Dealing with Anxiety...
This summer has been a very stressful one. Sure there have been some good times (mostly just any time spent with my boyfriend), but my stress level has gotten so high that it just takes a small relapsed issue to get me bursting into tears, hyperventilating, and on some occasions even getting sick.
One of the biggest issues has been my parents' treatment of me since I moved back home after graduating from college. The plan was for me to continue working while applying for teaching jobs so I could save up money for an apartment, living expenses, and students loans without having to worry about things like rent and groceries for a a little. I've been working about 35-40 hours every week at the summer job I've had since I started school, so I've really been trying to save as much as I can. The problem came in where I wasn't getting responses from one of my requested recommendation letter writers.
My dad and mom would ask at least every few days, "Did you hear from him? Did you call him? Email him again." and then they'd start to yell about how I was letting him screw me over, even though I had no other legitimate options for writers. I'd ask to go to my boyfriend's house in the morning, or to go out to dinner with friends after work, and my parents would ask about the letter. Soon every day became "you're not leaving this house until you get in solid contact with him." The man was out of town for over a month and I was the one being harassed. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to even leave my room or communicate with my parents in any way in order to avoid the subject. And to top it off they gave me a curfew of midnight. MIDNIGHT! A curfew of any kind is ridiculous for a grown adult out of college, let alone the same one as my 17-year-old sister. The number of times that rule has ruined moments, screwed me out of seeing people, and embarrassed me completely is out of hand... Between those two issues, I can't even count the number of times I fell asleep crying.
But finally, I received my last recommendation letter and I attached it to my waiting applications. Then anxiety started to kick in again full-force when I realized that if I were hired now, I would barely have a few weeks to prepare for the school year- an intensely stressful feat. I was told to suck it up and "not to think about it", as if I wasn't having hyperventilation attacks, chest tightness, and emotional breakdowns left and right. When I was finally able to calm down enough to fill out some applications, I happily thought the badgering would finally end. WRONG.
Every day then became "How many apps did you send it? You can leave after you've finished five more. You need to get your priorities straight. There are over 800 districts in the state and you've barely made a dent." Seriously, THAT is what I'm dealing with. If it weren't for financial issues, I would move out right now because I really can't deal with this much longer.
On top of all that, I also have the following worries/sources of anxiety:
- my boyfriend (first really serious relationship I've ever had) is going to school in a few weeks, 4 hours away
- I am being constantly told to "see a shrink" and a gyno by my friends
- my anxiety is starting to annoy some of my friends (even some of the ones that I go to the most), and I'm worried that it will eventually run down my boyfriend emotionally and he'll either become upset and/or break up with me because I'm such a mess (almost all the time as of late...)
- I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to researching psch help or gynecology appointments
- I'm working so much that I feel like I hardly have time for anything else, but I can't cut back on hours because I need money
- I'm scared that I'm going to mentally detach myself from my boyfriend when he's at school because I don't get to see him at least a couple times a week like I do now
- I didn't win a karaoke contest that I thought I had in the bag. It was a major blow to my self-confidence and belief in my singing ability.
- my sister continues to get into huge fights with my parents about anything and everything. My dad also has paranoid rants about her behavior that just make me angry
I need professional help.
One of the biggest issues has been my parents' treatment of me since I moved back home after graduating from college. The plan was for me to continue working while applying for teaching jobs so I could save up money for an apartment, living expenses, and students loans without having to worry about things like rent and groceries for a a little. I've been working about 35-40 hours every week at the summer job I've had since I started school, so I've really been trying to save as much as I can. The problem came in where I wasn't getting responses from one of my requested recommendation letter writers.
My dad and mom would ask at least every few days, "Did you hear from him? Did you call him? Email him again." and then they'd start to yell about how I was letting him screw me over, even though I had no other legitimate options for writers. I'd ask to go to my boyfriend's house in the morning, or to go out to dinner with friends after work, and my parents would ask about the letter. Soon every day became "you're not leaving this house until you get in solid contact with him." The man was out of town for over a month and I was the one being harassed. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to even leave my room or communicate with my parents in any way in order to avoid the subject. And to top it off they gave me a curfew of midnight. MIDNIGHT! A curfew of any kind is ridiculous for a grown adult out of college, let alone the same one as my 17-year-old sister. The number of times that rule has ruined moments, screwed me out of seeing people, and embarrassed me completely is out of hand... Between those two issues, I can't even count the number of times I fell asleep crying.
But finally, I received my last recommendation letter and I attached it to my waiting applications. Then anxiety started to kick in again full-force when I realized that if I were hired now, I would barely have a few weeks to prepare for the school year- an intensely stressful feat. I was told to suck it up and "not to think about it", as if I wasn't having hyperventilation attacks, chest tightness, and emotional breakdowns left and right. When I was finally able to calm down enough to fill out some applications, I happily thought the badgering would finally end. WRONG.
Every day then became "How many apps did you send it? You can leave after you've finished five more. You need to get your priorities straight. There are over 800 districts in the state and you've barely made a dent." Seriously, THAT is what I'm dealing with. If it weren't for financial issues, I would move out right now because I really can't deal with this much longer.
On top of all that, I also have the following worries/sources of anxiety:
- my boyfriend (first really serious relationship I've ever had) is going to school in a few weeks, 4 hours away
- I am being constantly told to "see a shrink" and a gyno by my friends
- my anxiety is starting to annoy some of my friends (even some of the ones that I go to the most), and I'm worried that it will eventually run down my boyfriend emotionally and he'll either become upset and/or break up with me because I'm such a mess (almost all the time as of late...)
- I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to researching psch help or gynecology appointments
- I'm working so much that I feel like I hardly have time for anything else, but I can't cut back on hours because I need money
- I'm scared that I'm going to mentally detach myself from my boyfriend when he's at school because I don't get to see him at least a couple times a week like I do now
- I didn't win a karaoke contest that I thought I had in the bag. It was a major blow to my self-confidence and belief in my singing ability.
- my sister continues to get into huge fights with my parents about anything and everything. My dad also has paranoid rants about her behavior that just make me angry
I need professional help.