hands in both of his, hesitation and hopeful despair flooding into Spock's skin at the contact.
"Spock, we want to bond with you."
Spock felt like his world had been knocked off its axis, but not by the pain he had thought would come. The nervous tension in his stomach loosened along with the tight muscles of his lower back. His frantic thoughts calmed and his feelings of nausea dissipated until they no longer existed. His heart started pounding soon after, cheeks heating with his pale mint flush as he fought the urge to yell his answer to the stars passing above them - quickly now as they entered Warp speed.
And then reality struck him. The whole of it. What exactly they were proposing, who they were, what they were likely to know about Vulcan Marriage Ceremonies... His heart sank; there was no way they could know what they were proposing. There was no way anyone would want to spend their lives with him. As much as he loved them, and knew they enjoyed him, he was still not someone that a person could stand to be around with for the whole of their lives. He had too many failed relationships that spoke of such a thing, too many people who believed it.
Fighting tears, Spock shook his head and pushed his chair away from the table, standing slowly on unsteady legs.
"I am sorry, but..." he swallowed hard, not daring to meet their eyes."I do not accept." he turned on his heels sharply and started walking towards the door, body tense and coiled, lips and heart tight with repressed pain.
Jim and Bones stood up as one, hearts twisting and eyes widening with shock. "What?" Bones breathed.
"Spock! Don't go, come back! You can't just say 'no' without telling us why! We thought...we thought you'd be happy, we thought you'd want to... We've shared so much of ourselves...we had hoped that you'd let us share more...we even asked Sarek! So you can't leave without telling us why."
Spock stopped short, closing his eyes tight. He could easily detect the pain in their vocal fluctuations, and the guilt he felt made his stomach roil unpleasantly. He took a few deep breaths before resolutely shaking his head and continuing on his path to the door.
Jim felt a flash of familiarity, "Computer, lock Observation Deck 4. Disable all but Captain's override, require voice authorization." He stood there, holding firm when Spock froze, looking at the floor and bowing his head, he had obviously noticed the fact that they had gone through this before, and the only way out was to reply. Stubbornness, a trait they both shared in full, but when Bones was on their side...Spock knew he'd wind up giving in.
He turned back to Jim and Leonard, folding his arms behind his back. "I have no reason to explain my actions to you, Captain."
"Yeah you do. You've just spent one year sleeping on the same bed with us, one year spending almost all your time with us, and you just now decide that you won't accept our offer to bond with us. Why? Were we just an experiment to you?" Bones voice was harsh, and got louder, anger making him lash out, but when Spock seemed to buckle under the force of it, he realized that this was just another insecurity. Just another hurt.
"I find myself hardly surprised that you would think so little of me, however, it hurts no less. You were in no way a simple experiment on my part. I do not regret our time together, in fact, I cherish it above almost all else, but I am not willing to bond with either of you." Spock said, masking the pain in his voice. He kept his face blank; staring passed them and the table they had previously occupied.
"Why, Spock, why won't you share that part of you with us? Do you fear being with us? Do you think that we don't know what we're getting into, that we'd regret being joined to you?" Jim asked softly, his mind following the same trail Bones had considered. When Spock seemed to tense, straightening up just that small millimeter more, Jim knew he had struck home.
"Indeed, Captain. You may think that this is something you desire, but you would be proven wrong in a matter of months. I am thinking of both yours and the Doctors wellbeing when I refuse your offer. It is only logical." Spock stated dully.
The both of them felt their hearts constrict, recognizing yet another old wound that had been placed on Spock's heart, something they hadn't closed yet, because it was something they hadn't known about. "Spock..." Jim wet his lips carefully, "Why do you think we would change our minds about you?"
"I do not see how any sentient being would enjoy being in my extended company, much less while knowing that they would have to endure my continued presence in their lives until one party met their death. I would rather not have such a situation arise, because I fear it would be hard to find a suitable replacement First Officer." the calm way Spock delivered the self-depreciating words made Bones shudder.
"Spock...do you really think that?" Bones voice was quiet, hoarse, and his eyes reflected the absolute pain in his heart. He was always the one who held his heart on his sleeve, and the look on his face made Spock regret speaking so bluntly. Of course Leonard would not appreciate to hear those words, no matter how true they might be. But that was when he noticed Jim, the way he stood, hands holding a white knuckled grip on his chair, his head bowed, his lips pursed and his eyes closed.
He found himself torn; wishing he was able to go back in time so that he could avoid what he had done but also wishing he could escape from the situation. He wanted to pull Jim and Leonard into his arms and never release them but also wanted to hide away somewhere dark and quiet and never leave. Spock ducked his head, taking a shaky breath and licking his lips, "I do, Doctor."
The chair cracked under Jim's grip, their eyes immediately turning to stare at him as Jim straightened up, staring at Spock in the eye. "It's a lie Spock. Whoever told you that, whatever made you think that's true...it's a lie. You are worth every second of time we could ever spend with you. We want to spend every second with you, sickness and health, parted from you and never parted, never and always touching and touched."
Spock felt his heart skip and his throat constrict as he gasped. He had never mentioned those words to either of the men before him, had never used them when initiating melds. There was no possible way they could know about the ritualistic lines. He quickly composed himself, pursing his lips just barely.
"Vulcans do not lie, Captain."
"That's who told it to you? Vulcans? Well, Spock...we have news for you, we're not Vulcan, we're human, and I don't know what sort of idiotic Vulcans you were with, but they're wrong. They're dead wrong, and Spock, I think it's another 'their loss our gain'. If they can't see the absolute beauty and integrity and wonder that you are, than they're either blind, or stupid." Jim said calmly, staring into Spock's brown eyes and trying to project the absolute conviction he felt into his own eyes.
Spock felt himself faltering once more, like he had so many months ago. His shoulders slumped forward slightly, hands curling in to rest against his thighs. Bones immediately recognized the almost unnoticeable start of a foetal position and nudged Jim's shoulder as Spock averted his gaze, staring at the floor of the Observation Deck.
"Please, Spock...we want this, we want this so bad that we asked Sarek about it. We actually contacted him and asked him to tell us about Vulcan Mating Habits. He taught us those words. They're beautiful words Spock. They're even more beautiful because of what they stand for. We want what they stand for. We want them with you." Jim said softly, trying to drive it home.
Spock drew in a half dozen shuddering breaths before looking back up at the two and raising a shaking arm, fingers outstretched. Jim surged forward and pressed his cheek to Spock's hand, helping splay his fingers over his meld points. Bones followed him closely, grabbing the half Vulcan's wrist and arranging the warm digits over his cheek and forehead.
There was a moment when Spock whispered, "my mind to your mind" and then the rest of the words echoed inside and out, 'my thoughts to your thoughts'. The first thing they concentrated on was the undying love and care that they had for the half Vulcan who had stolen their hearts and captivated their minds, making sure to project as much as they could. Spock's mind teetered back from it, shock and slight disbelief running through it, only to have the both of them grasp hold, showing him memories of the three of them together, memories of how well they fit.
The first memory was of the first night they slept in the same bed, the very same night Jim and Bones had first expressed their love for him. The next was of a shift on the Bridge, McCoy standing behind the Captain's chair, both Leonard and Jim shooting Spock winks and smiles and fluttering lashes. The rest went by too fast for Spock to concentrate on, but the last was slow in passing. Spock easily recognized the vid screen in the Doctor's office and then the face that appeared on its surface.
Jim and Bones sat in front of the viewscreen, hesitation and fear bleeding into every part of this memory. Sarek raised an eyebrow at the both of them, taking a moment to examine the both of them, take in the slightly hesitant glances they shot at one another and straightened. "Captain, Doctor, how may I be of service?"
"Well...u..ugh.." Jim stammered, licking his bottom lip nervously.
"Yes?" Sarek prompted again, that eyebrow raising further.
"It's...it's kind of hard to say... We just..." Jim said.
"We were wondering...about...well..."
"I believe it would waste much less of my time, and yours if you would simply ask what it is that you have contacted me for."
"We want to be bondmates with Spock!" Bones blurted, cheeks flushing seconds after.
That other eyebrow joined its counterpart in Sarek's hair, his eyes flickering from one face to another. "I see. Would I be correct in assuming that you wished to ask for my approval before you mentioned the possibility to Spock?"
"Yes, Ambassador." Jim said, managing without the slightest nervous fluctuation to his voice.
"A very logical decision, my compliments to you both."
"Thank you, sir." McCoy tilted his head forward respectfully as he spoke before meeting the Vulcan's gaze.
"We were hoping that we'd meet your approval as suitable mates for your son. He...he's very special to us, sir. We want to spend our lives with him. No matter how short in relation to his they may be. It's...probably selfish, but we love him." Jim said softly.
"I do not doubt your feelings towards my son, nor do I doubt the fact that he returns them. You have no reason to be nervous. I would not deny my son the happiness he most certainly deserves."
"Really?!" Jim asked loudly, eyes wide. Sarek raised that eyebrow, a small tic at the corner of his mouth betraying his laughter. "Um...I mean...I didn't think...what with the population and everything...I didn't think... I...I think I'm just going to shut up now before I dig myself into a deeper hole..."
"That might be wise."
"Nice going Jim," Bones grumbled at him, nudging him with his elbow. Sarek raised the eyebrow higher. The rest of the conversation was discussions of what it was like to be mated to a Vulcan, the sorts of things they could expect, a particular biological aspect had gained Jim's attention as soon as it was mentioned. Sarek's mouth had made another tic when he noticed the slightly far away state of Jim's gaze.
The two of them felt Spock's presence retreating from their minds, slow, like he was trying to savour the last time he would ever be inside them. They tried to grab hold, but couldn't compete with a Vulcan's natural gift, and Spock slipped away, out of the meld, leaving them bereft.
Their eyes opened, pain and despair at the fore of their minds, and then they blinked, a sound they hadn't heard before leaving the half Vulcans' throat. Something deep, rich, almost melodious, and then they realized what it was. Spock was laughing at them. His mouth was pulled into a grin, eyes lightly crinkled at the edges and cheeks flushing a happy mint green.
Spock quickly moved back to his chair at the table, laughing into his hands as he rested his elbows on the table top. Jim and Bones watched him disbelievingly, heads tilted and eyebrows furrowed. Jim's bottom lip pushed out into a pout as he wondered what Spock was laughing at. Then the sheer adorableness of the sight caught up with them and Jim grinned and McCoy's eyes twinkled as they moved forward to settle on their chairs beside Spock.
"What the hell is so damn funny, you pointy eared bastard?!" McCoy asked, trying to hold onto the irritation at the feeling of being laughed at. It wasn't working.
"Maybe he's realized what an idiot he was being?" Jim prompted, grin still tugging at his mouth when Spock seemed to try and regain his calm Vulcan exterior only to lose it at the sight of the two humans watching him in bemused amazement.
Spock's laugh was mellifluous, like the old antique wind chimes hanging from the door frame of a book store in San Francisco that Jim had always loved to spend hours in. It made them relax completely, the Vulcan's smile and bright eyes furthering it.
Spock took a deep breath and tried to school his features, but his cheeks were still flushed, mouth still curled, shoulders still shaking.
"I find your interaction with my father to be...most amusing."
They looked up at him in shock, and then bristled in mock indignation. "Hey! I'll have you know that having a conversation like that with a Vulcan is one of the scariest things I've ever had to do!"
"They like...see into your soul or something, and they're freaky as all hell!"
"Especially when he's your father! I mean...we didn't exactly get off to the best start...first thing he saw me do was…" Jim trailed off, looking at the ground.
"He has long since forgiven you for your actions, Jim." Spock reached over and brushed their fingers together. "And while my father may seem intimidating, he is rather gentle and human compared to certain members of the High Council. You had no cause to worry about his reaction as I am now the only one he has left to love in this world since mother's passing."
The thought was a very sombre one, and they spent a moment in silence, Jim squeezing Spock's hand gently in comfort, feeling the slight despair in the other. "Well...that was a mood breaker..." Jim said finally, clearing his throat. McCoy gave a small smirk, and then looked to Spock.
"Do you have an answer for us Spock? Will you bond with us?"
"It would be an illogical decision not to accept as I love you both to levels I previously thought were impossible." Spock whispered with his head tilted down slightly, looking at Jim and Bones through his long, dark lashes.
The simple statement made the two men jump into the air, letting out a cheer and a whoop, laughing themselves hoarse. Spock smiled at the tabletop, until both men reached down, grabbing him under his armpits and hoisting him up so they could pull him in a hug. These hugs always reminded Spock of an octopus, and had been rather hard to get used to, but the absolute joy that he felt from the two men made it worth it.
Spock nuzzled at Bones' neck and shoulder before nosing at the soft skin beneath Jim's ear. He gave a soft purr of contentment, closing his eyes. He pushed deeper into their embrace, feeling warmth and happiness seeping through their bond. Over their shoulders, Spock saw the bright streaks of passing stars slow once more, as they were at the beginning of the evening.
There was a moment of silence when they simply held onto one another, breathing each others air, trying to make the moment last for as long as they could. Then Jim's communicator crackled to life.
"Bridge to Captain Kirk," Uhura's voice called through. "Hate to ruin your night like this, I know it's important, but you asked me to alert you to when we were nearing New Vulcan."
"Thank you Lieutenant! Kirk out." Jim grinned and he and Bones watched as one of Spock's elegantly upswept eyebrows arched.
"We are passing near New Vulcan?" he asked.
"Yep, we...um...sorta made a pre-emptive decision to travel there. We were close and gained permission from the Admiralty beforehand. Sarek requested we do it soon, and if you said no... We were hoping Salek might actually be able to convince you otherwise..." Jim said, giving him a sheepish smile.
Spock shook his head slowly and pressed affectionate Vulcan kisses to both men's cheeks. "In human terms, this shall seem very…'corny', I believe is the correct terminology? But there are simply no words in Standard, Vulcan, nor any of the other dialects I am familiar with, that would be able to express my happiness and love for you both at this very moment. They may endeavour to do so, but they shall never succeed. I must express my gratitude that you have both stayed by side despite my...insecurities."
"Spock, if you didn't have those insecurities you wouldn't be the man you are now, the man we love, and honestly, I'm glad that you'll never get the right words. It means that you'll just have to keep trying." Jim said with a grin.
"Besides, from what I understand, 'let me help' is the best way to say 'I love you' that has ever been found." Bones added quietly, the other two looking over at him in surprise.
As Jim ran over that statement in his head, he turned back to Spock, "You will let us help you, won't you Spock? Because we love you, and you're beautiful, and insanely smart, and we want to be with you forever, and we want you to be happy with us. You need to let us help you out when you feel bad or insecure. Will you?" Jim half asked, half rambled, cupping Spock's cheek.
Spock cupped the back of Jim's hand, reaching out and holding Leonard's other hand, looking at them both closely, "Only if you let me help when you need it. If you allow me to 'return the favour' and begin to give to you what it is that you have given to me."
"Of course we will, Spock. Pinkie swear?" Bones asked with a slightly teasing tone to his voice, moulding himself to Spock's side and brushing his lips over the hot skin of his jaw.
"As you wish, Leonard." With that, he wrapped their pinkies together, giving him a small teasing quirk to his mouth that stood as a smile and making Jim laugh at Bones' surprised expression.
"Okay, now that we're done with our pre-teen girl moment, how 'bout we get down to the surface?" Jim smiled, curling his pinkie around theirs and tugging them towards the door.
They followed him out, pinkies crossed together until the door swished open and they dropped them, but they didn't stop touching. Soft brush of the arm here, slight touch of a hand here, and none of it was out of place. They entered the transporter room to find a small entourage standing there, consisting of the Bridge Crew and Scotty, the former beaming at them radiantly, and the latter wiping fake tears off of his face with a tissue.
"Scottyyyy.." Jim drawled suspiciously.
"Yes, Cap'n?" Scotty said, looking at him innocently
"You hacked the surveillance system for Observation Deck 4, didn't you?"
"Who, me?" Scotty gasped, clutching at his chest over his heart.
Jim shook his head with a wide grin, moving forward to punch Scotty in the shoulder. He backed away barely a step before Uhura caught him in a hug. She squeezed him tight before moving on to Bones and Spock and doing the same to them. Chekov just grinned at them brightly, eyes shining as he leaned against Sulu's shoulder, who gave Jim a thumbs up and a smile.
Uhura pulled back from Spock, hands still on his arms and tears in her eyes as she looked up at him and gave him a small shake. "I'm so proud of you Spock..." She whispered, just below ear shot of the others, receiving a small duck of the head in return as well as a very small embarrassed smile. "Can you see now why I had to let you go?"
"I do Nyota, I understand, and I thank you." Spock answered equally quietly. Uhura pulled back and looked over to Jim and Bones, "Hurt him and I'll kill you."
"I know, Uhura." Jim said seriously, moving closer to link his fingers with Spock's. Leonard followed, standing behind Spock and resting his chin on the Vulcan's clothed shoulder with an arm curled around his waist. As subtly as he could -which really wasn't that subtle at all- Scotty pulled out an old fashioned digital camera and snapped a picture of the three, the perfect picture of contentment and love.
Jim stuck his tongue out at him in retaliation, and only got another picture snapped, a madly grinning Scotsman tucking it safely back into his belt, and gesturing to the transporter. "New Vulcan awaits ye. May the ceremony not take too long, so ye can get to the other side benefits of matrimony..." Scotty said with a grand smile and a wink. They let out a laugh, even as Uhura tried to whack him over the head, the three moving to stand on the transporter in their ready positions.
Silvery white swirls surrounded them and the familiar, slightly nauseating feeling that accompanied beaming overcame Jim. Once the beams faded Jim stumbled into Spock's shoulder, knocked off balance by the bump in the sand he'd landed on. The heat came over them in a rush; Spock seemed to bloom under it while Jim and McCoy stiffened, but then the realization of what they were there for enveloped them. Jim laughed in a slightly insane and very excited way, pressing his lips to the blue material covering his Vulcan's skin.
Bones just beamed, and then they saw who stood in front of them and they immediately tried to hold themselves in a more respectful fashion. Sarek and Salek stood there, a slightly amused look held on the elder Spock's face, the two of them radiating peace and calm. The thought that their Spock might one day reach that kind of peace with himself made their hearts soar, even if he might not share it with them, it didn't make it any less special.
"As you have all arrived in such a pleasant mood, I presume there will be no need for persuasion on our part?" Salek asked with a barely there tease in his voice, eyebrow arched much like Sarek's.
The two humans tensed even more, blinking innocently at them, "'Course not, was there ever any doubt?" Jim asked smiling.
"None whatsoever..." Salek answered, smiling slightly, "From what I understand, you don't believe in 'no win scenarios'..."
Jim ducked his head before standing up straight, "And it hasn't been proven wrong yet."
"Let us hope that it continues to remain true. You are prepared?" Sarek asked them.
They nodded and Spock took one of Jim and Bones' hands into his as they followed his father and elder counterpart into the strangely foreboding temple standing behind them. They passed statues and paintings and walls with line upon line of Vulcan words engraved in the smooth stone. Jim and Leonard were looking at everything in wonder, soft light casting shadows all around.
A smell of slightly heady incense filled the air, somehow right below the line where it would become sickening, and instead being one of the most beautiful things they had ever inhaled. They clutched Spock's hands slightly tighter, and then noticed where they were heading.
There was a raised dais in the center of the temple. The base was made out of beautiful black and grey stone that very closely resembled granite, and the upper platform was thick and looked to be made of transparent crystal with a faint blue tint, but they couldn't be sure from the distance they found themselves at even as they moved forward steadily. Sarek and Salek climbed the steps set into the stone base and bowed to the large, stone renditions of Surak and his wife that were placed behind the dais as soon as they reached the surface -close up, it was very easy to tell that it was indeed made of precious, seamless crystal. It was absolutely gorgeous.
Yet surprisingly enough, when they stepped on it, they found it to be soft, almost spongy. This was something that begged to be laid on. They watched as Spock bowed before the two Elders who turned to face them, and bowed as well, kneeling on the dais in a semicircle position in front of them, facing Salek as he stepped forward.
Salek brushed his fingers to Jim's temple in the barest contact before trailing them through the air as if following an invisible line, touching the same two fingers to Spock's own temple. He did the same to McCoy with his other hand, keeping both sets of fingers pressed to Spock's skin. The force of their bond showed as faint shimmers in the air, linking their temples together. Spock slowly and steadily drew Jim and Bones into his mind as he touched their hands together, breathing deep and almost too slow.
They were pulled into Spock's mind, gently, yet forcefully, as though they were following a current. Once in the meld they recognized Spock's presence immediately, only to notice how different it was. They were feeling Salek. Their Spock branched out, covering both of their psyches, just as Salek's began weaving a tapestry together of their minds, plucking tendrils and lacing them together.
The patterns were intricate and impossible to follow, no matter how hard Jim tried. Masses of color and shapes and textures melded together. Jim felt impossibly warm, feelings of love, affection, admiration, irritation -from Bones, no doubt- wrapping tightly around him like a heavy winter blanket. Bones felt it too, an overwhelming sense of belonging and forever cloying around them.
Spock was wrapped up in awe, joy and peace, a feeling of belonging starting in his mind and spreading down to the very deepest part of his being. It was incredible. It wasn't like anything he had ever felt before, and the other two shone all the brighter until all there was…was them, wrapped in a cocoon of love and affection and…there was something wilder... Something he hadn't really felt before.
Salek slowly retracted his presence from their minds until he was back in his own, removing his finger from the sides of Spock's peaceful face. Sarek approached, waving his hand over their heads as he put an end to the Vulcan chant he'd been murmuring all throughout the ceremony. The two Elders looked at the three, still kneeling at their feet, and then glanced at each other. Without speaking a word or making any variation of sound, they moved back down the stone steps and exited the temple, both smiling, Salek more obviously than Sarek, leaving a small bottle behind them.
Chapter 2