(no subject)
today actually seemed to be an okay day. i still wasn't in a good mood, but who really gives a fuck anymore? i mean honestly. i didn't tell anyone that i was upset or anything. i kinda wish i did. but whatever.
i have came to the conclusion that i'll never get what i want in life. or in love. it sucks. i hate feeling this way. i really do. i wish someone would just kill me already. it sucks knowing that the person you care for still likes the person they have liked since you have met them. i just wish he had the same feelings for me as i do for him. it just wont happen though. i am not as SPECIAL as she is. whatever. people say i am better than her, but i haven't believed a single one of them. like last night at Gage's party, someone asked me if we were dating, & i got upset. i didn't let him know i was upset though. i kept it to myself. i dont like showing my feelings around him because he always knows what is wrong with me. whatever. this is the first time i have cried over him since the beginning of December since we took that "break in our friendship". i dont like crying over him. i really dont, but after awhile, it needs to happen. why? fuck i dont know. whatever. i mean seriously. i sidyf89wae6ratw eoifljgasiudtfraserwetriuawsgdf fuck.
last night was Gage's party. it was fun. i went with Matt. i hung out with him, Joey, & some other girl. Joey kept hitting on me though. it was pretty sick. he asked me to dance with him so he wouldn't feel like a loser. then Baby Got Back came on & he was saying how i have a nice ass & stuff & i just kept looking over at Matt with this look of terror upon my face. then everytime Joey would walk by us he would look down my shirt. it was discusting. so i pretty much hung out with Matt all night at the party & i am definitely not complaining about it either. we had a good time. at the end of the party, Gage set up DDR & i destroyed Joey. Matt actually did alright. haha it was funny though. i loved it. i had a great time.
today i swear i was going to walk to Matt's house from here. & for people who know us & where we live...think about it. walking from the Jaffa Mosque to Penn State Altoona? that's a pretty far fucking walk, but i was willing to do it. i cant stand living here any longer. i want to go live with someone else for a while to see what it will be like not having my family around or living here & having to put up with their fucking bull shit. earlier today i went ice skating with Kels-o & met up with Kylie, Angelina, Justin, Laney (sp?), Jordan, Jessie, Alisha & her b/f. it was fun. i needed out of the house & be with some friends. it was good. i had a lot of fun with them! hah .
well i am completely beat so i think i am gonna go to bed...i'll update another day
♥ AshRae(: