Variant // 08

[haru_haru_21]

// Series
Slice of life; Angst
"Yah, wanna die?"  "I wouldn't mind since it's you" "Are you crazy" "Just a little bit"  
For atenais_pala's birthday!


The fear of desire

Ji Yong and Seung Hyun sat in ground eating piping hot ramen. The younger boy was surprised by how good he can prepare the noodles as it brought an almost crispy and savouring taste after each serving. Both were also drinking soju, occasionally laughing and chatting about silly things in life.

“So, you don’t live with your parents anymore?” Ji Yong asked, hesitantly picking up some noodles and shoving them in his mouth right after.

“I don’t know...” Seung Hyun responded before tensing up. “I don’t really like talking about them...” he finished, continuing to chew on some more ramen.

“Sorry...” the elder apologized, biting his lower lip. “Do you want some more soju?” he asked quickly after, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Seung Hyun finally asked, meeting the other’s hazel brown eyes. He never talked to anyone the way he was talking with the red-head for a long time - it was uncomfortable.

“I like you, that’s why!” Ji Yong mused, giving the younger a big smile.

“You can’t say things like that so easily...” Seung Hyun whispered, standing up to get a glass of water.

“Why? Do not like guys?” the red-head persisted.

“Just fucking stay away from me. I’m not the person you have in mind, I’m dangerous to stay close with...” the younger boy shouted.

“Oh really? I like danger” Ji Yong smirked.

“This is not a game, Ji Yong! After today, don’t talk to me, or I’ll do something I’ll regret...” the other quietly said only to be pulled back by a pair of hands.

“So you’ll regret hurting me...” the elder whispered. Seung Hyun could feel his heart thumping against his back - he was being held so tight.

Ji Yong nearly had tears in his eyes - Seung Hyun was the first person in a long time that was worried about hurting him. Even though the younger boy may not have meant it sincerely - it was enough for Ji Yong.

“Ji Yong...I...” Seung Hyun started.

“Just shut and let me hug you...” the red-head claimed, still clutching on to him for dear life. The warmth the younger gave was what he had been missing for so many years that it hurt to experience it again. “Can we please date?” he whispered against Seung Hyun’s neck, gently kissing the area.

“No” the younger immediately said. He winced when Ji Yong bit the place he was kissing before - his insides turning an unusual warm quickly.

“But I want you...” the red-head said, wrapping his arms around Seung Hyun’s neck only to push the other slightly back against the cold ground.

“It doesn’t matter, not everyone gets what they want...” the younger argued, feeling almost defenceless by the older man. But before he can even push Ji Yong away, he felt a moist pair of lips upon his own. The red-head slowly moved against Seung Hyun’s lips, trying to go into the hot cavern by pushing his tongue deeper into the other’s mouth. The younger man whimpered when he felt Ji Yong gridding on him slowly; he could feel how hard the older had got.

Seung Hyun gave up and granted Ji Yong access to his mouth only to moan when he felt the other’s tongue glide with his. It was like they were performing a little dance with the older gradually leading him into insanity. Seung Hyun’s mind spun when they both hit the ground as Ji Yong straddled him powerfully.

“Wait...stop” the younger managed to say, his mind dizzy from their kissing. But Ji Yong picked up his hand to hold it against his own heart. Seung Hyun gasped to feel how loud the elder’s heart was beating.

“I can’t control it...” the red-head claimed, only to go back to Seung Hyun’s throbbing lips. This time the younger closed his eyes and caressed the other’s back, surprised at home smooth and soft it was. The red-head responded by knotting his fingers with Seung Hyun’s short black strands and slightly turning his head side ways to give the younger more access.

Seung Hyun flipped the red-head over, so he was on top and began to kiss Ji Yong’s ears gently. The older let out a loud moan when he felt the other’s tongue brush against his neck.

The younger had no control over his mind, cursing himself in the head at how he had gotten so carried   away. A part of him wanted nothing more experience this aching desire he had held for so long, but the fear always remained. Ji Yong felt so comfortable yet every touch scarred him to go any further. It was like he was held captive with thorns around but he wanted to reach to the elder man.

Ji Yong quickly took off his shirt and pulled on the younger’s shirt for him to do the same. Right when Seung Hyun was about to take off his clothes as well, ne noticed a ring around the older’s nipple.

“What’s thing?” the younger asked, poking on it gently.

“Oh, I got that when I was about your age. I have on in my navel to, I can take it off if you want...” the red-head replied, almost impatiently.

“No, they suit you...” Seung Hyun claimed, swirling the metal jewellery with his tongue and gently tugging on it.

Ji Yong gasped, but the pain felt so good he wanted the other to do it again. So younger continued to tease the area before moving on to his stomach as he placed kissing around the other ring. The dark-haired man bit into the place that the jewellery was hanging from and softly sucking on it for a while.

“ahh....it feels so good” the red-head panted, aching his back with Seung Hyun’s actions. He had gotten the piercing a few days ago and it was still a bit raw but when the younger teased them - it ached in joy.

When Seung Hyun came back to Ji Yong’s lips, he took the opportunity to rip his shirt off to kiss the place above his heart. His arms wrapped around the younger’s back only to feel sharp cuts and bumps. The red-head flipped Seung Hyun to have a better look, only to realize his body was filled with scars.

“Seung Hyun....” he started, carefully tracing a long cut across his back.

“Happened a long time ago...” Seung Hyun replied, meeting the other’s sorrowful eyes. “Nothing to be sad about...” he whispered.

“Can I kiss it?” the elder asked hesitantly.

“Sure...” the dark-haired man found himself saying as he gasped at the elder’s wet tongue flicking out to his skin. Ji Yong took his time carefully kissing the deep scar as well as the other’s around Seung Hyun’s torso. He was constantly thinking about the pain the dark-haired might have gone through but soon realized to find his eyes draining with tears.

“Don’t cry...” Seung Hyun said, hiding his own tears as he got pulled into by the other to a tight hug.

“Sorry you had to go through all that...” the red-head spited out, letting the other carry him to the bed. “Let’s just sleep tonight...” he decided, taking a blanket to throw over them. Seung Hyun nodded slightly against Ji Yong’s bare chest as he was pulled into a warm embrace by the elder man.

The dark-haired man regretted it.

He regretted kissing the red-head - almost having sex with him, but most off all letting his defence down. Seung Hyun knew well what was coming. He would have to ignore Ji Yong and probably hurt him by saying things he didn’t want to say. But he doesn’t want to have to give anyone pain any more. Seung Hyun was tired of always being a burden to people he loved - but with the elder man he felt like he was going to hurt him the most.

Truthfully, the younger man had many ways he wanted to connect with the other and he felt that maybe they shared the same pain. It was a battle not resisting his beautiful structure and soothing words - but he reminded him too much of his dad. The one person he loved so much - the person he hated the most.

Seung Hyun still remembers the day clear and vivid. He can still hear his father’s insane howling as he pulled out that very knife he held so close to his heart. Seung Hyun’s father came out as mental patient before his business with the mafia when he was young. His mother used to protect him from his daily rages, taking in the beating and pain in order to save her little boy.

But it wasn’t like this all the time. Seung Hyun remembers the times when his father would buy him cotton candy or that shiny new car than came in every month. The man was tender with him, always giving him hugs and kisses when he came back after work.

“Seung Hyun, dad loves you”

“Seung Hyun, look what I’ve brought”

“Are you okay?”

Seung Hyun wanted to cry out. Ji Yong sounded so much like him, always caring for the boy and using affectionate words in return.

But the day when he saw his own mother getting killed by that man, he had pushed him out of his head, not even looking at his poor father suffer his punishment. Seung Hyun knew he was still in jail as he received many calls from the facility claiming that they man needed him and wanted to see him.

He never felt the urge to face his father after that day.

That man had shattered Seung Hyun’s love. He tore down any feelings he had between them.

But that man was so important that he held on to that knife the police gave him that day. How could Seung Hyun forget the times and memories? Year after year, he secluded himself from the rest of the world when his father’s men came to look for him. He was wrapped in this world where only darkness and betray existed. He found himself smuggling drugs, shooting people, stealing money and all the things has father had done.

When his father did hear what he was doing the day they had to meet, he cried and begged him to get out. Seung Hyun just spat and grinned - he never wanted to listen to this man again.

The younger man never wanted to interact with Ji Yong because he was afraid - afraid that he would end up having to hate him or hurt him. The elder man was gorgeous with his pale skin and red, fiery hair but he doesn’t want to love anyone anymore.

Seung Hyun doesn’t want to wound his loved one and he feels that if he gets any closer with Ji Yong, he might end up falling for his hyung.

“Stop thinking so much and get to sleep...” Ji Yong managed to mumble out, shifting a bit so he wrap can his arms around Seung Hyun’s tall, built body.

“Sorry...” the younger said, breathing against the red-head’s shoulder to smell a hint of lavender. “You smell good” he spat out only to receive a chaste kiss on his lip.

“Have you finally accepted my love?” the elder asked, giggling a bit when the other blushed.

“Shut up...” Seung Hyun said, hiding his face behind the covers.

“We don’t have to go out, it’s just....I need you...” the elder confessed as a whisper, placing another kiss on Seung Hyun’s lips.

“Okay...” was all the younger managed to say before drifting off to sleep, still scarred at how comfortable and warm the elder felt in his arms.

Ji Yong smiled before he too fell asleep from listening to the younger’s steady heart beat and constant breathing as it made a lovely lullaby in his ears.
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A/N: I'm trying to lengthen my updates because I realized that my previous ones are way too short, so this does take longer but I hope you like them! ^^