'Just Slay Me' by Naomi
Title: Just Slay Me
Author: Naomi (naomi_noelle)
Words: 274
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry attempts to introduce Draco to some of his favourite pop culture.
Notes: For the title I apologise forever.
"Explain this absurdity to me again."
"It's not that hard, Draco."
"Indulge me."
"Fine. You see that girl there - the blonde?"
"Yes."
"That's Buffy. She's an American Muggle who slays vampires and-"
"Oh, as if a Muggle could kill a vampire. Look at her - she's appallingly skinny. Any self-respecting vampire would break her in two."
"Well, she manages it somehow. It's written by Muggles, anyway, they don't know any better."
"Hmph. I've a mind to write to the producers and complain."
"That'd go down well. 'Dear Mr. Whedon, as an accomplished wizard, let me be the first to inform you that your skinny heroine would not be capable of slaying vampires.' ...Actually, I bet they get a lot of letters like that already."
"From wizards?"
"From nutters."
"Hn. And she's a lesbian?"
"No, no - Willow's the lesbian. You see that girl with the red hair? And she's a witch."
"So now they're suggesting all witches are lesbians as well?"
"Yes, Draco. Buffy shags vampires-"
" - oh, please - "
" - well, two anyway - and the boy, Xander? He almost got married to a vengeance demon. Sort of."
"I can't believe how revoltingly unrealistic this is."
"Like I said, I don't think the Muggles care overmuch."
"And there's something unsettlingly symbolic about a girl shoving what amounts to a pointy wooden phallus into almost countless, near-exclusively male vampires."
"Wow, Draco, you really know how to turn a bloke on."
"Do I?"
"No. Want to fuck anyway? The adverts are on."
"Yes. Yes I do."
#~#~#~#~#
"...."
"...mmm..."
"...oh Draco, your stake is so long and hard and - "
"Do shut up, Harry."
~ fin
Author: Naomi (naomi_noelle)
Words: 274
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry attempts to introduce Draco to some of his favourite pop culture.
Notes: For the title I apologise forever.
"Explain this absurdity to me again."
"It's not that hard, Draco."
"Indulge me."
"Fine. You see that girl there - the blonde?"
"Yes."
"That's Buffy. She's an American Muggle who slays vampires and-"
"Oh, as if a Muggle could kill a vampire. Look at her - she's appallingly skinny. Any self-respecting vampire would break her in two."
"Well, she manages it somehow. It's written by Muggles, anyway, they don't know any better."
"Hmph. I've a mind to write to the producers and complain."
"That'd go down well. 'Dear Mr. Whedon, as an accomplished wizard, let me be the first to inform you that your skinny heroine would not be capable of slaying vampires.' ...Actually, I bet they get a lot of letters like that already."
"From wizards?"
"From nutters."
"Hn. And she's a lesbian?"
"No, no - Willow's the lesbian. You see that girl with the red hair? And she's a witch."
"So now they're suggesting all witches are lesbians as well?"
"Yes, Draco. Buffy shags vampires-"
" - oh, please - "
" - well, two anyway - and the boy, Xander? He almost got married to a vengeance demon. Sort of."
"I can't believe how revoltingly unrealistic this is."
"Like I said, I don't think the Muggles care overmuch."
"And there's something unsettlingly symbolic about a girl shoving what amounts to a pointy wooden phallus into almost countless, near-exclusively male vampires."
"Wow, Draco, you really know how to turn a bloke on."
"Do I?"
"No. Want to fuck anyway? The adverts are on."
"Yes. Yes I do."
#~#~#~#~#
"...."
"...mmm..."
"...oh Draco, your stake is so long and hard and - "
"Do shut up, Harry."
~ fin