Dunce
So I got all pissed off at Danny last night. We were hanging out alone and then his roommate came home, so I left. Here's the texts:
Him: "Are you ok?"
Me: "I'm fine, I'm just disappointed."
Him: "With what?"
Me: "What do you think? I spent the whole time trying to be intimate and you're like "I'm tired" which I can understand, but then you sit there the whole time fixated on the tv. How do you think that makes me feel considering the fact that we might not even see each other this weekend?" My dad's coming into town so I have to spend all my time with him, basically. And let's also consider the fact that Danny and I haven't had alone time in almost a week.
Him: "Well I knew Alisha was coming back any minute and yes I am exhausted. I'm sorry." Not too exhausted to watch TV and ignore me, apparently.
Me: "It's not like this is an isolated incident. I shouldn't feel like I have to beg for your attention." It's happened before. I try to squeeze affection out of him, but he won't have any of it, or he'll sit there and watch TV when I'm trying to be intimate. HOW FUCKING RUDE IS THAT!
Him: "I'm sorry. I'm just tired." And he misses the point entirely. Do you know how many times I've heard the excuse of "I'm too tired"? Why do I only get to hang out with him when he's exhausted? He doesn't even seem to understand why I would be upset either.
Him: "I don't like when you're mad at me." What is this? Trying to make me feel bad? Fuck that.
Me: "I don't like it either but I can't ignore when I feel under-appreciated."
So I'm tired of trying to squeeze whatever affection I can out of him. We're at the point now where we're getting more serious, I have strong feelings for him, but I feel like I'm falling in love with a brick wall, a total dunce when it comes to affection. What does it say when a guy would rather watch TV than kiss or hold the guy he's seeing? Basically, it says "This is more interesting than you. You're not sexy. You're not amusing to me. I'd rather do something that I can do when you're not here than interact with you." FUCK THAT SHIT!! And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get sex out of him, although it would be spectacular if we could have it more than once or twice a week, I'm talking about BASIC affection. Kissing, cuddling, hugging, that type of shit. I can understand being too tired for sex, but that? Come the fuck on. So I talked to Amanda about it, and she was like "You should break up with him." Completely serious, too. And I came close to crying about it last night, but after some thought, it makes sense. Why am I still in a relationship with a guy who still gets phone calls from his ex every night, totally ignores me when I'm in the mood, and never even fucking has time for me? I feel like a total chump right now, and it's because I'm so smitten, and my self-esteem is so shattered that I can't let him go. Fuck that shit. I don't know what to do about it. I'll see what he does once school is out, if he finally has more time for me, or what. But I'm through begging, and I'm through dropping whatever I'm doing and running to him whenever he decides he wants to hang out.
Him: "Are you ok?"
Me: "I'm fine, I'm just disappointed."
Him: "With what?"
Me: "What do you think? I spent the whole time trying to be intimate and you're like "I'm tired" which I can understand, but then you sit there the whole time fixated on the tv. How do you think that makes me feel considering the fact that we might not even see each other this weekend?" My dad's coming into town so I have to spend all my time with him, basically. And let's also consider the fact that Danny and I haven't had alone time in almost a week.
Him: "Well I knew Alisha was coming back any minute and yes I am exhausted. I'm sorry." Not too exhausted to watch TV and ignore me, apparently.
Me: "It's not like this is an isolated incident. I shouldn't feel like I have to beg for your attention." It's happened before. I try to squeeze affection out of him, but he won't have any of it, or he'll sit there and watch TV when I'm trying to be intimate. HOW FUCKING RUDE IS THAT!
Him: "I'm sorry. I'm just tired." And he misses the point entirely. Do you know how many times I've heard the excuse of "I'm too tired"? Why do I only get to hang out with him when he's exhausted? He doesn't even seem to understand why I would be upset either.
Him: "I don't like when you're mad at me." What is this? Trying to make me feel bad? Fuck that.
Me: "I don't like it either but I can't ignore when I feel under-appreciated."
So I'm tired of trying to squeeze whatever affection I can out of him. We're at the point now where we're getting more serious, I have strong feelings for him, but I feel like I'm falling in love with a brick wall, a total dunce when it comes to affection. What does it say when a guy would rather watch TV than kiss or hold the guy he's seeing? Basically, it says "This is more interesting than you. You're not sexy. You're not amusing to me. I'd rather do something that I can do when you're not here than interact with you." FUCK THAT SHIT!! And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get sex out of him, although it would be spectacular if we could have it more than once or twice a week, I'm talking about BASIC affection. Kissing, cuddling, hugging, that type of shit. I can understand being too tired for sex, but that? Come the fuck on. So I talked to Amanda about it, and she was like "You should break up with him." Completely serious, too. And I came close to crying about it last night, but after some thought, it makes sense. Why am I still in a relationship with a guy who still gets phone calls from his ex every night, totally ignores me when I'm in the mood, and never even fucking has time for me? I feel like a total chump right now, and it's because I'm so smitten, and my self-esteem is so shattered that I can't let him go. Fuck that shit. I don't know what to do about it. I'll see what he does once school is out, if he finally has more time for me, or what. But I'm through begging, and I'm through dropping whatever I'm doing and running to him whenever he decides he wants to hang out.