APARTMENTED!
So Here is the first post live from the Apartment.
Wooo!
It is awesome.
I love naked time!
Anyway on to the business at hand.
This head spinning NFL season has led to the most ridiculous of playoff pictures. The sagging 9-7 cardinals and Vikings host a playoff game whilst the 11-5 pats miss the playoffs. In fact all of the playoff particpants this weekend will feature a game where the visitor has an equal or better record than the home team.
The other story is that two franchises which were left for dead last year enter the playoffs with 11-5 RECORDS! Truly parity lives in the NFL with the Dolphins and Falcons going into this weekend as contenders.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE NFL PLAYOFF STRUCTURE PEOPLE!?
Anyway, on with the show.
AFC PLAYOFFS!"
Wildcard
Peyton's Magic Circus rides into SOCAL and stomps Antonio Gates' wondermagoburemporiom.
Tony Sporano (Aka, big not-so-pussy) and the Magical Fairy dust frou-frou prissy dolphins over Ray Lewis and the ravens shuffling crew
Divisional
Bob Sanders, wins the COlts games! (to the tune of "Bob Evans down on the farm") over mmmm sasauge (Jeff Fisher trips and falls)
Super Upset Specialarooni (even though it pains me)
Joey Porter's revenge wrecking crew scores 20 points and beats Big Ben, the concussed, in the playoff shocker of the year.
Championship (as "Houshmazilla" guy from the NFL.com fantasy commercials)
In a SOGGY AND DISGUSTING MIAMI! Let's set the scene
(Voice of Jim Nantz)
"In the slop and the muck, these two teams have battled for 59 minutes and 54 seconds only to come down to this moment, the moment where greatness is made.
Colts come out of their last time out on the dolphins 28, down by 4 with 6 ticks to go. Can you feel the intensity from the sidelines.
(Phil Sims)
"Jim they may have a shot at two plays here if they throw it through the end zone quickly"
(Jim Nantz)
"THERE'S THE SNAP!
Manning slips out of the pocket, THERE WILL BE NO SECOND CHANCES HERE, SCANS DOWN THE FIELD!"
(as small child whispers to him from stands "Clark"
(Peyton sees Dallas Clark shed his coverage and head for the far end zone corner)
PEYTON THROWS UP THE LOB, CLARK IS OPEN CLARK IS OPEN!, THE BALL WOBBLED, CAN IT GET THERE!
(Clark catches the ball, and moves to touch two feet in)
"TWO FEET, TOUCHDOWN, WHAT A SPECTACULAR CATCH, COLTS WIN! COLTS WIN!"
Annnd Scene
The commercial lived out in reality.
Colts are AFC champs
NFC Playoffs
Wildcard
The Dirtiest of birds over YOU CAN'T LIMP INTO THE PLAYOFFS AND EXPECT TO WIN!
Man so many bird teams in the playoffs this year over YOU CAN'T BE ONE DIMENSIONAL AND WIN A PLAYOFF GAME BRAD CHILDRESS!
Divisional
Michael Turner and the amazing Technicolor 200 yard rushing day over Repeat super bowls in the free agency era is so hard to do that you might as well not try.
Philly, Philly, Philly and Andy Reid's mustache over Deangelo Williams has to slow down sometime, especially with the advent of TNA wrestling season.
NFC Championship
(Voice of Joe Buck)
"Can you believe, Worst to almost first in the NFC south, rookie qb, rookie left tackle, and they have punched their ticket to Tampa. The Atlanta Falcons are NFC Champs, by the score of Falcons 40 Eagles 34. This Georgia Dome crowd is electric. Do you believe in miracles Mr. Aikman because I sure do.
SUPER BOWL XLIII at Raymond James Stadium, City of Tampa
Al Michaels on the call:
"So here we go, no timeouts left for the Falcons, down by 7 with no time outs."
Madden:
"Man the Colts sure have a thing for drama in these playoffs this year"
Michaels:
"Falcons rush to the line, at the Colts 10, 3, 2, WITH THE SNAP!
RYAN BACK TO PASS, HE SCRAMBLES LEFT, HERE COMES BOB SANDERS, HE MISSES AS RYAN FLUSHES OUT BACK TO THE RIGHT, HE HAS WHITE UNDERNEATH, WAIT TURNER THREW A BLOCK, RYAN IS TAKING OFF, TO THE 5 , BRACKET MAKES A DIVE, RYAN DIVES FOR IT! HE HITS THE PYLON TOUCHDOWN FALCONS! TOUCHDOWN FALCONS! THE FALCON FAITHFUL HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS, THIS STADIUM IS BEDLAM!
At the sideline Mike Smith is poised to, WAIT A SECOND RYAN IS STAYING OUT THERE, SMITH IS GIVING THE LONGHORNS FOR TWO!"
Madden:
"What are you doing here? Kick the extra point!"
Michaels:
"So here we go, Mike Smith is going for the win!
Ryan with the snap, he fakes the hand off, HE ROLLS OUT AGAIN, SEES TURNER IN THE FLAT! PITCHES OUTSIDE, TURNER PULLS UP HE SEES JENKINS IN THE CORNER, HE LOBS IT, HALFBACK PASS!
JENKINS MAKES THE GRAB!
ONE , ANNNNNNDDD TWO, YES HE GOT IT! TWO POINTS! THE FALCONS ARE WORLD CHAMPS! WHAT A TURN AROUND FOR THIS BELEAGUERED FRANCHISE!"
Annd Scene
Pro Bowl
NFC 30, AFC 20
Calvin Johnson gets a chance to play because Larry fitzgerald gets injured.
And now onto my 4th annual Man and Woman of the year awards.
MAN OF THE YEAR! 2008
And the Man of the year for 2008 is...
SETH ROGEN
Not only has he made his way to the top of the comedic acting list from obscurity, but he is doing it at the age of 25. This guy is a year older than I am. This is sad and strange at the same time. He really made a big impact in 2008. Will he move on to become another add-on to the ever expanding frat pack? We'll find out in the coming year.
WOMAN OF THE YEAR! 2008
And the winner is!
TINA FEY!
Not only did she break away from snl and become successful with a TV SHOW, she actually was able to get more appeal for herself with the 2008 presidential race. Sarah Palin's nomination was like a jolt to an already break-out year for Tina Fey. It helped 30 rock to get the attention and praise it deserves for being one of the funniest shows on tv. She also give a fresh outlook on the "sexy librarian glasses" fetish in the country. GOD SPEED SEXY GLASSES LADY!
Wooo!
It is awesome.
I love naked time!
Anyway on to the business at hand.
This head spinning NFL season has led to the most ridiculous of playoff pictures. The sagging 9-7 cardinals and Vikings host a playoff game whilst the 11-5 pats miss the playoffs. In fact all of the playoff particpants this weekend will feature a game where the visitor has an equal or better record than the home team.
The other story is that two franchises which were left for dead last year enter the playoffs with 11-5 RECORDS! Truly parity lives in the NFL with the Dolphins and Falcons going into this weekend as contenders.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE NFL PLAYOFF STRUCTURE PEOPLE!?
Anyway, on with the show.
AFC PLAYOFFS!"
Wildcard
Peyton's Magic Circus rides into SOCAL and stomps Antonio Gates' wondermagoburemporiom.
Tony Sporano (Aka, big not-so-pussy) and the Magical Fairy dust frou-frou prissy dolphins over Ray Lewis and the ravens shuffling crew
Divisional
Bob Sanders, wins the COlts games! (to the tune of "Bob Evans down on the farm") over mmmm sasauge (Jeff Fisher trips and falls)
Super Upset Specialarooni (even though it pains me)
Joey Porter's revenge wrecking crew scores 20 points and beats Big Ben, the concussed, in the playoff shocker of the year.
Championship (as "Houshmazilla" guy from the NFL.com fantasy commercials)
In a SOGGY AND DISGUSTING MIAMI! Let's set the scene
(Voice of Jim Nantz)
"In the slop and the muck, these two teams have battled for 59 minutes and 54 seconds only to come down to this moment, the moment where greatness is made.
Colts come out of their last time out on the dolphins 28, down by 4 with 6 ticks to go. Can you feel the intensity from the sidelines.
(Phil Sims)
"Jim they may have a shot at two plays here if they throw it through the end zone quickly"
(Jim Nantz)
"THERE'S THE SNAP!
Manning slips out of the pocket, THERE WILL BE NO SECOND CHANCES HERE, SCANS DOWN THE FIELD!"
(as small child whispers to him from stands "Clark"
(Peyton sees Dallas Clark shed his coverage and head for the far end zone corner)
PEYTON THROWS UP THE LOB, CLARK IS OPEN CLARK IS OPEN!, THE BALL WOBBLED, CAN IT GET THERE!
(Clark catches the ball, and moves to touch two feet in)
"TWO FEET, TOUCHDOWN, WHAT A SPECTACULAR CATCH, COLTS WIN! COLTS WIN!"
Annnd Scene
The commercial lived out in reality.
Colts are AFC champs
NFC Playoffs
Wildcard
The Dirtiest of birds over YOU CAN'T LIMP INTO THE PLAYOFFS AND EXPECT TO WIN!
Man so many bird teams in the playoffs this year over YOU CAN'T BE ONE DIMENSIONAL AND WIN A PLAYOFF GAME BRAD CHILDRESS!
Divisional
Michael Turner and the amazing Technicolor 200 yard rushing day over Repeat super bowls in the free agency era is so hard to do that you might as well not try.
Philly, Philly, Philly and Andy Reid's mustache over Deangelo Williams has to slow down sometime, especially with the advent of TNA wrestling season.
NFC Championship
(Voice of Joe Buck)
"Can you believe, Worst to almost first in the NFC south, rookie qb, rookie left tackle, and they have punched their ticket to Tampa. The Atlanta Falcons are NFC Champs, by the score of Falcons 40 Eagles 34. This Georgia Dome crowd is electric. Do you believe in miracles Mr. Aikman because I sure do.
SUPER BOWL XLIII at Raymond James Stadium, City of Tampa
Al Michaels on the call:
"So here we go, no timeouts left for the Falcons, down by 7 with no time outs."
Madden:
"Man the Colts sure have a thing for drama in these playoffs this year"
Michaels:
"Falcons rush to the line, at the Colts 10, 3, 2, WITH THE SNAP!
RYAN BACK TO PASS, HE SCRAMBLES LEFT, HERE COMES BOB SANDERS, HE MISSES AS RYAN FLUSHES OUT BACK TO THE RIGHT, HE HAS WHITE UNDERNEATH, WAIT TURNER THREW A BLOCK, RYAN IS TAKING OFF, TO THE 5 , BRACKET MAKES A DIVE, RYAN DIVES FOR IT! HE HITS THE PYLON TOUCHDOWN FALCONS! TOUCHDOWN FALCONS! THE FALCON FAITHFUL HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS, THIS STADIUM IS BEDLAM!
At the sideline Mike Smith is poised to, WAIT A SECOND RYAN IS STAYING OUT THERE, SMITH IS GIVING THE LONGHORNS FOR TWO!"
Madden:
"What are you doing here? Kick the extra point!"
Michaels:
"So here we go, Mike Smith is going for the win!
Ryan with the snap, he fakes the hand off, HE ROLLS OUT AGAIN, SEES TURNER IN THE FLAT! PITCHES OUTSIDE, TURNER PULLS UP HE SEES JENKINS IN THE CORNER, HE LOBS IT, HALFBACK PASS!
JENKINS MAKES THE GRAB!
ONE , ANNNNNNDDD TWO, YES HE GOT IT! TWO POINTS! THE FALCONS ARE WORLD CHAMPS! WHAT A TURN AROUND FOR THIS BELEAGUERED FRANCHISE!"
Annd Scene
Pro Bowl
NFC 30, AFC 20
Calvin Johnson gets a chance to play because Larry fitzgerald gets injured.
And now onto my 4th annual Man and Woman of the year awards.
MAN OF THE YEAR! 2008
And the Man of the year for 2008 is...
SETH ROGEN
Not only has he made his way to the top of the comedic acting list from obscurity, but he is doing it at the age of 25. This guy is a year older than I am. This is sad and strange at the same time. He really made a big impact in 2008. Will he move on to become another add-on to the ever expanding frat pack? We'll find out in the coming year.
WOMAN OF THE YEAR! 2008
And the winner is!
TINA FEY!
Not only did she break away from snl and become successful with a TV SHOW, she actually was able to get more appeal for herself with the 2008 presidential race. Sarah Palin's nomination was like a jolt to an already break-out year for Tina Fey. It helped 30 rock to get the attention and praise it deserves for being one of the funniest shows on tv. She also give a fresh outlook on the "sexy librarian glasses" fetish in the country. GOD SPEED SEXY GLASSES LADY!