Comments | harilover: rant..

harilover

rant..

Apr 26, 2011 20:46

This is something, I wouldn't usually talk about. It's a sort of secret, something people really don't know about me... but I roleplay John Lennon on face book (Johnnie McLennon) and I don't want to anymore.. but I feel like I can't just leave.. I want to leave, but I can't. Firstly, the Paul I roleplay with has been my partner for 10 months.. and ( Read more... )

feelings, roleplay, blah, john lennon

Comments 15

nobodymove April 27 2011, 00:59:37 UTC

Speaking as someone who's rped more than half my life at this point... it's tough. Sometimes, when you're so wrapped up in a character that it feels real, that's when you need to walk away. I remember one character I played for years and years... and at a point, I couldn't do it anymore. I was more focused on his life than my own, everything that happened to him felt like it was happening to me... and the only way I got back to myself was to let him go. And it felt like a death in the family, at first... but I'm glad, now, that he's gone... and now when I approach RP situations it's easier to not let it go that far.

*hugs* If you need to talk, feel free to PM me or add me on LJ, okay?

pixie

harilover April 27 2011, 01:06:45 UTC

God, thank you so much.. someone who understands. I just felt totally alone.. and I mean, I feel like I need to surround myself with people telling me "No, you shouldn't give in" that's the only way I can stop.. I just need to let it go. It's not real.. and it will never be real.

nobodymove April 27 2011, 01:29:02 UTC

It's tough. It really, really is. Sometimes you don't realize you're delving too far into that world further than you should, and you end up feeling like you are that person, and really feel everything that happens to them as if it was you in the situation.

cozyjo April 27 2011, 01:09:46 UTC

Role-playing can be intense, hon'..as you know..and there's that fine line where fantasy and reality blur, true..if you're not careful ( ... )

harilover April 27 2011, 01:23:42 UTC

Well, she's always made it clear that she doesn't love me, that she loves my 'John', my character or whatever.. it's just messed up now. Sometimes I feel like she really cares for me, but I think I realize now it doesn't mean as much to her as it does to me.. and I'm just going to end up getting hurt.. like I have many times before.

Thanks for the advice <3 You guys are really helpful.. and I'm not just saying that. I can't get my head straight, and you guys are really helping me out.. thanks so much..

cozyjo April 27 2011, 01:32:10 UTC

..aww..*hugsss* Sweetie..if that's the case..then do yourself a favor and move on. It'll hurt, of course, but..it'll hurt even more if you try to stick around and squeeze more out of someone than they're capable of giving. Trust me..and glad if anything we say here helps you. That's what it's all about. :)

face_of_scull April 27 2011, 07:18:17 UTC

That's it. That's the reason - your fear to lose your own 'Paul' makes you go on roleplaying.
Try and talk with her. If she doesn't want YOU, then try to find some other distraction, as for me - it helps very much...

lucydiamond909 April 27 2011, 01:28:34 UTC

i can understand where u are coming from, the person i role play with (me as john her as paul) she is my best friend...and my roommate...and we both are married with kids, but our friendship sometimes gets a bit tense...like we are really john and paul...sometimes like we're married to each other, we've learned to try to keep it...well seperate from our real lives but somestimes its hard bc theres moments where we believe we care more for each then our own husbands and she (my paul) is thrown in a situation similar to dealing with john and cyn when it comes to my marriage...it can be rough, its just gotta balance things, it can be REALLY hard i know, bc im so much like john that it can be difficult, bc im impulsive, addictive, angry, and sometimes a bit immature...and she tries to keep me balanced back out but we still fight, argue...about small things...i really hope u can get things figured out hun. if ya need someone to talk to, i dont mind lending an hear, esp for a fellow john :)

harilover April 27 2011, 01:51:34 UTC

Yeah, I'm exactly like John was with relationships.. and I always tell her "well this is what you get, Lennon, or Lennon imposter" and she still doesn't give up. But I just ended it.. it ended badly.. as most of my relationships do, because I'm also like John in that respect.. but it makes me feel good to know that she doesn't care.. so I shouldn't care.

lucydiamond909 April 27 2011, 02:07:13 UTC

i get what u mean. it can be that way with us, some ppl go a bit far, some dont know how to fully handle, just depends on how u are. theres moments where i worry bout me and my pauls ways, afraid somethings gonna mess up somewhere, but i have faith they wont prob bc weve known each other for years. but i can understand how u can have issues with it all, im sorry it ended badly hun, but things happen when theyre meant too, if u want a relationship have one as urself not as john, i spend my life beibg too much like john and my husbands suffering honestly i feel bad for him, hes like my cynthia, bc now ive gained feelings for an outside person and im worried how thats ognna end, bc if im as much like him as i think, i dont want fully the same thing happen, atleast if i go to this other suitor, that i dont forget who matters most as a friend which is my paulie. if she doesnt care, forget her, find you someone that really cares about u for u :)

catkick April 28 2011, 13:41:06 UTC

Jesus Christ! This is fucking crazy!

catkick April 28 2011, 22:52:27 UTC

Back when you posted on my journal that I was probably fat with a mustach, I wondered if you were crazy. Now it's been confirmed.

harilover April 29 2011, 20:24:01 UTC

I'm sorry I said that. I have problems with jealousy.. obviously. I really didn't mean it. That was rude and unacceptable, and I'm truly sorry. But could you refrain from spamming my journal with hurtful comments? To gain respect you have to give it. thanks.

catkick May 3 2011, 16:00:24 UTC

right back at ya about the respect thing. I just hope you learned not to insult the big girls. (i've got a cyber stalker who spams me all the time so I have low tolerance)

harilover May 7 2011, 19:31:22 UTC

I don't expect you to respect me, I barely know you. I know it was wrong for me to do that, and I am sorry about it, things like this happen.. it wasn't your story.. it was about what was going on in my life at that moment, and I took it out on you. which was wrong. So I'm sorry.