Question-Looking for Answers from Those Who Read This

[harpkitten]

In your life, if you had been close to someone for a long time, and then they did something quite awful to you, would you consider forgiving them (months later), not because they had asked for forgiveness, but simply because you missed having them in your life? Why or why not

Comments

[fritz_et_al]

I'm for forgiveness, with the caveat of making sure said person is unable to hurt you again in the same way.

There have been times when I've had to forgive someone to move on in my own emotional life. But I also had the tendency to wrap bitterness and anger around me like a blanket, which I don't believe you might have as much of a problem with.

[desfontaines]

This sounds like someone important to you, so _absolutely_. Seeing as this person didn't ask for forgiveness, do they even agree that they did something awful to you?

You should also keep in mind that this doesn't necessarily mean that they would be willing to continue associating with you after a period of hard feelings. Just because you miss this person doesn't mean that he/she misses you.

But regardless, keeping bitterness and hurt in for a long time....it just isn't a good thing to do to yourself.

[tlatoani]

I probably would, but it would depend on how awful it was, whether they'd apologized, and whether I believed they were likely to do it again.

[pstscrpt]

Probably, yeah. I don't know that I've ever stopped talking to anyone out of anger, though -- only because I found I didn't like being around them.

[leanhaunsidhe]

Unless doing so puts you in particular risk of being exploited in some way, I would say that it's absolutely worth getting in touch. Without knowing the situation, I don't know if this is something that you'd need/want to sit down and talk through with this person, but it does seem like you might currently be accidentally drawing out the misery (for yourself) of whatever the original incident was.