Banter HP/DM PG-13
Title: Banter
Author: ___umbrella
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Genre: Uh. Humour?
Summary: Pretty boys in denial what fun.
Feedback: PLEASE. :D I'm sure you can take a few minutes to type something and tell me what you thought of this. <3
Note: Written on a boring bus ride home. Without a Beta. But I ran it through MS Word once I got home. Originally posted for contrelamontre's Letter Challenge.
Mr Potter,
Do I need to remind you about your detention with Mr Malfoy today? I assure you, Professor Snape will have enough tasks to keep the both of you occupied. Abominable behaviour. How did you and Mr Malfoy end up locked in the Potions store room? And why is Professor Snape complaining about you biting Malfoy? Apparently, Mr Malfoy has a fairly serious bruise on his neck. Please refrain from such displays of passion VIOLENCE, I MEAN. VIOLENCE. Remind Mr Malfoy about this detention. I do not want to here anymore complaints from any teacher about you and Mr Malfoy locking yourself in closets/broom sheds/toilet cubicles.
Professor Mcgonagall
___________________________________________________________
Malfoy,
Detention at 8pm tonight, remember? You got us into a lot of trouble. I think McGonagall is suspicious. We've been late for all of our classes for the whole of this week. See, there's this blob on her letter that looks like p-a-s. passion? You horny prat, there are only so many times we can get ourselves locked in closets without the teachers getting extremely worried.
Harry
___________________________________________________________
Potter, don't be daft. Of course McGonagall knows. Never doubt an older woman, Potter.
If you do not wish to get into any more trouble, I ask you to refrain from molesting me. And we have not been late for ALL our classes. There was this one time when you arrived on time for Divination. So there.
Oh.
Ohhhhh.
But then I came in the middle of your lesson to take you up for your medical check-up and. ohh. Never mind then.
________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
I do not molest you. And that was no medical check-up. No medical check-up consists of Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and tongue.
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Potter, you do molest me. Blatant out breach of my modesty. And you bite. Hard. And in places I do not wish to mention.
I was in the showers yesterday and I discovered an interesting bruise near my inner thighs. How ever did they get there, I wondered? But then I remembered that you were particularly enthusiastic that one time during dinner when you had me trapped under that cheap invisibility cloak of yours. Under the Slytherin dining table no less. And without a silencing charm.
I am Draco Malfoy and if I say there is a medical check-up there is one. And if I want to use my tongue I very well can. I was merely checking whether you were impotent. Apparently not. I had to scrub my robes, Potter. Scrub. And I don't scrub. How utterly plebian.
______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
I do not molest you, unless molesting consists of you fisting your palms in my hair and moaning.
You were giving me head, Malfoy. In front of Professor Dumbledore's office. Of course I came. What else would I have done? Shrivel up?
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
I am merely very agreeable. You molest me and then twist the facts. I am too good at this, Potter. This and other stuff too.
Dumbledore probably got off on it, the old coot. I mean, which normal man would spend his time in his office with all those eccentric items on his table. He has that Gryffindor sword. And that Sorting Hat too. The man has weird fetishes, Potter.
You prune.
_______________________________________________________________
Draco,
Detention in an hour. Stop bragging.
Weird fetishes? A bit rich for some one who chained me to his bed and then proceeded to trace every inch of my body with a feather and a mouth full of ice cubes.
Harry
_____________________________________________________________________
Potter, I am aware that I am young, attractive, blond, charming and utterly desirable but I did tell you to stop molesting me.
_______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
You started it. You were the one who pinned me to Snape's desk with your mouth.
Harry
_______________________________________________________________________
How charmingly delusional, Potter. I was merely being helpful. The bulge in your pants did look rather uncomfortable.
_______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
It was uncomfortable. But it wasn't my fault. You were the one who was. Well. YOU WERE THERE.
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Why, Potter, how charming. Have you decided to at last admit the existence my abundant physical charms?
I was being helpful, Potter. Professor Snape would not have been impressed to see you walk around with a bulge the size of a bludger in your pants.
____________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
Are you implying Snape would have been impressed to see me being pinned to the table by an annoyingly pasty prat?
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Oh Potter, your choice of words leaves nothing to imagination. I am not pasty. I just have aristocratically pale skin.
Do not pretend you did not enjoy my attentions. As I recall, you seemed rather pleased when I had my hand in your trousers. I think you need to dry your trousers, Potter. Are they still damp?
____________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
... You are infuriating.
Harry
And yes my trousers are now dry.
___________________________________________________________________________
Potter, your eloquence overwhelms me.
Why are we not having sex?
See I've just got this idea and it involves you, leather, lubricant, leather, knives, leather and snakes. And Parseltongue. And leather
__________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
It sounds promising. Your obsession with leather is unhealthy.
I love you.
Harry
__________________________________________________________________________
Harry, I do not obsess. Come. now. or.
Draco
I think I I love Potter you prat I um I lov you I love you too.
NOW WHERE IS ALL THE FEEDBACK? >O -obsesses-
Author: ___umbrella
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Genre: Uh. Humour?
Summary: Pretty boys in denial what fun.
Feedback: PLEASE. :D I'm sure you can take a few minutes to type something and tell me what you thought of this. <3
Note: Written on a boring bus ride home. Without a Beta. But I ran it through MS Word once I got home. Originally posted for contrelamontre's Letter Challenge.
Mr Potter,
Do I need to remind you about your detention with Mr Malfoy today? I assure you, Professor Snape will have enough tasks to keep the both of you occupied. Abominable behaviour. How did you and Mr Malfoy end up locked in the Potions store room? And why is Professor Snape complaining about you biting Malfoy? Apparently, Mr Malfoy has a fairly serious bruise on his neck. Please refrain from such displays of passion VIOLENCE, I MEAN. VIOLENCE. Remind Mr Malfoy about this detention. I do not want to here anymore complaints from any teacher about you and Mr Malfoy locking yourself in closets/broom sheds/toilet cubicles.
Professor Mcgonagall
___________________________________________________________
Malfoy,
Detention at 8pm tonight, remember? You got us into a lot of trouble. I think McGonagall is suspicious. We've been late for all of our classes for the whole of this week. See, there's this blob on her letter that looks like p-a-s. passion? You horny prat, there are only so many times we can get ourselves locked in closets without the teachers getting extremely worried.
Harry
___________________________________________________________
Potter, don't be daft. Of course McGonagall knows. Never doubt an older woman, Potter.
If you do not wish to get into any more trouble, I ask you to refrain from molesting me. And we have not been late for ALL our classes. There was this one time when you arrived on time for Divination. So there.
Oh.
Ohhhhh.
But then I came in the middle of your lesson to take you up for your medical check-up and. ohh. Never mind then.
________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
I do not molest you. And that was no medical check-up. No medical check-up consists of Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and tongue.
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Potter, you do molest me. Blatant out breach of my modesty. And you bite. Hard. And in places I do not wish to mention.
I was in the showers yesterday and I discovered an interesting bruise near my inner thighs. How ever did they get there, I wondered? But then I remembered that you were particularly enthusiastic that one time during dinner when you had me trapped under that cheap invisibility cloak of yours. Under the Slytherin dining table no less. And without a silencing charm.
I am Draco Malfoy and if I say there is a medical check-up there is one. And if I want to use my tongue I very well can. I was merely checking whether you were impotent. Apparently not. I had to scrub my robes, Potter. Scrub. And I don't scrub. How utterly plebian.
______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
I do not molest you, unless molesting consists of you fisting your palms in my hair and moaning.
You were giving me head, Malfoy. In front of Professor Dumbledore's office. Of course I came. What else would I have done? Shrivel up?
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
I am merely very agreeable. You molest me and then twist the facts. I am too good at this, Potter. This and other stuff too.
Dumbledore probably got off on it, the old coot. I mean, which normal man would spend his time in his office with all those eccentric items on his table. He has that Gryffindor sword. And that Sorting Hat too. The man has weird fetishes, Potter.
You prune.
_______________________________________________________________
Draco,
Detention in an hour. Stop bragging.
Weird fetishes? A bit rich for some one who chained me to his bed and then proceeded to trace every inch of my body with a feather and a mouth full of ice cubes.
Harry
_____________________________________________________________________
Potter, I am aware that I am young, attractive, blond, charming and utterly desirable but I did tell you to stop molesting me.
_______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
You started it. You were the one who pinned me to Snape's desk with your mouth.
Harry
_______________________________________________________________________
How charmingly delusional, Potter. I was merely being helpful. The bulge in your pants did look rather uncomfortable.
_______________________________________________________________________
Draco,
It was uncomfortable. But it wasn't my fault. You were the one who was. Well. YOU WERE THERE.
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Why, Potter, how charming. Have you decided to at last admit the existence my abundant physical charms?
I was being helpful, Potter. Professor Snape would not have been impressed to see you walk around with a bulge the size of a bludger in your pants.
____________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
Are you implying Snape would have been impressed to see me being pinned to the table by an annoyingly pasty prat?
Harry
________________________________________________________________________
Oh Potter, your choice of words leaves nothing to imagination. I am not pasty. I just have aristocratically pale skin.
Do not pretend you did not enjoy my attentions. As I recall, you seemed rather pleased when I had my hand in your trousers. I think you need to dry your trousers, Potter. Are they still damp?
____________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
... You are infuriating.
Harry
And yes my trousers are now dry.
___________________________________________________________________________
Potter, your eloquence overwhelms me.
Why are we not having sex?
See I've just got this idea and it involves you, leather, lubricant, leather, knives, leather and snakes. And Parseltongue. And leather
__________________________________________________________________________
Draco,
It sounds promising. Your obsession with leather is unhealthy.
I love you.
Harry
__________________________________________________________________________
Harry, I do not obsess. Come. now. or.
Draco
I think I I love Potter you prat I um I lov you I love you too.
NOW WHERE IS ALL THE FEEDBACK? >O -obsesses-