(no subject)
i hate being adhd.
i hate having to take meds to meet the definition of normal. i hate knowing i'm a bright girl, and still struggling just to make myself learn.
but most of all, i hate how fast i go on tests, and how in statics, mistaking feet for inches (' instead of ") leaves you with worse problems than being off by a factor of 12. this is the most frustrated i have been in a while. statics is a good class, i enjoy my teacher, and best of all, i'm good at it. the first test i didn't study enough and didn't bring a formula sheet, and got a 68. eh. the second time i brought my formula sheet, but changed an answer at the last moment, and got an 88. which still meant that i knew what i was doing, and should have just trusted my instincts. today i knew every subject on it really well, brought a formula sheet with reminders on it. i finished a half hour ahead of time, checked my math in every problem, and waited til the guy next to me got up to turn it in. (that way i wouldn't be "rushing" too much.) he posts the answers outside after every test, and this time, i just knew i had aced it. then i got outside...
FEET!!! FEET, LIKE ON THE ENDS OF MY LEGS, NOT INCHES!!! FUCKING BLOODY ----
i just want to shred something. i want to dig my fingers into it and pull and rend and tear.
i'm not mentioning that i would have lost a few points on the first problem, anyways. but that just makes it even worse. i would have ended up with, at worst, another 88. but his tests consist of four probs, 25 pts. each... and i just knew i could do it, and this way my test grade would be brought up so i'd be sure to have an A in the class, thereby raising my GPA and letting me keep the car... but also just making me happy. i'm tired of slacking. i want my grades to finally reflect my ability, not my effort.
oh well. at least i don't think i'm stupid, like i did when i was younger.
i hate having to take meds to meet the definition of normal. i hate knowing i'm a bright girl, and still struggling just to make myself learn.
but most of all, i hate how fast i go on tests, and how in statics, mistaking feet for inches (' instead of ") leaves you with worse problems than being off by a factor of 12. this is the most frustrated i have been in a while. statics is a good class, i enjoy my teacher, and best of all, i'm good at it. the first test i didn't study enough and didn't bring a formula sheet, and got a 68. eh. the second time i brought my formula sheet, but changed an answer at the last moment, and got an 88. which still meant that i knew what i was doing, and should have just trusted my instincts. today i knew every subject on it really well, brought a formula sheet with reminders on it. i finished a half hour ahead of time, checked my math in every problem, and waited til the guy next to me got up to turn it in. (that way i wouldn't be "rushing" too much.) he posts the answers outside after every test, and this time, i just knew i had aced it. then i got outside...
FEET!!! FEET, LIKE ON THE ENDS OF MY LEGS, NOT INCHES!!! FUCKING BLOODY ----
i just want to shred something. i want to dig my fingers into it and pull and rend and tear.
i'm not mentioning that i would have lost a few points on the first problem, anyways. but that just makes it even worse. i would have ended up with, at worst, another 88. but his tests consist of four probs, 25 pts. each... and i just knew i could do it, and this way my test grade would be brought up so i'd be sure to have an A in the class, thereby raising my GPA and letting me keep the car... but also just making me happy. i'm tired of slacking. i want my grades to finally reflect my ability, not my effort.
oh well. at least i don't think i'm stupid, like i did when i was younger.