Who Nutured, Who Cared
Aghhh. I'm in paaaain. Gahhh. I sparred Michael and Tony again, yesterday. Goddamn, "no gloves" makes it soooo much more painful. Maaan. I got marks everywhere, red. crimson, and purple.
Well, it was fun.
Other than that... Ugh. Writing is difficult. I've reached a huge plot-hole and I have no idea what to do about it. I sure as hell am not going to resort to using time-travel to fix it, 'cause that just makes it messy.
Gahhhh. Midtermsssss. One on Thursday, another on next Tuesday. OTL Friggin' gahhhh.
Oh. So I read "Happy World" and GODDAMN. I loved it. @__@ A few things I would change here and there, but overall, it was just beautiful. OTL Even though a lot of themes I had for "Angel Bound" are similar, I came up with it before reading thisss. Dammit. Some things are too similar. *headpalm* Maybe I shouldn't have read it, I wouldn't feel eeugh about it then.
------------------------------------------------
...
People... are strange. I'm no exception, of course. But a lot of people... They really forget a lot of things... huh? It's like... they convince themselves of something completely false and are concrete in that way of thinking. That true memory is forever gone, and in its place is something horrible, something dark and bitter. Maybe I'm the worst person when it comes to this sin. I'm sure I've done it many times before, and also reversed. I can't turn back time.
You won't remember the good times, only what other people have convinced you of or what you've convinced yourself, huh? Prejudice... Judgment... Those laughs, those smiles, they're completely gone, aren't they? It's painful, still remembering these things. Sometimes I wish... I could just forget. If I could share that dark and bitter feeling instead, would I feel any pain? Freedom in sin. Blissful in ignorance. To envy that... Am I immoral? Or just a coward? Is it so wrong to want to live a lie?
You're... always telling me to man up. Is it childish to keep secrets? I try to extinguish my bitter grudges. I end up lonely. I feel too alone, all the time. Without hatred, I know I am not left with nothing. But why is it so difficult to let go?
Light... Where are you? Can I see you? Will you save me? Or... do I have to save myself? I'm weighing you down, I know.
My cup is frozen. Is it empty? Is it full? Is it broken? Is it whole? How many frozen fragments of the past remain? Can I have a refill? Please? I'm parched. Quite. With a cup as large as mine, maybe what a full cup is to you is only a sip for me. Is it wrong to be oversensitive, overdramatic, overemotional?
I could feel it. It was warming my insides, reaching the tips of my fingers and the softness of my cheeks. I want to find it again.
Can you...
Sister of pain, will you forgive me for abandoning you?
Sister of sorrow, will you forgive me for hating you?
Sister of heartbreak, will you forgive me for trapping you?
Sister of ignorance, will you forgive me for deceiving you?
Sister of loneliness, will you forgive me for denying you?
Sister of worry, will you forgive me for corroding you?
Sister of fear, will you forgive me for ignoring you?
If not... can you release me? The chains I drag with me... When my life flashes before me, can I see nothing?
I see. I've done it too. My happy memories... what have I done to too many of them? Warped, broken, missing. Well, I should just make new ones then... I'm always living in the past anyway...