Fate of an ANBU: chapter 25

[hatakeuminos]

Chapter 25

"...Hey."

The memorial stone stood in front of him, judgmental and silent as ever.

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. "I know it's been awhile. ...Sorry if I made you worry."

Still, the stone was silent.

He sighed. "Not talking, huh? I guess I made you angry, for not visiting for so long. Sorry. I shouldn't have made you guys wonder if I was hurt, or on a long mission. Well, it was neither. My last mission was three months ago, and I wasn't hurt. ...Too badly." He glanced down at the cast still on his wrist and chuckled quietly. "Okay, maybe I was. But that wasn't the reason I didn't visit." He fell silent and squatted in front of the stone in the darkness, eye going to three names he already knew were there even though the memorial looked like nothing more than a black, blank rock in the night. "Maa... this is hard for me to say. I'm sure you'll make fun of me for it, Obito. But... I haven't been well. Mentally."

Kakashi coughed and scratched the back of his neck. "It's what you were afraid of, Sensei. I really should've listened to you. But you guys don't have to worry- I quit ANBU. It's taken me ten years to see and understand your way of thinking, Minato-sensei, but I do now. The way they do things... it's not right. It may be efficient, productive, and help the village, but it's still not right. Although I'm afraid it may have taken me a little too long..." He looked away, to the ground, and sighed. "I'm sorry for what I did, Sensei. I am. As your last living student, I am a huge disappointment to your legacy and I'm sorry for the shame I've brought you." He bowed his head, staring sightlessly at the ground. "I killed someone. Many someones. More than I've ever killed on one mission before. Many of them, I killed for no reason except I was ordered to. I didn't know their names, and they were poor, homeless civilians. They had never harmed the village and had no way to do so in the future. There is no excuse for what I did. Nothing I can do will ever make up for it. ...I know that you can not forgive me, and it's stupid of me to even ask you to, but I do hope that one day... well, I hope that when I finally see you again, you'll still be waiting for me."

A cool, worthless breeze answered him. It could've meant anything, from him being irredeemable and hated to his old team telling him there was nothing to forgive.

Perhaps it was just a breeze.

Kakashi sighed quietly again.

"I know I shouldn't bother staying; you probably don't want to hear anything more from me. But I guess that's the benefit I get out of you guys being inanimate." He smiled with his eye, but it was forced. "Well, Minato-sensei, I'm about to follow in your footsteps. Not becoming Hokage, god, no; I'm going to become a jounin-sensei. Though I'm being forced into it, because apparently, I'm not 'mentally cleared' for jounin work yet." He made air quotes around the words and rolled his eyes at the memory of his meeting with the Hokage. "I don't know what they expect me to do. By the way they treat me, it's as if they think I'll go berserk on an A-rank and slaughter everybody in sight. Hmph. I'm bad off, but not that bad." Kakashi shifted so he was sitting more comfortably and rested his head in his hand, then looked back at the ground again. "...Iruka's walking on eggshells around me, a little, too. He doesn't mean to, and it's not as bad as the others, but I can tell he's worried. More than he should be. Oh, right- Iruka. You guys didn't know; he's been taking care of me since I got back from my mission. The way you did, Sensei, after my father and Rin. Would you believe he taught me how to cook? I'm getting pretty good at it." He smiled again. "He's really been a lifesaver, actually. I don't know how I would've made it through these past few months if it weren't for him..."

Kakashi trailed off into silence and shrugged. "He doesn't know I'm here," he muttered, changing topics. "I didn't tell Iruka. It's not like I have to ask his permission to leave the house, but I haven't done that much since my last mission, only a few times, but Iruka was with me the whole time, and it wasn't for that long. He would probably freak if he knew I were out here alone." Kakashi inhaled deeply, smiling at the cool, fresh air. "Oh, have I missed this."

Again, the stone stayed silent, but it felt a little less oppressive than it had at the beginning of the night. He smiled again. "Heh. Sensei, you'd probably reprimand me for being out all night just to talk to you guys. Rin, you would, too. I think you'd just be happy I was a rule-breaker, Obito. Well, sorry, but I couldn't sleep. I- I just had to come talk to you...Tell you what I did." He coughed again, distinctly uncomfortable, voice rough. "...Maa, but the sun will be rising soon, so I should go. Iruka would probably have a heart attack if he woke up to find me gone." He forced himself to stand, but found himself unable to move away.

Kakashi swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at the ground again. "I know I'm avoiding the issue. ...I wish you would talk to me. I know you're mad at me, but the silent treatment is cruel. If deserved." He clenched his fists, then closed his eye and nodded. "But it's okay, I get it; you're angry with me. ...Let me apologize again. I can never do it enough, but... Obito. I used your gift to kill the innocent. I'm sorry. I know that wasn't what you gave it to me for. I know that if you were in my place, you never would have killed them. I'm sorry. I know it's been years, but I'm still trying to learn everything you taught me. Rin. I'm still trying to learn from you, as well. I know you wouldn't have killed them, either. You liked to save people instead of kill them. But no matter how hard I try... every time, it ends up backfiring and all I do is cause harm. I'm sorry. You tried to teach me how to help people instead of hurt them, but I always, always fail." He closed his eye tighter and shuddered. "I'm so sorry. Please, kami-sama, help me learn what Rin tried to teach me before I hurt Iruka, too. I'm so sorry, Rin."

He cleared his throat, then turned slowly, almost hesitantly towards his sensei's name. He flinched at the dark anger and judgment he knew would be in Minato's usually kind eyes. And even worse than that, the disappointment. "...Minato-sensei. It's wrong for me to even ask your forgiveness for what I did, but I am anyway. You warned me about ANBU, about what it would do to me and what crimes they would force me to commit, but I didn't care. I thought nothing was worse than how I felt then, and that ANBU would help. I'm so, so sorry for not listening to you. None of you would have done what I did. I'm all that's left of this team and what am I? A murderer. A... a monster. I'm sorry, Sensei. I'm sorry that I'm all that's left of you three. I'm sorry you all died instead of me. I'm so sorry, for- for everything. I know you would be disappointed in me for turning out like this, I'm sorry you died and I'm the one that lived, and this is what I do with my life. I- I can't apologize enough. For everything that I've done. And I know that I have no place to ask you of anything, but please. Please, if you would just do one more thing for me- please... please be waiting for me when I finally die. I've wanted to see you all again for so long and I don't think I could handle it if you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, in the end. I love you. I want to see you again. Please, forgive me. Someday, somehow... forgive me."

Three days later

"Aaaand… the timer goes ding! And then… voila!" Kakashi set dinner on the table and beamed, kicking the oven shut. "Didn't make a single mistake. I think the cook deserves a kiss." He hurried on throughout the kitchen, grabbing the other dishes he had managed to prepare and setting them on the table as well. Everything was going perfectly for Iruka's birthday dinner/thank you for letting me stay here and mooch for forever/I swear I'll move out someday... Iruka had insisted that he didn't need to do anything, all with a smile- but Kakashi had insisted harder.

Yes, everything was going perfectly.

Except…

Were those voices out in the hallway?

Yes, multiple voices- multiple young, excited, high-pitched voices- the voices of-

Oh shit!

Kakashi scrambled to his feet, heart pounding in his ears as he took a frightened step forward before throwing himself backwards. "Oh, shit," he whispered, shaking hands frantically clenching and unclenching by his side. "Oh my god. Oh, god."

What were children doing here? What in the hell were children doing here?!

His heart was racing and he could barely breathe and he heard the children keep talking out in the hall, so many voices- god, there were so MANY of them!- and it took all of his control to keep his head at least somewhat together. He took another frantic breath and made himself listen, fueling extra Chakra to his ears and away from his eyes and nose. His other senses dimmed and then…

"We have to find a way to get in!"

"Hurry up, Shikamaru, pick the lock!"

"Stop jostling me or I'll drop the cake!"

"This surprise party is never going to work unless we get inside! Shikarmaru, hurrrrrrry!"

Surprise party? For Iruka… his students?!

Oh, GOD-

His right hand shook, his chidori hand, and suddenly all he could hear was that little girl's sobs ringing his ears, all he could feel was her heart in his fist, and all he knew was death.

Kakashi just barely managed to keep enough foresight to grab dinner, stashing the dishes on top of cabinets that would be far out of the kids' reach, and then he ran. He ran back to Iruka's bedroom, slammed the door, locked it forcefully before grabbing at the teacher's bed and shoving it up against the door, twisting it up vertically with just one hand. It would stop children from coming in, but, more importantly, it would stop him from getting out.

Not enough. He could still hear them. All the way from in here, he could still hear those children- and they weren't safe from him. He could kill them all without even trying, he remembered not even trying to kill her, that he had just blinked and she was dead. If he lost control here, then he could- no, it was too dangerous!

Leaving the apartment was far too risky; all those unknown dangers and possibilities- absolutely not. But how else could he get further away from those children and still stay in the apartment?

His eye alighted on the closet.

Iruka hummed tunelessly under his breath as he searched for his keys. His birthday was going relatively well and the day was only half over yet. His students had somehow heard it was his birthday and been extra nice- and excitable- all day, and he was going out with Izumo, Kotetsu, and Mizuki later, but for now? Well, no matter how much he had told Kakashi it really wasn't necessary, the jounin had promised he was going to cook dinner tonight to continue trying to make up for Iruka taking care of him these past three months. And Kakashi, genius that he was, just had to be good at everything- after Iruka had begun to teach him how to cook, the teacher had felt both slighted and surprised to find that Kakashi was almost better at it than he was.

If he had a recipe, that was.

Iruka opened his apartment door, an his first sign that something was wrong was that all the lights were out. He couldn't think of what Kakashi would be doing that would require the lights to be out, but it certainly required that he be cautious. He set his satchel down slowly and took a small step forward, half prepared for Kakashi to jump out from the darkness and scare the hell out of him.

He smiled slightly. Kakashi's recovery really had taken a turn for the better. Just a month ago, Kakashi never would've been capable to taking him by surprise like this. It really was good to see him getting better like this, each passing day-

"Surprise!"

Iruka's jaw dropped open in disbelief.

His whole class had been hiding in his apartment. All of them. They popped out from behind his couch and under his table and from around the corner, the lights flicking on as the whole class cheered out, waving their arms around and yelling wildly. He just stood there, rooted to the spot, staring at his class in amazement.

"Happy birthday, Iruka-sensei!"

He opened and shut his mouth several times, stammering in a failure to get anything out be incomprehensible sounds, then finally managed, "Y-you guys…"

The nearest child, Naruto, jumped up to grab onto his hand tightly and tugged him further into the apartment. "Iruka-sensei, we've got presents and cake and everything!"

Iruka numbly allowed himself to be pulled along to his kitchen, children swarming around him, all chattering excitedly. The noise almost hurt his ears and he had to be careful not to step on anyone, his beyond thrilled class bringing him into where a very large box was waiting for him- and around and underneath it, spilling out form the table onto the floor, were at least two dozen of garish, poorly wrapped presents. Most were misshapen and the paper was bunched up and wrinkled, held together with duck tape. He had never been more moved by anything in his life.

"I made the cake myself!" Chouji announced proudly, then scratched the back of his head and grinned sheepishly. "Well, Kaa-san helped me…"

"Oh my god… everyone…" Iruka didn't know if he could smile any brighter and he reached down to rest his hands on the heads of the two children closest. "I can't believe you all did this!"

There was a round of 'you totally deserve it, Iruka-sensei!' and 'you're the best teacher ever!' and 'we love you, Iruka-sensei!' and his smile stretched even more.

Then the oven caught his eye.

Why was it on?

None of the kids had any reason to use it. Besides, they were all eight and nine years old- he would be surprised if more than a few of them even knew how to turn it on. And it was unlikely it had happened by accident, because the majority were too short to just reach over and hit the button.

Unless…

Kakashi always forgets to turn it off after using it.

Iruka's blood ran cold.

Oh my god, Kakashi.

He looked around at the children surrounding him, no longer amazed, but horrified. Kakashi had not been in contact with one single child since that mission, but his few genjutsu sessions with Dari had proven that he could not handle being nearing them. Iruka had been very worried about how the jounin was going to handle working with him at the Academy.

And now, there were thirty one children crammed into his small apartment, children that Kakashi had had no advance warning about.

A cold, hard worry began to congeal in his gut. It was very unlikely Kakashi had left, but the situation wasn't good whether the jounin had managed to escape from here or not. He cast a worried look around before carefully rearranging his features in a still happy, pleased expression. With all the children staring up at him, he was able to form the seal for a shadow clone in his pocket and have it appear in the hallway, outside of the children's eyesight. He couldn't very well leave thirty one children in his apartment unintended, nor could he send them all home- that would crush them. Not after all the trouble they had went to.

But he had to find Kakashi.

Iruka's clone turned about silently, searching for any place Kakashi could be still in the apartment. He wasn't in the open, that was for sure, not with all these children here. That just left…

He twisted and crept without a sound back to his bedroom. The door was shut, and when he tried the knob, it was locked.

Found him!

Thank god.

Iruka pulled out the chain around his neck, freeing the key hidden beneath his shirt, and unlocked the door. Then he tried to open it, but it was much harder than it should have been- almost like there was a heavy obstruction in the way. Trying not to panic, he forced it open a few centimeters before poking his head around the small gap between the door and the wall. From what he could see…

Is that my bed barricading this door shut?

Iruka's fists clenched. He didn't know whether to be relieved that Kakashi had managed to get himself to a (somewhat) safe place or worried for him right now- right now, worry was definitely winning out.

He paused for a moment, shifting anxiously. He was strong enough to open the door with the bed in the way, but it would make a large crash, and with all those children in here, they would come storming into the bedroom. With Kakashi most likely in there, that would be one of the most disastrous outcomes possible.

After a few moments' hesitation, the prankster inside of Iruka made his presence known and years' worth of causing trouble paid off. He knew what he had to do. With another worried look over his shoulder, he dropped his vest to the floor and took off his shirt. Then he forced open the door just enough to fit his arm through and reached out to one of the legs of the bed. He fumbled for a few agonizing moments, struggling to tie one of his shirt sleeves around it, finally stumbling back when he succeeded. He gave the knot a firm tug to ensure it was strong enough, and then, satisfied, he began to gradually inch open the door- keeping a tight hold on his shirt all the while. It wasn't long before his muscles were straining, shaking from the effort of holding his heavy bed up in such a precarious position, and at one point he almost slipped and let himself and the bed go crashing to the door.

Come on… come on… just a little further… yes!

Iruka finally managed to sidle into his bedroom, catching his bed and lowering it silently to the floor with a tired but relieved sigh. He shut his door quietly, wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, then turned about the bedroom.

There was no one there.

What the… no, no. Kakashi had to be in here. Otherwise, there was no reason for Kakashi to have put the bed up against his door like that. So where-

He turned and found himself facing the closet.

It couldn't be. This was Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin- not a child. There was no way he was hiding in the closet. There was just no way.

Well, if Iruka had learned anything from living with Kakashi these past three months, it was that the man could have his childish moments. Phases. Pleasures.

What the hell, sometimes Iruka was convinced that Kakashi was really just a gigantic kid.

So the closet really wasn't so far a stretch, was it?

Iruka approached it silently. He hesitated, then raised his fist to knock. "Kakashi? Are you in there? It's Iruka."

There was no reply.

Biting his lip now, the teacher took a deep breath, then slowly slid back the door.

The sight in front of him made his heart throb painfully, and he wondered for a moment just how and when the jounin had learned to get under his skin and squeeze at his heart like this until it burst.

Kakashi was, indeed, hiding in the closet. He was sitting on the floor, backed into the corner, hunched over with his head pushed between his knees. His hands were interlocked behind his neck, fingers tightly laced together, but shaking all the same- in fact, his entire body was wracked with successive tremors, some so bad Iruka could hear his head knocking against his knees. All he could see of his head was a mass of silver hair, and all he could hear was ragged breathing and an occasional whimper.

Wait, that wasn't ragged breathing. There was a pattern to it- one quick inhale, and an exhale for twice as long as that. It seemed like Kakashi was really struggling to keep up the pattern to his breathing, and he recognized that pattern now, the pattern Iruka himself had been instructed to coach panicking children in.

Panicking children who so happened to be having an anxiety attack.

Iruka took a deep breath and cautiously knelt by Kakashi's side. He slowly rested a hand on one trembling knee, keeping it there even when the man flinched at the touch. "Kakashi," he called softly. "Kakashi, it's Iruka. Can you hear me?"

Kakashi answered in a gasped, pale imitation at talking that came out as just another strangled whimper. Iruka squeezed his knee and kept his voice low and comforting. "The kids are still here. I'm sorry. Can you handle that? Or do you need me to get them out of here?"

"H-h-handle it."

Iruka frowned. Kakashi's voice seemed to point to the exact opposite; it was shaking and cracked and broken and near terrified, but if Iruka had learned one thing these past three months, it was to trust Kakashi. Even when the jounin had been wrong about his recovery, learning that Iruka had gone against his wishes and not trusted him had always done more harm than the alternative.

So he nodded worriedly, then squeezed his knee again. "Okay. I promise that it won't be for long. I'll come get you when they're all gone. For now, just hold on and try to stay as calm as possible. None of them are going to come in here."

Kakashi managed to nod again, head still buried between his knees. He whimpered again, and Iruka bit his lip, squeezed his knee one last time, then withdrew. He looked down at the jounin in worry before sliding the door shut, then dispelled himself.

In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four.

Kakashi kept repeating that mantra in his head. He just had to keep breathing in time with that. If that was all he focused on, then he would be fine.

In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four.

He couldn't think about the children out there. He couldn't think about how there were exactly thirty one helpless children out there, sitting ducks just waiting for him to slaughter them, he couldn't think about how he'd killed her and she'd sobbed and begged him not to, he couldn't think about all of that blood and all of those dead bodies and all of those children out there.

He could not think about that.

In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four. In for two seconds, out for four.

Each breath brought with him the smell of Iruka. He was surrounded by Iruka's clothes, Iruka's things, Iruka's smell, and he relished when he inhaled it and it gave him something tangible to hold onto. Iruka was out there, too, and Iruka was kind and patient and had saved his life these past three months and he never, never wanted to hurt Iruka. He had to stay calm. For Iruka.

How much longer was he going to have to do this? Surely, a party thrown by thirty one children couldn't last that long. Most of them had homes and parents to get to. They couldn't stay here forever.

But Naruto- Naruto didn't have parents to get home to. And Naruto loved Iruka. What if Naruto wanted to stay for longer and he ended up having to hide here for the rest of the night and he lost control anyway and-

No, Iruka would never make him do that. Iruka knew that he was here; he wouldn't let Naruto stay that long. ...Right? Iruka wouldn't do that, right?

He had to believe that, because he didn't know if he would be able to handle this for much longer.

Some time had passed, Kakashi wasn't sure how much, when he heard an anomaly in the usual loud sounds of a children's party. The party was still clearly going on, if the happy voices and giggles were any indication, but now there was something else as well. It was very faint, quiet enough that if Kakashi hadn't toned his senses through years of training, he didn't think he would have noticed it. That faint sound was of someone breathing fast, in little pants and hiccups, and crying and whimpering- just outside Iruka's room.

And Kakashi would have just panicked right then and there- worse than he already was- if he hadn't recognized that voice. That wasn't just any of Iruka's students. That was...

Naruto.

His fists clenched even tighter, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. Those annoying little brats had probably been picking on him again, just like when he'd used to watch Iruka teach. And while Naruto could be unbelievably loud and annoying, he was still his sensei's son.

Kakashi balked at the thought of actually going out there and comforting Naruto- stupidest idea ever, that- and waited for Iruka to discover it and do something about it. But he could hear Iruka, and the teacher seemed to be involved with the rest of his birthday party, in the living room- nowhere near Naruto. He waited for at least three minutes but Iruka never gave any sign of moving closer to Naruto, of noticing his distress- and if Kakashi knew the other students, even if they saw Naruto crying, they would do nothing to help.

Which meant it was up to him.

To go out there.

Among all those other children.

But...

Kakashi took another deep breath and clenched shaking hands together. You are Hatake Kakashi. You are the youngest ever to graduate from the Academy. You were one of the youngest ANBU captains ever. You lived through the Kyuubi attack, the Third War, and survived against nearly a hundred missing nin with less than ten fighting with you. This is nothing. If you could handle all of that, then keeping calm in the presence of thirty one children is nothing.

This. Is. Nothing.

He took in another deep breath of Iruka's scent, heard Naruto cry again, and managed to pull himself upright. He could do this. This was nothing. He could handle it.

First step: get out of the closet. Easy enough. He took another deep breath and slid the door back, then took two steps outside. First step: complete.

Second step: get over to the bedroom door. A bit harder. Each step made him breathe harder, tremble worse, but he managed to make it only a little worse for wear. Kakashi leaned against the door heavily and closed his eye for a moment, panting. Second step: complete.

Third step: open the bedroom door.

Much harder.

"Okay, Kakashi," he muttered. "Nice and slow. Hand to knob, hand to knob. Damn it, stop shaking. Okay, hand is on knob. Now turn. ...Turn, damn it." He took another deep breath. If he went out there and saw all of those children- what if he hurt them? What if he killed them, like Rin and that girl? What if he-

Focus, you stupid idiot. You can control yourself for five minutes.

Not good enough. His hand was still shaking too much to open it.

He took another deep breath and there was Iruka's smell.

Iruka. Iruka... he said he trusted me. He said that he trusted me not to hurt anyone. I can't let him down. I'm strong enough to handle this.

He slowly turned the knob.

There was Naruto, right outside the door. He was curled up on the floor, one arm wrapped tightly around his knees, all that was visible of his head one spiky blond mop of hair. He was sniffling quietly and Kakashi almost flinched.

He took a moment to just breathe and stay calm, then slowly, as slowly as possible, knelt down by his side. He raised a hand to touch him, then snatched it back and curled it up close to his vest. Touching was bad and had a potential to harm. Speaking was safer.

"Naruto?"

The blond gasped at the voice and scrambled back a little. He looked up with defiant blue eyes and seemed caught between surprise, fear, pain, and anger. Kakashi just continued to kneel in the doorway, watching cautiously as Naruto backed away a little more and continued to stare at him. "W-who are you?"

His voice was tiny and shaking but one hand was clenched into a fist, and Kakashi still didn't move. "I am a... friend of Iruka's."

"How do you know my name?"

Kakashi found himself grateful for his mask; he didn't think his probably panicked expression would do the situation any good. "Uh... he speaks about you a lot. You are his favorite student, you know."

Naruto bit his lip and slowly smiled at that. It was a hesitant expression, and then he wiped at his eyes and looked up at him defiantly again. "I wasn't crying," he muttered, as if Kakashi had accused him of said action.

Kakashi managed to smile with his eye without faking it. "Of course you weren't. You just got dust in your eye."

Naruto blinked in surprise, but then he smiled weakly again and nodded. "...Y-yeah. Dust."

"But why are you over here alone? The others are over there, you know."

Naruto's face fell at the expression, and he looked away, jutting out his lower lip and blue eyes going angry. "...They don't want me there. One of them pushed me down, and I hit my wrist on something and it really hurts, and I came over here because I couldn't stop cr- got dust in my eye. I thought if I waited it would get better, but it's not."

"Hmm." Kakashi glanced at Naruto's wrist, frowning when he saw that it appeared to be a minor break. "Can I see it?"

Naruto frowned at him suspiciously. "...It's fine."

Kakashi paused, then held out his own casted wrist, the only visible injury left from his last mission. "You can look at mine if you want."

Naruto hesitated. He stayed still for a few moments, then slowly held out his injured wrist for Kakashi's inspection while curiously touching the jounin's cast with his other hand. Kakashi took a deep, calming breath as Naruto fiddled with his hand and he inspected Naruto's injury with practiced movements, doing everything he could to focus. Focus and not think about how small and breakable Naruto was, how the apartment was still full of children (NOISY children that weren't doing anything to help his attempt at ignorance), just focus.

Naruto's wrist was definitely broken, but it wasn't bad. In fact, as he watched... it seemed to be healing. When he probed at it with his Chakra, he could feel the bone shifting minutely.

What in the world...

Kyuubi. It has to be Kyuubi's influence.

"It's not broken," he announced softly, pulling his slightly shaking hand back. "It'll feel better soon, I think."

Naruto nodded slightly, but he seemed somewhat distracted by Kakashi's injury. Kakashi bit his lip when Naruto continued to touch him, ignoring how goosebumps rose under the boy's touch and he had to resist the urge to shiver. Just because Naruto was touching him didn't mean he was going to get hurt. His skin wasn't poisonous. Naruto could touch him and still be fine.

"What happened to your wrist?" Naruto asked, glancing up at him curiously. "Did somebody push you down, too?"

Kakashi smiled slightly under his mask in spite of himself. "No, I..." shattered it fighting for my life? Got it crushed by the enemy when I just refused to die? Will that do? "...tripped."

Naruto stared up at him. Kakashi felt his cheeks heat up when the boy giggled, seeming inordinately pleased by this new information. "You tripped?! But... but you're a ninja! How'd you trip?!"

Kakashi sighed. He tried to be nice, and look where it got him. "Okay, okay, very funny. It's hilarious, I know. Look, your wrist will probably be feeling better soon, so why don't you just go back and join the others?" He made to stand and retreat back into the bedroom, but Naruto grabbed at his hand and shook his head firmly.

"No!" he gasped, seeming not to notice how the jounin flinched the moment their hands made contact. "No way. Those other kids don't like me... I don't want to go back there. They'll just shove me down again. I want to stay here with you. Can I?"

"I..." Kakashi frowned at Naruto's eagerness. How could he say no to that face? "But..."

"Pleeeeease!"

"But..."

"Come on! Pleeeeeease? It'll be fun!"

Kakashi stared at the pleading child before him. When he just sat there and blinked, Naruto pouted, and Kakashi gave up with a sigh. "Oh, all right," he grumbled. "Fine." He got reluctantly to his feet and led Naruto inside Iruka's bedroom, shutting the door behind him. "But I'm no fun at parties. I still think you would enjoy yourself more with Iruka-sensei."

"I would," Naruto muttered under his breath, "if the others weren't here, too."

Kakashi could sympathize only too well. After his father's disgraceful mission and eventual suicide, but before Kakashi had made a name for himself, the others his age had treated him just like Naruto was being treated now. Of course, Kakashi had been far removed from those others- he had been a chuunin while the others were struggling as genins or in the Academy. He could hide behind his mask and almost entirely avoid them with his team.

Naruto, though... he had no mask to hide behind, no team who tried to understand him, and no skills he could use to separate himself from those who hated him.

Kakashi sighed quietly. He knew, without a doubt, that Minato wouldn't have wanted this for his only son.

Well, I'll try to pass on your lessons, Sensei.

"You know, Naruto, when I was your age, people didn't like me so much, either. My sensei gave me some advice. I know it sounds stupid, now, but he said to just not let them bother me. They didn't know me, so why should I care what they thought about me?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, sticking out his lower lip in a very definite pout. "Great advice, Ossan, but then I would have to ignore everybody."

Kakashi shrugged mildly as he sat back down Iruka's bed. He breathed easier now that he could keep his distance from Naruto and managed to smile. "What about Iruka?"

Naruto paused at that. "Well... maybe him. And then there's Teuchi-san. And his daughter. ...Oh yeah, and Old Man Hokage. ...And you. You seem nice. What's your name?" The blond bounced onto the bed to sit across from him cheerfully, ignoring how uncomfortable the motion seemed to make Kakashi.

The jounin shifted back uneasily. "Me? Oh, I'm... I'm nobody, I-"

"What's your name? What's your name, what's your name, come on, tell me!"

"I-"

"Please!"

"...But-"

"Come on come on come on come on-"

"Oh, all right!" Kakashi snapped, managing to get the blond to stay quiet for more than five seconds. "My name is Kakashi."

"Kakashi?" Naruto frowned, then scratched his head. "I... like... a scarecrow?"

At the beginning of Naruto's smirk, Kakashi just grinned. "Yes, fishcake. Like a scarecrow."

Iruka finally herded the last of the children out of his apartment into the waiting arms of their parents, then slumped in relief. "Finally," he muttered when the door was shut, rubbing a tired hand over his face. It had been a very nice gesture, by all of his students- he had had no idea he was so popular with them- but he hadn't exactly been able to fully enjoy it while he was still so worried about Kakashi.

But, all his students had left, now. He still had an hour to stay with Kakashi before he was supposed to meet up with his friends, and, worst case scenario, he could just call to cancel. He bit his lip and looked at the floor at the thought. He remembered how bad Kakashi had been earlier. The chances of him being able to calm down enough for Iruka to feel good about leaving him here alone were slim to none. Which was a shame, he had really been looking forward to spending time with his friends- he had barely seen them at all, these past three months.

He smiled wryly. Kakashi had no idea how much he really missed his friends. If the jounin discovered it, he had no doubt that Kakashi would do anything to get him out to see them, and that included pretending to be absolutely fine even if he was anything but.

Kakashi was really something else.

Iruka stopped in his tracks when he reached his bedroom door. He could just barely hear voices from in there. Not just Kakashi, but...

"Naruto!"

Iruka let out a gasp as he wrenched open his bedroom door, thoughts of the blond making Kakashi panic worse than he already was flooding through his brain and he was fully prepared to scold Naruto worse than he ever had- but... instead...

Naruto and Kakashi were sitting together on the bed. Naruto was facing the jounin, holding what looked like a tiny gray rabbit in his arms and petting his head, unaware of Iruka's entrance. Kakashi was sitting across from him, eye curved up in what Iruka recognized as his happy but nervous smile, hands clasped tightly together in his lap. Kakashi looked up at him and nodded slightly. He looked over the jounin carefully, but he didn't seem to be faking it. He seemed generally at ease, if a little nervous, and Iruka noticed he was a good several feet away from Naruto-

But he was so much more put together than the last time he had seen him Iruka had no idea what to do.

"Hello, Iruka," Kakashi called, and Naruto turned around before beaming up at him.

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei, you're friend is awesome! Look what he made to play with me!" He held out the rabbit, who winked up at him before transforming back into a Kakashi clone with a poof. Naruto gave a muffled squawk as he found himself abruptly holding a man about four times his size and was smothered underneath him, and the clone stood and ruffled his hair lightly with a smile.

"Maa, I'm sorry, Naruto-kun."

"You! You did that on purpose!"

Iruka stared in disbelief as Naruto tried to tackle the clone, and he just stepped smoothly out of the way while the original leaned back on the bed and watched in amusement. "Naruto here got bored with the others," the original explained as the blond continued to chase the clone. "He found me and insisted I entertain him."

Iruka suspected there was more to that story- a lot more to it- but all he could process right now was the way Kakashi was able to be so relaxed when, just two hours ago, the mere thought of being near children had had him having a panic attack. Wow. I can't believe this. Kakashi is always full of surprises, but this? ...Again, wow.

And as Iruka just stood there and stared in numb amazement, the idea occurred to him that he wanted nothing more than to pick up Kakashi, and hug him, then rip down his stupid mask and kiss him, and then say how proud he was of him, and then-

What.

What did I just think.

Did I just think...

The stupid part of his head continued to stare and mused thoughtfully about one silver-haired jounin, Wow. He is pretty handsome. And then Iruka wanted to reach into his head and pull all the stupid out, because that was absolutely not! what he should be thinking right now.

Iruka opened and shut his mouth and gasped like a goldfish out of water. Did he want- no, that was ridiculous, he didn't want anything at all, except it was very sweet and strong of Kakashi to be able to play with Naruto like this and god did he look nice without his uniform vest, and Kakashi wasn't all bad, he could be funny when he wanted to, funny and thoughtful and compassionate and kind and oh his clone looked cute with his hair all mussed and eye curved up happily and-

"Iruka-sensei? Are you okay? Why's your face all red? ...Iruka-sensei?"