i've come to realize that the only place i don't feel the twinge of sadness and finality that hovers over me during the day is when I sleep.  But I don't sleep anymore, and when I do I dream of the same things that haunt my waking thoughts. There is no escape. I don't know how to be strong. 

 im not ready.
ill never be ready.
im terrified.

 i wish i had friends.
i wish i wasn't forgettable.
i wish people weren't so selfish.
i wish people gave a shit.
i wish i could disappear, not that anyone would notice.

 im sad.

 something isn't right.

 un⋅a⋅ble [uhn-ey-buh
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 helplessness, disappointment. worry. anger. fear. sadness. anxiety. guilt.

 i wish today didn't happen.
i wish it was a dream.
too many different kinds of emotions.
i'm exhausted.

 its not always my fault.

 im weak and pathetic.
god give me strength.
i can't do it.