(Untitled)

[hawthorne]

I don't like this; it's too obvious, or plain, or cliche, or just dull. Still, I need to get rid of it to make way for a few other poems I've been sitting on. Constructive criticism is, as always, greatly appreciated.

Comments

[nawahte]

I find it neither obvious or plain. I think the images speak loudly to an entire generation in transition. I am fascinated by the blue and yellow oil paint (color that *underlies* the poetry on more than one level) - mixing to form the green (that represents life, spring, new birth) - moving into the dark drain of a future that cannot be seen.

Yes, we all want something from *this* now - we always have and it does, in fact, all matter.

Brilliant.

[hawthorne]

Thank you for your input. What got me stuck on finishing this poem was the methods I chose to compare past to present. The images seemed too disjointed or unrelated to each other to fully characterize the speaker in the present and in context of his past experiences. I felt like I should've added more, made his experiences more well-rounded to make his character fuller, but eventually I settled on conveying that "transition" you refer to with random items

[nawahte]

Going on hour 14 of my day. I want to consider your questions with a fresh mind, but have 2 more days of the same ahead. I will get back to you - very interesting dialogue.

[hawthorne]

Yeah, take your time-whenever you get the chance.