magical thinking

[hauscat]

It's finally warm enough to rain and the rain is melting the ice on the ponds and carving a hole in the center while submerging the rest so that the surface shines white, opalescent.  Through the hole I extricated two of our dead koi, a shimmering white male with an orange stripe along its side, and, the first to go, a plump persimmon-colored

Comments

[sakuramab]

You are my favourite livejournal writer. I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.

[hauscat]

Thank you for your supportive words. The sun is out today and it is melting the ice and I know the winter and all of this will pass.

xo

[hauscat]

Thank you for your supportive words. The sun is out today and it is melting the ice and I know the winter and all of this will pass.

xo

[handstil]

:( I'm really sorry to hear about your baby. I had a miscarriage right before Elias was conceived and I will think about that baby forever, it's a much bigger deal than anyone can know unless they've lived through it, I feel.

Are you planning to try to conceive another baby soon?

and also: HI!

[hauscat]

You're right - I don't think that anyone can understand unless they have been through it. It's horribly, horribly sad, and it doesn't go away.

We stopped trying for now - my pain is too fresh and the disappoint is too severe. If and when it happens, and if the next baby lives, I want it to come from a place of happiness, and not whatever this is.

Hi back! Thank you for sharing your experience with me - it helps so much to know that other people have gone through this and been successful.