once upon a time
i used to be a DAMN FUCKING GOOD bottom. i was so good, in fact, that i wrote an article on how to be a damn fucking good bottom. and forgot about it.
article came up over dinner at filigos with jene and julia a couple months back. jene especially was interested in what all i had had to say back when i was a young hot thing (imagine), but i had a hard time remembering what all i had written about.
found the article. so, this is for all you bottoms, all you skeptics, and most of all for jene and julia. i think it's circa 2001.
Where Credit Is Do: The Art Of Being A Dyke Bottom.
So, there’s this big piñata of a myth about bottoms that’s been going around for as long as I have been one, and I would like to take this opportunity to crack it open with the baseball bat of my words. Here goes…
Bottoms are not lazy. We are not teases, we are not selfish, and we are not sexually spoiled brats. There is an art to being a competent bottom. We work hard to make sex enjoyable for our tops.
Good, now that i’ve gotten that off my chest I could really just stop writing. However, I am going to do a short layout of some of the vast responsibilities of the bottom, both for all the skeptics who think I am full of shit and as a bonus for the great numbers of bottoms who didn’t know until just a short minute ago that they were supposed to do anything other than lie there and receive.
There are a few basic concepts to being a good bottom. A hellfire of a bottom will have a basic knowledge of her top, the ability to be responsive through submissive movement, she will be able to subliminally direct your lover, and, maybe most important, she will be uninhibited and free of hang-ups.
Basic Knowledge Of Top.
Most good bottoms have above average senses of intuition and curiosity. These are attributes when it comes to knowing what your top wants. Is she into pain? Noise? Power play and bondage? Dirty words? What turns her on? In order to be even halfway competent in bed, you have to be knowledgeable and confident that you can make her incredibly hot. Find out what goes on in her dirty little mind by whatever means you can, and incorporate her fetishes to the best of your ability.
Responding With Submissive Movement.
This concept can be difficult to grasp if you are not a bottom. What it means is that a good bottom should be able to perceive the way in which her lover wants her to shift position (because we all know the tops are running the show…at least we let them think they are) by the most subtle of cues. What it looks like is this: lets say yer top has your ass pinned to the sheets by means of her palm pressed against your hipbone. Let’s say that suddenly you feel even a slight release of pressure from her hand. This should automatically draw your pelvis up a notch or two, because this is where your top wants you. A slow brush of her fingertips along the side of your torso should send you into a slow, smooth roll onto which ever side of your body she is not touching, and if she continues her fingers over any part of yer back or butt, just go ahead and let the roll send you seamlessly flat on your stomach. Your top wants to hit you from behind.
The idea is sort of like magnetism. If she’s touching or trying to touch a part of your body, you should make that specific part of your body as accessible as is humanly possible as seamlessly and dramatically as you can. Learn and practice this skill. It becomes innate.
Subliminal Direction.
Now, depending on what kind of power dynamics are at work between you and your top, subliminal direction and responsive movement may be used together or on and either/or kind of basis. If your top is calling all the shots (if you’re cuffed, gagged, blindfolded or otherwise restrained, this is a good indication that your top is doing just this), you don’t have a ton of say in where she touches you or kisses you or whatever. (And if your top gets off on this and you have no serious objections, let her cuff and gag you all she wants--she deserves it.) If there’s no power play going on, then you get to give her some direction as far as what you want. The best way to do this is to not say anything. Tops generally don’t like to be told what to do because it gets in the way of their ego trips.
Take the concept of submissive movement and reshape it a little bit. If you’re supposed to take whatever part of you she wants to be all over and put it right there so she can have at it, then it follows that if you want her to be all over a particular part of your body, you should put it right there so she can have at it.
Now, before any of you bottoms eureka! yourselves into bed to try this out right now, finish reading the damn article, because there’s more to it than that. Remember the emphasis on seamless? Sometimes we bottoms have to be patient as we slowly lead our tops right where we want them. We have to maneuver ourselves smoothly into position without letting our tops know we are taking any control from them. And when we finally get them there, we have to make it very obvious (without making it obvious that we’re making it obvious) that our lovely top has hit the jackpot. This way, she’ll know that she’s doing something amazing and she’ll be sure to do more of it, which is just what we wanted all along. The added bonus here is that she'll think she discovered this trick all on her own. She’ll feel powerful and power probably turns her on. All of a sudden she’s begging to fuck you. Go ahead. Collect your reward, you fabulous bottom you. You earned it.
Why You Must Leave Your Inhibitions At The Door.
If your top is sleeping with you, it’s because she wants to sleep with you. I’m not saying she’s in love with you or even that she’ll want to sleep with you again (although an accomplished bottom will coax a top back time after time). What I am saying is that, unless there’s some pityfucking going on, of all the things she could possibly do with her day, she chose to be on top of you.
In the same regard, if she chooses to kiss you or touch you or stick something in you or whatever the case may be, it’s because she wants to. If you have any hang ups about your body or any specific part of it, my advice is to shed it right along with your cloths. You think your feet smell and are ugly? If she’s sucking on your toes it obviously doesn’t bother her, and it probably feels pretty good to you. You never quite made amends with that ghetto bootie of yours after puberty? If her hands are all over it, she thinks it’s sexy, so ease up off her about it.
Uninhibited lovers are the best kind. If you can’t just take my word on this, sleep around and get back to me. You’ll be convinced soon enough.
A Few Words About Toys.
Toys are great, in my opinion, and whatever fits is game as long as there are condoms and lube in reach (very good bottoms keep these on their person for such occasions). The top generally calls the toy shots; if she whips one out and you have no major objections, well, there you go. Once you are seasoned with toys, however, you will get to have a deeper understanding of measurement than you ever thought you would (unless you were already a cabinet-maker or something). Suddenly the difference between 1 3/8 inch in diameter and 1 1/2 inch in diameter means the difference between a pleasurable sexual experience and the virtual carnage of your vagina. Learn to recognize what will fit and what will not by sight and at a moment’s notice. If yer ambitious top pulls out a dildo that looks a little to large to swallow (ahem) or, on the flipside, a little to small to do any kind of good at all, it is to the advantage of the seasoned bottom to have a suitable alternative ready to go.
If no one told you to be prepared for this kind of situation and all your toys are at your apartment across town, you have a couple of options. You are not expected to endure a toy that will cause you unpleasurable pain no matter how much your top wants to use her new industrial sized strap on on you. Your best course of action is to very quickly scan the scene for something more size-appropriate. Lotion and shampoo bottles will work if they are shaped right, even a condom-wrapped banana may be a viable alternative. Look up at your top before she starts trying to cram her plaything of choice between your legs, and say, as coyly as you can, “you know what really makes me hot? Found objects. Why don’t you throw a condom on that spray deodorant can and see what you can do with that.” She should go right along with you if she thinks she has a better chance of getting you off with the $4.99 deodorant than with the $80 dildo.
If your frantic (although not obviously frantic, of course) search for an alternative wand comes up empty, you will have to distract your lover by some other means. Suggest whipped cream, hot wax, that ratty feather duster you saw in the corner, whatever. Use the same you-know-what-really-gets-me-hot approach and hope that she bites. As a last resort, you’ll just have to come clean and ask if she has anything smaller. This will, in some cases, ruin the mood, but if you’ve tried your damnedest to interest her in something else and she hasn’t followed your lead, it’s her own damn fault.
One last toy note: you may want to clue her in about the size incompatibility after the sex is through if you plan on sleeping with her ever again. If she likes the toy, she’ll stop but nothing to stick it to you, and you will get very tired of distracting her day in and day out, not to mention the fact that she will eventually catch on. Just say, “that toy is really awesome, but it’s really big. We make have to work up to it.” Throw in a wink or a raise of your eyebrows, and she will be running to her toy store of choice to get something smaller at her earliest convenience, and you will be reaping the benefits at yours.
article came up over dinner at filigos with jene and julia a couple months back. jene especially was interested in what all i had had to say back when i was a young hot thing (imagine), but i had a hard time remembering what all i had written about.
found the article. so, this is for all you bottoms, all you skeptics, and most of all for jene and julia. i think it's circa 2001.
Where Credit Is Do: The Art Of Being A Dyke Bottom.
So, there’s this big piñata of a myth about bottoms that’s been going around for as long as I have been one, and I would like to take this opportunity to crack it open with the baseball bat of my words. Here goes…
Bottoms are not lazy. We are not teases, we are not selfish, and we are not sexually spoiled brats. There is an art to being a competent bottom. We work hard to make sex enjoyable for our tops.
Good, now that i’ve gotten that off my chest I could really just stop writing. However, I am going to do a short layout of some of the vast responsibilities of the bottom, both for all the skeptics who think I am full of shit and as a bonus for the great numbers of bottoms who didn’t know until just a short minute ago that they were supposed to do anything other than lie there and receive.
There are a few basic concepts to being a good bottom. A hellfire of a bottom will have a basic knowledge of her top, the ability to be responsive through submissive movement, she will be able to subliminally direct your lover, and, maybe most important, she will be uninhibited and free of hang-ups.
Basic Knowledge Of Top.
Most good bottoms have above average senses of intuition and curiosity. These are attributes when it comes to knowing what your top wants. Is she into pain? Noise? Power play and bondage? Dirty words? What turns her on? In order to be even halfway competent in bed, you have to be knowledgeable and confident that you can make her incredibly hot. Find out what goes on in her dirty little mind by whatever means you can, and incorporate her fetishes to the best of your ability.
Responding With Submissive Movement.
This concept can be difficult to grasp if you are not a bottom. What it means is that a good bottom should be able to perceive the way in which her lover wants her to shift position (because we all know the tops are running the show…at least we let them think they are) by the most subtle of cues. What it looks like is this: lets say yer top has your ass pinned to the sheets by means of her palm pressed against your hipbone. Let’s say that suddenly you feel even a slight release of pressure from her hand. This should automatically draw your pelvis up a notch or two, because this is where your top wants you. A slow brush of her fingertips along the side of your torso should send you into a slow, smooth roll onto which ever side of your body she is not touching, and if she continues her fingers over any part of yer back or butt, just go ahead and let the roll send you seamlessly flat on your stomach. Your top wants to hit you from behind.
The idea is sort of like magnetism. If she’s touching or trying to touch a part of your body, you should make that specific part of your body as accessible as is humanly possible as seamlessly and dramatically as you can. Learn and practice this skill. It becomes innate.
Subliminal Direction.
Now, depending on what kind of power dynamics are at work between you and your top, subliminal direction and responsive movement may be used together or on and either/or kind of basis. If your top is calling all the shots (if you’re cuffed, gagged, blindfolded or otherwise restrained, this is a good indication that your top is doing just this), you don’t have a ton of say in where she touches you or kisses you or whatever. (And if your top gets off on this and you have no serious objections, let her cuff and gag you all she wants--she deserves it.) If there’s no power play going on, then you get to give her some direction as far as what you want. The best way to do this is to not say anything. Tops generally don’t like to be told what to do because it gets in the way of their ego trips.
Take the concept of submissive movement and reshape it a little bit. If you’re supposed to take whatever part of you she wants to be all over and put it right there so she can have at it, then it follows that if you want her to be all over a particular part of your body, you should put it right there so she can have at it.
Now, before any of you bottoms eureka! yourselves into bed to try this out right now, finish reading the damn article, because there’s more to it than that. Remember the emphasis on seamless? Sometimes we bottoms have to be patient as we slowly lead our tops right where we want them. We have to maneuver ourselves smoothly into position without letting our tops know we are taking any control from them. And when we finally get them there, we have to make it very obvious (without making it obvious that we’re making it obvious) that our lovely top has hit the jackpot. This way, she’ll know that she’s doing something amazing and she’ll be sure to do more of it, which is just what we wanted all along. The added bonus here is that she'll think she discovered this trick all on her own. She’ll feel powerful and power probably turns her on. All of a sudden she’s begging to fuck you. Go ahead. Collect your reward, you fabulous bottom you. You earned it.
Why You Must Leave Your Inhibitions At The Door.
If your top is sleeping with you, it’s because she wants to sleep with you. I’m not saying she’s in love with you or even that she’ll want to sleep with you again (although an accomplished bottom will coax a top back time after time). What I am saying is that, unless there’s some pityfucking going on, of all the things she could possibly do with her day, she chose to be on top of you.
In the same regard, if she chooses to kiss you or touch you or stick something in you or whatever the case may be, it’s because she wants to. If you have any hang ups about your body or any specific part of it, my advice is to shed it right along with your cloths. You think your feet smell and are ugly? If she’s sucking on your toes it obviously doesn’t bother her, and it probably feels pretty good to you. You never quite made amends with that ghetto bootie of yours after puberty? If her hands are all over it, she thinks it’s sexy, so ease up off her about it.
Uninhibited lovers are the best kind. If you can’t just take my word on this, sleep around and get back to me. You’ll be convinced soon enough.
A Few Words About Toys.
Toys are great, in my opinion, and whatever fits is game as long as there are condoms and lube in reach (very good bottoms keep these on their person for such occasions). The top generally calls the toy shots; if she whips one out and you have no major objections, well, there you go. Once you are seasoned with toys, however, you will get to have a deeper understanding of measurement than you ever thought you would (unless you were already a cabinet-maker or something). Suddenly the difference between 1 3/8 inch in diameter and 1 1/2 inch in diameter means the difference between a pleasurable sexual experience and the virtual carnage of your vagina. Learn to recognize what will fit and what will not by sight and at a moment’s notice. If yer ambitious top pulls out a dildo that looks a little to large to swallow (ahem) or, on the flipside, a little to small to do any kind of good at all, it is to the advantage of the seasoned bottom to have a suitable alternative ready to go.
If no one told you to be prepared for this kind of situation and all your toys are at your apartment across town, you have a couple of options. You are not expected to endure a toy that will cause you unpleasurable pain no matter how much your top wants to use her new industrial sized strap on on you. Your best course of action is to very quickly scan the scene for something more size-appropriate. Lotion and shampoo bottles will work if they are shaped right, even a condom-wrapped banana may be a viable alternative. Look up at your top before she starts trying to cram her plaything of choice between your legs, and say, as coyly as you can, “you know what really makes me hot? Found objects. Why don’t you throw a condom on that spray deodorant can and see what you can do with that.” She should go right along with you if she thinks she has a better chance of getting you off with the $4.99 deodorant than with the $80 dildo.
If your frantic (although not obviously frantic, of course) search for an alternative wand comes up empty, you will have to distract your lover by some other means. Suggest whipped cream, hot wax, that ratty feather duster you saw in the corner, whatever. Use the same you-know-what-really-gets-me-hot approach and hope that she bites. As a last resort, you’ll just have to come clean and ask if she has anything smaller. This will, in some cases, ruin the mood, but if you’ve tried your damnedest to interest her in something else and she hasn’t followed your lead, it’s her own damn fault.
One last toy note: you may want to clue her in about the size incompatibility after the sex is through if you plan on sleeping with her ever again. If she likes the toy, she’ll stop but nothing to stick it to you, and you will get very tired of distracting her day in and day out, not to mention the fact that she will eventually catch on. Just say, “that toy is really awesome, but it’s really big. We make have to work up to it.” Throw in a wink or a raise of your eyebrows, and she will be running to her toy store of choice to get something smaller at her earliest convenience, and you will be reaping the benefits at yours.