To the stars that we never really owned as ours
I must've outta my mind.
Man, why did i even get involve into this mess? 囧
But deep down i believe that there's must a reason why Allah sent some people in my life.
It's either i learned from them, or vice versa, inshaAllah.
Therefore when he told me about his dark secret, i feel the need to help him.
Its a very genuine feeling. I really care for him and i wanted him to be healthy again eventho i only knew him like 4 days ago..? O.o
People will eventually leave you so why dont creating an impact before you left? *winks*
***
I met this guy from a dating app, he's the one who swiped right on me.
Not much of self information, with a blurry profile picture and vague info about his Looking For, so im just accepted him to feed my curiousity.
After a brief chat and i found out that we have so much in common, similar education background, same culture experience and our code of humour is about the same too.
He's someone that i'm able to instantly connected to. It was just so easy with him. And i think i've attracted to him.
Then i asked if we can continue communicating, but he said he's currently not looking for anything serious and happy to be just friends.
It was bummer obv, but of course i said yes. (bcs im an idiot! *shakes head*)
Slowly when we began to be comfortable with each other, he started to open up.
He was struggling with addidtion to adult films for a few years now.
I kinda can already guessed it so i just let the conversation flow and offer a hand if he needed.
He said i was the first one to address his addiction, and he really appreciate it.
He admitted that he's not a good guy, so he was reluctant to open up at first bcs he's scared that i will cut ties with him immediately.
Hence i assume this addiction has really take a toll on him and he's really trying his best to heal from it.
Fortunately, alhamdulillah i didnt have the same struggle, so im able to remain sane throughout the conversation. *pheww*
He even admitted that he was struggling to fight the desire to watch it while we were in the middle of messaging.
He wasn't feeling horny, it just bcs he feels bored.
I adviced him to fill up his time and get himself moving, find something to do outdoor bcs knowing that his laptop/gadget is his worst enemy.
He said his imaan is very low, and the addiction is too tempting.
I told him that it will take time to heal, so dont put so much pressure and be too hard on himself.
One step at a time. Try to reduce the frequency slowly bcs i feel that if any changes that was done drastically, we'll prone to bounce back to the old habit quickly too. So we have to take our time.
And then he replied me with "amboi *laugh face emoticon*"
SubhanAllah. Idky but it hurts so bad. :/
The mockery tho.. :(
I think the thing with me was, i always think of a way to help people even if it will eventually hurt me. TT^TT
That's why i said i am such a fool. *bricks*
Then it hitted me, i quickly renew my intention.
I've realized that he's never asked for my name (if he's really wanted to be friends with me).
Also he never treat me as a genuine person that trying to help him out.
He was expecting me to give him a good vibe without him offering something back to me.
So today i decided to take a break on him and see if he'll come to me.
If he really care, then he will.
If he's not, then, hmm..idk.
I still make dua for him to be healthy again tho. May Allah protect him and give him strength, amiin. ;__;
