Quotes
From 40 year old Virgin.
Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: Because you're gay so you can tell who the gay people are.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face".
Cal: That's *gay*?
David: [David loses second match] Goddamnit!
Cal: I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and *now* I'm throwing it at your body.
[shouts]
Cal: Fuck you!
David: Aww.
Haziz: Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
Andy Stitzer: [while getting his chest waxed] Aaaah, I hate you! Stop smiling, you jerk!
Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!
Andy Stitzer: Ooh! Como se llama!
Andy Stitzer: [after having wax ripped the hair from his nipple] Nipplefucker!
[the waxing lady is putting the first coat of wax on Andy's chest]
Andy Stitzer: [just had chest hair ripped off by waxing lady] Fuuuuck! I *hate* you!
Waxing Lady: Sorry.
Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. I usually don't curse.
Cal: If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here.
Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms?
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis...
Boy at Health Clinic: You're a virgin?
Marla: Yeah.
Boy at Health Clinic: [smug grin] I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Listen to yourself, Seth, "I'd tap that." You think you're so cool with your little "Jew 'fro".
Andy Stitzer: [painting his toy figure] I'm gonna make your silver pants blue!
David: [Andy shirtless on body wax table] I love your sweater. Does it come in a V-neck?
Jay: Nastiest shit you've ever done? I'm talkin' about *nasty*!
Andy Stitzer: Ahhhhhhhh... wow. Soooo many stories are running through my head right now.
[pause]
Andy Stitzer: I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"
Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow?
Cal: No.
[pause]
Cal: Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life?
Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection?
Andy Stitzer: No, I don't like guns.
Andy Stitzer: That girl was a ho... for sho.
Andy Stitzer: That billboard had two sides, and both of them hurt equally.
Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: Because you're gay so you can tell who the gay people are.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face".
Cal: That's *gay*?
David: [David loses second match] Goddamnit!
Cal: I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and *now* I'm throwing it at your body.
[shouts]
Cal: Fuck you!
David: Aww.
Haziz: Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
Andy Stitzer: [while getting his chest waxed] Aaaah, I hate you! Stop smiling, you jerk!
Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!
Andy Stitzer: Ooh! Como se llama!
Andy Stitzer: [after having wax ripped the hair from his nipple] Nipplefucker!
[the waxing lady is putting the first coat of wax on Andy's chest]
Andy Stitzer: [just had chest hair ripped off by waxing lady] Fuuuuck! I *hate* you!
Waxing Lady: Sorry.
Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. I usually don't curse.
Cal: If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here.
Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms?
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis...
Boy at Health Clinic: You're a virgin?
Marla: Yeah.
Boy at Health Clinic: [smug grin] I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Listen to yourself, Seth, "I'd tap that." You think you're so cool with your little "Jew 'fro".
Andy Stitzer: [painting his toy figure] I'm gonna make your silver pants blue!
David: [Andy shirtless on body wax table] I love your sweater. Does it come in a V-neck?
Jay: Nastiest shit you've ever done? I'm talkin' about *nasty*!
Andy Stitzer: Ahhhhhhhh... wow. Soooo many stories are running through my head right now.
[pause]
Andy Stitzer: I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"
Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow?
Cal: No.
[pause]
Cal: Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life?
Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection?
Andy Stitzer: No, I don't like guns.
Andy Stitzer: That girl was a ho... for sho.
Andy Stitzer: That billboard had two sides, and both of them hurt equally.
