(no subject)
Where do I start?
HE has been on my mind again. I wish I could forget and move on. It isn't that easy. He was the only good thing in my life. When he was gone, it seemed like nothing mattered anymore. I try and convince myself that I am over him, over it all. But the truth is, I'm not and I don't know if I will ever be.
Lately, my life has been kind of up and down. I am so scared and confused. I have no idead where I am going, what I am doing, and what the next couple of weeks hold.
I miss having a boy. I miss having someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok when I am upset. I miss holding hands. I miss the sweet words whispered into my ear. I miss the I love yous. I miss it all. I would do anything to have that again.
Life at home has been up and down also. My mother is her usual self. Useless. My father has been taking her side lately. It is really starting to piss me off. I can't wait until I am up and gone from this place. That should really shock the hell out of them. They will have to hire a maid.
I miss my brother a whole lot. I think he is the ONLY normal one that came out of this family. I haven't talked to him in a really long time. I just really want to hug him and talk to him for hours about everything. I need him in my life right now.
Why do the ones I love more then anything have to live so far away? I miss Deanna. I miss Steph. I miss my Gramps. It makes me so sad to think about it.
I am not trying to attract attention by writing about my problems, and I do not want to hear how sorry you are. I just needed to get this out of me. This seemed like the best place to do it.