021. (fic) Okay
title: okay
rating/genre: r; romance, semi-angsty fluff
pairing(s): sakuraiba, blink-and-miss-it ohmiya
words: 4,523
summary: it was just a kiss, he reminds himself. a drunken kiss, at that. it shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
disclaimer: FICTION.
notes: drunken kisses, awkward sexual tension, mood swings, the works. i do not know where this came from.
Aiba has always had a hard time separating who he likes a lot from who he loves. He has always had a hard time separating what is just play and what is serious. He is not the kind of person who draws lines, or pays attention to when he might be crossing them. He knows all this about himself, but often forgets it until it is too late.
Aiba also knows that he is very drunk. He thinks Sho must be very drunk, too, or they wouldn’t be in the position they are in now. That is to say, making out in their hotel room.
Jun is in the bathroom, and could come back out at any moment. They should stop. Aiba knows they should, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care. Not when Sho’s tongue is moving so deliciously against his own, like he’s trying to eat him alive.
Aiba wonders fuzzily how this happened, but lets the thought go in favor of hoping it won’t end any time soon.
*
It’s the night after the last show of the tour, a night that is always super-charged with adrenaline and generally involves lots of drinking and very little sleep. Nino and Ohno have already disappeared to the other hotel room, leaving Sho, Aiba, and Jun to become slowly more ridiculous and loud in their own room.
Aiba is chasing after Jun, all flailing limbs and giggles, having just discovered a really ticklish spot on the younger man’s lower back. Sho has collapsed onto one of the beds in a stupor, grinning dumbly at his band mates. Jun finally escapes to the bathroom and locks himself in, swearing loudly that he’s going to sleep in the bathtub if Aiba doesn’t leave him alone.
“Fine!” Aiba shouts back. “That just means I’ll have Sho-chan aaalll to myself!” Because that’s the joke, isn’t it, that they’re all lovey-dovey, and Aiba knows a lot of people like to believe that he and Sho are maybe a little more than lovey-dovey, and it really is kind of hilarious, when he thinks about it.
Jun’s response is immediate and very mature.
“EW!”
Aiba only laughs harder, and dashes back across the room to throw himself down on the bed next to Sho. But, as his system is considerably flooded with alcohol at the moment, only his upper half actually lands on the bed, putting him about even with Sho’s knees. He starts squirming up the bed, trying to put on a sexy, predatory face. He must be doing a bad job, though, because Sho just starts to laugh.
“Sho-chan!” Aiba protests, and he’s up to the other man’s waist now, and gets a grip on Sho’s belt loops to help lever himself up a bit more.
“Masaki!” Sho says in return, an exaggerated passion in his voice, and Aiba gets it, oh this is funny, so he plays along.
“Ah, Sho-chan!” he cries, flopping onto Sho’s chest. And he can hear Jun shouting again, another round of violent “ew”s and gagging sounds.
“MASAKI!” Sho practically screams, enunciating every syllable, and what must the people in the next room be thinking, Aiba can hardly contain his laughter, his ribs are about to crack from restrained mirth.
“Sho-chan,” he says again, but it’s more a breathless plea this time, because he really can’t breathe, but Sho is just grinning and grinning and it’s really awfully cute and suddenly Aiba has the best, most hilarious idea ever.
He gets his arms around Sho’s shoulders and pulls himself up until they are face to face. Oh man, this is going to be great, because Sho is still smiling like this is all part of the joke, he really has no idea.
And then Aiba kisses him.
He can feel Sho’s smile fade under his lips, and giggles a little at his success-Sho never saw it coming!-and he means to pull away then, really he does, but suddenly Sho’s mouth is moving against his.
Aiba makes a sound of surprise in his throat, and thinks that maybe now he should stop, but then Sho’s hand slides around the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair and it feels kind of nice really, and his already much-less-than-usually-inhibited brain just says “okay”.
But it’s no fun to just let Sho do all the work, so Aiba lets his tongue dart out to taste Sho’s lower lip. He is rewarded with a low moan and Sho’s mouth opening obediently under his own. Sho tastes mostly like the beer they’ve been drinking, but there’s something else, too, and Aiba is very diligent in attempting to discover what it is. Plus, all the little noises Sho keeps making are really kind of sexy.
A far away part of Aiba’s mind wonders if Jun can hear any of this from the bathroom. Surely not.
*
Distantly, Aiba hears the bathroom door open. He doesn’t really care at this particular moment, but Sho suddenly detaches himself from Aiba’s face and uses his grip on the back of Aiba’s head to press the younger man into his shoulder. Aiba is far too drunk to puzzle out any of this, so it must be some kind of instinct that directs him to lay his head quietly on Sho’s shoulder and pretend to sleep.
There’s the sound of shuffling footsteps, and then he hears a little “ch” from the place Jun must be standing. He feels Sho shrug and shake his head, then the sound of Jun collapsing with a sigh onto the room’s other bed.
Leave! Aiba finds himself thinking, but it’s not like there’s really anywhere else for Jun to go. Maybe he could just wait until Jun falls asleep, and then…
But then Jun starts talking shop-about the show, about the set list, about the special effects-and Aiba groans inwardly. This could go on for hours. Sho is listening attentively, making appropriate grunts of response when Jun pauses for breath.
Aiba lets out a quiet little sigh, but Sho must feel it or hear it, because he starts rubbing slow circles into Aiba’s shoulder blade. Aiba feels his muscles begin to relax, his accelerated heartbeat begin to slow, and very soon he is asleep.
~*~
They are busy for a while. They’re always busy, so it shouldn’t surprise Aiba that he doesn’t talk to Sho again for almost a week. Sho calls him-late, almost 1am-and after a few minutes of casual chitchat, the older man goes strangely silent.
“Ne, Aiba-chan,” he says at last. “You know, after the concert, when we were all drinking in the hotel room…do you remember-?”
“Not a thing!” Aiba replies, and he already knows it was too quick. He laughs, high-pitched and nervous, trying to pretend he can’t hear the disappointment in Sho’s voice.
“Oh…me either, I guess.” Sho laughs, too, but it is a deflated, dispirited kind of a chuckle.
~*~
So they never talk about it. Seeing as they “don’t remember” that it even happened, this should be easy, but it’s not. Aiba finds himself pulling up short from touches that used to be completely normal, innocent things like hugs or a hand on Sho’s shoulder. He finds himself thinking maybe he shouldn’t do that anymore, he shouldn’t give Sho the wrong idea.
But, if he thinks about it, he’s not even sure what that means. Because he really wouldn’t mind kissing Sho again-or maybe doing a little more than kissing-but he worries that it would complicate things, that he might get both of them in trouble, or…or…something. Although that line of logic doesn’t take him very far, because he sees what Nino gets away with on a daily basis without getting fired.
Or maybe it’s complicated because Aiba knows that Sho takes this kind of thing seriously, and Aiba doesn’t. He doesn’t want to start something with Sho just for fun, just to try it, because he has a sinking feeling that Sho might be in it for keeps, and what if Aiba isn’t good enough, what if he forgets something important and makes Sho upset, or…
It was just a kiss, he reminds himself. A drunken kiss, at that. It shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
But it is. It is because Aiba sees the sad little twist to Sho’s lips every time he jerks his hand away at the last second, hears the tiny little sigh Sho lets out through his nose when they’re sitting side by side at an interview and Aiba has all his limbs crossed and tucked in close to his body.
And then finally, one day, Aiba decides that if it is such a big deal, maybe he should do something about it.
~*~
They are the last ones in the dressing room, and as Sho is about to leave, Aiba leaps up and throws himself in front of the door. He hadn’t meant for it to be that dramatic, but he had gotten distracted by his shoelace and only noticed at the last second that Sho was leaving.
“Um,” he says. He lowers his arms to his sides, stares at Sho for a moment, feels himself start to blush, and looks down at his feet. Damn, this is going to be harder than he thought.
“Aiba-chan,” Sho says gently. “Something wrong?”
“Um,” Aiba says again. He spent most of the day preparing moving speeches for this moment, but now, naturally, they have all fled his mind. He decides the direct approach is best.
“I didn’t forget,” he stammers out, still staring determinedly at his shoes. “About kissing you, I mean.”
“Oh,” Sho says, and did his breath catch, just now? No, Aiba must be imagining things.
“Actually,” Aiba continues, “the thing is, I didn’t forget and I…well, I wanted to…apologize.”
The silence that follows seems loud, because Aiba is sure that he can hear every single insignificant sound in the room-the whoosh of the air conditioner, the staticky hum of the florescent lighting, his own breath coming too loud through his nose.
“Apologize,” Sho repeats. His tone is carefully flat and neutral. When Aiba looks up, his face is the same, schooled to stillness. But Aiba can tell. It’s there in the tightness around Sho’s eyes-he wasn’t waiting for an apology.
“I’m so sorry,” Aiba says, and means it, not just for the kiss, but for right now, for everything in between. But Sho still has that look on his face, that horrible sadness, and it makes Aiba frantic to think that it’s his fault.
“Look, can’t we just…let’s just pretend it never happened, okay? We were-we were drunk, so it wasn’t like it meant anything, so let’s just…”
Aiba trails off as Sho’s expression darkens, and he feels himself trying to shrink, to become small, to get away from that look.
“It meant something to me,” Sho says quietly. And without waiting for a response, he steps around Aiba and out the door.
~*~
New Message xx-11-05 8:32
From: Aiba
Title: sorry
I really am sorry.
New Message xx-11-05 10:01
From: Aiba
Title: ?
Sho-chan? I am SO sorry. For everything.
New Message xx-11-05 11:27
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
Please reply, even if you’re just gonna say you hate me, please say something. You’re not answering my calls either……
New Message xx-11-05 11:46
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
Can we PLEASE talk about this? Please?
New Message xx-11-06 0:02
From: Aiba
Title: oops
Maybe you’re at work and that’s why you’re not answering my messages…
New Message xx-11-06 0:15
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I asked Jun and he said you DON’T have work. So you should reply. Please.
New Message xx-11-06 0:40
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I can keep this up all night, you know.
New Message xx-11-06 0:59
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I never meant to hurt you. This really isn’t fair, please talk to me.
New Message xx-11-06 1:14
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I hope you are trying to sleep and I hope this wakes you up!!! (D:<)
You better not have your phone turned off.
New Message xx-11-06 1:47
From: Aiba
Title: I am coming to your house
Really. I am getting in my car right-
[Incoming Mail-Sho-chan]
New Message xx-11-06 1:48
From: Sho-chan
Title: Okay
Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning, I promise.
[Incoming Call - Aiba]
“Aiba-chan,” (weary, but not angry) “Why are you calling me?”
“To say thank you. For answering me.”
(A sigh.) “You’re welcome.”
“…Goodnight, Sho-chan.”
“Goodnight, Aiba.”
~*~
Sho is as good as his word. When Aiba steps out of the stairwell on the first floor of his apartment complex the next morning, Sho is waiting for him with a warm can of coffee and a hesitant smile. Aiba accepts both with as much grace as he can after only about four hours of sleep.
“So,” Sho says after they have been walking a few minutes in silence, “I may have overreacted a bit yesterday.”
“What?”
Sho takes a long gulp of his own coffee, finishing it off. “It wasn’t really fair of me to get angry just because-because you don’t feel the same.”
Aiba feels his ears go red. This is the first time either of them has really put it into words-Sho likes Aiba, but Aiba doesn’t like Sho. That’s not technically true, but it’s true enough that Aiba doesn’t correct him.
“Sho-chan, I really am sor-”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Sho interrupts, but there is no malice in his voice. He grins when he glances in Aiba’s direction. “I think I got enough ‘sorry’s to last me quite a while last night.”
Aiba returns Sho’s smile bashfully. At least Sho’s not mad anymore. Something about this doesn’t quite feel right, but at least Sho’s not mad. If he pretends they’re not having this conversation, the walk to the train station is completely normal. Aiba’s footsteps skid across the pavement in a slow shuffle, kids in school uniforms fly by on bicycles, old women hose down their front steps in the weak morning light. And Sho walks along beside him, steady and constant. Despite everything, Sho is here, without a single harsh word.
It’s more than Aiba deserves, he’s suddenly sure of it.
“Can we please,” Aiba begins, and sees the warning in Sho’s eyes. He changes his mind halfway through the sentence. “Can we just be okay?”
There’s a moment of tense silence.
“I can if you can,” Sho says, a little wary.
“Let’s be okay,” Aiba says fervently.
Sho stops, and turns to face Aiba. His expression is measuring, cautious, and Aiba does his best to meet the other man’s eyes steadily.
Then, Sho is reaching out to clap a hand against Aiba’s shoulder.
“Okay,” he says. “We’re okay.”
~*~
“And it was just that easy?” Jun asks, openly skeptical.
“Of course,” Aiba replies, giving most of his attention to the shelf of manga titles in front of him. “We’re both grown ups, we worked it out.”
Jun makes a noncommittal grunt, adjusting his disguise-a pair of overlarge sunglasses with bright red frames. “I should have known you were just going to buy comics when you said you wanted to go to the bookstore,” he mutters.
“Do I ever buy anything else at the bookstore?”
“Let’s go look at the magazines. And if you and Sho are so ‘okay’, why do you keep looking at him with goo-goo eyes during rehearsals?”
“Matsujun, I know for a fact that you already bought an issue of every single magazine we were in this month. And I do not look at Sho with goo-goo eyes.”
“Bedroom eyes, then.”
“Shut up.”
But Jun just smirks knowingly as he wanders away to the newsstand.
~*~
Jun is wrong, though. Aiba tells himself this firmly and tears his eyes away from the corner of the rehearsal hall where Sho is exchanging his sweat-soaked tank top for a new shirt.
Aiba is just glad that things with Sho are back to normal. He’s just glad that he can laugh and talk with Sho like they used to, and maybe throw an arm around his shoulders when the mood strikes him. He’s just glad that Sho is being such a good sport about all this.
It has nothing to do with the fact that, despite his best efforts, Aiba’s thoughts keep drifting back to the kiss. Even after he’s gotten himself a few dates, a few one-night stands, even though this is the worst time for him to start entertaining romantic thoughts about Sho, he can’t seem to forget the feel of the other man’s lips against his.
And even though they both agreed to be “okay”, Aiba is so much more aware now. Aware of the way Sho’s hand on his arm lingers just a little longer than it needs to, aware of that look he catches in Sho’s eyes sometimes-dark, needy-that breaks off before he can get more than a glimpse.
Sho is looking at him like that, and Aiba knows now that it’s real, that it’s not just a joke or a game. He likes to have Sho looking at him like that. So maybe Aiba’s touches start to linger a little bit, too. Maybe he’s looking at Sho differently than he used to.
“It’s complicated,” he mutters to himself in the mirror. Glancing up, he catches sight of Sho and their eyes meet in the reflection.
And there it is, that tension, that heaviness, and Aiba won’t let himself look away. For once, Sho doesn’t look away either. Instead, he holds Aiba’s gaze, like he’s daring him not to blink. Sho is still between shirts, and with his eyes locked on Aiba, he drags a towel across the back of his neck, over his shoulder and across his collarbone, down his chest and stomach. It’s quick, to anyone else it would probably just look like a casual gesture, but Aiba feels the heat rising in his face and has to look away.
His heart is hammering in his chest. This is bad. He already, basically, told Sho he didn’t like him. So he shouldn’t be watching him undress. And Sho shouldn’t be teasing him like that.
Wait a minute.
There! When Aiba looks back at Sho’s reflection, there is a definite smirk on the other man’s face, which he wipes away hastily when he sees Aiba watching him. He is doing it on purpose. So Sho knows that Aiba was watching him, why Aiba was watching him.
Well then, fine. Aiba decides he’s done with games. And he can play dirty, too.
~*~
He tries to time it, he tries to choose the right place, the right circumstances, but life is never that easy. They are never alone for very long, and eventually Aiba just has to man up and invite Sho over to his apartment.
“What’s the occasion?” Sho asks, just managing to hide a smile.
“Occasion? No occasion, just, you know, to hang out and…whatever.” Smooth, that’s how Aiba operates.
“Sure.” Sho does smile this time, and Aiba is fairly certain it is not a completely innocent smile.
~*~
It takes every ounce of will power Aiba possess not to just push Sho up against a wall the minute the other man shows up at his apartment. As gratifying as that would probably be, it wouldn’t teach Sho a lesson at all.
So he takes his time. They have dinner, flip through some magazines, watch a movie, play some video games-Aiba even breaks out his very old box of “The Game of Life” to kill some time. He keeps an eye on Sho. Eventually Sho’s eyes lose that anticipatory gleam, and he seems resigned to a night of friendly companionship. And Aiba allows himself a wicked grin. Perfect.
When they’ve finished putting away the game board, Aiba excuses himself on the pretense of going to the bathroom. What he really does is escape to his bedroom for a quick change.
Now, Aiba has a hard time actually thinking of himself as “sexy”, but after years of photoshoots wherein the main objective was to make hormonal teenagers all over the country want to have his babies, he has a fairly good idea of where to start. He doesn’t want to go over the top, so he trades out his jeans for a loose, low-slung pair of sweatpants, and while he thinks forgoing a shirt would be faster, a torso-hugging tank top is more subtle. As a final touch, he ducks into the bathroom to wet his hair a little and sling a towel around his neck.
He appraises himself critically in the mirror over the sink, tugs his tank top up just a bit so there’s a little strip of skin showing between his shirt hem and his waistband. He lets out a steadying breath.
Oh God, what if Sho laughs in his face? What if it is just a joke? What if this just screws everything up again? What if-
Aiba shakes his head sharply-left, right. It doesn’t matter. He’s doing this. Whatever happens, happens.
He steps out of the bathroom just as Sho is coming out of the kitchen, and they catch sight of each other from opposite ends of the short hallway. Aiba had meant to keep up the casual act, to saunter out into the living room and lounge around nonchalantly before going in for the kill. But their eyes lock again, and then Sho’s gaze moves slowly-hungrily-down Aiba’s body, and all his plans go right out the window.
He remembers vaguely that, all those months ago in the hotel room, he had tried to be sexy and Sho had just laughed. He tries again now, and the difference in Sho’s reaction is immediately apparent. As Aiba moves slowly forward, trailing the fingers of his left hand against the wall, Sho’s mouth drops open and his breathing visibly speeds up. If Aiba weren’t still so dizzingly nervous, he would be ecstatic.
Mere inches away from the other man, he comes to a stop. This is where he should say something sexy, something smoldering. The best he can come up with is:
“Sho-chan, what are you looking at?”
Sho, who had been staring rather fixedly at Aiba’s mouth, looks up and manages a much better smolder when he says: “You.”
Aiba swallows and lets out a shaky breath. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“Tell me anyway.”
And that’s when Sho’s patience reaches its limit.
Suddenly Aiba finds himself up against the wall, feeling no qualms at having the situation reversed on him, and Sho has one hand tangled in his hair again and the other at his hip. There is a split second of hesitation, of intense closeness and shared breath, of Sho catching Aiba’s eyes again like he’s asking Are you sure?
But Aiba’s hands are already sliding around Sho’s chest and pulling him in to close that last hair’s breadth of space between them and to crush their mouths together with the intensity of yes, yes, yes.
And this kiss is so different than their first. It is hungry and desperate where the first was unsure and curious. It is about knowing and taking instead of testing and hoping. Aiba lets out a long, low moan when Sho’s tongue pushes into his mouth possessively.
They never stop kissing as they stumble back down the hall towards the bedroom. Aiba had never planned to take it that far, but good God does he want to now, he’ll have to or it will be a very uncomfortable night for him, and when Sho slides his hands down below Aiba’s waistband to tug their hips together-holy shit-Aiba knows without question that Sho is ready for it.
They hit the bed in a tangle of needy limbs. Aiba regains the use of his mouth when Sho pulls away long enough to tug off first Aiba’s shirt and then his own. Aiba reaches out to frame Sho’s face with his hands.
“Are we still okay?” he asks, breath coming in ragged pants.
Sho smiles softly. “I am if you are.”
“Really okay,” Aiba assures him, and pulls him down for another kiss.
And then Aiba is keeping time in racing heartbeats, counting seconds in throaty whimpers and muffled cries, the slide of fingers against sweaty skin, and he loses lifetimes in lips that follow fingers and the gentle scrape of teeth. There are a few moments of awkwardness, of digging through nightstand drawers for little bottles and foil packages, but they come back together with breathy laughter and disbelieving smiles. Then all awkwardness is forgotten in moments of heat and pressure, pushing, and breathing, just keep breathing, he tells himself, and when he reaches out blindly for something, anything to hold onto, to keep him from bursting into thousands of tiny pieces, Sho’s hand finds his and holds it tight. And then he’s there, he’s there, he is gone, gone, gone.
When time resumes its normal flow, Aiba finds Sho collapsed on top of him, heavy and boneless. He raises a tentative hand to push Sho’s sweaty hair out of his face.
“Did you know,” Sho says weakly, “that you are really good at that?”
Aiba laughs, a softer version of his usual manic giggle. “Likewise, I’m sure.”
They are quiet for a few moments, breathing deeply. Aiba’s hand smoothes over Sho’s hair, while the older man’s thumb moves thoughtfully against Aiba’s shoulder. Finally, it’s Sho who disrupts the silence, levers himself up on his elbows and searches Aiba’s face in the dim light coming in through the open door.
“This doesn’t have to be anything,” he says, almost a whisper. “We can forget, if you want.”
Aiba furrows his brow, sits up a little against the headboard. “What? Why would you say that?”
“I just…” Sho worries his bottom lip and glances away nervously. “I know I’m being a total hypocrite, but if that’s easier…if that means we can keep being okay, then-”
“This is okay,” Aiba reminds him, sliding his hands over Sho’s bare back for emphasis. “I’m sorry if I made you think it wasn’t. I was just afraid that…Sho-chan, do you love me?”
“Of course,” Sho answers immediately. Then he sees the twinge of guilt in Aiba’s eyes. “But you don’t love me?” he guesses.
Aiba nods miserably. Much to his surprise, Sho just grins.
“Not even a little bit?”
“Well,” Aiba blinks, “I mean, yeah, of course, I guess, but-what’s so funny?”
“How about you give me a chance to win you over?” Sho is still grinning, and leans in to press a kiss to Aiba’s eyelids, one and then the other.
After another moment, a smile begins to quirk Aiba’s lips, and he giggles again.
“Okay,” he says at last. “I guess that’s fair.”
Sho moves his attention to Aiba’s mouth for a soft, slow kiss. Not a bad start, Aiba thinks. When he pulls away, the tender look in his eyes is almost ridiculously endearing.
“Okay,” he agrees.
epilogue
Author's Note:......................what?? idk, sakuraiba ate my brain or, or...something. their love is so awkward and hot (;_;) this fic is so mixed up and all over the place. first it was gonna be short, then it was gonna be epically long, and i ended up somewhere in the middle with some pieces missing, maybe. hopefully you enjoyed it anyway? i'll go sit in the fail!corner now XD;; night all.
rating/genre: r; romance, semi-angsty fluff
pairing(s): sakuraiba, blink-and-miss-it ohmiya
words: 4,523
summary: it was just a kiss, he reminds himself. a drunken kiss, at that. it shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
disclaimer: FICTION.
notes: drunken kisses, awkward sexual tension, mood swings, the works. i do not know where this came from.
Aiba has always had a hard time separating who he likes a lot from who he loves. He has always had a hard time separating what is just play and what is serious. He is not the kind of person who draws lines, or pays attention to when he might be crossing them. He knows all this about himself, but often forgets it until it is too late.
Aiba also knows that he is very drunk. He thinks Sho must be very drunk, too, or they wouldn’t be in the position they are in now. That is to say, making out in their hotel room.
Jun is in the bathroom, and could come back out at any moment. They should stop. Aiba knows they should, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care. Not when Sho’s tongue is moving so deliciously against his own, like he’s trying to eat him alive.
Aiba wonders fuzzily how this happened, but lets the thought go in favor of hoping it won’t end any time soon.
*
It’s the night after the last show of the tour, a night that is always super-charged with adrenaline and generally involves lots of drinking and very little sleep. Nino and Ohno have already disappeared to the other hotel room, leaving Sho, Aiba, and Jun to become slowly more ridiculous and loud in their own room.
Aiba is chasing after Jun, all flailing limbs and giggles, having just discovered a really ticklish spot on the younger man’s lower back. Sho has collapsed onto one of the beds in a stupor, grinning dumbly at his band mates. Jun finally escapes to the bathroom and locks himself in, swearing loudly that he’s going to sleep in the bathtub if Aiba doesn’t leave him alone.
“Fine!” Aiba shouts back. “That just means I’ll have Sho-chan aaalll to myself!” Because that’s the joke, isn’t it, that they’re all lovey-dovey, and Aiba knows a lot of people like to believe that he and Sho are maybe a little more than lovey-dovey, and it really is kind of hilarious, when he thinks about it.
Jun’s response is immediate and very mature.
“EW!”
Aiba only laughs harder, and dashes back across the room to throw himself down on the bed next to Sho. But, as his system is considerably flooded with alcohol at the moment, only his upper half actually lands on the bed, putting him about even with Sho’s knees. He starts squirming up the bed, trying to put on a sexy, predatory face. He must be doing a bad job, though, because Sho just starts to laugh.
“Sho-chan!” Aiba protests, and he’s up to the other man’s waist now, and gets a grip on Sho’s belt loops to help lever himself up a bit more.
“Masaki!” Sho says in return, an exaggerated passion in his voice, and Aiba gets it, oh this is funny, so he plays along.
“Ah, Sho-chan!” he cries, flopping onto Sho’s chest. And he can hear Jun shouting again, another round of violent “ew”s and gagging sounds.
“MASAKI!” Sho practically screams, enunciating every syllable, and what must the people in the next room be thinking, Aiba can hardly contain his laughter, his ribs are about to crack from restrained mirth.
“Sho-chan,” he says again, but it’s more a breathless plea this time, because he really can’t breathe, but Sho is just grinning and grinning and it’s really awfully cute and suddenly Aiba has the best, most hilarious idea ever.
He gets his arms around Sho’s shoulders and pulls himself up until they are face to face. Oh man, this is going to be great, because Sho is still smiling like this is all part of the joke, he really has no idea.
And then Aiba kisses him.
He can feel Sho’s smile fade under his lips, and giggles a little at his success-Sho never saw it coming!-and he means to pull away then, really he does, but suddenly Sho’s mouth is moving against his.
Aiba makes a sound of surprise in his throat, and thinks that maybe now he should stop, but then Sho’s hand slides around the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair and it feels kind of nice really, and his already much-less-than-usually-inhibited brain just says “okay”.
But it’s no fun to just let Sho do all the work, so Aiba lets his tongue dart out to taste Sho’s lower lip. He is rewarded with a low moan and Sho’s mouth opening obediently under his own. Sho tastes mostly like the beer they’ve been drinking, but there’s something else, too, and Aiba is very diligent in attempting to discover what it is. Plus, all the little noises Sho keeps making are really kind of sexy.
A far away part of Aiba’s mind wonders if Jun can hear any of this from the bathroom. Surely not.
*
Distantly, Aiba hears the bathroom door open. He doesn’t really care at this particular moment, but Sho suddenly detaches himself from Aiba’s face and uses his grip on the back of Aiba’s head to press the younger man into his shoulder. Aiba is far too drunk to puzzle out any of this, so it must be some kind of instinct that directs him to lay his head quietly on Sho’s shoulder and pretend to sleep.
There’s the sound of shuffling footsteps, and then he hears a little “ch” from the place Jun must be standing. He feels Sho shrug and shake his head, then the sound of Jun collapsing with a sigh onto the room’s other bed.
Leave! Aiba finds himself thinking, but it’s not like there’s really anywhere else for Jun to go. Maybe he could just wait until Jun falls asleep, and then…
But then Jun starts talking shop-about the show, about the set list, about the special effects-and Aiba groans inwardly. This could go on for hours. Sho is listening attentively, making appropriate grunts of response when Jun pauses for breath.
Aiba lets out a quiet little sigh, but Sho must feel it or hear it, because he starts rubbing slow circles into Aiba’s shoulder blade. Aiba feels his muscles begin to relax, his accelerated heartbeat begin to slow, and very soon he is asleep.
~*~
They are busy for a while. They’re always busy, so it shouldn’t surprise Aiba that he doesn’t talk to Sho again for almost a week. Sho calls him-late, almost 1am-and after a few minutes of casual chitchat, the older man goes strangely silent.
“Ne, Aiba-chan,” he says at last. “You know, after the concert, when we were all drinking in the hotel room…do you remember-?”
“Not a thing!” Aiba replies, and he already knows it was too quick. He laughs, high-pitched and nervous, trying to pretend he can’t hear the disappointment in Sho’s voice.
“Oh…me either, I guess.” Sho laughs, too, but it is a deflated, dispirited kind of a chuckle.
~*~
So they never talk about it. Seeing as they “don’t remember” that it even happened, this should be easy, but it’s not. Aiba finds himself pulling up short from touches that used to be completely normal, innocent things like hugs or a hand on Sho’s shoulder. He finds himself thinking maybe he shouldn’t do that anymore, he shouldn’t give Sho the wrong idea.
But, if he thinks about it, he’s not even sure what that means. Because he really wouldn’t mind kissing Sho again-or maybe doing a little more than kissing-but he worries that it would complicate things, that he might get both of them in trouble, or…or…something. Although that line of logic doesn’t take him very far, because he sees what Nino gets away with on a daily basis without getting fired.
Or maybe it’s complicated because Aiba knows that Sho takes this kind of thing seriously, and Aiba doesn’t. He doesn’t want to start something with Sho just for fun, just to try it, because he has a sinking feeling that Sho might be in it for keeps, and what if Aiba isn’t good enough, what if he forgets something important and makes Sho upset, or…
It was just a kiss, he reminds himself. A drunken kiss, at that. It shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
But it is. It is because Aiba sees the sad little twist to Sho’s lips every time he jerks his hand away at the last second, hears the tiny little sigh Sho lets out through his nose when they’re sitting side by side at an interview and Aiba has all his limbs crossed and tucked in close to his body.
And then finally, one day, Aiba decides that if it is such a big deal, maybe he should do something about it.
~*~
They are the last ones in the dressing room, and as Sho is about to leave, Aiba leaps up and throws himself in front of the door. He hadn’t meant for it to be that dramatic, but he had gotten distracted by his shoelace and only noticed at the last second that Sho was leaving.
“Um,” he says. He lowers his arms to his sides, stares at Sho for a moment, feels himself start to blush, and looks down at his feet. Damn, this is going to be harder than he thought.
“Aiba-chan,” Sho says gently. “Something wrong?”
“Um,” Aiba says again. He spent most of the day preparing moving speeches for this moment, but now, naturally, they have all fled his mind. He decides the direct approach is best.
“I didn’t forget,” he stammers out, still staring determinedly at his shoes. “About kissing you, I mean.”
“Oh,” Sho says, and did his breath catch, just now? No, Aiba must be imagining things.
“Actually,” Aiba continues, “the thing is, I didn’t forget and I…well, I wanted to…apologize.”
The silence that follows seems loud, because Aiba is sure that he can hear every single insignificant sound in the room-the whoosh of the air conditioner, the staticky hum of the florescent lighting, his own breath coming too loud through his nose.
“Apologize,” Sho repeats. His tone is carefully flat and neutral. When Aiba looks up, his face is the same, schooled to stillness. But Aiba can tell. It’s there in the tightness around Sho’s eyes-he wasn’t waiting for an apology.
“I’m so sorry,” Aiba says, and means it, not just for the kiss, but for right now, for everything in between. But Sho still has that look on his face, that horrible sadness, and it makes Aiba frantic to think that it’s his fault.
“Look, can’t we just…let’s just pretend it never happened, okay? We were-we were drunk, so it wasn’t like it meant anything, so let’s just…”
Aiba trails off as Sho’s expression darkens, and he feels himself trying to shrink, to become small, to get away from that look.
“It meant something to me,” Sho says quietly. And without waiting for a response, he steps around Aiba and out the door.
~*~
New Message xx-11-05 8:32
From: Aiba
Title: sorry
I really am sorry.
New Message xx-11-05 10:01
From: Aiba
Title: ?
Sho-chan? I am SO sorry. For everything.
New Message xx-11-05 11:27
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
Please reply, even if you’re just gonna say you hate me, please say something. You’re not answering my calls either……
New Message xx-11-05 11:46
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
Can we PLEASE talk about this? Please?
New Message xx-11-06 0:02
From: Aiba
Title: oops
Maybe you’re at work and that’s why you’re not answering my messages…
New Message xx-11-06 0:15
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I asked Jun and he said you DON’T have work. So you should reply. Please.
New Message xx-11-06 0:40
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I can keep this up all night, you know.
New Message xx-11-06 0:59
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I never meant to hurt you. This really isn’t fair, please talk to me.
New Message xx-11-06 1:14
From: Aiba
Title: [blank]
I hope you are trying to sleep and I hope this wakes you up!!! (D:<)
You better not have your phone turned off.
New Message xx-11-06 1:47
From: Aiba
Title: I am coming to your house
Really. I am getting in my car right-
[Incoming Mail-Sho-chan]
New Message xx-11-06 1:48
From: Sho-chan
Title: Okay
Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning, I promise.
[Incoming Call - Aiba]
“Aiba-chan,” (weary, but not angry) “Why are you calling me?”
“To say thank you. For answering me.”
(A sigh.) “You’re welcome.”
“…Goodnight, Sho-chan.”
“Goodnight, Aiba.”
~*~
Sho is as good as his word. When Aiba steps out of the stairwell on the first floor of his apartment complex the next morning, Sho is waiting for him with a warm can of coffee and a hesitant smile. Aiba accepts both with as much grace as he can after only about four hours of sleep.
“So,” Sho says after they have been walking a few minutes in silence, “I may have overreacted a bit yesterday.”
“What?”
Sho takes a long gulp of his own coffee, finishing it off. “It wasn’t really fair of me to get angry just because-because you don’t feel the same.”
Aiba feels his ears go red. This is the first time either of them has really put it into words-Sho likes Aiba, but Aiba doesn’t like Sho. That’s not technically true, but it’s true enough that Aiba doesn’t correct him.
“Sho-chan, I really am sor-”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Sho interrupts, but there is no malice in his voice. He grins when he glances in Aiba’s direction. “I think I got enough ‘sorry’s to last me quite a while last night.”
Aiba returns Sho’s smile bashfully. At least Sho’s not mad anymore. Something about this doesn’t quite feel right, but at least Sho’s not mad. If he pretends they’re not having this conversation, the walk to the train station is completely normal. Aiba’s footsteps skid across the pavement in a slow shuffle, kids in school uniforms fly by on bicycles, old women hose down their front steps in the weak morning light. And Sho walks along beside him, steady and constant. Despite everything, Sho is here, without a single harsh word.
It’s more than Aiba deserves, he’s suddenly sure of it.
“Can we please,” Aiba begins, and sees the warning in Sho’s eyes. He changes his mind halfway through the sentence. “Can we just be okay?”
There’s a moment of tense silence.
“I can if you can,” Sho says, a little wary.
“Let’s be okay,” Aiba says fervently.
Sho stops, and turns to face Aiba. His expression is measuring, cautious, and Aiba does his best to meet the other man’s eyes steadily.
Then, Sho is reaching out to clap a hand against Aiba’s shoulder.
“Okay,” he says. “We’re okay.”
~*~
“And it was just that easy?” Jun asks, openly skeptical.
“Of course,” Aiba replies, giving most of his attention to the shelf of manga titles in front of him. “We’re both grown ups, we worked it out.”
Jun makes a noncommittal grunt, adjusting his disguise-a pair of overlarge sunglasses with bright red frames. “I should have known you were just going to buy comics when you said you wanted to go to the bookstore,” he mutters.
“Do I ever buy anything else at the bookstore?”
“Let’s go look at the magazines. And if you and Sho are so ‘okay’, why do you keep looking at him with goo-goo eyes during rehearsals?”
“Matsujun, I know for a fact that you already bought an issue of every single magazine we were in this month. And I do not look at Sho with goo-goo eyes.”
“Bedroom eyes, then.”
“Shut up.”
But Jun just smirks knowingly as he wanders away to the newsstand.
~*~
Jun is wrong, though. Aiba tells himself this firmly and tears his eyes away from the corner of the rehearsal hall where Sho is exchanging his sweat-soaked tank top for a new shirt.
Aiba is just glad that things with Sho are back to normal. He’s just glad that he can laugh and talk with Sho like they used to, and maybe throw an arm around his shoulders when the mood strikes him. He’s just glad that Sho is being such a good sport about all this.
It has nothing to do with the fact that, despite his best efforts, Aiba’s thoughts keep drifting back to the kiss. Even after he’s gotten himself a few dates, a few one-night stands, even though this is the worst time for him to start entertaining romantic thoughts about Sho, he can’t seem to forget the feel of the other man’s lips against his.
And even though they both agreed to be “okay”, Aiba is so much more aware now. Aware of the way Sho’s hand on his arm lingers just a little longer than it needs to, aware of that look he catches in Sho’s eyes sometimes-dark, needy-that breaks off before he can get more than a glimpse.
Sho is looking at him like that, and Aiba knows now that it’s real, that it’s not just a joke or a game. He likes to have Sho looking at him like that. So maybe Aiba’s touches start to linger a little bit, too. Maybe he’s looking at Sho differently than he used to.
“It’s complicated,” he mutters to himself in the mirror. Glancing up, he catches sight of Sho and their eyes meet in the reflection.
And there it is, that tension, that heaviness, and Aiba won’t let himself look away. For once, Sho doesn’t look away either. Instead, he holds Aiba’s gaze, like he’s daring him not to blink. Sho is still between shirts, and with his eyes locked on Aiba, he drags a towel across the back of his neck, over his shoulder and across his collarbone, down his chest and stomach. It’s quick, to anyone else it would probably just look like a casual gesture, but Aiba feels the heat rising in his face and has to look away.
His heart is hammering in his chest. This is bad. He already, basically, told Sho he didn’t like him. So he shouldn’t be watching him undress. And Sho shouldn’t be teasing him like that.
Wait a minute.
There! When Aiba looks back at Sho’s reflection, there is a definite smirk on the other man’s face, which he wipes away hastily when he sees Aiba watching him. He is doing it on purpose. So Sho knows that Aiba was watching him, why Aiba was watching him.
Well then, fine. Aiba decides he’s done with games. And he can play dirty, too.
~*~
He tries to time it, he tries to choose the right place, the right circumstances, but life is never that easy. They are never alone for very long, and eventually Aiba just has to man up and invite Sho over to his apartment.
“What’s the occasion?” Sho asks, just managing to hide a smile.
“Occasion? No occasion, just, you know, to hang out and…whatever.” Smooth, that’s how Aiba operates.
“Sure.” Sho does smile this time, and Aiba is fairly certain it is not a completely innocent smile.
~*~
It takes every ounce of will power Aiba possess not to just push Sho up against a wall the minute the other man shows up at his apartment. As gratifying as that would probably be, it wouldn’t teach Sho a lesson at all.
So he takes his time. They have dinner, flip through some magazines, watch a movie, play some video games-Aiba even breaks out his very old box of “The Game of Life” to kill some time. He keeps an eye on Sho. Eventually Sho’s eyes lose that anticipatory gleam, and he seems resigned to a night of friendly companionship. And Aiba allows himself a wicked grin. Perfect.
When they’ve finished putting away the game board, Aiba excuses himself on the pretense of going to the bathroom. What he really does is escape to his bedroom for a quick change.
Now, Aiba has a hard time actually thinking of himself as “sexy”, but after years of photoshoots wherein the main objective was to make hormonal teenagers all over the country want to have his babies, he has a fairly good idea of where to start. He doesn’t want to go over the top, so he trades out his jeans for a loose, low-slung pair of sweatpants, and while he thinks forgoing a shirt would be faster, a torso-hugging tank top is more subtle. As a final touch, he ducks into the bathroom to wet his hair a little and sling a towel around his neck.
He appraises himself critically in the mirror over the sink, tugs his tank top up just a bit so there’s a little strip of skin showing between his shirt hem and his waistband. He lets out a steadying breath.
Oh God, what if Sho laughs in his face? What if it is just a joke? What if this just screws everything up again? What if-
Aiba shakes his head sharply-left, right. It doesn’t matter. He’s doing this. Whatever happens, happens.
He steps out of the bathroom just as Sho is coming out of the kitchen, and they catch sight of each other from opposite ends of the short hallway. Aiba had meant to keep up the casual act, to saunter out into the living room and lounge around nonchalantly before going in for the kill. But their eyes lock again, and then Sho’s gaze moves slowly-hungrily-down Aiba’s body, and all his plans go right out the window.
He remembers vaguely that, all those months ago in the hotel room, he had tried to be sexy and Sho had just laughed. He tries again now, and the difference in Sho’s reaction is immediately apparent. As Aiba moves slowly forward, trailing the fingers of his left hand against the wall, Sho’s mouth drops open and his breathing visibly speeds up. If Aiba weren’t still so dizzingly nervous, he would be ecstatic.
Mere inches away from the other man, he comes to a stop. This is where he should say something sexy, something smoldering. The best he can come up with is:
“Sho-chan, what are you looking at?”
Sho, who had been staring rather fixedly at Aiba’s mouth, looks up and manages a much better smolder when he says: “You.”
Aiba swallows and lets out a shaky breath. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“Tell me anyway.”
And that’s when Sho’s patience reaches its limit.
Suddenly Aiba finds himself up against the wall, feeling no qualms at having the situation reversed on him, and Sho has one hand tangled in his hair again and the other at his hip. There is a split second of hesitation, of intense closeness and shared breath, of Sho catching Aiba’s eyes again like he’s asking Are you sure?
But Aiba’s hands are already sliding around Sho’s chest and pulling him in to close that last hair’s breadth of space between them and to crush their mouths together with the intensity of yes, yes, yes.
And this kiss is so different than their first. It is hungry and desperate where the first was unsure and curious. It is about knowing and taking instead of testing and hoping. Aiba lets out a long, low moan when Sho’s tongue pushes into his mouth possessively.
They never stop kissing as they stumble back down the hall towards the bedroom. Aiba had never planned to take it that far, but good God does he want to now, he’ll have to or it will be a very uncomfortable night for him, and when Sho slides his hands down below Aiba’s waistband to tug their hips together-holy shit-Aiba knows without question that Sho is ready for it.
They hit the bed in a tangle of needy limbs. Aiba regains the use of his mouth when Sho pulls away long enough to tug off first Aiba’s shirt and then his own. Aiba reaches out to frame Sho’s face with his hands.
“Are we still okay?” he asks, breath coming in ragged pants.
Sho smiles softly. “I am if you are.”
“Really okay,” Aiba assures him, and pulls him down for another kiss.
And then Aiba is keeping time in racing heartbeats, counting seconds in throaty whimpers and muffled cries, the slide of fingers against sweaty skin, and he loses lifetimes in lips that follow fingers and the gentle scrape of teeth. There are a few moments of awkwardness, of digging through nightstand drawers for little bottles and foil packages, but they come back together with breathy laughter and disbelieving smiles. Then all awkwardness is forgotten in moments of heat and pressure, pushing, and breathing, just keep breathing, he tells himself, and when he reaches out blindly for something, anything to hold onto, to keep him from bursting into thousands of tiny pieces, Sho’s hand finds his and holds it tight. And then he’s there, he’s there, he is gone, gone, gone.
When time resumes its normal flow, Aiba finds Sho collapsed on top of him, heavy and boneless. He raises a tentative hand to push Sho’s sweaty hair out of his face.
“Did you know,” Sho says weakly, “that you are really good at that?”
Aiba laughs, a softer version of his usual manic giggle. “Likewise, I’m sure.”
They are quiet for a few moments, breathing deeply. Aiba’s hand smoothes over Sho’s hair, while the older man’s thumb moves thoughtfully against Aiba’s shoulder. Finally, it’s Sho who disrupts the silence, levers himself up on his elbows and searches Aiba’s face in the dim light coming in through the open door.
“This doesn’t have to be anything,” he says, almost a whisper. “We can forget, if you want.”
Aiba furrows his brow, sits up a little against the headboard. “What? Why would you say that?”
“I just…” Sho worries his bottom lip and glances away nervously. “I know I’m being a total hypocrite, but if that’s easier…if that means we can keep being okay, then-”
“This is okay,” Aiba reminds him, sliding his hands over Sho’s bare back for emphasis. “I’m sorry if I made you think it wasn’t. I was just afraid that…Sho-chan, do you love me?”
“Of course,” Sho answers immediately. Then he sees the twinge of guilt in Aiba’s eyes. “But you don’t love me?” he guesses.
Aiba nods miserably. Much to his surprise, Sho just grins.
“Not even a little bit?”
“Well,” Aiba blinks, “I mean, yeah, of course, I guess, but-what’s so funny?”
“How about you give me a chance to win you over?” Sho is still grinning, and leans in to press a kiss to Aiba’s eyelids, one and then the other.
After another moment, a smile begins to quirk Aiba’s lips, and he giggles again.
“Okay,” he says at last. “I guess that’s fair.”
Sho moves his attention to Aiba’s mouth for a soft, slow kiss. Not a bad start, Aiba thinks. When he pulls away, the tender look in his eyes is almost ridiculously endearing.
“Okay,” he agrees.
epilogue
Author's Note:......................what?? idk, sakuraiba ate my brain or, or...something. their love is so awkward and hot (;_;) this fic is so mixed up and all over the place. first it was gonna be short, then it was gonna be epically long, and i ended up somewhere in the middle with some pieces missing, maybe. hopefully you enjoyed it anyway? i'll go sit in the fail!corner now XD;; night all.