Ymir Recap - A.k.a. "Just call me Oblivia."
You know in retrospect, it is ridiculous how many subtle clues and hints I missed. Every so often my love affair with mystery novels leads me to believe that I can be observant and pick up on stuff. This weekend has sadly disabused me of this notion.
The first clue should have been when I tried to talk foklens into going to the event with me. He doesn't play, but I rarely ask, and I was sincerely concerned that I might be too tired to drive home. He flatly refused. We even got into a bit of a fight about it because I didn't understand why he was being so cranky. Turns out he was in on THE PLAN, and was afraid that if he agreed to go, I would have been suspicious, or that I was suspicious, and was trying to confirm by seeing if he had any plans to go to the event.
The second clue should have been when both soucyn and lady_guenievre asked me separately when I was going up to site. I told them both Friday night, and mentioned I was riding up with Lucia and didn't expect to get there until 10ish.
(Friday night I had to do the calligraphy on two pieces of Baronial business, AND pack, so we didn't actually leave my driveway until around 8:30. Luckily, site was only an hour thirty away, so it wasn't a big deal.)
(Oh, and I want to know if it was fortuitous that about an hour after I was whining to Guenievre about not wanting to drive to Ymir, that Lucia sent me an email asking if I wanted to ride up to site with her?)
And there was the fact Lucia didn't offer to pack anything in the trunk, despite the fact the backseat got crammed full? Yeah, that should have been a hint that perhaps the trunk was occupado with something else. This should have clicked something, but frankly, my car's such a trashpit most of the time, that I apparently now consider it perfectly normal to assume the trunk is already in use.
The ride was pleasant and uneventful, and we got to site fairly late. Some confusion with where troll was, but we got trolled in, got Lucia's stuff to her cabin, and then I stole her car to drive around to Royal cabin (where I was parked with their Excellencies as their Head Retainer.), and tossed my stuff out. I found the G's bunks and snagged the one next to them. I was getting really tired so I went, parked the car, and wandered back down to the cabin for sleep.
Here's the part I'm embarrassed about. I saw both Girard and Guenievre around troll, wearing their mundane clothes, and I assumed they had just arrived. Despite the fact all their stuff was already at the cabin, and I hadn't passed their car on the lake road. Apparently I scared the hell out of Guenievre because at the time she was walking by, she was carrying the Laurel cloak she'd been working on frantically, and she was terrified I was going to come be social. Luckily for all concerned, I was so tired, that I decided I'd catch her at the cabin later.
I do remember falling asleep and seeing their empty bunks, and thinking, "They're probably down at some party or another." because I saw Girard with a beer. Again, despite the fact I know the first thing Guenievre (and Girard most of the time) does if she's planning to go wander around site/party especially at a Baronial event in Baronial lands is put garb on. I knew they got in late because I briefly woke up when they got in. And I knew whoever was sleeping in the top bunk got in later than that (though I didn't know it was Rowan until I woke up the next morning.)
Didn't think a THING about it despite the fact my elliptical thinking made no sense. Seriously, I had the dumb.
The next morning, I woke up too early, for no reason whatsoever, except that I'd actually slept fairly well and was worried I was going to miss getting to the hall on time in case any proto-retainers were waiting for me. (I'd put out a call on the keep twice to try and snag retainers for their Excellencies. Not because I had a clue, but because I didn't think I could handle following Guenievre around site all day, and told them to come to the dining hall at 9:00 AM)
I dithered around the cabin for a while, and then went to go park myself in the dining hall until morning court to hopefully await volunteers. Conveniently for everyone, as they all knew now exactly where I was, and didn't have to post lookouts. I didn't get any volunteers, though. (I had even promised cookies! Who doesn't want cookies?)
Around ten, a herd of my friends appeared in the dining hall, though they all went and sat in the far corner and were chatting. So I gave up on recruiting and went to go be social too. We nattered on until it was time to troop down to the field for morning court. Max had been smuggled onto site, handed clothes, and was hiding in Xav's tent until THE MOMENT.
We grabbed seats, and court started. Yay for Undine, and for Rakel's AoA, and Matthew's Osprey, and then what are they calling ME for? It's not like I've been doing lots of service lately, OR fighting much. Then his Majesty calls for a cart pulled by children, and I start thinking that this is a bit of court schtick, and there is really going to be a wagon with children appearing. (And that I was NEVER going to live this one down. - Ever-.)
And then he calls for his Order of the Laurel, and all I can think is , *Whirrclick. Whirrclick. Whirrclick. Does not compute. Please re-enter data and try again.* I think my brain blue-screened. Guenievre said "All the color drained out of your face when the King said "A&S". Their Majesties kept saying nice things, and I can't remember a single word of it. Eventually they asked me a question, and I sort of stared, but subconscious brain decided to be helpful, and mutter, "Yes." for me. When I turned around, Max was kneeling there, in a tunic holding a rose, with the "Don't you dare ask if I love you" expression on his face.
And then we sat around beside the tent while court continued, and I kept waiting for my brain to reboot. Lots of people hugged me, and I hope I said appropriate things. I kept staring off into space, and sitting down when people told me to, and standing up when people told me to, (I do remember Aneria saying "We could make her do whatever we want right now." - probably yes.) I kept leaning on Max and reaching for his hand, because it seemed like the whole world had just gone *TILT*, and if he was here, then it WAS real.
They had set up a vigil tent indoors, (because of my delicate condition), and when we walked into the room, all I could do was stare because everything was absolutely beautiful. Tables were spread with food and flowers by the experienced and artistic hand of Maitresse Ysolt (with donations by Mistress Clare) - and I could distinctly smell bourbon in the air. This WAS a Casa Bellini occasion after all. My helmet was there with a hedgehog on it, (And I know it wasn't that shiny when I gave it to Girard to use as loaner gear while I gestated. Later he told me he'd spent two hours polishing it.) and a beautiful banner, and there was a hedgehog cheese log who was just too cute for words, and there was a table with my work on it, and and .. everything! Also, I didn't see this until later, but Aneira had made the most gorgeous little vigil book on the planet. It was the cutest, most adorable thing I've ever seen, and I've been petting it all day today. (Not the gold parts, just the spine.)
When I walked into the tent, I was STILL in shock. The ceiling was draped with this golden cloth, and the walls were covered with rugs and swathes of fabric, the chairs were comfortable (bless Lucia for the footstool), and I walked in and just sort of stared for a moment, even as Lucia was untying me out of my dress, and there were electric candles providing soft lighting (P.S. Thank you for the not-open flame. I dragged my sleeve across one at least two or three times.)
When I touched the chemise, I immediately went "oooh." It was such lovely quality linen, and absolutely gorgeously made. I would have played with the cuffs (How did you measure so exactly? The cuffs tie shut exactly at my wrist size.) and the neckline for at least five minutes and petted it because it was so tactile-ly pleasurable to touch, but Lucia bustled me back outside again.
Random thought: As I was getting my hands washed, and Lucia said that it symbolized the washing away of past mistakes and my past life, I realized that I was going to have to let go of some of my favorite self-recriminations and castigations. I couldn't hang on to all those things that I use to beat myself up with whenever I get too uncomfortable with compliments because I have trouble accepting and believing them. I'm working on that part, but dammit, I've had some of those stubborn little cusses for YEARS.
Then I was shuffled into the vigil tent, and their Majesties came in, to be followed by their Excellencies, and then Lucia & Sunneva, and then lots and lots of other people. While I don't necessarily feel it'd be proper to go into specifics as to who said what I do want to remember some of the things that were said.
- Your words carry great weight - But the important thing about that is not to worry about crushing a soul, but to remember how much joy you can give someone with a compliment. But don't crush souls.
- People you've never met will assume you know what you're talking about, whether you do or not.
- This may be the loneliest year of your life as people try to figure out how to adjust to you, and you figure out how to adjust to them.
- You may have to make more of an effort to be approachable and friendly, because Peers are scary, even if you're not.
- Some people will now be your friend, just because you are a Peer. Don't let it go to your head.
- EEEEEEEEE!!!! (With bouncing)
- Dont crush souls.
- Don't take an apprentice for a year. (This is probably NOT a concern. I'm having enough trouble accepting I'm going to be responsible for another human being as it currently is.)
- "I have no advice, but if you want to eat something, go ahead, and we'll pretend it was meaningful." - side note: the few minutes of normal conversation were VERY reassuring and a bit of a welcome break from serious contemplation of what it means to be a PEER. Also, I was starving, because I just didn't feel right eating in front of people while they were offering me serious advice. I mowed down a chicken leg and a plateful of food in about three minutes.
- "You're not being elevated. You're being recognized. Seriously. For reals. Stop asking."
- Wear your bling, even if you're not used to it yet. It's part of the game, and it's now one of your duties, to be an example for others. Wearing the bling lets other people know who and what you are.
- "No, we haven't lost our minds."
- "Remember that you're here, because we REALLY wanted you to to be here."
- "Don't drive yourself nuts thinking everything has to be perfect now and up to the standards of a Laurel, or you'll never make anything again."
- "I love you."
- "Don't worry, it's not see-through."
- Peer advice Bingo.
Lucia and Sunneva cut off vigil time, pretty much at the moment I was starting to feel exhausted, so I could have some time to process, figure out an oath, (which I TOTALLY butchered.), and get dressed. The dress Lucia had sewn fit PERFECTLY, and she'd very cleverly made it with ties on both sides so it will expand WITH me. And it was beautiful. It's the most beautiful dress in the whole wide world. (That morning, I'd asked her why she wasn't wearing her new dress. - "Someone spilled coffee on it!" "That's horrible!" "Yeah, right where I can't get it out until I take it home and wash it." Again, duh moment.) And it looks lovely with the chemise, and Jenny braided my hair and taped it up with ribbons and as I said to other people later, "I always look wonderful when other people dress me." Wistric also sang me a song he wrote called "Livia the Honorable Lady" in which nothing bad happens to me and was actually complimentary. (I take having the "temper of a Texan" as a compliment, dammit.) It was both extremely touching, and very funny. I couldn't decide whether to burst into tears (damn hormones) or laugh. Fortunately, I laughed, and applauded, else he might have been worried.
Despite being a little out of it, I wasn't so out of it that I failed to snag the last loaf of rosemary bread, and some of the jam cake (which tastes like the moistest best gingerbread- mmmmmm). Max didn't want to speak up for the bourbon balls, but he lusted after them. (They showed up at our house today, much to his joy.)
After they dressed me, we wandered down to Baronial court, and I was seriously impressed by Dunstan's ability to read the faux-arabic script I had INTENDED to write out the translation of on the back in pencil or something during my spare time that afternoon. Oops. Master Andras loved it though, and Sunneva got her Kittyhawk - YAY!
I leaned over to her and said, "See.. I had a secret too!" And she just looked and me and said, kindly, "Yes, yes you did." ... well I did, dammit.
(A couple days before, I'd told Lucia about it, and Lucia had blandly said "I love secrets!" .... My Laurel is very sneaky.
Then court, and I kept staring at my oath, trying to will it into my brain. Then we were walking up there, and their Majesties asked me if it was still my wish to join the Order, and (because I couldn't remember when it was supposed to happen), I asked to be released from my fealty to Lucia. I tried so hard to get through what I wanted to say without crying, but that was just not happening. I wanted to say thank you for years of being my mentor and friend, and the voice of reason and the cheerleader and all the other wonderful things that she has been to me, but I think it was just an incoherent mess. Then I was kneeling, and people I admire very much stood up to speak for me.
Syr Justus spoke of courage. I'd never thought of picking ambitious projects as a form of courage, but I guess it is. I did keep waiting for the word "Tuchux" to show up.
I can't remember if Nikulai or Duchess Padraigin spoke next, but I think it was Nikulai. He spoke about my service, both the good and the bad parts. (The closest anyone got to saying Bless your Heart, was when he mentioned the double-damned demo. But I suppose I have to let that particular regret go as well.)
Then Duchess Padraigin spoke about the fact I was always smiling and courteous and joyful. (And I felt ashamed of all those times I'd been snarky, and tried to resolve to live up to that. Then I remembered that that got washed away too, and that I'll still have to live up to it.)
Then Dunstan spoke, he mentioned how I put the recipient into my scroll work so that when you looked at my scrolls, you knew who it was for, as well as who had done it. He said lots of other things too, about hedgehogs and begging their Majesties to elevate me to the Order of the Laurel, but that one stood out. It gave me a lot to think about.
Then Aneira stood up, and said she would rather give me her medallion than anyone else, and I started crying all over again, especially knowing how many special people she has around her who could have other claims. I'd done fairly well through the worthy speeches, but her generosity and love hit me like a freight truck. (The vigil book had me in tears the first time I saw it anyways. Aneira may be tied with Lucia for bringing me to tears the most yesterday, with Sunneva running a close third.) She gave it to their Majesties, who have a policy of having the loved one place it around the recipient's neck, (if applicable), so Max stood up, placed it around my neck, and kissed me on the head. He loves me.
The cloak that Guenievre had made somehow got forgotten, and Rowan sprinted (uphill and stairs) to go get it. The scroll was read, and I knew Dunstan had written the text. (Poor Sunneva had a horrible choice to make, two week speed or delay for quality. She made the right choice, especially because I know that it will be beautiful, and I wouldn't want her to be rushed or stressed over it, especially given that the two weeks was while she was having to work two jobs, and had about as much spare time as a mother with nine kids.) I gave my oath, again, completely flubbed, but I hoped they'd listen to the intent and not the words. They in turn accepted my oath, and the cloak arrived and was placed around my shoulders, and then I was standing there because I had no idea what to do.
No one said, "Move to the back" or "you're done now", and if there was cheering, I couldn't hear it, and the last instruction I had was to greet my order, but I just went straight to Lucia for a hug, because at that point, I didn't know what to do. My brain had completely stopped working (either from the fact I hadn't been eating enough all day, or hadn't been drinking enough, or just I was still in shock. Pick one.) I hope no one was offended by the fact I ran away to the back, but I honestly was on autopilot at that point in time, and didn't really know what was going on.
There were lots of hugs and kisses, from wonderful people who I admire greatly, and then someone mentioned food, and I realized that I could eat a small cow if someone gave me some salt. Cooking would be optional. There was the usual 30 minute delay while plans were made and figured out, and Max and I went to go get the van and pack up my stuff. I may have lost my phone charger, but I haven't unpacked yet, so who knows where it is. We changed in the cabin, (Max was desperately relieved to be able to put his jeans back on.), and headed out to the Golden Corrall, where I proceeded to eat my way through a steak, some shrimp, a small mountain of mashed potatoes, two yeasty rolls with honey butter, and a double sized helping of banana pudding I had to beg for. Seriously carb-loading.
We then headed home. I was sorry to miss the bardic and all the other wonderful afterparty things, but I was so tired that it would have been a no-good, very-bad idea. When Max and I pulled in, I immediately took my contacts out and crawled into bed. Max wasn't far behind me, but neither of us had remembered that we had turned the baseboard heaters off while the weather was super warm. As a result, the house was 58 degrees when we woke up, and we've both been congested and snotty all day. But I took my zinc, (and made Max pop one too), so hopefully it will be fine shortly.
I'm planning to write thank-you notes to everyone who contributed to making the day wonderful, just because a public "shout out" on Facebook seems insufficient, and verbal thank yous are just completely inadequate. But please know how grateful and humbled I am to have been the recipient of all the love, generosity, and kindness that was shown to me, and that if I am still gibbering in a month, it's because I am still in the Sally Fields shock of "You like me. You really like me." Just pat me on the head. I 'm sure the gibbering will pass, but never the emotion, joy, and memory of this day.