Speechless - Prologue, 1/3
Love was irrational. Nick knew that, and Nick never wanted to love. Never wanted to hurt. Nick just wanted to be. The rest of the emotions could be thrown out the window, 'cause even though all Nick knew nowadays was pain, and hurt, and purple spots on multiple parts of his body, Nick didn't want anything else. He was addicted to the pain, the pain that kept his mind off other things, the pain that kept him more than occupied. Nick didn't care anymore, he felt like he was done, maybe even more than that. Nick never wanted to love, because he never wanted to hurt that way anymore, the only pain he thought he needed was the physical pain inflicted upon him almost everyday and any day. That pain? Those marks? Where just more secrets he bore to himself, secrets he meant to share with somebody some day, possibly the one person who first began to take notice of Nick's apparent "change", but secrets that if he didn't share, he'd take to the grave. And to the grave was where he was headed.
Quickly taking in the events that had happened that day, Nick felt dizzy. Not knowing what to do or say, only to cry. His best friend, another person who loved him unconditionally, lost. Nick felt like such a jerk. How could he keep doing this to himself, why!? Why? What a fucking stupid question. Nick already knew the answer, and with that, he slept.
**
A few months before-
Nick had just gotten dressed, spraying cologne on him while Joe was on the bed, writing some stuff down. Nick had been anticipating this moment all day, he couldn't wait until he saw his boyfriend.
"Your covering for me tonight, right?"
"Yeah," Joe said, sighing. Joe really didn't want to, but he'd do just about anything for Nick. He was still having trouble accepting Nick's "boyfriend" because of what had happened the first time he met him... the memory still fresh in his mind."I don't know what you see in him, Nicky," "He's sort of cute and all, but he's nothing like you-" and with that he added "You could do so much better, men who actually look at you like they love you, not like your their prey." and Joe really did think that. He didn't mean to be harsh, but he really wanted his brother to open his eyes. "Do you really love him, and does he really do to you too?" and with that, Joe retreated.
"You don't know shit. He loves me," trying to finish off doing his hair, Nick sent Joe a look that drew forth a threat of tears up in Joe's eyes. "I actually do know, from what I see," Joe said, continuing "He has anger issues Nick, you know it, we all witnessed how he yelled at Kevin for just asking him a few questions- and we all just want whats best for you," All Joe wanted was his Nick. The beautiful, loving, caring, and smart brother he had. Now, all he's left with is an empty pillow most nights, waiting but failed attempts to stay up until Nick got home. Nick had changed, became more sneakier. He'd get home before curfew, make sure his parents where in bed, and would sneek off again to reunite with his boyfriend for the night and return before dawn. But Nick didn't reply, he seemed to be in deep thoughts.
This Nick was more uptight. Not allowing many people to touch him, as if he was in pain when they did. He was odd. He'd limp sometimes from the night before or after coming from Taylor's. He was a bit paler, coming home sometimes with frowns etched on his face. All Joe wanted was to see his brother again. Not the sneaky ass bastard who just learned how to swear. "Nicky, you've changed a lot, he's changed you a lot Nicky. I don't like him, can you please trust me?" Nick just glared at Joe, taken aback. Maybe Joe was right, Nick thought. No, he knows nothing about the relationship between him and Taylor.
Just then, a horn beeped outside. Taylor. "I've got to go, how do I look?" Joe looked at Nick with a frown, nodded and said "Beautiful, Nicky, just beautiful," Joe said, "Really?" Joe snorted, how could Nick ever ask a question like that, it baffled Joe. Nick was such a beautiful person. "Yeah, you always do, Nicky. You're incredible in every aspect," and with a quick smile Joe retreated to writing in his book. "Joe, I love you, you know that?" Nick looked at Joe, desperately trying to let his brother know that he loves him, mad or not. Joe looked at him, looking a little bit hurt, with a strong but not strong enough poker face put on.
He nodded, muttered an I love you, and forced a fake smile. Nick didn't see what the big deal was. But as usual as it had been for a few months, Nick ignored him.
Outside, once Nick hopped into Taylor's car, he smiled. "Hi babe-" and stopped, he knew tonight wasn't going to be another good one. His 2 date streak of happiness had just expired. "Took you mother fucking long enough," Taylor roared out. His eye brows furrowed. Nick knew it had only been a minute, but for Taylor, that was a minute too long. "S-Sorry babe," he stuttered, "Won't happen again," and as Taylor pulled out of the driveway, Nick saw Joe retreat out of the window. What did he see? He wondered. Taylor had only yelled, but...
Once they where a safe distance from the house, Taylor eyed the street, turn't around, and smacked Nick right across the face. "That'll fucking teach you," and with that, he grunted. Nick just teared only a little. His face stinging. He had to think of an excuse for when he got home. This time, Taylor was a bit reckless. He didn't blame him; he must've had a bad day at work, that's all. And Nick was always going to be here to help him relieve that stress. He was in love, or so he thought. If they had sex tonight, he knew he'd pay a whole lot more than he would've on a happy day. He loves Taylor a lot more on those happy days, and he knows Taylor loves him too. Too bad there weren't many of those. Eh.
Taylor turned over, once he pulled at a stop light and said "You know I love you baby, right?" and Nick nodded, not hesitating. It was usually always like this. And Nick, being the idiot he was, always forgave Taylor. Taylor was his first boyfriend, and Nick just had no other choices. No alternatives. Nothing.
Pulling up to Taylor's house, Nick unbuckled his seat belt. Taylor rushing, was ahead of him. Nick tried to hurry, cause if that door slammed shut before Nick reached it, he'd be stuck outside, and no way inside, and no way home. Barely making it, Taylor looked at him with disgust, and pointed upstairs. Heading towards the Empty Room with only an air bed on the floor (Nick was street filth that wasn't worthy of being in any of the rooms upstairs.) And with that, Nick obeyed, came into the room, and sat still on the king size air bed, obeying his boyfriends orders. Because that's just how things where in relationships, right? One obeyed the other???
***
As Nick waited for Taylor to come up, he sat on the bed, silently listening downstairs. There was a lot of movement, Nick didn't know what Taylor was doing, but he didn't have the mind to care.
Just then his cell began beeping silently twice, then vibrating. It was Joe. As Nick checked his cell phone, it was a text.
"Mom and Dad are home, told them your at friends, didn't say who. Their pissed. GTF over here!"
Nick looked at it shocked. His parents weren't supposed to be home for another 3 hours! He put his cell phone away, still waiting, but a feeling in his stomach clenching. He's anxious. As he heard Taylor come up stairs, he felt relieved. Maybe Taylor would understand. Nick wasn't allowed to do anything but sit still up here, unless given permission, he knew he'd have to pay for disobeying, but hoped otherwise. "Babe- ugh, I have to go," and Taylor just looked at him like he was crazy. "Why?" , "Joe texted me, my parents are home, and I'll get grounded," and with that, Taylors face lit up in fury. Nick was the spark, and Taylor's anger was the fire.
He took Nick by the neck and threw him across the bed, punching him in the gut while at it. "You stupid bitch, what did I tell you?" "Where's your fucking cell phone?" and he held his hand out, and Nick obeyed. Did he have a choice? Nicks chest hurt, and he knew there where some type of marks on his neck, because Taylor was looking right at them, touching his neck. "You see what you made me do?" Taylor muttered, and Nick said "I'm sorry Tay, it won't happen again," "Promise," Nick added. He didn't want to worry about the marks, but about setting Taylor off again.
"Just listen. That's all I ask. Is that so hard?" and he put Nick's cell phone on the floor. "You know the drill, lay down," , "On your stomach," he added. Obeying, Nick did exactly. He knew the position Taylor had wanted him in too. A quick warm up, then doggy style. Nick had pulled his pants down, kicking them off, and removing his shirt, just as Taylor had been removing his own clothes too. As Taylor aligned himself in-between my cheeks, Nick was deeply scared. He hadn't had that pain for a while, and without prepping himself, Nick knew he'd be going through Hell again. Fuck him for having two great dates without this abusive shit! FUCK!
And then, Taylor entered Nick. Completely dry, and pain ripping at Nick. Nick cried out in pain, it hurt so much, and then it hurt more as Taylor dug in deeper. Nails on Nicks thigh, holding him rough. He slid out a little, only to jab right back in. Nick let out another sharp cry of pain, tears streaming down his face. Taylor didn't care, just ignored.
Taylor slid out turning Nick over. "Shh baby, don't worry." "Open your mouth," and Nick did. Taylor slid it right in, practically gagging Nick, not going in slow, but rushing in and out, sliding so far down Nick's throught that he thought it was going to cloud his airway. At least, this would be his lubrication, instead of the dry pain. Nick did feel a little wet behind, only hoping it was a little thing, nothing major.
Nick guessed Taylor got tired of attempting to choke Nick with his dick, because he took it out, and Nick already knew what to do. When these sessions where angry, the oral and preparation stuff didn't last long, what hurt the most and made Nick walk awkwardly for days was what lasted longer.
Nick went into the doggy style position and Taylor wasted no time intruding himself into Nick once more. This time, it hurt a little less, as he felt his saliva coat around his entrance. But it did sting a lot. Taylor started a bit slow, and Nick was thankful for that, but then he found his pace. And it was incredibly fast. Taylor's dick had dried, and the pain began again even sharper this time. Taylor was moaning, and digging his nails into Nick's hip even harder. "Nniiickyyy, oh baby, your so fucking good!" and Nick sobbed. It hurt, it hurt so much, and Taylor didn't even care. And what struck him more was when Taylor used his name in that way. It angered Joe when he met Taylor and Taylor had used his name like that. Joe felt that Taylor hadn't deserved the right to call Nick Nicky, because it was like that with Joe. Always so protective. And Nick cried even more thinking about Joe. Because before, he wanted Joe to be the one. The one who entered him, carefully. To Nick, it wasn't intrusion, it was true love. And Nick knew that Joe seeing Nick with Taylor boiled his blood. But what could Nick say? The thought of leaving Taylor terrified Nick, and Nick didn't know what to say.
Nick kept crying, and Taylor kept grunting. It was usually like this when this happened. And Nick hurt, really badly. Always hoping the damage wasn't permanent, and something that would only pain him for a while.
Taylor began sucking at Nick's collar bone, groaning. It felt so good. It distracted him only so much from the pain. Taylor was practically eating Nick, never staying in a spot long enough, sucking everywhere at Nick, panting. And then Taylor slowed, and his nails digging even further into Nick as his spasms kept making him dig deeper inside Nick. He let out a long sigh, and threw himself besides Nick. "You where good baby," and he kissed Nick. Tears still streaming down his face from the pain roaring through him, Nick zoned out. Lost.
"Get ready," and Nick tried to get up, but it hurt so much, another load of tears fell. He didn't know what to say to make his boyfriend care. WHY!? And Nick got ready. Taylor did too, too fast for Nick to keep up without wincing every two seconds.
**
Nick walked down the stairs slowly. He knew he'd be sore tomorrow, but what could he do. As he hopped into the car, he wiped his face, pulling down the visor to see the damage done. He had a bit of a bruise on his neck, but it was almost completely covered up by a huge hickey. Oh shit, he thought. His face wasn't that bad, just a bit raw and red, but his eyes where completely swollen.
As they pulled up near the house, Taylor sighed, looked at his "lover" and said "Get out, just say you fell or something, wouldn't want to keep your parents waiting," and he smirked. "See you soon?" Nick choked out. "Guess so, what ever." Nick frowned. Not much enthusiasm in his boyfriends voice you'd think that after what Nick did for Taylor, allowing him to intrude, he'd be looking forward to seeing Nick again. Nick hopped out, feeling liquid trickle down his thigh, hoping more of it was from where Taylor had stuck his nails, a tear trickled down his face. He had to wipe away with all his force and put on his strongest poker face once more. Just head to the shower, just go. Now. And once he saw Taylor pulled out of the driveway, he headed up to the door. Turning the nob, he hoped he wasn't in as much trouble.
He walked in, surprised to find his parents and brothers their. Father looking furious, and mother just as. Fuck! Why couldn't Joe cover for him a bit fucking better. And he shot Joe an ill look, letting him know he would pay later.