Recap of Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017)!
Well, that last one was a letdown, but this finishes the Axis trilogy, and then we only have four movies left in this franchise! And to its credit, the last movie added Bombshell, a Barbie who shoots bullets out of her boobies, and if she’s in, I’m in.
Who am I kidding? I’m a completionist, I’m in.
We’re in LA, 1942, so a few years after the last one. Danny is still the flat actor from the last movie, and Beth is still the fun, underutilized actor from the last movie, so I promise to try to stay awake. Oh! They get shot and killed in the cold open, and the handsome lead of Tiffany’s monster movie, MegaPiranha, steps in to take over the puppets, so this movie is already giving me what I want. He’s Captain Brooks, and he has to work with Russian Dr. Ivan, a little person, to figure out the magic murderdollies so they can stop the Nazi murderdollies. Both of these actors seem better than this material, and as long as this movie doesn’t make him a joke, I love that we have a little person in a prominent role.
Across town, Doktor Gerde introduces the three surviving Nazi puppets: Bombshell of the gunboobs, werewolf Weremacht, and sentient tank Blitzkrieg. She’s good, and she’s doing this role as Kristen Wiig doing a “Tori Spelling auditions for a WWII movie” vibe. OH AND SHE’S PSYCHIC and linked to Dr. Ivan because of course she is. And honestly, the first movie was puppets killing psychics, this could be fun. She telepathically leads the team to kill people and blow up an electrical substation, so we see tittyfire by minute 14, and I admit to liking this movie so far.
Gerde’s working with evil psychics like Krabke, who can telepathically convince people they’re being tortured, Antoinette, a tracker who doesn’t even want to be here, and Friede, who isn’t psychic but is pretty and mean. This is cute.
Dr. Ivan introduces handsome Captain Brooks to his own team of psychics: his clairvoyant daughter Eliza, and “sexual magic” practitioner Georgina. For his part, Ivan can read and manipulate emotions, which suggests it is his fault I like this movie. Georgina takes her top off to magically protect the team while they figure out their next move. She seems fun.
The good guy psychics and puppets fight the bad guy psychics and puppets. It’s fun, and Six Shooter puts some Nazi’s eye out and Leech Woman drops a leech on Krabke’s eye and the bad guys kidnap Eliza and the Pinhead puppet, maybe because Hitler’s benefits don’t cover glasses and they need to get out while they can.
The good guys track the bad guys to an evil Nazi nightclub, and many of the puppet special effects are obviously grownups in puppet costumes in front of a greenscreen, and one, that looks fine, and two, where can a nice human recapper get ahold of one? Bombshell boobguns Georgina to death, and Weremacht eats the Nazis’ psychic tracker for disobedience, and Blade cuts his way through a whole Nazi to surprise jump out at another Nazi. This movie is really bloody but not gross, I’m very into it. And Captain Brooks is very good at wearing a T-shirt.
Doktor Gerde has a psychic battle with Dr. Ivan, but he convinces the Nazi puppets this woman is a total bitch, and they kill her. Krabke tries to psychictorture Captain Brooks, but he’s too hot and he can just punch a Nazi in a delightfully satisfying way.
And that’s the end, and it’s abrupt, but honestly, after the stinky turd of a chapter I sat through last time, I’ll take it. Not much happened in this one, either, but we got a lot of time with the puppets, we got interesting characters played by good actors, we got real boobs and fake gun Barbie boobs, we got lots of blood in creative ways… I think the Corey Feldman one is still my favorite Puppet Master, but I think this is my second favorite, even over that two-parter with the cute blonde guy fighting the Egyptian god of puppets. And knowing the next one is another crappy clip-show, I am going to hold on to this feeling as long as I can.
Who am I kidding? I’m a completionist, I’m in.
We’re in LA, 1942, so a few years after the last one. Danny is still the flat actor from the last movie, and Beth is still the fun, underutilized actor from the last movie, so I promise to try to stay awake. Oh! They get shot and killed in the cold open, and the handsome lead of Tiffany’s monster movie, MegaPiranha, steps in to take over the puppets, so this movie is already giving me what I want. He’s Captain Brooks, and he has to work with Russian Dr. Ivan, a little person, to figure out the magic murderdollies so they can stop the Nazi murderdollies. Both of these actors seem better than this material, and as long as this movie doesn’t make him a joke, I love that we have a little person in a prominent role.
Across town, Doktor Gerde introduces the three surviving Nazi puppets: Bombshell of the gunboobs, werewolf Weremacht, and sentient tank Blitzkrieg. She’s good, and she’s doing this role as Kristen Wiig doing a “Tori Spelling auditions for a WWII movie” vibe. OH AND SHE’S PSYCHIC and linked to Dr. Ivan because of course she is. And honestly, the first movie was puppets killing psychics, this could be fun. She telepathically leads the team to kill people and blow up an electrical substation, so we see tittyfire by minute 14, and I admit to liking this movie so far.
Gerde’s working with evil psychics like Krabke, who can telepathically convince people they’re being tortured, Antoinette, a tracker who doesn’t even want to be here, and Friede, who isn’t psychic but is pretty and mean. This is cute.
Dr. Ivan introduces handsome Captain Brooks to his own team of psychics: his clairvoyant daughter Eliza, and “sexual magic” practitioner Georgina. For his part, Ivan can read and manipulate emotions, which suggests it is his fault I like this movie. Georgina takes her top off to magically protect the team while they figure out their next move. She seems fun.
The good guy psychics and puppets fight the bad guy psychics and puppets. It’s fun, and Six Shooter puts some Nazi’s eye out and Leech Woman drops a leech on Krabke’s eye and the bad guys kidnap Eliza and the Pinhead puppet, maybe because Hitler’s benefits don’t cover glasses and they need to get out while they can.
The good guys track the bad guys to an evil Nazi nightclub, and many of the puppet special effects are obviously grownups in puppet costumes in front of a greenscreen, and one, that looks fine, and two, where can a nice human recapper get ahold of one? Bombshell boobguns Georgina to death, and Weremacht eats the Nazis’ psychic tracker for disobedience, and Blade cuts his way through a whole Nazi to surprise jump out at another Nazi. This movie is really bloody but not gross, I’m very into it. And Captain Brooks is very good at wearing a T-shirt.
Doktor Gerde has a psychic battle with Dr. Ivan, but he convinces the Nazi puppets this woman is a total bitch, and they kill her. Krabke tries to psychictorture Captain Brooks, but he’s too hot and he can just punch a Nazi in a delightfully satisfying way.
And that’s the end, and it’s abrupt, but honestly, after the stinky turd of a chapter I sat through last time, I’ll take it. Not much happened in this one, either, but we got a lot of time with the puppets, we got interesting characters played by good actors, we got real boobs and fake gun Barbie boobs, we got lots of blood in creative ways… I think the Corey Feldman one is still my favorite Puppet Master, but I think this is my second favorite, even over that two-parter with the cute blonde guy fighting the Egyptian god of puppets. And knowing the next one is another crappy clip-show, I am going to hold on to this feeling as long as I can.