Knee Deep by Naomi
Title: Knee Deep
Author: naomi_noelle
Words: 545
Rating: PG-13 for language and vague sexual references
“I don’t believe how many dragons there are in here.”
“Shut up, Harry.”
“No. Draco, I had to mention this eventually. There’s dragons every-fucking-where.”
“’There are dragons’, Potter, not ‘there is dragons’. Honestly, didn’t your Muggles teach you any grammar? And ‘every-fucking-where’ isn’t a word.”
“Maybe not, but I think it’s appropriate right now. Every-fucking-where. Dragons. You’re infested. It’s like Chinatown in here.”
“Harry...”
“Except I bet in Chinatown the food’s better. What did you do after I freed Dobby? I can’t exactly picture your mum putting on an apron and-”
“Harry!”
“’M just saying. Jesus. Your ancestors weren’t that imaginative, were they? ‘Well, through years of careful inbreeding and organised crime, we have enough money to buy ourselves an enormous mansion. How shall we decorate it? I know - dragons!’”
“My family is not inbred, Potter.”
“I love how you switch from my surname to my first name depending how pissed off you are. And how you didn’t deny the bit about organised crime. Anyway, if your family isn’t inbred, how about that scar on your left foot that looks exactly how it would look if you’d had an eleventh toe removed?”
“I distinctly remember that you swore never to speak of that again.”
“Doesn’t sound like something I’d say. Besides, I haven’t mentioned how your phantom toe does seem to have developed into an erogenous-”
“Shut up!”
“Shall I talk about the dragons instead? Because, you know, they are everywhere. Outside you’ve got dragon gargoyles, a dragon fountain, dragons on the gates, and a dragon on the door-knocker. In here there’s dragons in that big painting over there, on the mosaic on the entrance hall floor, in that stained-glass window in the library - ”
“That’s a kraken.”
“What?”
“The stained glass in the library depicts a kraken, not a dragon. Hn. Honestly, didn’t you pay attention in Care of Magical Creatures?”
“I don’t think they were mentioned. Why would I want to care for a dragon? Or a cracken.”
“It’s not pronounced like that, you peasant. It’s kraah-ken.”
“Now you sound like Hermione. Anyway, where was I? On the mosaic, wrapped around the banisters, carved into the posts of your bed - which is kind of unnerving, might I add, because the last thing I need when trying to keep it up is the not-so-distant memory of a Hungarian Horntail trying to kill me - “
“Oh shut up, Harry. The only problem you have with trying to maintain an erection is not being brought off by passing gusts of wind.”
“ - on your bed, around half the fireplaces, knitted into most of the rugs, they’re fucking everywhere. It’s a decorative epidemic. Why not something else? Why not...why not snakes? I bet your family all love snakes.”
“We thought best not to advertise our affiliation with the house of Slytherin with quite so little subtlety.”
“It’s great how you can talk about subtlety with a straight face while we’re standing knee-deep in bloody dragons.”
“Potter, if you’re trying to make a point, then do it before I hex you.”
“I just don’t like all the dragons.”
“Then we’ll get rid of them. Happy?”
“Orgasmic.”
“Good. Speaking of which, now I’m going to take you to bed and prove what I mentioned earlier about gusts of wind.”
~fin
Author: naomi_noelle
Words: 545
Rating: PG-13 for language and vague sexual references
“I don’t believe how many dragons there are in here.”
“Shut up, Harry.”
“No. Draco, I had to mention this eventually. There’s dragons every-fucking-where.”
“’There are dragons’, Potter, not ‘there is dragons’. Honestly, didn’t your Muggles teach you any grammar? And ‘every-fucking-where’ isn’t a word.”
“Maybe not, but I think it’s appropriate right now. Every-fucking-where. Dragons. You’re infested. It’s like Chinatown in here.”
“Harry...”
“Except I bet in Chinatown the food’s better. What did you do after I freed Dobby? I can’t exactly picture your mum putting on an apron and-”
“Harry!”
“’M just saying. Jesus. Your ancestors weren’t that imaginative, were they? ‘Well, through years of careful inbreeding and organised crime, we have enough money to buy ourselves an enormous mansion. How shall we decorate it? I know - dragons!’”
“My family is not inbred, Potter.”
“I love how you switch from my surname to my first name depending how pissed off you are. And how you didn’t deny the bit about organised crime. Anyway, if your family isn’t inbred, how about that scar on your left foot that looks exactly how it would look if you’d had an eleventh toe removed?”
“I distinctly remember that you swore never to speak of that again.”
“Doesn’t sound like something I’d say. Besides, I haven’t mentioned how your phantom toe does seem to have developed into an erogenous-”
“Shut up!”
“Shall I talk about the dragons instead? Because, you know, they are everywhere. Outside you’ve got dragon gargoyles, a dragon fountain, dragons on the gates, and a dragon on the door-knocker. In here there’s dragons in that big painting over there, on the mosaic on the entrance hall floor, in that stained-glass window in the library - ”
“That’s a kraken.”
“What?”
“The stained glass in the library depicts a kraken, not a dragon. Hn. Honestly, didn’t you pay attention in Care of Magical Creatures?”
“I don’t think they were mentioned. Why would I want to care for a dragon? Or a cracken.”
“It’s not pronounced like that, you peasant. It’s kraah-ken.”
“Now you sound like Hermione. Anyway, where was I? On the mosaic, wrapped around the banisters, carved into the posts of your bed - which is kind of unnerving, might I add, because the last thing I need when trying to keep it up is the not-so-distant memory of a Hungarian Horntail trying to kill me - “
“Oh shut up, Harry. The only problem you have with trying to maintain an erection is not being brought off by passing gusts of wind.”
“ - on your bed, around half the fireplaces, knitted into most of the rugs, they’re fucking everywhere. It’s a decorative epidemic. Why not something else? Why not...why not snakes? I bet your family all love snakes.”
“We thought best not to advertise our affiliation with the house of Slytherin with quite so little subtlety.”
“It’s great how you can talk about subtlety with a straight face while we’re standing knee-deep in bloody dragons.”
“Potter, if you’re trying to make a point, then do it before I hex you.”
“I just don’t like all the dragons.”
“Then we’ll get rid of them. Happy?”
“Orgasmic.”
“Good. Speaking of which, now I’m going to take you to bed and prove what I mentioned earlier about gusts of wind.”
~fin